Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Cuz dees hoes ain't loyal.

My brother and sister in law have everything seperate, they dont even know how much each other make....it makes no sense, how can you budget, how can you make plans? My wife and i just shake our heads.

Further to my other posts..

So my wife and i work in the same field, in fact we used to work for the same company and started dating on my second week there (lol) we kept it quite for months with the exception of the regional manager who said, its fine just be descrete, it was a little dicey becouse she was one of my assistants (not a direct report, we had a pool of assistants of about 20 people, so it was pretty random who worked on my work and i was in a jr position then)

11 years and 4 jobs and 2 new cities later..

A few months ago we found out her branch was being closed down and she would be laid off, (lots of notice, nice severance) funny enough this happend one week after i was made to be a partner at my firm (mid size firm 13 branches and 300 employees, parthership will be life changing, and the hope for it was one of the reasons we left the big city) I work in one of the remote branches, and just got my wife a job at our head office (she got the job herself really, she is experianced, a very hard worker and well respected in our field, our company also embraces nepatism and it has really worked out for us so far) Its been 2 weeks and while i love my firm and think she is a huge asset to the company...the realization of worlds fully coliding is hitting me hard

Its really odd that when she comes home to tell me about her day, the stories and lunches are all people i know extremely well, I did about 6 months in head office and go there for meetings regularly. The long term plan is to get her transfered to one of our 2 local branches as she has to commute 45 min now. Mine is 8 min. it will be really interesting if that happens, becouse the job she wants...is my assistant. I did say i would consider it but under no circumstances would I pressure or even suggest my current assitant move on to make room for her (My current assitant is very good and a lot of fun, even played WoW and got her lore achv in WOTLK, so we get along well)

So bros, should I consider hiring my wife as my assistant down the road? would it be wierd if she was one of my partners assitants and not mine? I know a ton of small buinsess that are husband and wife teams and it seems to work out, what do you think? we already did work at the same company for 3 years while dating and 2 while living together, no issues ever came up..

Very resistant and the company is very well run and forward thinking, we grew in the last recession. The industry is Insurance, so as long as there is still credit and goverment in our society, it is not going anywhere, Self driving cars may hurt us, but we are already planing for that. Even as my assitant she would not be my direct report there would be an HR/branch manager in between us for salary and other issues. I am really trying to avoid becoming the next branch manager when the current one retires in a few years. My acutal job is sales and that role is the engine that drives the company. The biggest challange in our industry is finding good people, once we find them we keep them, its pretty amazing gig once you get over the "lame & boring" stigma.

Famm_sl said:

Damn, that bro is living the dream. Much respect!

Anyway, Antilles I see you are in Arizona. You and your wife should go hang out with Ohnoes and his woman. Maybe have a relationship ruining swinger swap with them to liven the thread back up. Please report back after the next ren faire.

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Ahhh shit. I'm about 1500 posts in so things were still going well in his divorce proceedings. I suppose I'm not surprised to hear it took a turn.

Nester_sl said:

Split the cost of the wedding?

I just dont understand how people go into a marrige with a "My money and your money" additude. I make 4 times as much as my wife and its still "our money" if one of us wants to buy something big we always discuss it. Maybe i am just lucky becouse my wife grew up poor (living in a camper in a parking lot for 6 months with 2 brothers poor) and is very frugal even when we have money. I also in very lucky in the fact my parents tought me financial literacy and instilled a fear of debt. (i have tons of debt but i am still scared of it, its good debt, buisness loan and mortgage and a car thats about to paid next month)

If you are going to live your lives together why would your finances be seperate? We have one main bank account that all cheques go into and all debts come out of, we then each have a personal account that is funnded by an allowance from the main account, the allowances are equal. Most family stuff is purchased on the joint CC (i love points) and religiously paid off evey month from the main account.

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I don't know the particulars of their accounts/agreement, outside of the fact they agreed to mutually cover the cost of the wedding. Sucks for her that he can't come up with money for it now, but she wants that wedding bad enough so kudos for being able to foot the bill I suppose. I don't think it will turn out well for them and it's unfortunate she'll spend all that money to learn that lesson the hard way, but that's really what this thread is about right?

My wife and I split the cost of our wedding. We split the cost of everything though, so it was a natural extension. Like you we have one main bank account along with our personal accounts, but the difference is our contributions to the main account are enough to cover our bills, cost of living, etc. along with contribute some extra to have a buffer. Everything else goes to our personal accounts which works well. Neither of us are doing anything clandestine, but if she wants to go buy a new outfit or buy me a gift she likes being able to do it off my radar. When we have kids, those contributions will go up. With her paying for grad school she's got less of a buffer, so I end up picking up the tab more often. I've got no problems spending money out of my account on her for restaurant/bar tabs, vacations, etc. because I know she'd gladly do the same. Maybe it's silly not to dump it all into the same account then, but I don't know we agreed to this and it keeps things clean and simple.

I suppose that's the most important piece of it all, right? Fully separate, partial joint/separate, full joint... what matters the most is that you actually talk about it with your spouse. That's what gets people into trouble, I think. They forget the partnership aspect.

Nester_sl said:

So bros, should I consider hiring my wife as my assistant down the road?

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You'd better be rock fucking solid in the relationship, and still my answer would be 'probably not'. You gotta have away time in my meager opinion.

A wise man would not do it.

The job is the job. Not all parts of the job are cupcakes and unicorn farts. Grown ass people know that. I'm sure both you and your wife know it. When things are fine things will obviously be fine. If you have a rough patch at work, with a wife as an assistant that assures that you will also be having a rough patch back at de casa. Even if you're both grown ass adults who are able to leave it at the door you can't leave ALL of it at the door.

As a temp position you could probably get away with it. If you can slingshot her into something better -- then by all means. As a permanent position you're just hunting for trouble and will eventually find it. It'll just create a tension the relationship in a way that can be avoided.

You bros ever dated someone with completely polarizing political views? We debate how retarded she is and then have wild, passionate hate sex. It's outrageous. What am I doing with my life...

Khane_sl said:

You bros ever dated someone with completely polarizing political views? We debate how retarded she is and then have wild, passionate hate sex. It's outrageous. What am I doing with my life...

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I am a pinko liberal.
My wife is a dyed in the wool crazy libertarian.


We get along really really well.

I dated a vegan once.

Would not recommend. 2/10.

Yeah vegan is taking it way too far. It's made worse because of all the vegans I've met (they're everywhere here) only one wasn't the throw it your face and try to guilt trip you type.

That said I have a FWB visiting me in a couple weeks and she's that horrible type of vegan.

I never dated people into politics, I hear it enough at family gatherings already to not want to debate it with my partner.

I could never work with my wife. Work is my only refuge.

I worked with my wife while we were dating, well at the same company anyways. I couldn't imagine doing it now. I enjoy being with my wife but I also need time away.