Went on a date with a chick from Match before I met my current Ball and Chain, and she seemed like a prize. Veterinarian, non-religious, owned her own house, stable family, liberal, and easily an 8 on the looks scale. That combo is hard to come by anywhere, least of all Texas, so I was pretty stoked.
The first warning flare should have been the fact that she wanted me to pick a restaurant with a patio for the first date, because she wanted to bring her dog along. Ok, I think, she's a vet and loves dogs, I can live with it. So I research some restaurants and happen to find a Lebanese one with a patio and hookahs, and it just happens to only be a few blocks away from where she lives. I let her know, she concurs and knows the place well, and we agree to meet on a Friday night after work.
I get there early and grab a table, and she walks in a few minutes later dressed like she's about to attend some presidential ball. Sequenced sexy dress, 5 inch heels, pro makeup job, jewelry, and hair all done up. She was a 9 and I got a hard-on at my table just looking at her approach. Everybody else was looking at her too since the restaurant was casual and she looked totally out of place. She decided to leave the dog at home after all, which was my first irritation since I had to hunt for a dog friendly restaurant.. She sits down at the table and we start talking, and it's obvious she's already had quite a few drinks before showing up.. We order drinks, hers being some concoction that would normally involve sugar, and she requests that there be none added. They bring the drinks, she tastes hers, and loudly exclaims "what the fuck!" and asks me to taste her drink because she's convinced they added sugar. I can't tell if they did or not, because it's filled with fruit juice, at which point she rolls her eyes and hails a different waiter, who she starts to rant at over the added sugar. He tells her he'll get her a new one, to which she says "don't bother, I want a martini instead, but you ask the bartender whether he added sugar or not!". She's doing this all loudly, so everybody around us is aware of what is going on. The waiter looks obviously perplexed, and runs off. A few minutes later he's walking by again and the chick flags him down and asks "so did you ask him?? Did he add sugar?". The waiter replies "yes", and the chick lets loose a loud "Ha, I knew it!". She spends the next few hours repeating how proud she is for being right..
At this point my perfect image of her, which was perfect on paper, is obviously being shattered. The only reason why I'm sticking around is because she's so damn fucking hot, but inside there is significant despondence because I know there's no future with this chick, and I'm pissed. I decide to move things outside to the patio, because the stares and attention from other patrons is becoming irritating. We move to an outside table, and she orders a Hookah. When it arrives she scums out the waiter for not cleaning it out properly, and we start puffing on it. Sitting at the table next to us are two dudes enjoying some food/beer, at which point the chick strikes up a conversation with them out of nowhere and asks if they'd ever tried Hookah before. They answer that they haven't, and she goes ahead and fucking invites them to our table to try it. Obviously I'm fucking annoyed, and even the two dudes are giving me this confused look like "sorry man, are we interrupting your date?". Thankfully, their presence didn't remain long, because after they tried the hookah she asks them if they liked it. One of them said he didn't, "just not my thing I guess", to which she replies "what kind of fucking loser doesn't like hookah, go back to your table!". Now at this point I'm looking for the waiter to get the check and gtfo, and thankfully the guys were nice enough to just get a "bitches be crazy" look on their faces and go back to their table, rather than telling her to go fuck herself, which probably would have caused some massive argument.
While I'm waiting for the check, she asks me about my sisters, of which I have four. I mention that two are gay, to which she says "they sound like fucking losers". I respond with "you realize if you were a dude I'd kick your fucking teeth in, right"? She starts crying, apologizing, and generally being a drunk idiot. I pay the bill and she begs me to "just walk her home, it's late and dangerous". It's literally on the way back to my car, and she's making such a scene, so I agree. We get to the front door of her townhome, she continues to apologize, and asks me if I want to come up for a drink. She's so fucking hot, I'm slightly drunk which isn't helping, and every justification possible is going through my mind on why I should go ahead and fuck her despite the fact that she's crazy and insulted my family. Aggressive revenge fuck with load shot to the butt-crack was the most prevalent justification, but somehow I still turned her down. I knew the sex would be mad good too, because she was drunk AND crazy.
I drive home (I only live a few miles away), and not two minutes inside my door and I get an MMS message featuring her in lingerie looking smoking and asking for me to come over. I say no, I don't think the date went well, for fucks sake you insulted my family. She replies that it was all "bar talk" (da fuq) and she's sorry. I never reply, but six months later out of nowhere she txts me happy new year and asks if I want to go out on a date with her.. lol.
To this day I still torture myself over the fact that I didn't fuck her, despite knowing that she's a fucking crazy that insulted my sisters.
--FIN--
