Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Not so much a blurb about marriage, but on the current sex discussion-

While a lot of the stuff we are talking about in this thread is very relatable for a good portion of us, so much of it is ENTIRELY unrelatable, to the point where I can't even wrap my head around it. I guess it's just part of the human condition, none of us knowing or understanding exactly what another person experiences.

For example, Deathwing talking about peeing in butts. That's just wholly un-imaginable to me. I read what he is saying and go "This guy has to be trolling right? Why would you? Who would? What? Why? Whaaaaaat?", but maybe that's 100% the truth, that's what floats his boat, he found someone else who's into it, and it works. How do I know? I've always thought cumming all over a girl who seemed super into it was about the most amazing thing in the world, but I know a guy who thinks that is the most vile act imaginable. He's got his own kinks, just finds semen disgusting, even his own.

I'm not into anal at all, I can't even look at an asshole without being completely taken out of the moment, just thinking about it really turns my stomach, that's just me. A lot of guys swear by it, but in my brain it's exactly on par with something like bestiality, I just have absolutely 0 desire, my mind is actively opposed. Obviously those are totally different activities, and I'm not implying any connection, just saying that to me, they are both pretty much on par as far as my interest in either.

And all this talk about blowjobs vs cheese? Again, I can't even wrap my head around the argument. I would give up running water, plumbing, or central air before I gave up blowjobs. At least what I remember of blowjobs from 11 years ago . I've lost control of my legs and fallen over while orgasming from a blowjobI recieved while standing, that has never happened to me when biting into a really good quesadilla. Maybe I've been lucky on who I've had as a partner. I've definitely had girls who just could not give a decent blowjob, but I've had girls who's vagina's under performed as well, and I've never written anyone off over it. That's just me though, and I can only speak from my perspective.

Everything is just so objective. I have another friend who can't perform without a couple of drinks in him. He's just way too nervous, and can't get an erection right away, and then gets more concerned and, etc etc. even with women he's been with numerous times. If he has a couple of beers or a glass of wine first he is fine though. For me, sex is pretty fucking boring if I'm even buzzed. I'm just not feeling it, can't get in the mood, and I'm just kind of going through the motions. I can't imagine sex being like that all the time, but that's the only way my friend has ever had sex, and so I have to assume he's never really had amazing sex. I could be totally wrong, I can only make assumptions based on my own experiences.

I've heard guys commenting about how in porn, sometimes the guy grunts or groans, and they crack up on how ridiculous that is. I didn't even understand what was funny, until one of them explained that "guys don't really do that, sometimes girls squeal and shit, but guys don't make noise, so it's stupid", and I'm going "Uhhh, I totally do that. You've never yelled shit out or been unable to even talk shit felt so good so all you could do is kind of moan and grunt? I do that all the time.", and I had three guys just look at me like I was crazy, while the whole time all I'm thinking is "How much better must sex feel for me than these guys? I just want to feel bad for them right now...".

I mean, it hasn't happened in a while, but for years, I would pretty regularly go blind when I had a really intense orgasm. I would see white spots for a second, and then everything would go black fro 20 seconds up to 2 or 3 minutes. I didn't even know that wasn't normal until I had a girlfriend who thought it was super weird and insisted I see a doctor. While not common, its totally a thing, and it seemed that when I orgasm, all the blood vessels in my eyes would constrict, cut off the flow of blood, and boom, I'm blind for a bit. I like to cum, my body fucking loves it, every single part of me goes into "whats my job again?!?!" mode when I'm having an orgasm. Thats just me.

While I understand it's different for everyone, its so vastly foreign and different, it can be really, really weird to read a lot of the stuff being said here and be able to connect with it on any level.

Not that it's not all super interesting, and really nice that everyone's talking and sharing. If you look at this thread, there are a lot of us putting out a ton of deeply personal information, and for the most part, just being met by a lot of bonding, support, and attempts at understanding. Super nice.

P.s. Sorry if I offended all you assfuckers / dogfuckers with my comparision, more power to you!

Trollface_sl said:

what the fuck

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Haha I have to agree with this assessment. That must have freaked you out the first time? I mean literally going blind for 2 minutes.

As for the other stuff yes to each their own. Anal, grunting, bj's... whatever you're into.

As for the masturbation thing, i think it's fine as a supplement but not a substitute. If you want it 3x a week and only get it once, sure sub in some porn and tissues. Only jerking it though imho is basically conceding the marriage is over. You can still be friends, co-parents and whatever else. If it's not sexual though, something needs to change. Like I said previously the options suck.

She's cute, don't worry. I posted a family picture on the general forum in the "Yesterday was my dog's 4th Birthday" thread. Posted mid December.

Deathwing_sl said:

IDK about the emotional connection. Maybe the day she enjoys having her anus filled with urine as much as I like peeing in butts, there will be a deep emotional connection from sex. But I already share a lot of my life with this woman, including a newborn. I've experienced the times where we didn't fuck much and the current times where we do, I honestly don't feel emotionally closer to her. Or conversely, emotionally distant previously. I AM happier now and I'll admit there might be an indirect link there.

When I say masturbating is just as good as sex, I'm talking physically. And that I'muncomfensized. I can see masturbating being a messy, annoying affair if I had to get out lotion. Would rather not do it 90% of the time. Also, I'll admit there's a psychological factor to some forms of sex. It's half the reason anal is so good, to me at least. Obviously, masturbation can't compare there. But vaginal sex is so vanilla at this point, there's almost no psychological edge unless you really spice it up.

I'll rescind the angsty comment, that wasn't fair. I cannot relate fully to the people posting here. My mind has never wandered to divorce if my wife wasn't fucking me for good reasons, and her not feeling like it is a good reason. Maybe I'll ask my wife if she's thought that since I've been on the opposite end most of the time.

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FTFY

Tarrant_sl said:

I had something work in my favor when I talked to my wife about it. She didn't realize how little we had sex until I remembered an app she had on her phone that she uses to track her period. Every-time we have sex she marks it as well and when she tried to prove a point to me that we do it more than "once or twice a month if we're lucky" she pulled out her phone and then got all quiet and she began leafing through the months. Having her see it with her own eyes on something she track of helped.

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Hah this reminds me. My wife was pretty old school and had a workout calendar. She would put a star on days that we had sex as it was a sort of workout. I posted in this thread before I got married about issues we were having and really weren't having sex. One of the clinchers for me was telling her how little we had sex. She tried to prove it to me by busting out the book and noticed a very severe lack of stars. For now the sex is good again, but I do have that back of the mind feeling that after we have kids it will be done just like a lot of guys here.

My wife is no stranger to blowjobs, but the reason I don't like them is she never initiates them on her own. She's never once put my dick in her mouth without me asking. Maybe it's just me, but having to ask "can you suck my dick?" is kind of a turn off. Part of the reason might be that she had a boyfriend previous to me that had her give him a BJ and didn't tell her he was cumming. He then told her he wasn't pulling his dick out until she swallowed and held her head there. I always promised that if I met this guy I would beat the shit out of him, but I have no idea what his name even is. Also, this is probably the reason I have to ask for them. To me a BJ is just no good, because I think of the story and then I think about how I have to ask for it and I feel guilty. Occasionally I still do, because honestly leaning back and getting your dick sucked is pretty awesome - but then it comes, the guilt and all that and I'll just throw her on the bed and go to town.

I think the important thing is finding things that both you and your significant other are into and enjoy. I knew a dude that enjoyed being shit on (I kid you not), and his wife enjoyed shitting on him - if that's your thing, then great. I think for us we always enjoyed the spontaneous fucking in random locations. I can't really explain it, but it feels a lot different to me when we have sex like that. It's our thing, and something we can't really do all the time, but it's cool.

This thread also scares me now too.

Communication is key bros. I have been clear that FOR ME a healthy marriage includes regular sex. We have sex 4-5 times a week. Sometimes on the weekends its multiple times a day. We have been together for 9.5 years. we have no kids, i am sure that would change things, but i would put some big effort in keeping things going. Sure we have had some long breaks 6 weeks, due to medical reasons, we always discuss our feelings and what we both want from each other. IMO my wife is hot as hell and i always want to be "with her." We both talk about and acknowledge the fact that we do it way more than most folks who have been together this long.

Its kinda funny, her brother is one of the coolest guys i know, works out on the reg, always has women swooning over him, but he has also been with his wife for 9 years and is lucky to get it once a month. The girls talk about it, and lol for him, the boys talk about it. I am the fat nerd and he is the the sporty jock but i am banging his sister daily and he is stuck jerking it most of the time. Its funny how life works out. I know for a fact he has not discussed his desire to have sex more with his wife. I was so happy for him when he and his wife (before marriage) went on a break so he could finally get some, they they got back together. In my limited opinion, its about defining what you want out of a marriage and making sure each partner lives up to their side of the deal. I think if you want it, you need to be clear about it. It seems ridiculously unfair to me to commit to having sex with one person for the rest of your life and that one person say NAH, more often than not. Bait and mother fucking switch.

I just want to thank the posters in this thread for the open communication going on here.

Thank you Nester for a small ray of hope, haha.

He's a small ray of hope but he's probably also representing a small percentage of marriages.

Nester_sl said:

Communication is key bros. I have been clear that FOR ME a healthy marriage includes regular sex. We have sex 4-5 times a week. Sometimes on the weekends its multiple times a day. We have been together for 9.5 years. we have no kids, i am sure that would change things, but i would put some big effort in keeping things going. Sure we have had some long breaks 6 weeks, due to medical reasons, we always discuss our feelings and what we both want from each other. IMO my wife is hot as hell and i always want to be "with her." We both talk about and acknowledge the fact that we do it way more than most folks who have been together this long.

Its kinda funny, her brother is one of the coolest guys i know, works out on the reg, always has women swooning over him, but he has also been with his wife for 9 years and is lucky to get it once a month. The girls talk about it, and lol for him, the boys talk about it. I am the fat nerd and he is the the sporty jock but i am banging his sister daily and he is stuck jerking it most of the time. Its funny how life works out. I know for a fact he has not discussed his desire to have sex more with his wife. I was so happy for him when he and his wife (before marriage) went on a break so he could finally get some, they they got back together. In my limited opinion, its about defining what you want out of a marriage and making sure each partner lives up to their side of the deal. I think if you want it, you need to be clear about it. It seems ridiculously unfair to me to commit to having sex with one person for the rest of your life and that one person say NAH, more often than not. Bait and mother fucking switch.

I just want to thank the posters in this thread for the open communication going on here.

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My marriage is very similar and I agree, communication all the way. 4-5 times a week for us as well and coming up on 9 years of marriage, together for almost 10 years. We have 3 kids though, so kids doesn't always mean the end of one's sex life! We are very open about sex and just very open in general. He has always been very good at communication and we've worked really hard in our marriage to make sure we always have a basis of respect, love and understanding in everything. And for sex, dunno it has always been pretty easy. The only time we've had a rough period was after the first baby when our communication was just royally sucking. We were still having sex, but not as regularly and we weren't as in sync. We had some big long talks though and never had any problem like that again. We keep an open dialogue about sex constantly and I initiate sex just as often as he does.

Another thing that helps is we are the type of people that don't really need much in the way of relationships outside our marriage. He's my best friend and we share all the same hobbies so pretty much do everything together. I think that extends to our sex life.

So yes it may be a small percentage of marriages but we're another example so it isn't impossible!

Xarpolis_sl said:

I'm experiencing this issue as well. However, my wife is from Japan, only living in the US for about 10 years now. She just turned 30, and she's "a bit" Americanized, but not fully. While dating, we had sex often. However, she has NEVER ONCE initiated it. I've even told her that "the next time we have sex, you're going to start it." after a month, I finally caved in and asked. A big part of the issue is on my own end, however. Following high school and a very serious relationship, I went into this "I hate women" phase. Between that and online gaming during all hours of the day/night (when I wasn't at work), it resulted in me being single for upwards of 7 years. And by single, I mean not even 1 night stands. Absolutely zero women in my life over many years. Then I had a really nasty motorcycle accident and met my wife. Even that probably wouldn't have happened if I weren't high on morphine while in the hospital. She was a student nurse that had me as a patient. I asked for her number and was charming enough that she gave me it.

Anyway, backtracking a bit. I've never been a majorly sexual person, but I have always enjoyed it. With that said, my wife has never caused me to ejaculate either. Sure, if I get myself to the brink via masturbation, she can get me to cross the threshold, but she can't do it on her own. And she's tried a lot. The reason for this is 7 years of being single, I became very comfortable with masturbation. No one else has the touch that I've gotten used to. There are supposedly ways to break this dependency, but I've been unsuccessful as of yet.

The next issue is that about 3 months after getting married, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Yeah, life's a dream. Fortunately it doesn't affect methatmuch, but I do have frequent pain throughout the year as a result. It feels like arthritis.
Anyway, I'm on multiple medications for MS, and it fucks with my erections. Yeah, I'm a real prize. I've been taking cialis, but anymore I'm stuck in my own head with how much of a loser I am while fucking and it causes me to drop right away. It's pretty pathetic.

Anyone want to share stories similar to this one? The only reason I'm sharing is because my wife went into work about 45 minutes ago. And prior to her going in, we had an "end of 2013" session. I performed horribly, and when she left I was disgusted with myself. Ugh.

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yourbrainonporn.com/yourbrainrebalanced.com - Seriously, you need to look at these sites. Chances are, you spent way too much time masturbating and now your brain needs to be rewired.

For all the men experiencing a wife/gf who only wants sex once a month/year: I get so sick of men who just "accept" women that won't put out regularly, when there's no excuse for it. Women have a strong sex drive and if you're never the one filling it, what is? Unless your wife/gf is in her twilight years or has a medical condition(including certain medications), there's literally zero possibility that she'sneverin the mood. Furthermore, the notion that she only finds you desirable during a specific moment in time, is ludicrous. Will you do/say certain things the pique her interest/arousal level? Oh, absolutely. The same way it increasesyourexcitement level when your wife wears that certain pair of stockings to bed. But, the crux of the issue is, you shouldn't be required to jump through hoops, in order to jumpstart her libido.

To the men who feel "guilty" or don't want to have to "ask" for sex, you do realize that women want you to be the aggressor/initiator, right? Womenwantthe man to take command/control of them, especially in the bedroom. Asking her, "Uhhh, honey, can we please stick my pee-pee in your hoo-hoo?" is going to be a huge turn off. If you want it, take it. I understand that she may have a bad day occasionally, but if she's consistently "not in the mood", like I said, something more is at play.

So are you saying I should just place my dong in her mouth and take my prize? I like the way you think

Sounds like the guys here have a legitimate complaint. They've tried to initiate, been turned down, then eventually give up. Nobody likes to get rejected over and over again. People can lose their sex drives for a variety of reasons, it happens. They aren't asking their wives to initiate ad nauseum but it's nice to have it initiated every once in a while.

Jfc. I sent this to Elurin but I'm sure he never even read it.Married Life - Married Man Sex Life Forum

A lot of you guys should start reading this, this thread has become truly soul crushing.

And yes, the vast majority of the time Noodle, you're just supposed to lead and that includes just sticking it in her mouth no questions asked. Women get turned on by being lead in the interaction. If you ask the woman to initiate sex, it's going to drop off in quality and quantity.

You're a man, you're supposed to take what you want, not ask. It turns the woman off to have to lead. Most of them have rape fantasies as well, women are fucked up creatures.