Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Cad

Cad

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Cutlery said:
Yeah, it's a sad situation, and we go round and round on it from time to time. "Not all women are like that." Yeah, I know...but you also have to treat every firearm like it's loaded, so forgive me for not waving you around and pointing you at the dog.

She's a nice gal...but I also said the same about my wife 20 years ago.
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I don't really see it as a judgment on women or anything. I just want to be comfortable in my retirement in a few years, and I don't want to worry about losing money to unforeseen issues. When I got married, we both had basically nothing.

Getting married when you have significant assets and income is like rolling the dice with your retirement. It's just not smart. They don't want you to put your shit in stocks 10 years+ out from retirement, much less bet half of it on crazy ass middle aged women.
 
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Cutlery

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Cad said:
I don't really see it as a judgment on women or anything. I just want to be comfortable in my retirement in a few years, and I don't want to worry about losing money to unforeseen issues. When I got married, we both had basically nothing.

Getting married when you have significant assets and income is like rolling the dice with your retirement. It's just not smart. They don't want you to put your shit in stocks 10 years+ out from retirement, much less bet half of it on crazy ass middle aged women.
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That's exactly how I view it as well. My retirement plan revolves around my house. I can work out a lot of the fiddly details, but I need my house free and clear before I go, and I'm gonna be fine.

I came real close to losing it. I actually owe my ex-wife's boyfriend a debt of gratitude...had he not bought a house specifically for her, she might have fought harder for ours. Cucks ARE good for something, I guess. And then my pension...well, shit man, walking away from a divorce with the entire defined benefit pension is something absolutely NO ONE does.

Nah, I'm not risking my entire future on anyone. She's got a good deal...she pays me a very meager sum for rent, she gets to not sleep alone every night, and all she's gotta do is some cooking and cleaning that she'd be doing anyway. If the ring is the line in the sand for her...I can find another.
 
Cad

Cad

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Cutlery said:
That's exactly how I view it as well. My retirement plan revolves around my house. I can work out a lot of the fiddly details, but I need my house free and clear before I go, and I'm gonna be fine.

I came real close to losing it. I actually owe my ex-wife's boyfriend a debt of gratitude...had he not bought a house specifically for her, she might have fought harder for ours. Cucks ARE good for something, I guess. And then my pension...well, shit man, walking away from a divorce with the entire defined benefit pension is something absolutely NO ONE does.

Nah, I'm not risking my entire future on anyone. She's got a good deal...she pays me a very meager sum for rent, she gets to not sleep alone every night, and all she's gotta do is some cooking and cleaning that she'd be doing anyway. If the ring is the line in the sand for her...I can find another.
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I think thats a very reasonable and pragmatic position, honestly. I'd make it clear to her and communicate that you can have any commitment you like, you just aren't to risk X Y Z, but that it's not a reflection on her. Communicate that clearly and let her know it's not a fear of commitment, it's just practicality. Talk, talk talk. If you do it'll probably be ok.
 
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LachiusTZ

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My pension is one of if not the major nightmare if we got divorced.

I'd be tempted to quit my job before splitting it.

And not sure how much I would have to lose in cash to get her away from it...

Not saying someone should kill their wife instead of getting a divorce, but anyone that does?

I understand.
 
fred sanford

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My dad was eligible for retirement about 7 years after my parents split. He refused to retire so that my mom wouldn’t get anything. 20 years after they split my mom retired and in her planning, finally realized how much it would suck for him to lose half. She made the arrangements so she wouldn’t get his retirement. He immediately planned his retirement. He was set to retire in January 2019.... died two weeks before.
 
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Prodigal

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That’s so sad Fred, couldn’t find the appropriate reaction so Michael Douglas it is.
 
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Foler

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Bandwagon said:
I think I'm about to spend some time in this thread. Way past due.
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Well like we've told everyone, get a lawyer immediately and don't bother trying to salvage it if she cheated on you.
 
TJT

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That shit is pretty terrifying really. My best friend at university, his mom divorced his dad after being married for 25 year or something. Ended up with half the dad's pension and a bunch of other shit.

All due to the mom simply not wanting to be married anymore and found a new boyfriend who was significantly wealthier than him. She didn't really work while raising their kids but immediately moved into the boyfriend's house, got half his shit and married him the second the divorce was final. Made my friend hate his mom so much that he outright told his girlfriend and mom of his two kids that he would never ever marry her under any circumstances.

It was just fucked up how much of a raw deal the dad got despite not being the one cheating or any of it. Mom moves into a bigger hours in a richer area, marries a wealthier dude and takes half your shit anyway. Fucking dirty world man.
 
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Khane

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How did she get anything if she immediately remarried?

And yea, my fear of commitment has nothing to do with any of the cliches like "not wanting to settle down" or being "afraid of sleeping with the same woman for the next 30 years" and everything to do with someone potentially stealing my financial future in spite of having nothing to do with my current financial situation.
 
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Phazael

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Not to get political in this thread, but we have a couple friends (former really, they went full left retard) who are getting split and the wife is just raking him over the coals for cash in the divorce proceedings. My wife got blocked by the woman when she cracked a joke about it not being very feminist/equality based to try and grab all the dude's money. All feminists stop that shit the moment they hit divorce court.

Upside is the dude might recover from being a lefty since it was his wife ramming all that woke shit down his family's throat. The kids are a lost cause though, but he is a smart guy and a successful lawyer so he will bounce back. Sucks he is doing it at 50 though.
 
sakkath

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Some relatives of mine divorced. Was extremely bitter, they fought tooth and nail with lawyers over every detail. They ended up losing a huge portion of the assets to legal cost to the point that they both had to rent again as their fully paid of house was mostly eaten by lawyers. Didn't seem like they regretted it either which was weird, just happy that the other person didn't get shit. They both basically started again financially in their mid 30s. There were kids involved too, it was all really messed up.
 
TJT

TJT

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Khane said:
How did she get anything if she immediately remarried?

And yea, my fear of commitment has nothing to do with any of the cliches like "not wanting to settle down" or being "afraid of sleeping with the same woman for the next 30 years" and everything to do with someone potentially stealing my financial future in spite of having nothing to do with my current financial situation.
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I don't know the finer details. This was in Florida and I heard it all second hand. I've no reason to believe the guy was lying and sure as shit a decade later he still hasn't married his GF.
 
Big Phoenix

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Marriage is a pretty shitty legal thing. Its a contract, but the penalties for breaking the contract are 100% unknown until you break the contract but they almost always favor the party that contributed less and the worse part is theres basically no penalty for acting in bad faith to cause the marriage to dissolve.
 
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Cutlery

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Khane said:
How did she get anything if she immediately remarried?
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Can't get remarried until you're divorced. And a divorce in the basic terms is a division of assets.

My ex had about 50k in credit card debt. Even though she ran it up, it's considered "marital debt." So half of that is legally mine. Even though she ran most of it up without me even knowing about it. That's just the way the law works.

If you have a house that you bought during the marriage, that is a marital asset. So what it's worth is evenly split between you. Doesn't matter if you make 150k a year and she works part time at CVS. She's entitled to half of the equity.

These things combine to fuck dudes out of VERY large sums of money.
 
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