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Has she realized your want to have sex, regardless of whether or not she can fulfill that? Because, at this point, that's all you can expect of her. Unless you suspect the anxiety problem is partially bullshit.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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The thread's been moving fast, I might have missed where chaos said that. Keep in mind, both parties might be embittered to the point where they have forgotten what started this. I find it really hard to believe someone you married and had 3 kids with has suddenly gone cold and uncaring to something like this.
Vitality
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This shit happens more often than you might think, it's pretty idealistic to think that the woman you married cares about you even close to 90% of the time. These are ass numbers sure, and men fit in here too.
People are fucking selfish man. I'm selfish as hell.
You gotta go out of your way to consider another person, and when that stops happening as is Chaos' case you need to re-evaluate the circumstances you've gotten yourself into.
It's called effort, and when the effort is gone the relationship will follow as well.
Think of it like a Ven-Diagram, as far as I can tell in chaos' case sex isn't in the middle sharing portion, I mean not even sexual conversations of any kind, or discussions about lack of sex. Just straight up shitty man...
Even fighting about it means they're atleast putting some sort of effort into it. You Know? God I'd feel trapped as hell if I was in Chaos' position.
Fuck I feel trapped for him just typing this shitpost.
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Oh, of course, I'm great at ignoring my wife's needs and wants. Which is kind of the point, people get lost in what's just around them and forget what started this. That's why I'm asking for the back story. It might even be helpful for chaos to dredge some of this up for himself.
But all that aside, let's say his wife never acknowledged it. So he finally breaks through gets a good conversation with her. Now what? Can't make her have sex. Can't make her feel like having sex(without possible dangerous side effects). There's pitfalls to stepping out even with her consent. My overall point is that if chaos feels like talking to a counsellor would be disastrous, he might just want to learn to live with this problem. Getting her to acknowledge the problem is more than likely not going get him what he wants.
Yes, I'm essentially advocating letting the problem fester. Maybe the anxiety meds will do their job in a few years. Maybe better hormone therapies will exist in a few years. To me, to choose between blowing up your marriage and family or getting your dick wet...really easy choice.
But all that aside, let's say his wife never acknowledged it. So he finally breaks through gets a good conversation with her. Now what? Can't make her have sex. Can't make her feel like having sex(without possible dangerous side effects). There's pitfalls to stepping out even with her consent. My overall point is that if chaos feels like talking to a counsellor would be disastrous, he might just want to learn to live with this problem. Getting her to acknowledge the problem is more than likely not going get him what he wants.
Yes, I'm essentially advocating letting the problem fester. Maybe the anxiety meds will do their job in a few years. Maybe better hormone therapies will exist in a few years. To me, to choose between blowing up your marriage and family or getting your dick wet...really easy choice.
Vitality
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In no good marriage "SHOULD" you have to choose between getting your dick wet and destroying a marriage is what we're all getting at here.
If talking about sex destroys your marriage, it's not a marriage at all it's a word-jail.
I'm like 50% certain Chaos would be fine if his wife even just gave him a handy, or did something AT ALL to please her man.
Hell even talking to him about why she doesn't want to, once again, would go a decent way into helping him feel like she's even THERE dude.
If talking about sex destroys your marriage, it's not a marriage at all it's a word-jail.
I'm like 50% certain Chaos would be fine if his wife even just gave him a handy, or did something AT ALL to please her man.
Hell even talking to him about why she doesn't want to, once again, would go a decent way into helping him feel like she's even THERE dude.
DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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What a dick. If that guy didn't know you at all, he probably didn't know she wasn't single. You should have beat your dumb gf up.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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My marriage was founded on the principles that every man has a right to a wet dick. Without that.. what are we?
I'd still bring it up after the surgery and not let it fester. My wife, before we got married, turned completely off to sex. Stress, job, wedding planning - all of those combined meant I wasn't getting laid, and I'm sure all of you remember me posting about that here. It took some guts but I did talk to her about it. I was pretty calm about it, told her how it was bothering me and I missed the intimacy and we started to get it on more.
Most women (I SAID MOST LINDZ) aren't wired like us where they want sex all the time. For my wife she was just so busy it never crossed her mind. It was difficult for her to imagine that as I walk down the street if a light gust of wind hits me the right way I'll have a boner ready to go.
I'd still bring it up after the surgery and not let it fester. My wife, before we got married, turned completely off to sex. Stress, job, wedding planning - all of those combined meant I wasn't getting laid, and I'm sure all of you remember me posting about that here. It took some guts but I did talk to her about it. I was pretty calm about it, told her how it was bothering me and I missed the intimacy and we started to get it on more.
Most women (I SAID MOST LINDZ) aren't wired like us where they want sex all the time. For my wife she was just so busy it never crossed her mind. It was difficult for her to imagine that as I walk down the street if a light gust of wind hits me the right way I'll have a boner ready to go.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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I agree. At the time I thought he knew about me, we had been dating for a year in high school and everyone knew we were together.
Maybe he lied, I don't know. I punched first and asked questions later.
It is the only time I've ever punched another human being in my life.
Vitality
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Sometimes you just gotta jerk it on her back when she's sleeping.. you know?
Risk free.. right?
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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I worked with a married couple before. The wife once told me that her husband had wanted sex and she said no and went to bed. Said she was awoken being blasted in the face. Her husband tossed her a towel, said "clean up" and he went to bed.
Sometimes you gotta be alpha as fuck.
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You think chaos' wife chose to have anxiety and panic attacks?
Yes, they should definitely be able to talk about it. This likely started out better and got worse as nothing was solved(because it can't be without some ugly consequences). It's a 2+ year old sore subject, of course bringing it up is going to be bad.
Vitality
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Yeah dude, when my chick is "Unavailable" I just tell her to strip True Lies style and do my thing, she loves the attention and I still get to be the weird as creeper I want to be.
"You're my Jamie Lee Curtis baby."
Onoes
Trakanon Raider
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Not even a little homo? Where am I supposed to get my next adventure started if not with you?
iannis
Musty Nester
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Anxiety meds huh? That is a nasty, nasty trap.
Step 1 is to get her to a place where she doesn't need them anymore. How you do that I have no idea.
Apparently neither does her doctor.
God damn pillhappy housewife shrinks.
They are the parasitic tick on the ballsack of real medicine. Two years. Two. Years.
Onoes
Trakanon Raider
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And yeah, I agree that it sounds (and I'm sure my own experience colors my vision here) that Chaos is in the same boat as I was. It's not that you don't love the other person, or that you MUST have sex, its the feeling of insecurity that keeps building when they clearly just don't desire you any more. I would have been thrilled for weeks had my wife given me a handy, but I would have been happy for a day or two had she wanted to snuggle up to me or something. It gets really frustrating and depressing lying next to someone every night and thinking "She would be just as happy, if not happier, if I wasn't here. She doesn't want me at all."
It's rough, and shitty, and it sucks.
Neki
Molten Core Raider
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Olebass
You've stated that your lady friend doesn't mind you getting your sex from other woman so have you tested this theory?
I suggest phoning up an escort and get her to come round to your house one night whilst she is in and then disappear into the bedroom with her just to see what reaction you get from her. If you decide to have sex with this escort, make sure she screams extra loud so the whole house can hear it. If she really didn't give a shit then you know that you got to get out of this relationship ASAP. If she acts all outraged then just calmly tell her that you haven't been getting any for the past 8 years (/cringe) so what did she expect? If she gets all angry and wants to break up with you then GG?
Who knows? Maybe actually knowing that you having sex with a another woman because she is not putting out might guilt her enough to stir up her sex drive again.
You are thinking about leaving her anyway.
What have you to lose?
You've stated that your lady friend doesn't mind you getting your sex from other woman so have you tested this theory?
I suggest phoning up an escort and get her to come round to your house one night whilst she is in and then disappear into the bedroom with her just to see what reaction you get from her. If you decide to have sex with this escort, make sure she screams extra loud so the whole house can hear it. If she really didn't give a shit then you know that you got to get out of this relationship ASAP. If she acts all outraged then just calmly tell her that you haven't been getting any for the past 8 years (/cringe) so what did she expect? If she gets all angry and wants to break up with you then GG?
Who knows? Maybe actually knowing that you having sex with a another woman because she is not putting out might guilt her enough to stir up her sex drive again.
You are thinking about leaving her anyway.
What have you to lose?
Neki
Molten Core Raider
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And when I said 'What have you to lose', I am not talking about ironing, cleaning around the house, cooking and chores like that. You could slum it out like a real bachelor or alternatively, get a maid to do all that. You could probably get more action with said maid than what you currently have too.