Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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opiate82
Bronze Squire
- 3,078
- 5
I'm going to say no, if a mid-aged wife wants the D she'll go for it, but dressing up like one probably wouldn't hurt your chances.
Antilles
Idiot Savaunt
- 113
- 16
Only 300 posts in but committed to reading through everything, for better or worse. Figured I'd share my situation in the meantime though.
My wife and I have been married two years now and things are fine. We also lived together for five years prior at the insistence of her dad. To start it all from the beginning:
- Met her on a random trip out of state after I graduated from college. Dated long distance but things began picking up steam.
- She was still in college but I had just finished, so I interviewed for jobs out there but she also explored transfer options.
- Three months in I proposed.
- Six months in she moved out here and transferred schools.
- Her parents were understandably concerned, as were mine, in large part because everyone's divorced and also we were young.
- Her dad jumped on board, but with the caveat that if we got married before she finished school I had to pick up the tab. No sweat!
- Enter us living together for five years, her finishing school and starting a great career. Initially we were going to get married when she finished school, but we pushed it back a year so she could focus on launching her career. It became a running joke as each year we'd keep pushing it out for one reason or another, but it was all in the name of establishing ourselves.
- We finally tied the knot two years ago legally without having a full blown wedding so that we could buy a house together (had been living in one I'd bought solo) and because it made financial sense for me to jump on her insurance (she works at a hospital). That was a cloak and dagger move that only select people knew about.
- With all of the foundation laid we finally had a wedding last year. It was nice to finally do it but good lord was it pricey. No matter, because we'd taken a fiscally responsible route to it everything is paid for, so at least for now I look back on it fondly as an awesome party. Added bonus in that my family is sort of fractured and it was really nice to be bringing my aunts and uncles together after 10+ years and seeing everyone have a blast, so all in all I can't complain.
We do have a pre-nup, but that was again at the insistence of her father. He's a lawyer and has been divvying up his assets between his daughters going back a few years, which includes some size-able stock portfolios for my wife. I happily agreed to this because at the time, and to this day, I make more than her and have more assets of my own. I had previously been in a long term relationship of 4+ years with someone who did not have much of a positive financial outlook, who insisted on if/when we got married (we didn't) all of mine would be hers. This, plus having watched my parents marriage fail in large part due to financial problems, and it was important for me to be with someone who could stand on her own. I think our relationship is in better shape because we aren't stressing over the bills, etc. We split the house, utilities, food, etc. 50/50 and whatever is left we keep. And actually because she's so driven, after the wedding she immediately applied to grad school because she was tired of earning less than me. I appreciate that in her mind it became a question of "What can I do to compete?"
We share some hobbies, taste in music, movies/tv, etc. but have enough going on of our own that I really do feel like we have a good shot at succeeding. At the same time we're both aware that hey, maybe one day things will have run their course. That may be depressing for some, but I think the key is in appreciating the here and now versus stressing about how things may take a turn in the future. The reality for us is that she's got two years left of school, and after that we'll start trying for kids. We've already talked about limiting it to two, with one maybe even being adopted, and that if it doesn't happen by the time we're in our mid 30's (five years out for me) that we'd be seriously leaning on adoption rather than having our own. Whatever else happens happens, but I just cherish that we get along and don't fight (seriously maybe 3 times in 7 years?) and are still intimate. Kids will change everything for sure as we've watched that happen with other friends, but none were/are in a relationship with anywhere near the foundation I feel we've created.
My bigger concern at this point? One of my youngest brothers (a set of twins) is now engaged to be married next year. The girl was previously in a relationship with the other twin (they were dating years ago when we had our engagement party) so to say things are weird would be an understatement. He claims he's fine with it, but personally I question any girl who dates both twins and then marries one. The sad thing is, this isn't the first time they've had a girl in common too, so they definitely have some weirdness to be held accountable for. Along with that, he's jumped full on into whatever new-age weird religion she's a part of resulting in getting re-baptized in some backyard pool. Also, she's got no plan for herself other than having kids and being a housewife as she was never able to settle on a degree and ultimately just stopped college. And he's only halfway through reaching a four year degree which he has now stopped pursuing again for the second time, and is pulling down maybe 15/hr right now so have fun supporting a family on that. At the end of the day if he's happy I'm happy for him, but this seems to lack any of the logic or reasoning behind it that I feel like my wife and I applied to our decisions.
My wife and I have been married two years now and things are fine. We also lived together for five years prior at the insistence of her dad. To start it all from the beginning:
- Met her on a random trip out of state after I graduated from college. Dated long distance but things began picking up steam.
- She was still in college but I had just finished, so I interviewed for jobs out there but she also explored transfer options.
- Three months in I proposed.
- Six months in she moved out here and transferred schools.
- Her parents were understandably concerned, as were mine, in large part because everyone's divorced and also we were young.
- Her dad jumped on board, but with the caveat that if we got married before she finished school I had to pick up the tab. No sweat!
- Enter us living together for five years, her finishing school and starting a great career. Initially we were going to get married when she finished school, but we pushed it back a year so she could focus on launching her career. It became a running joke as each year we'd keep pushing it out for one reason or another, but it was all in the name of establishing ourselves.
- We finally tied the knot two years ago legally without having a full blown wedding so that we could buy a house together (had been living in one I'd bought solo) and because it made financial sense for me to jump on her insurance (she works at a hospital). That was a cloak and dagger move that only select people knew about.
- With all of the foundation laid we finally had a wedding last year. It was nice to finally do it but good lord was it pricey. No matter, because we'd taken a fiscally responsible route to it everything is paid for, so at least for now I look back on it fondly as an awesome party. Added bonus in that my family is sort of fractured and it was really nice to be bringing my aunts and uncles together after 10+ years and seeing everyone have a blast, so all in all I can't complain.
We do have a pre-nup, but that was again at the insistence of her father. He's a lawyer and has been divvying up his assets between his daughters going back a few years, which includes some size-able stock portfolios for my wife. I happily agreed to this because at the time, and to this day, I make more than her and have more assets of my own. I had previously been in a long term relationship of 4+ years with someone who did not have much of a positive financial outlook, who insisted on if/when we got married (we didn't) all of mine would be hers. This, plus having watched my parents marriage fail in large part due to financial problems, and it was important for me to be with someone who could stand on her own. I think our relationship is in better shape because we aren't stressing over the bills, etc. We split the house, utilities, food, etc. 50/50 and whatever is left we keep. And actually because she's so driven, after the wedding she immediately applied to grad school because she was tired of earning less than me. I appreciate that in her mind it became a question of "What can I do to compete?"
We share some hobbies, taste in music, movies/tv, etc. but have enough going on of our own that I really do feel like we have a good shot at succeeding. At the same time we're both aware that hey, maybe one day things will have run their course. That may be depressing for some, but I think the key is in appreciating the here and now versus stressing about how things may take a turn in the future. The reality for us is that she's got two years left of school, and after that we'll start trying for kids. We've already talked about limiting it to two, with one maybe even being adopted, and that if it doesn't happen by the time we're in our mid 30's (five years out for me) that we'd be seriously leaning on adoption rather than having our own. Whatever else happens happens, but I just cherish that we get along and don't fight (seriously maybe 3 times in 7 years?) and are still intimate. Kids will change everything for sure as we've watched that happen with other friends, but none were/are in a relationship with anywhere near the foundation I feel we've created.
My bigger concern at this point? One of my youngest brothers (a set of twins) is now engaged to be married next year. The girl was previously in a relationship with the other twin (they were dating years ago when we had our engagement party) so to say things are weird would be an understatement. He claims he's fine with it, but personally I question any girl who dates both twins and then marries one. The sad thing is, this isn't the first time they've had a girl in common too, so they definitely have some weirdness to be held accountable for. Along with that, he's jumped full on into whatever new-age weird religion she's a part of resulting in getting re-baptized in some backyard pool. Also, she's got no plan for herself other than having kids and being a housewife as she was never able to settle on a degree and ultimately just stopped college. And he's only halfway through reaching a four year degree which he has now stopped pursuing again for the second time, and is pulling down maybe 15/hr right now so have fun supporting a family on that. At the end of the day if he's happy I'm happy for him, but this seems to lack any of the logic or reasoning behind it that I feel like my wife and I applied to our decisions.
Izo
Tranny Chaser
- 19,758
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
- 20,741
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This isn't the marriage and the power of bragging thread bro.
Kidding aside sounds like you've got a good thing going and both of you respect each other but are also individuals with your own goals and both of you support that ideal. Your brother is an idiot.
Kidding aside sounds like you've got a good thing going and both of you respect each other but are also individuals with your own goals and both of you support that ideal. Your brother is an idiot.
McCheese
SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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This part made me lol. Maybe they're secretly sharing her and taking turns or something without her knowing.
Haha yeah I was waiting for the shoe to drop about how he caught her in his bed with her own dad or something insane.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Hah yeah my wife is a solid 15/10 and she fucks me dry 30 times a day and also I make $500k/year
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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The $500k/year was just from my bonuses and stock earnings. I didn't want to make you all jealous discussing my salary
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
- 27,880
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Who doesn't want to fuck twins? I figure that's all that's going on. You can't always jump into bed with both of them at the same time.
Antilles
Idiot Savaunt
- 113
- 16
Haha sorry dudes I suppose I just wanted to add some color to my situation before throwing my brother under the bus. I'll make sure to keep things focused on their shit moving forward!
Also my wife has a good childhood friend getting married at the end of the year that has potential for some good drama. She's the bread winner and owns the house they are in. He actively borrows money from her to pay for shit for his deadbeat parents and she's dumb enough to lend him that money without knowing that's where it is going. Or had been, at least, until she recently found out what was up. Her parents talked to my wife about trying to talk their daughter into getting a pre-nup (dumb, do it yourselves) but fortunately she did call up my wife a month ago or so and bring it up herself. The problem is she doesn't have the guts to bring it up to this guy herself and so she's trying to go sit down with a lawyer with him in the hopes that a "professional will suggest it." Yikes.
On top of that they had agreed to split the cost of their wedding (like 10k each) but she just found out he won't be able to pony up any of that. She could get out now and only be down 5k but she's not going to do that. And they've been together for 10 years so the fact she's just figuring out his financial situation or lack thereof... holy shit.
Also my wife has a good childhood friend getting married at the end of the year that has potential for some good drama. She's the bread winner and owns the house they are in. He actively borrows money from her to pay for shit for his deadbeat parents and she's dumb enough to lend him that money without knowing that's where it is going. Or had been, at least, until she recently found out what was up. Her parents talked to my wife about trying to talk their daughter into getting a pre-nup (dumb, do it yourselves) but fortunately she did call up my wife a month ago or so and bring it up herself. The problem is she doesn't have the guts to bring it up to this guy herself and so she's trying to go sit down with a lawyer with him in the hopes that a "professional will suggest it." Yikes.
On top of that they had agreed to split the cost of their wedding (like 10k each) but she just found out he won't be able to pony up any of that. She could get out now and only be down 5k but she's not going to do that. And they've been together for 10 years so the fact she's just figuring out his financial situation or lack thereof... holy shit.
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
- 11,041
- 794
Damn, that bro is living the dream. Much respect!
Anyway, Antilles I see you are in Arizona. You and your wife should go hang out with Ohnoes and his woman. Maybe have a relationship ruining swinger swap with them to liven the thread back up. Please report back after the next ren faire.
Nester
Vyemm Raider
- 4,985
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Split the cost of the wedding?
I just dont understand how people go into a marrige with a "My money and your money" additude. I make 4 times as much as my wife and its still "our money" if one of us wants to buy something big we always discuss it. Maybe i am just lucky becouse my wife grew up poor (living in a camper in a parking lot for 6 months with 2 brothers poor) and is very frugal even when we have money. I also in very lucky in the fact my parents tought me financial literacy and instilled a fear of debt. (i have tons of debt but i am still scared of it, its good debt, buisness loan and mortgage and a car thats about to paid next month)
If you are going to live your lives together why would your finances be seperate? We have one main bank account that all cheques go into and all debts come out of, we then each have a personal account that is funnded by an allowance from the main account, the allowances are equal. Most family stuff is purchased on the joint CC (i love points) and religiously paid off evey month from the main account.