Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Jackie Treehorn · Apr 10, 2022

Izo said:
Jackie Treehorn any updates?

Hey thanks for asking.

All is well. My only complaint if any is I’d like to see her more often, but she works 60-72 hours a week, and understandably needs some time to herself, or sometimes she just wants to see her son by themselves. But we’re making it work pretty decently. She comes over to sleep a couple of nights a week since she works near me twice a week, she gets off at 9 pm. Then we go for a walk in the day a couple times a week. About every two Saturdays we spend the entire day / night together, and sometimes Mondays. She is “working on” working less and trying to slide into a similar but less strenuous job. So it is hard to plan things sometimes. I’d like to go on a little vacation with her at some point when possible.

Other than that, no red flags. She still buys me random stuff constantly. Food, household items, etc. Her English has noticeably improved as she’s been working in study when she can. She’s a lot of fun to be around in general. Just a happy, positive person. She’s really, really cute too. Tall, gorgeous face. Every time I see her, even months later, in my head I think damn she’s attractive.

Women I’ve dated, I mean I’ve always been attracted to them, because what’s a relationship without physical attraction. But this lady, I’m like fuck yeah I want to show this off! I’ve got I would say an unusual amount of “oh she’s really pretty” comments from friends.

So it’s going good.

Slaanesh69 · Apr 10, 2022

Tarrant said:
I didn't know where else to put this but as it's related to this stuff I figured I would put it here.

I'll preface this with I've always paid my child support and always will. My kids are my greatest responsibility and I always ensure they are taken care of.

That said, I am so tired of two things regarding child support.

1) it being calculated off of gross income. I don't live off my gross income, why is it expected my kids would?

2) Cost of living increases. I don't get a cost of living raise, thus why do I have to pay more? If my kids that I pay on lived with me, that pool of money I get to work with wouldn't change, so why does it with my ex?

stuffs annoying.

Even more awesome is the fact that you pay tax on it and she doesn't.

When I was paying Spousal Support Payments I got some satisfaction that the ex had to pay taxes on it and I got the taxes back (and she, inevitably, failed to put aside money for those taxes). But the Child Support is outside of this.

On TOP OF THAT, the CRA in Canada, which has NOTHING to do with divorce law, actually audits your Child Support payment upkeep. I've had to submit proof of payment three out of the last 5 years.

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Slaanesh69 said:
Even more awesome is the fact that you pay tax on it and she doesn't.

When I was paying Spousal Support Payments I got some satisfaction that the ex had to pay taxes on it and I got the taxes back (and she, inevitably, failed to put aside money for those taxes). But the Child Support is outside of this.

On TOP OF THAT, the CRA in Canada, which has NOTHING to do with divorce law, actually audits your Child Support payment upkeep. I've had to submit proof of payment three out of the last 5 years.

A kicker too, was when I divorced my first wife, I wanted to alternate years of claiming the kids at least on my taxes and was told since they didn't live with me and I didn't support them every day that I couldn't. When I asked "what's my child support considered then?" and was flat out told "don't be one of those deadbeat dads that want to make life more difficult for your ex".

From my first marriage, my oldest is 19 and lives with me, and according to how MN did their child support back then and I was grandfathered into that, it went off a case decision and not the number of kids involved. So when he aged out, my child support didn't change and I have to pay that amount until my youngest ages out. I recently lost my appeal to this. However my oldest will be attending college next fall, and according to the state his case was through, if they enter college he's eligible to have support collected on until he's 22. So next fall I will be filing an appeal to basically have our support wash itself out. We will see how that goes.

Slaanesh69 · Apr 10, 2022

Tarrant said:
A kicker too, was when I divorced my first wife, I wanted to alternate years of claiming the kids at least on my taxes and was told since they didn't live with me and I didn't support them every day that I couldn't. When I asked "what's my child support considered then?" and was flat out told "don't be one of those deadbeat dads that want to make life more difficult for your ex".

From my first marriage, my oldest is 19 and lives with me, and according to how MN did their child support back then and I was grandfathered into that, it went off a case decision and not the number of kids involved. So when he aged out, my child support didn't change and I have to pay that amount until my youngest ages out. I recently lost my appeal to this. However my oldest will be attending college next fall, and according to the state his case was through, if they enter college he's eligible to have support collected on until he's 22. So next fall I will be filing an appeal to basically have our support wash itself out. We will see how that goes.

Yeah Canada has a similar post 18 Child Support law that states if they are living at home while going to a university you still have to pay Child Support. Ridiculous paying for what basically counts as an "adult".

I was rustled by your Child Support not changing from 2 kids to 1 but that reaction is not available in this thread.

Big Phoenix · Apr 10, 2022

Kirun said:
Man, you boys have been out of the game for a LOOOONG fuckin' time if having a quick meetup for coffee/drink is "weird". That was about 85% of my "first dates" with chicks from dating apps. Many times just as a quick thing on my way home from work or out running errands. Why the fuck would I waste my time with dinner and the whole 9 yards if the chick can't hold a conversation, looks totally different than her photos, etc.?

Oh Im with you, all my first interactions are a a simple drink. I still consider those dates though. Sit down at a restaurant and eat is like date 3+.

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Slaanesh69 said:
Yeah Canada has a similar post 18 Child Support law that states if they are living at home while going to a university you still have to pay Child Support. Ridiculous paying for what basically counts as an "adult".

I was rustled by your Child Support not changing from 2 kids to 1 but that reaction is not available in this thread.

Man, I was in shock when they told me that. The shit is mind-blowing.

I will say, my oldest son is living with me now for the first time since he was 5 years old. We've always had a great relationship as I've really worked hard and been there for him and spent a lot of time and calling often. Even when I moved out of state 4 years ago, none of that changed. Since he's been here (2 months now) he's talked about how much things are different from what he thought was normal. He didn't get along with his stepdad, and now just no longer has contact with him. Their house is always messy, there's almost never food in the house, no one cooks, and come to find out my ex would buy them chips and soda on her way home from work as dinner. He said in his first month at my house he's eaten more homecooked meals than in the last year. It's really disheartening to hear that, more so knowing my daughter is still there...but I'm glad I can provide a good and stable environment for him now. He's happier than he's ever been he says and it really makes me feel good to know that. All I've ever wanted for him is to have that.

In the meantime, my daughter turns 16 this month. I'll still provide for her the best I can with hopes she moves out here as well, so far she wants to once she graduates high school, but we'll see if she sticks with that or not. I hope she does, her and I have a great relationship as well.

My youngest is with my second wife and during the school year he's with her except any time he has 4 consecutive days off. At that point she is supposed to pay half his transportation costs, but isn't and she's limiting the time I can see him when at her place. Our agreement is I can get a weekend a month with him (he's out of state) and I usually do that, but now she's loading his schedule with a bunch of activities and stating he can't miss those or I can't take him to them. So my weekend trip would be me seeing him from 5pm Friday to 4pm Saturday and that's it, essentially telling me to spend $600 on a trip to see him for less than a full day.

So that's going to end up leading to a modification of wording in our agreement, but it'll take some time for it to happen (and time for me to come up with the money to do it). I just don't get why people have to be jerks. People laugh when I say it, but I honestly don't understand it, or why people feel the need to treat others poorly. It's just an alien concept to me.

Gavinmad · Apr 10, 2022

I didn't even realize you remarried after the first one went south.

TJT · Apr 10, 2022

Tarrant said:
Man, I was in shock when they told me that. The shit is mind-blowing.

I will say, my oldest son is living with me now for the first time since he was 5 years old. We've always had a great relationship as I've really worked hard and been there for him and spent a lot of time and calling often. Even when I moved out of state 4 years ago, none of that changed. Since he's been here (2 months now) he's talked about how much things are different from what he thought was normal. He didn't get along with his stepdad, and now just no longer has contact with him. Their house is always messy, there's almost never food in the house, no one cooks, and come to find out my ex would buy them chips and soda on her way home from work as dinner. He said in his first month at my house he's eaten more homecooked meals than in the last year. It's really disheartening to hear that, more so knowing my daughter is still there...but I'm glad I can provide a good and stable environment for him now. He's happier than he's ever been he says and it really makes me feel good to know that. All I've ever wanted for him is to have that.

In the meantime, my daughter turns 16 this month. I'll still provide for her the best I can with hopes she moves out here as well, so far she wants to once she graduates high school, but we'll see if she sticks with that or not. I hope she does, her and I have a great relationship as well.

My youngest is with my second wife and during the school year he's with her except any time he has 4 consecutive days off. At that point she is supposed to pay half his transportation costs, but isn't and she's limiting the time I can see him when at her place. Our agreement is I can get a weekend a month with him (he's out of state) and I usually do that, but now she's loading his schedule with a bunch of activities and stating he can't miss those or I can't take him to them. So my weekend trip would be me seeing him from 5pm Friday to 4pm Saturday and that's it, essentially telling me to spend $600 on a trip to see him for less than a full day.

So that's going to end up leading to a modification of wording in our agreement, but it'll take some time for it to happen (and time for me to come up with the money to do it). I just don't get why people have to be jerks. People laugh when I say it, but I honestly don't understand it, or why people feel the need to treat others poorly. It's just an alien concept to me.

Please correct me if I am being retarded here.

You're saying that even if your 18 year old son lives with you while going to university you must pay your ex wife the rate you were paying for both of them. On top of that your ex wife gets to milk an additional 4 years of support from you from 18-22 even though your son physically lives with you and not her?

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

You got it in part, I'm sure I didn't explain it well.

I have two kids with my 1st ex.

19 year old son
16 (almost) year old daughter.

Son lives with me, currently not in school.

MN makes me still pay the same amount of child support and I will until my daughter ages out.

However, later this fall he will attend University, at that point, the rule is child support can be collected on children who are living gat home but in college, so I will attempt to use that to cancel out my child support altogether.

Also, if my daughter moves here when she graduates high school to attend college like she wants to do, I'll then file for full child support against their mother for the both of them.

Cutlery · Apr 10, 2022

Tarrant said:
You got it in part, I'm sure I didn't explain it well.

I have two kids with my 1st ex.

19 year old son
16 (almost) year old daughter.

Son lives with me, currently not in school.

MN makes me still pay the same amount of child support and I will until my daughter ages out.

However, later this fall he will attend University, at that point, the rule is child support can be collected on children who are living gat home but in college, so I will attempt to use that to cancel out my child support altogether.

Also, if my daughter moves here when she graduates high school to attend college like she wants to do, I'll then file for full child support against their mother for the both of them.

Minnesota doesn't make you do that. If something makes you do that, it's your divorce decree that does.

Minnesota Child Support Guidelines Calculator

childsupportcalculator.dhs.state.mn.us

The child support calculator here is based upon how many days the child lives with each parent. My divorce decree says that child support will be recalculated when each child turns 18, and it does change when each child emancipates.

So, if it doesn't change for you, it's because it's written into your divorce, and it's something that should have been caught by your lawyer.

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Cutlery said:
Minnesota doesn't make you do that. If something makes you do that, it's your divorce decree that does.

Minnesota Child Support Guidelines Calculator

childsupportcalculator.dhs.state.mn.us

The child support calculator here is based upon how many days the child lives with each parent. My divorce decree says that child support will be recalculated when each child turns 18, and it does change when each child emancipates.

So, if it doesn't change for you, it's because it's written into your divorce, and it's something that should have been caught by your lawyer.

Back in 2008, there were multiple methods of doing it, you could go by the calculator or it could be a case-by-case scenario. I petitioned for the calculator but didn't make much at the time so our judge deemed the other method the more attractive method to use. Every time I've petitioned it to change, it's been denied. I even petitioned it to be transferred to another court (county seat) and had that denied too.

I didn't know about anyone aging out till the youngest however until recently and filed another motion to reevaluate, and had that denied as well. That was 5 months ago.

EDIT: The method used is written into the divorce, but it's notated it was by decree of the presiding judge and subject to change by appeal. That appeal is and always has been denied, however.

Kirun · Apr 10, 2022

Big Phoenix said:
Oh Im with you, all my first interactions are a a simple drink. I still consider those dates though. Sit down at a restaurant and eat is like date 3+.

Eh, I'm just not really a stickler for "terms". Date, meetup, canoodle, I don't give a fuck what chicks want to call it. They're going to do all kinds of fucking gymnastics to justify/rationalize shit to themselves and their social circles, so it's stupid to be a stickler with that shit. You'll NEVER win fights on "definitions" with them on that type of shit.

That said, "sit down and eat" restaurants are HORRIBLE first dates and I agree that you probably shouldn't introduce that until 3+ or until you've banged at least once.

Khane · Apr 10, 2022

I always just set up first dates at bars that have good food. Get a drink, if there's no chemistry, vamos. If there is get another drink or two and if you're still having a good time and get hungry ask for a menu.

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Gavinmad said:
I didn't even realize you remarried after the first one went south.

You're probably thinking of my second one. My first divorce was finalized back in 2008, and was one of the earlier posts that started this whole topic off.

Gavinmad · Apr 10, 2022

Tarrant said:
You're probably thinking of my second one. My first divorce was finalized back in 2008, and was one of the earlier posts that started this whole topic off.

Well you mostly talk about your kids from the first marriage so I never even realized there had been a second one.

You know you aren't too old for a third round of child support!

Cutlery · Apr 10, 2022

I know a guy who gave the same woman 2 different houses.

Divorced his first wife, and she got the house. Remarried her a few years later, divorced her again and she got the 2nd house.

I wonder if he posts here...

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Gavinmad said:
Well you mostly talk about your kids from the first marriage so I never even realized there had been a second one.

You know you aren't too old for a third round of child support!

Ah, yeah, my second marriage was pretty well documented on here. We had one child together. She's crazy with the paperwork to back it up.

Seems it took me a few tries. First marriage, we were both young and she decided she wanted to go through a "crazy phase" and slept around a lot. I wasn't a great dude either back then, but nothing to justify all that. Looking back, I honestly wish it would have worked out. As much as I love my wife now, I can't help but think it woulda been easier on the kids to have that work, and I genuinely loved her a great deal. Can't fix other people though, so I spent years on myself instead, and focused on my kids.

Currently married, been so for a little over 3 years. She's been one of my best friends since 7th grade and isn't able to have more kids, so don't gotta worry about child support creeping back in lol. After my second divorce, I swore I'd never do it again leaving her as the exception, expecting it to never happen as we lived two states apart. Well, it happened, and it shoulda have been that way years ago. That wasn't the case though, so we spend time making up for those lost years.

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Cutlery said:
I know a guy who gave the same woman 2 different houses.

Divorced his first wife, and she got the house. Remarried her a few years later, divorced her again and she got the 2nd house.

I wonder if he posts here...

None of that wth me, I was talked into selling my MTG collection by wife #1 that today woulda been valued at over $1,000,000.

Super glad I did that. I don't ever think about it. At all. ......ever.

Gavinmad · Apr 10, 2022

Tarrant said:
Currently married, been so for a little over 3 years. She's been one of my best friends since 7th grade

I do remember you posting about this, so I'm glad it seems to have worked out for you.

Tarrant · Apr 10, 2022

Gavinmad said:
I do remember you posting about this, so I'm glad it seems to have worked out for you.

Thanks man, shes great, my kids love her and her son is pretty awesome (he's 14). Can't ask for much more I suppose.

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Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Jackie Treehorn

Slaanesh69

Millie's Staff Member

Tarrant

Slaanesh69

Millie's Staff Member

Big Phoenix

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer

Tarrant

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole

TJT

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Tarrant

Cutlery

Kill All the White People

Minnesota Child Support Guidelines Calculator

Tarrant

Minnesota Child Support Guidelines Calculator

Kirun

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Khane

Got something right about marriage

Tarrant

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole

Cutlery

Kill All the White People

Tarrant

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Tarrant