Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Take it from me, get out. Are you going to meet crazy? Sure, but ohhh, the fun you'll have.

Also, holy shit this thread went nuts today.

Getting out of this will not happen overnight, but it is constantly on my mind that I am 42 now and still have a chance and hopefully some good years left.
Ideally I will save up enough to just send her on her way, I feel and always felt that would be the least stressful and risky, but that is hard to do when you are already covering everything and trying to live somewhat happy as it is.
I'll figure it out somehow, what I really need is clarity. If I wasn't so busy at the moment I would go hiking or something a week so I can clear my head some.

My idea would be at your next lease renewal to tell her you are leaving but you will pay up the rent and utilities for 6 months if she wants to stay there, if you insist on doing something for her when you part. If she can't get her shit together in 6 months, she was never going to. It's not your fault that she is a useless lump who won't get off her ass and contribute(and no, just cooking dinner every night doesn't count when someone else is paying all the bills)

joeboo_sl said:

My idea would be at your next lease renewal to tell her you are leaving but you will pay up the rent and utilities for 6 months if she wants to stay there, if you insist on doing something for her when you part. If she can't get her shit together in 6 months, she was never going to. It's not your fault that she is a useless lump who won't get off her ass and contribute(and no, just cooking dinner every night doesn't count when someone else is paying all the bills)

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It's easy to say that, but he mentioned earlier:

I mean we really don't ever fight but like 3x a year maybe, but when I mention leaving or whatnot she goes all batshit crazy screaming and threatening to shoot me and shit.

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which really makes it a lot harder.

I can sympathize, as I spent over 2 years living with a complete psycho who barely earned anything in an apartment I paid for, but she did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. and took really great care of me in general. However, every time I tried to end it she would flip out, threaten suicide, murder, and other crazy things. Even if you don'tlovesomeone but still care for her, it's incredibly hard to just be like "Peace, I'm out!" when she's literally holding a knife to herself (or even worse, to you!).

It's a tough situation and I'm not really sure how he can escape it.

McCheese_sl said:

It's easy to say that, but he mentioned earlier:



which really makes it a lot harder.

I can sympathize, as I spent over 2 years living with a complete psycho who barely earned anything in an apartment I paid for, but she did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. and took really great care of me in general. However, every time I tried to end it she would flip out, threaten suicide, murder, and other crazy things. Even if you don'tlovesomeone but still care for her, it's incredibly hard to just be like "Peace, I'm out!" when she's literally holding a knife to herself (or even worse, to you!).

It's a tough situation and I'm not really sure how he can escape it.

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Yes cheese, exact same thing almost word for word, except more years invested.

Also glad you did not die from onions!

Cad after 18 years, she knows where every family, friend and even jobs I have lives.
I'm not worried about me in this, although it is a danger, she is a definite risk to herself however. She is backed into a corner in that sense that she will literally be in a homeless shelter as it stands right now.
They have been running massive serious tests on her, especially on the spine. The MRI last week showed loss of signal in c5/6/7 of her spine and several lesions on her brain. One DR even suggested a possible spinal tap for MS.
She tried to file a disability claim last year which got denied from lack of medical evidence. I'm hoping they do find whatever it is making her sick, she can get Disability, and I can bail out of this without feeling like shit about it or her.

The sooner the better, it seems to be the best hope right now.

@Olebass Come home drunk everyday acting belligerent. Works every time.

Ole bass, make sure you know exactly how your state deals with common law. If you lived in BC were I live after 18 years you would be on the hook for alimony!

Have you been straight up with her and said "I can no longer exist In a sexless relationship, how do you suppose we get over this? you need to know this is no longer works for me, how do we fix it?" Ball is now in her court. If she says it's ok to fuck other women, be very firm and up front that dating two women is not something you are willing to do.

For me sex is part of the relationship contract, if one person is not living up to thier side you need to have a clear and direct conversation of expectations. If no compromise is possible it's time to move on bros.

I will say the timing if the medical issues us going to make this much more difficult on you.

Nester_sl said:

Ole bass, make sure you know exactly how your state deals with common law. If you lived in BC were I live after 18 years you would be on the hook for alimony!

Have you been straight up with her and said "I can no longer exist In a sexless relationship, how do you suppose we get over this? you need to know this is no longer works for me, how do we fix it?" Ball is now in her court. If she says it's ok to fuck other women, be very firm and up front that dating two women is not something you are willing to do.

For me sex is part of the relationship contract, if one person is not living up to thier side you need to have a clear and direct conversation of expectations. If no compromise is possible it's time to move on bros.

I will say the timing if the medical issues us going to make this much more difficult on you.

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Ky has common law, but at this point my only real assets are about 25,000 in tools. I do not keep credit cards and I been floating on jobs to keep bills paid. I rent this house( which is in my name btw ) and my work van isn't worth much.
The plus side is I have about 2k total debt. Period.
We have no children.
As for the other, I have said that. Her reply was( years ago ) we are not married. Go find another woman, but she means it as go find another woman but while I live here.
I said and agree that isn't a option as long as she is under this roof. It isn't about cheating obviously as she acts like she doesn't give a shit, it is the principle to me and unfair to any woman who may be wanting more than just a screw.

The medical issues have been ongoing a longtime with her. Even though she hates Obama( odd for a woman with nothing? ) it did get her medicaid assistance at least. She filed it as I am someone who helps her. Which is pretty much damn true since obviously we have no relationship, nor have in a long time. Our last real contact was about 2 years ago. It does suck, but I have been busy trying to keep afloat and working that I haven't had really that much time to dwell on it. 90% of my day is spent working or planning.

My concern for you is not about allocation of assets, it's being forced to pay her on going living expenses as that what she is accustom to in your current "relationship." All I am saying is know your rights and obligations before you drop a bomb.

I wish you luck, and I think you would do well as a single man!

Nester_sl said:

My concern for you is not about allocation of assets, it's being forced to pay her on going living expenses as that what she is accustom to in your current "relationship." All I am saying is know your rights and obligations before you drop a bomb.

I wish you luck, and I think you would do well as a single man!

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Thank you, and really everyone. I had considered asking about all this as far back as FOH boards. I was expecting more tits or gtfo responses and so forth. All have been kind and assuring. I am not perfect by any means nor will I ever claim to be. Sadly this is not something I can just come back tomorrow and say welp she is gone, life is great now. I will post when things change, but as long as it has been ongoing, I wish I had a faster, safer for all, less stressful solution than kick that bitch out.

Lejina_sl said:

I just caught up on the last 5 or 6 pages, so I'm late with this, but holy shit Noodleface you need to start to say no to your wife.

You're basically a slave a god damn doormat. How much longer do you think until she shows no respect whatsoever for you and what do you thing follows with that?

She may get pissy when you tell her no and stand your ground, but long term it's going to be a lot better for the both of you if she's aware she's married to someone with a spine.

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I told her no tonight and she got all pissy but I didn't care. I fell asleep early and finally got some goddamn sleep.

Forgot the best part. She woke me up at 8pm and told me dinner was ready. It was homemade pizza. Best wake up ever. Then she gave me a hummer in the bed.

I'd say go ahead and just start dating, call her your roommate since that is all she is at this point. That or your live in maid.

Damn skippy. Atta boy, Noods.

Noodleface_sl said:

Forgot the best part. She woke me up at 8pm and told me dinner was ready. It was homemade pizza. Then she gave me a hummer in the bed. Best wake up ever.

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Fixed. Wtf Noodle.

See how easy that was? You say no, you get a blowjob. WORKS EVERY TIME.