Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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She'd be better off playing DnD. Then you'd have actual human interaction. Role playing can be therapeutic too.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
She'd be better off playing DnD. Then you'd have actual human interaction. Role playing can be therapeutic too.
Fogel
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 13,685
- 55,164
Just make sure its the older DnD, otherwise you'll be roleplaying an Orc trying to get reparations
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
- 27,862
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BrutulTM
Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
- 14,887
- -1,322
These days people say that just pounding on someone's back is as effective as the Heimlich. Of course you can't really do that to yourself either.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
- 24,772
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
- 38,461
- 16,394
Koushirou
Log Wizard
- 5,236
- 13,260
Not an update, just a wall of general thoughts/ruminating/self-pity I feel like writing:
My therapy homework for the week was to just go out and do something just for myself other than some basic errand. Ended up going to Sweet Frog like a weirdo since I haven’t had froyo in forever, even though it was thirty degrees out. Felt pretty sad and pathetic sitting in there by myself. Went to a bookstore afterwards just to browse. Would find things that the husband would probably like and just wanted to text shit to him, but figure I won’t be able to do that anymore, soon. Shit legit made me start second guessing leaving. I’ve always felt experiences don’t really matter when there’s no one to share them with. Have really never done anything for myself, no outings just because, no solo vacations, etc. We didn’t get to take many vacations, but the ones we did were pretty much for his benefit. Took him to Boston because he’s big on history. Took him around to all the Civil War battlefields around MD. Went to Vegas one year for Christmas since that’s what he wanted to do, despite me being bored of it having been there so many times over the years. And every place we visit, we hit up damn near every distillery or speakeasy he finds. I barely drink since I hate the taste of alcohol. I always tried to do whatever I could to support his interests and hobbies. I never got that kind of support in return. Instead got shamed anytime I wanted to buy a new model kit, would scoff at any games I was into, made fun of music I liked, etc. He at least bought me an airbrush for Christmas one year, but only because there was a WH model he wanted me to paint for him. Sure, maybe my interests are dumb, but I never judged him for looking at and buying furry art, because that’s how I thought a wife should be; always supporting her husband. But now I’m also realizing that I’m not sure if it was ever really love or just me happy to have someone consistent so I didn’t have to be alone anymore, and of course, that makes me feel like a cunt for basically just using him for the past 10 years, even if it wasn’t my intent.
Since I got the standing desk, been setting up my walk pad underneath and use it on raid nights. Get about 2 hours of walking in 3-4 times a week right now. If the weather’s nice, I’ll go do a lap or two around my neighborhood for a 15/30min walk. I know it’s basic bitch shit, but better than nothing, I guess. Always fucking hated exercise, and even though I want to lose weight, it’s always so hard to motivate myself because weight loss isn’t going to fix my dumbass face. Even looking back on pics when I was 18 and in the best shape I’ve ever been before going into the Naval Academy, I still look like a fucking dork. That pic Izo posted (told you that fuck had it saved) is a decade old and I’ve probably got an extra 40-60 pounds on me since then. Been around this community for over 20 years and seen how people react to damn near every type of chick in existence. I know damn we’ll even if I lose the weight I’m sitting at a 3/10, maybe a 4 on a really good day, and only because I’m not like deformed or some shit. Even my husband basically never complimented me on my looks. Not that I would believe him if he did, but not even getting the little bullshitty loving comments still stung. He’d even dodge kissing me on the lips a lot and just went for the forehead. And then the recent not even being able to get him to fuck me or even just let me suck his damn dick was just brutal. There’s not been a single time in my life that I’ve ever been given a first glance like that, much less a second. Just feels so unlikely that it’ll ever happen with someone new. My other three relationships before this were all friends online that became more, all before ever knowing what I looked like. Suckered them in with my winning personality, I guess. I also seem to attract a shit type. First two relationships were dudes with no jobs, one who even in his 20s wouldn’t even get a driver’s license, not good looking (though I guess that’s just, the fuck are they calling it these days? Looksmatching?), didn’t really actually bring anything to the relationship, etc. Third one was a good looking guy who had his shit together. He ended up ghosting me after two years, couldn’t even give me a proper break-up. I at least had the balls to call mine on the phone to tell them it was over.
And when this is over, what the hell do you do with all the stuff? The pictures, the mementos, all the sentimental things. Throwing them away just seems harsh. Keeping them around just seems weird. I guess I just planned to say he could just take what he wanted and the rest I guess I’ll just put into storage or something? But for how long? It’s not like everything was miserable. I’m going to miss playing board games or just chilling on the couch going down the YouTube rabbit hole, doing Rock Band together, discovering some cool new local spot to eat at, etc. It fucking hurts to think that there’s not going to be any more of that. We get along fine in so many ways, just not in the ways that are actually important, I guess. Just everything about this fucking hurts. I’ve followed this thread since the beginning and was always horrified seeing all the shit guys went through due to absolute cunt women. I always wondered how the fuck those women could do the things they did to people they supposedly loved at some point. Always told myself I never, ever wanted to be like them, yet here I am feeling like I’m just another one of those cunts ruining some poor guy’s life.
Anyway, sorry for the bitching and rambling. Next Tuesday I bring him in to my therapist for our joint session and re-visit and I guess I’ll drop the hammer then. And then I guess will see what happens after. This week will probably blow.
Since I got the standing desk, been setting up my walk pad underneath and use it on raid nights. Get about 2 hours of walking in 3-4 times a week right now. If the weather’s nice, I’ll go do a lap or two around my neighborhood for a 15/30min walk. I know it’s basic bitch shit, but better than nothing, I guess. Always fucking hated exercise, and even though I want to lose weight, it’s always so hard to motivate myself because weight loss isn’t going to fix my dumbass face. Even looking back on pics when I was 18 and in the best shape I’ve ever been before going into the Naval Academy, I still look like a fucking dork. That pic Izo posted (told you that fuck had it saved) is a decade old and I’ve probably got an extra 40-60 pounds on me since then. Been around this community for over 20 years and seen how people react to damn near every type of chick in existence. I know damn we’ll even if I lose the weight I’m sitting at a 3/10, maybe a 4 on a really good day, and only because I’m not like deformed or some shit. Even my husband basically never complimented me on my looks. Not that I would believe him if he did, but not even getting the little bullshitty loving comments still stung. He’d even dodge kissing me on the lips a lot and just went for the forehead. And then the recent not even being able to get him to fuck me or even just let me suck his damn dick was just brutal. There’s not been a single time in my life that I’ve ever been given a first glance like that, much less a second. Just feels so unlikely that it’ll ever happen with someone new. My other three relationships before this were all friends online that became more, all before ever knowing what I looked like. Suckered them in with my winning personality, I guess. I also seem to attract a shit type. First two relationships were dudes with no jobs, one who even in his 20s wouldn’t even get a driver’s license, not good looking (though I guess that’s just, the fuck are they calling it these days? Looksmatching?), didn’t really actually bring anything to the relationship, etc. Third one was a good looking guy who had his shit together. He ended up ghosting me after two years, couldn’t even give me a proper break-up. I at least had the balls to call mine on the phone to tell them it was over.
And when this is over, what the hell do you do with all the stuff? The pictures, the mementos, all the sentimental things. Throwing them away just seems harsh. Keeping them around just seems weird. I guess I just planned to say he could just take what he wanted and the rest I guess I’ll just put into storage or something? But for how long? It’s not like everything was miserable. I’m going to miss playing board games or just chilling on the couch going down the YouTube rabbit hole, doing Rock Band together, discovering some cool new local spot to eat at, etc. It fucking hurts to think that there’s not going to be any more of that. We get along fine in so many ways, just not in the ways that are actually important, I guess. Just everything about this fucking hurts. I’ve followed this thread since the beginning and was always horrified seeing all the shit guys went through due to absolute cunt women. I always wondered how the fuck those women could do the things they did to people they supposedly loved at some point. Always told myself I never, ever wanted to be like them, yet here I am feeling like I’m just another one of those cunts ruining some poor guy’s life.
Anyway, sorry for the bitching and rambling. Next Tuesday I bring him in to my therapist for our joint session and re-visit and I guess I’ll drop the hammer then. And then I guess will see what happens after. This week will probably blow.
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moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
- 24,772
- 46,696
Once things get rolling, one of the most important things you need to do is to be alone for a while. People who have done the child -> chain of relationships route often miss out on learning a lot of very important skills and knowledge about being a complete person. The things that bring you joy and fulfillment should be enough on their own. If they aren't, find new things, or figure out why they aren't.
Another thing I have seen in your posts is that you have self esteem issues. The picture Izo posted was pretty. You don't need to be Angelina Jolie. If you aren't aiming for Brad Pitt it shouldn't be an issue. Being an unhealthy weight is a -5 CHA for men and women alike, but it is also something you have control over. If you hate exercise, focus on calorie counting instead. The Weight Loss thread is a great resource if you need help or ideas there. You are smart and fun to talk with. That actually is more important in a healthy relationship in the long run. Looks fade. Libidos wax and wane. Being able to have fun together will carry you through to the end. If you want to be lusted over, you will need to put the work in, same as anyone else. Lose the weight. Make some cosmetic company richer. Etc. It is a lot of time and effort for something so ephemeral.
Sell anything of value and keep maybe a picture or two for the scrapbook. Anything else straight to the trash. Marie Kondo all that shit, and being trapped in the past never sparks joy. Your husband isn't bad for things falling apart, and neither are you. He couldn't stop being toxic and self centered, and that's a shame, but it outweighed the good parts enough to make you miserable. You talked to him about it and gave him chances to change, and he didn't. A marriage is a joint effort that requires constant work. If either party stops putting in the work, it is destined to fail.
Now that you have given us the additional detail on your previous relationships, you seriously need to drop WTF guy immediately. He's not your friend. He is latching on to your parasocial relationship in an extremely unhealthy way. Your self esteem issues are the reason why you are susceptible to this type of person. Even if you weren't going through what is probably going to be a divorce, you should be shutting that guy down immediately. What happened before is what is going to happen again if you don't leverage your pattern recognition abilities.
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Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
- 44,100
- 52,992
Didn't you mention in your last wall of text that you already had some dude you barely knew sniffing after you the instant he heard your marriage was falling apart? You aren't going to be alone and if you put even a little bit of work in you won't have to settle for another cave troll either.
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Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
- 47,069
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This. The absolute last thing you have to worry about is being able to find another guy to respond to a text about some book you found at the library.
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Cutlery
Kill All the White People
- 7,204
- 21,794
So, mementos - the only one I keep is my wedding ring. It's actually the only one of the two that still exists. She lost hers somewhere along the way. And then I think she lost the replacement too. Looking back, that should have been a sign, heh. The fiance keeps track of hers like a hawk and loses her shit if she's not wearing it. Maybe that's the difference between someone who cares and not. I dunno. But anyway, mine - it's been sitting on my desk since the day I got home, and it'll probably stay there till the day I die. Partially as a reminder that if I survived her, I can survive anything, but also - she was part of my life. Just because she's not anymore doesn't mean she wasn't important. I am who I am because she helped shape me. There's nothing wrong with remembering that. I wouldn't be as awesome as I am today if I didn't have to think fast and deal with all the bullshit she put me thru.
Thankfully, everything else I can just give to my kids. We were looking for my daughters car title after her wreck and I found a bunch of old pictures from when she was a baby. Here you go, new picture you never knew existed of you and your parent(s). I know you don't have that for that stuff, but don't think you need to get rid of shit you don't want to, either. It's okay to hang on to stuff if you had a good time doing it. Just don't equate the things to the person and start thinking that your fond memories of one particular experience correspond to the one who you were with.
And I know everyone's already said it, but you ain't gonna be alone. Even for dudes, looks aren't everything. My ex is probably objectively better looking than my fiance (although I personally find the ex repulsive these days). If I was to post pictures, I'm pretty sure I know which one would be rated higher. But I don't care. That's not the point. Why the fuck would I want a 7 who makes my life hell if I have a 6 who takes care of me in every way?
Can you cook? Probably. Do you fucking care about your partner? Seems you do. Do you have a hole to fuck, or at the very least a willing hand? Sure sounds like it. What the fuck else do you think guys need?
I don't need a supermodel. I just need a chick who lets me do dirty shit to her. The rest is open for negotiation.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
- 27,862
- 16,393
This is new information. Do you own a woodchipper?
Look. You know how guys are typically ass men or boob men, I'm a face man and always have been. I saw that picture, your face is cute. Sure you're chunky, but the face is cute. Just don't lose weight with ozempic because that will turn you into skeletor. I can't find the pic now, but I'm not even sure what you thought was dorky. Was it your skin? Because that can be fixed too.
How the fuck do you play games while walking on a treadmill? I must be walking wrong.
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Daidraco
Avatar of War Slayer
- 10,537
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
- 5,236
- 13,260
That was the original plan! But yeah, all this stuff popped up just before my first session there, so been spending the time trying to get me sorted out on that front. Week after next will be back into that, starting with working on all the body image issues, etc.
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