Marriage and the Power of Divorce

So I'm caught up on this thread now I think. I'm glad things seem to be working out well for you Onoes. You're handling it the right way imo. I dont think anything she's done justifies any bad treatment, and it's definitely preferable to stay friendly and close I would think. She's the mother of your kids after all.

Here's my question to the people of Rerolled: Onoes mentioned there was little to no sex after the second kid came along. I believe a few people said they've experienced the same thing and I can tell you I have too. Is that reason enough for you to consider divorce? No cheating or other major factors, just the lack of sex. "Living with a great roommate" as it's been described.

For me it's gotten to the point where I've gone from being annoyed to outright insulted and finally now to acceptance. Sex was never frequent, but now it's virtually non-existent. In reading and talking with others I feel like this is common. With that acceptance though I'm considering if divorce is the best option. We've done the marriage counseling thing multiple times already.

Dashel_sl said:

So I'm caught up on this thread now I think. I'm glad things seem to be working out well for you Onoes. You're handling it the right way imo. I dont think anything she's done justifies any bad treatment, and it's definitely preferable to stay friendly and close I would think. She's the mother of your kids after all.

Here's my question to the people of Rerolled: Onoes mentioned there was little to no sex after the second kid came along. I believe a few people said they've experienced the same thing and I can tell you I have too. Is that reason enough for you to consider divorce? No cheating or other major factors, just the lack of sex. "Living with a great roommate" as it's been described.

For me it's gotten to the point where I've gone from being annoyed to outright insulted and finally now to acceptance. Sex was never frequent, but now it's virtually non-existent. In reading and talking with others I feel like this is common. With that acceptance though I'm considering if divorce is the best option. We've done the marriage counseling thing multiple times already.

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If she doesn't want to fuck, does she care if you fuck other women? Serious question.

Dashel_sl said:

So I'm caught up on this thread now I think. I'm glad things seem to be working out well for you Onoes. You're handling it the right way imo. I dont think anything she's done justifies any bad treatment, and it's definitely preferable to stay friendly and close I would think. She's the mother of your kids after all.

Here's my question to the people of Rerolled: Onoes mentioned there was little to no sex after the second kid came along. I believe a few people said they've experienced the same thing and I can tell you I have too. Is that reason enough for you to consider divorce? No cheating or other major factors, just the lack of sex. "Living with a great roommate" as it's been described.

For me it's gotten to the point where I've gone from being annoyed to outright insulted and finally now to acceptance. Sex was never frequent, but now it's virtually non-existent. In reading and talking with others I feel like this is common. With that acceptance though I'm considering if divorce is the best option. We've done the marriage counseling thing multiple times already.

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I guess I would exhaust all options before considering divorce. Not saying that you haven't though. Was the counseling specifically for lack of sex issue? Does she know exactly how frustrated you are with no sex and just doesn't give a shit? There is usually some kind of hidden issue with this shit and it's tough to find the actual issue. The one the ended the sex life of my marriage was her thinking that I wanted to be doing my other hobbies more than spend time with her.

See I think if you were gay you could ask your other "hey why no sex bro" and you'd get a straight answer. With women you have to unravel 74 layers to find out last week you put a bowl in the cabinet incorrectly and she hasn't forgiven you.

I know I'm an outlier, but my wife and I don't really have sex, and I'm not going to divorce her for it. It hurts her, and I really don't like hurting her.

Neph_sl said:

I know I'm an outlier, but my wife and I don't really have sex, and I'm not going to divorce her for it. It hurts her, and I really don't like hurting her.

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Alright bro, we get it. You got a big dick.

Neph_sl said:

I know I'm an outlier, but my wife and I don't really have sex, and I'm not going to divorce her for it. It hurts her, and I really don't like hurting her.

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Bro, you gotta put some time in before shoving your dry dick in her dry pussy. Wet her up with some foreplay. Eat her pussy and get her excited

First thing to consider: did you get fat, become a lazy slob now that you have her locked down, or change in any other way to be less attractive than you were when dating?

If the answer to any of those is yes, its on you. If the answer is no to all, I think it's perfectly acceptable to get laid elsewhere.

Dabamf_sl said:

First thing to consider: did you get fat, become a lazy slob now that you have her locked down, or change in any other way to be less attractive than you were when dating?

If the answer to any of those is yes, its on you. If the answer is no to all, I think it's perfectly acceptable to get laid elsewhere.

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^ not married

Lack of sex is going to fuck you up if you have a high drive. Either you are going to cheat or just get really bitter/frustrated, it will fuck things up and change what you had. Communicate this in a way that doesn't make her feel like meat and use words like "this is how I experience intimacy, how would you feel if I refused to cuddle/snuggle/kiss?". Women doesn't inherently understand that it is more than "me man, me want to fuck", gotta explain it.

When a woman loses her sex drive talking about why can help but explaining to her that you need sex "because" isn't going to jump start your sex life. No matter how delicately you put it.

Here's my opinion. When a man and woman have been together for a while they both stop certain things. Men tend to stop courting their woman which causes their woman to feel neglected, this will kill her sex drive. Women tend to stop wanting sex which causes her man to feel neglected and cause bitterness and make him stop caring about romance. Either one can happen first and both can be responsible for the same outcome. Why don't you try courting her again? Instead of saying "babe you gotta understand, my dick needs attention" just try to remember what made her attracted to you in the first place and attempt to get back to it. Make her want to have sex again, excite her, make her feel desirable.

My wife was all in a huff when I told her I still spanked my monkey. She was confused and didn't understand why I would need to do that if we were having sex a few times a week. They are wired much differently, but at the same time they need to understand that unlike women we can't just "stop" and be fine. It's really tough to explain to a woman. I basically broke it down to my wife that when you're in your teens and even in your 20's, you basically have an urge to ejaculate 95 times a day.. gradually it slows down. It's a battle of attrition sitting at work and not being able to do it. When you get home you want to either plaster the inside of a vagina or plaster some kleenex, your choice.

That is true, I had assumed that part was tried. If you are too lazy to court her you will have a bad time. If you court her and still aren't getting any, then you go to my advice.

Iannis_sl said:

Cheese is the obvious choice.

People that choose blowjobs are either lactose intolerant or obviously foreveralones who have never had one and don't understand that, while very nice, blowjobs are also over rated. But for anyone who isn't a genetic defect or sexually ignorant, Cheese.

Cheese.

Cheese.

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I was having this discussion the other day and realized the people who give up cheese over blowjobs are obviously just Asian. Asian food doesn't really have any cheese in it, and their penises are tiny so they can get better blowjobs from women who don't bitch and moan about how they are hurting their jaws.

Noodleface_sl said:

My wife was all in a huff when I told her I still spanked my monkey. She was confused and didn't understand why I would need to do that if we were having sex a few times a week. They are wired much differently, but at the same time they need to understand that unlike women we can't just "stop" and be fine. It's really tough to explain to a woman. I basically broke it down to my wife that when you're in your teens and even in your 20's, you basically have an urge to ejaculate 95 times a day.. gradually it slows down. It's a battle of attrition sitting at work and not being able to do it. When you get home you want to either plaster the inside of a vagina or plaster some kleenex, your choice.

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I had an insane sex drive when I was younger, but went through a "spiritual" phase where I thought masturbation was wrong and gave it up for almost a year. It's definitely doable and once you stop doing it, it gets easier to continue. The streak ended when I got laid and lasted all of 2 seconds.

Going through spiritual enlightenment is an extraneous case though and not the norm

Haast_sl said:

If she doesn't want to fuck, does she care if you fuck other women? Serious question.

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Funny you say that because sometimes I think she wouldnt. But yes I'm sure she would care, the question is would she accept it to stay together and I just dont see that working out. I would feel guilty, she would feel like shit I'm assuming. I know other cultures people have mistresses and ... whatever the male equivalent is... and it's just accepted but, I dont know.

Julian the Apostate_sl said:

I guess I would exhaust all options before considering divorce. Not saying that you haven't though. Was the counseling specifically for lack of sex issue? Does she know exactly how frustrated you are with no sex and just doesn't give a shit? There is usually some kind of hidden issue with this shit and it's tough to find the actual issue. The one the ended the sex life of my marriage was her thinking that I wanted to be doing my other hobbies more than spend time with her.

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Yup counseling was primarily about the lack of sex/spark in the marriage. She admits it's a problem, after counseling it gets better for a little while then reverts back. Now it's to the point where prior to "birthday sex" for me on Nov 30th, it was easily 5-6 months without. I should note she would probably have sex if I initiated it but it's to the point that I dont bother anymore because it's incredibly unsatisfying when your partner isnt into it. I feel guilty, and it hurts the ego too.

@Dabamf: re: fat and out of shape: No, in fact the opposite. I am in very good shape, keep myself up well. One of the more frustrating things about this is I get more attention and compliments from other women than my own wife.

In regards to my role in this, I can honestly say I gave a huge effort to do the courting thing again. I tell her she is beautiful, which she sincerely is, make her laugh, great with the kids, just generally try to make things easier for her. But now it's to the point I dont even want the sex from her anymore. Somewhere along the way I passed some limit and friend zoned my wife.

The prospect of going on for years and years without that physical connection and excitement is very depressing.

Yeah my wife is on two different meds that kill her sex drive. It is hard for me to deal with, especially because prior to this we were going at it at least once a day. I expected a drop off, I'm not stupid, but we're at about once a month now. I thought getting in shape would have some kind of impact, but it didn't. I find myself bitter a lot about it. There's nothing to be done, really. She has panic attacks when she isn't on these meds because she can't deal with life or whatever. I realize that even writing that I sound pretty bitter but I just don't understand it is all. So going off the meds isn't an issue. I don't know what the future holds but the prospect of my wife just fulfilling her wifely duties once a month with no real interest is depressing as fuck. I don't have any idea what to do.