Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Honestly, you're a saint. You know this as well as.. ok, she doesn't know this. But why are you bothering to put up with her shit at all? Who cares if she knows where your family lives. Contact the police for her "erratic behavior. We're going to break up and she said she would commit suicide and I'm genuinely worried." Let them put her in a ward. Then you can have her officially evicted. Change the locks and all that good shit. Maybe even get a restraining order placed against her. Her threatening to kill you or other people is absolutely illegal. It's out of your hands. Quit putting up with that bullshit. You'll be happier that you left. And really, how much do you really enjoy her dinners? Just think, without that burden living with you, you could afford to go out every night and have better cooked dinners. Plus, you could meet a nice girl that isn't crazy and then SHE can provide you with dinner also. Not to mention sex.

Get rid of that fucking leach.

Before, I got the impression that this girl was kinda down on her luck and felt a little sympathy for her. I was thinking that a slow transition to help set her up for a bit and then leave was the right call. Then I read this:

Olebass_sl said:

I give them to her being honest where they came from. No thank you, didn't call to thank her, instead bitched about how must be nice to give people money you don't know.
...
That is what her mentality is right now. Everyone on this planet owes her something.

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...and I think "terrible person." Has she always had this attitude? When I first date a girl, I'm hypersensitive to any sign of entitlement, and even a hint of something like this would send me running. It has served me really well in dating, but these are <1 year relationships.

Anyway, it's always hard to know the full situation from a few posts, but everyone here is getting the same impression. And that impression is getting stronger the more you describe the situation. You seem like a pretty solid guy, and you deserve way, way better. A girl who just can't seem to get her life together but still contributes as much as she can is one thing. Even though you don't deserve to have your life shackled by someone like that, I can empathize with the difficulty of leaving her. But this doesn't sound like that anymore. This girl sounds like a straight up parasite, who has no interest in ever getting her shit together and helping you out.

Being single is scary, it's easy to see the downsides of leaving because they're more salient and more immediate. But you have many years left to live, you only have one life, and no one should live like you are living. You owe yourself more than that. You owe yourself at least a chance of something good. And this isn't even a tough call. It's not some scenario where things are rocky but there are a lot of positives of the relationship that you don't want to give up on. To me it seems the only positive at all is "I'm not alone." That would take a hell of a lot of fear to overcome all the negatives.

I've always maintained that the worst thing a person can do is let inertia and fear decide their life course. She will threaten to kill herself or you? Ok, so now you are letting someone else's vices hold you hostage? "If you were more rational, I would leave you. But since you are volatile, I'm going to reward your poor behavior with my continued support." That is pretty fucked up.

I hope the consensus in this thread will be enough perspective and motivation to get you on track to making some tough decisions and living a real life. If shit is hard for a bit, guess where you can vent about it?

Dabamf_sl said:

Before, I got the impression that this girl was kinda down on her luck and felt a little sympathy for her. I was thinking that a slow transition to help set her up for a bit and then leave was the right call. Then I read this:


...and I think "terrible person." Has she always had this attitude? When I first date a girl, I'm hypersensitive to any sign of entitlement, and even a hint of something like this would send me running. It has served me really well in dating, but these are <1 year relationships.

Anyway, it's always hard to know the full situation from a few posts, but everyone here is getting the same impression. And that impression is getting stronger the more you describe the situation. You seem like a pretty solid guy, and you deserve way, way better. A girl who just can't seem to get her life together but still contributes as much as she can is one thing. Even though you don't deserve to have your life shackled by someone like that, I can empathize with the difficulty of leaving her. But this doesn't sound like that anymore. This girl sounds like a straight up parasite, who has no interest in ever getting her shit together and helping you out.

Being single is scary, it's easy to see the downsides of leaving because they're more salient and more immediate. But you have many years left to live, you only have one life, and no one should live like you are living. You owe yourself more than that. You owe yourself at least a chance of something good. And this isn't even a tough call. It's not some scenario where things are rocky but there are a lot of positives of the relationship that you don't want to give up on. To me it seems the only positive at all is "I'm not alone." That would take a hell of a lot of fear to overcome all the negatives.

I've always maintained that the worst thing a person can do is let inertia and fear decide their life course. She will threaten to kill herself or you? Ok, so now you are letting someone else's vices hold you hostage? "If you were more rational, I would leave you. But since you are volatile, I'm going to reward your poor behavior with my continued support." That is pretty fucked up.

I hope the consensus in this thread will be enough perspective and motivation to get you on track to making some tough decisions and living a real life. If shit is hard for a bit, guess where you can vent about it?

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Well a little backstory. I was born and raised here in my town and I had decent connections for work. When she started going downhill mentally( she was always a little bit odd, but truly I dated TONS before I met her and I found every woman is in some way or another. Some in good ways, some in bad ) in 2006 I considered moving to TN, my brother and I had built a house for a guy he raced local NHRA with and he had big plans for building apartments/rental houses and such. When my brother died in 2007 I was left without work due the next big job he was lining up switched contractors over concern that I would be distracted/emotional and what not over his death. So I contacted the guy in TN at the funeral and he was like you know, when you get over morning , give me a call I still need 2 houses built. Next month I called him, started traveling 45 miles south everyday building a house. I even got to design it. He taught me things I didn't know like electrical( was a master electrician ) and I taught him things he didn't know like framing, roofing, siding, painting, trim, tile , hardwood and his father came over and said lets custom build cabinets, which I never did before. That is where I learned to build cabinets which I got various pictures of my work in the home improvement thread.

ANYWAYS, now that backstory is done, while this was all going down 2005-2007 she had stopped the sex and blamed various random things. One thing she was always consistent with, if I fuck up something I say well I fucked up. I have never in 18 years seen her take blame for anything. It was always someone else's fault, actions or lack of actions. She told me constantly how much she hated this town( she wasn't from here, she fled here in 1992 after a bad marriage ) and that is why she wasn't in a sexual mood anymore mostly was due to the fact she was just unhappy.

So while I was building this house, Chris the guy in TN I was building it for started saying, you know, you can live here and we can go into business together. At first I was like yeah right, I am not moving down to Greenbriar. Eventually I decided why not, she wasn't happy here and he had all kinds of work and capital to play with. So December 9th 2007 down the interstate we go , in a 5 inch in 3 hour flood. I lived down there until Feb 2010 when I moved back due to my ill grandmother. Now the deal was in case you missed it, she wasn't sexual anymore because she hated KY. She seemed happy in TN, but in the 2 years 2 months we lived there, she never touched me once.

She was FURIOUS I was moving back to KY. I told her well go live someplace else then. She didn't have the money too.( but had a temp job )I offered her then $1200 to help and she claimed I was lying I didn't have it to help( I had already paid a ton in KY ). I pulled out cash. She refused and went into a rage about how I owe her from when I lived with her in 1995!(?) Which is how we met.( Edit I should say that is when I moved in) I was going into the Navy Sub School. I needed a home for 2 months until Basic, I broke my foot a month prior to going in, and decided during the healing I didn't want to go in( Worst mistake EVER ). So I continued to live there and got a job at Paul Davis the next month. Somehow those 3 months I lived with her and we were fucking all the time meant I owed her a home free of charge in the state of her choice 15 years later. She still blames me 4.5 years later for "making" her give up a temp job and being unable to find work since. Even though she has had 4 jobs and quit 3 of those within 2 weeks and lasted 7 months at US BANK mortgage center. She claimed they made her carry boxes of paper for the printer and it was causing her existing back pain to get worse.

Where I am the saint here, is that last line. I bust my ass EVERYDAY doing demo, lifting shit, tiling, whatever and I would love to quit my own business because my back hurts, but it does not pay bills to do so.
Anyone person on this planet who works gets pain, back pain, hell I am sure people in offices get ass pain. It's part of life.

As to the last part, yes I use this thread to vent about it now. I really don't give a shit if people know. Hell most of BG knows at this point due to word of mouth( She may be onto something why she can't find a job. Between me and the business's she has burned maybe no one here wants her to work for them, who knows )

She is also paranoid as of late. I jumped on TS last week to say hi to a friend. I hadn't been on TS in a few months due to lack of any good games, and she came in and was like who are you talking to. You talking about me?
I was like no, this dude is in St Louis and we are talking about panning gold for fucks sake.

She has been doing it when she sees me typing as well.


As for how I met her:
I met her not from being the woman next door, but a good friend who died dating her. He told me back in 1994 she was a little crazy, his name was Keith he was a big man, like 6'5 300whatever pounds. He died of a diabetic coma when he didn't even know he was diabetic at the age of 25. Thought he had the flu, woke up next morning and hand and legs had swelled. Went to hospital and died the next morning with a BS level of like 3600 is I remember. Funeral was closed casket, but I heard his head had swollen to twice normal size for him. Anyways since I knew him and she was next door, I started going over there thinking she was depressed, then we started screwing and so on.

Soygen_sl said:

This is completely untrue.

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Patently false. A healthy male produces between 12 to 17 times the amount of testosterone a woman does. It is a biological impossibility for a woman to want sex as much as, or as often as men. When a woman says, "I don?t understand why sex is so important to guys!?", she's speaking the literal truth. No woman will ever experience 17 times the amount of her own testosterone levels (barring steroids). Amongst its many other effects, testosterone istheprimary hormone involved with stimulating human libido. Also, on average, and barring environmental variables, a mans testosterone only declines 1% per year beyond age 40, so even at age 60 the average, healthy male is only dealing with an average 20% deficit in testosterone.


Critics like to argue that for female sexual response and arousal, testosterone isn't the only factor to consider. To which I'll agree, however it is theprimaryfactor in sexual response. A woman cannot possibly understand what 12 to 17 times their present amount of testosterone could feel like, without steroid use. So, in terms of natural female hormonal/biochemical response, there is no unaltered way a woman could ever make an accurate comparison to what a man's baseline libido is in relation to her own. Women's sexual desire is also cyclical. Even at the peak of her ovulatory cycle, when she's at her horniest, she'll never experience what men do 24 hours a day. This is the root of the myth, and the source of the social convention.

Other critics would erroneously argue that estrogen plays a part in female sexual arousal. They'd be wrong.

Estrogen does "control" libido -for men:

Estrogen -have a look at the Functions section. And while you're at it, you may want to have a look atTestosteroneand in particular this:

Like men, women rely on testosterone to maintain libido, bone density and muscle mass throughout their lives. In men, estrogens simply lower testosterone, decrease muscle mass, stunt growth in teenagers, introduce gynecomastia, increase feminine characteristics, and decrease susceptibility to prostate cancer.Sexual desire is dependent on androgen levels rather than estrogen levels.

I also understand that female sexuality functions differently than male sexuality, but this only reinforces the point. Women's sexuality is cyclic, not only on a monthly schedule, but also over periods of a lifetime(menopause, and peak fertility for instance). There are periods over a month and a lifetime where sexual desire waxes and wanes, (healthy) men?s stays relatively constant from puberty to about age 40. Women are slower to arouse, they tend to need more than just visual stimulation, and there is definitely a psychological element (they need a fantasy) necessary. Men only need visual stimulation and minimal feedback to get aroused (porn).

It should come as no shock that post-menopausal hormone therapies use testosterone to boost women's libidos also. When women are at the peaks of their ovulatory cycles, low and behold they experience a sharp spike in testosterone levels in order to facilitate pregnancy and then it gets flushed out during menstruation. You can debate about how best to get a woman's testosterone flowing, but it's testosterone that's needed to prompt a sexual response.

Now the real question is, why would such a popular myth be such a useful social convention? Well, it sexualizes women, while not making them outright sluts. They can avoid the stigma of promiscuity while presenting the fantasy that they are secretly "more sexual" than they are "allowed" to be, if only they could meet a man skilled enough to bring this out in them. It's a sexual selection convention. The fantasy is that women are really these wolves in sheep's clothing for the right guy. To an extent this is true. Studies do indicate that women in their peak fertility window do in fact aggressively seek out Alpha males for conventional sexual encounters. However, again, the root of this social convention is in the presumption that "women are just as sexual as men", which is simply not the case considering the conditionality of the female sexual response.

No self-interested Man is ever going to be encouraged to refute the idea that women are equally preoccupied with, equally aroused as, or equally desirous of sex as men are. We love the fantasy that women are secretly yearning for sex with us, if only society were more open and accepting of feminine sexuality. Yet, in the same breath we'll hear about how slutty and aggressive women have become in the fall of western society by the same guys. It's ironic, but it gives guys hope that if they can find the secret formula to unleashing the sexual beast within every woman, he"ll find this unquenchable she-devil to pair off with monogamously. If womenweremen's sexual equals, why would they not be given to the same drives that conflict with monogamy? Imagine a world where women are as horny as men. Think of a gay bath house and you might have a workable model.

Women of course love to encourage and reinforce this social convention because it sounds like empowerment in the face of patriarchal sexual oppression (yes, we'd bemoresexual if you?d only allow us to you evil men), while at the same time tacitly acknowledging that turns men into white knight sympathizers of the cause (i.e. feminine entitlement and primacy).

I'm not debating whether or not women are sexual at all. Obviously they are, however, I hate this canard that women (and their would-be male identifiers) would like everyone to believe, "women are just as / more sexual than men". No woman can make a realistic assessment about that unless she's had 12 -17 times her natural testosterone levels increased and lived in a man's biological condition. On it's face, the assertion is absurd, but as I said, for women it's empowering to think that women are "just as sexual" as men. And female-identifiers are all too happy to reinforce that trope, because it offers them the hope of getting laid with one of these "sexually repressed" women.

As for why I put up with it. I really don't in the sense I just take it. She fully well knows my dissatisfaction with her right now. However I am not a dick about it and rude. I've just been honest.
People say I am a very likable guy. You could probably throw me in a room with a terrorist wanting to cut off my head and check back in a hour and I'll be playing poker with him.
That doesn't always convey as well over the internet but I am very personable to people around me I meet.

I am also easy to please and generally happy. I will take something bad and try to find something good/happy in it. I have to be, not only due to her, but just my line of work. Sometimes it is just going to be a shit day and I have to make the best of it.
Being pissed off all the time and unhappy about something isn't going to make it any more bearable.

What I have noticed lately is that as she becomes more crazy, I am becoming more of a sarcastic asshole to people around me, and that I am not very happy with.

Olebass, you know what you need to do. Lets assume you get in an accident on your way home from work today and die. Will you feel your life was worthwhile, or do you have regrets about the way you live?
You do not have any obligations to this leach. Let her go. Move on with your life. You owe it to yourself to put your foot down and say no more.

While it sounds strange and will add stress to your life in the form of being single, it'll actually remove even more stress because you won't have to deal with a disease every day. And I don't mean what ales her. I mean that she IS a disease. She's a cancer that basks in the misery she causes. Lawyer up and get out. For you.

Damn Olebass.. damn. No words. You are a saint.

I don't understand women. If my dick was temporarily broke I'd still be up for having my significant other ride my face as much as she'd like to.