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Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Noodleface
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No she works at jobs for long stretches of time, the only job she quit was an office full of women.
Her previous job was the usps which she left when she had the boy.
There were hints before, but we were both working the same hours so typically any disarray was minimized and it was all managed. It's now that she's home all day and the house somehow explodes when I'm not there that is the problem.
She's never been good at cleaning, but this is next level shit.
Just so you guys know I'm not insane. This was my office after I cleared a path and cleaned off my couch. The boxes are gifts I was wrapping.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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The advice about how to handle this situation coming from married men is absolutely absurd to me. It would be less childish and probably easier to get a divorce than do the shit Tarrant is suggesting. His story sounds more like a sibling rivalry than a marriage. This is why I have not been in a serious relationship for quite some time. If I feel like I have to treat a woman like a child just to get her to do something I'm gone. And that's ignoring the insanity that is me having to tell someone how to be an adult and try to coerce them into responsible behavior. How the fuck do people make it to adulthood still acting like that?
My house doesn't have a single thread of carpet the wrong way because of my wife. Every smooth surface is completely sterile.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Can you blame them? Noodle is faced with a terrible negotiating position. There is nothing he can do at this point besides hope she straightens out or risk losing everything meaningful in his life by standing his ground. He can't even be too harsh because she can simply elect to end it as well and almost all womenknowthey will come out on top after a divorce especially when they have a child involved; whether they will or not depends on the state but that wouldn't stop them from passing the point of no return with a 'sympathetic' lawyer who promises to bilk the other party dry for all their sins against you... for the right price.
At some point, Noodle can go all-in and tell her that she doesn't love/respect him if she doesn't keep the house clean enough to live in and it will destroy the marriage, etc. etc. but that's a gambit that she has complete control over. If she decides it's true because she saw a really hot guy who winked at her at Starbucks earlier today so she can trade up in her fantasy or her long delirious hours of watching a toddler on the couch with the TV in the background but nothing cool to watch make her feel like her life is in shambles so she pulls the plug, he's got nothing left to bargain with. This might be an oversimplification but the point remains.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Risk losing everything meaningful by standing his ground? Can't be too harsh because she holds all the power? Are you even listening to yourself? If she's the type of woman that thinks that way (and it sounds like she might be based on the stories of her parents) that ending is inevitable. Sitting idly by in silence won't do anything but prolong your misery. So you can either be poor and broken with no dignity or you can stand up for yourself and at least have your pride even if it comes to that. Divorces aren't such a foregone conclusion for men.
But that's not even what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being passive aggressive instead of just dealing with it head on. Stacking clothes on her side of the bed, throwing silverware away? That's just the long way around to the same fucking place as telling her straight up to act like a grown up and hold up her end of the bargain. It's going to come to a head either way and when it does that's when you'll know the strength of your relationship, so why delay the inevitable with foolish games?
But that's not even what I'm talking about. I'm talking about being passive aggressive instead of just dealing with it head on. Stacking clothes on her side of the bed, throwing silverware away? That's just the long way around to the same fucking place as telling her straight up to act like a grown up and hold up her end of the bargain. It's going to come to a head either way and when it does that's when you'll know the strength of your relationship, so why delay the inevitable with foolish games?
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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So he says I can't live like this, you need to clean this or we're done (or you don't get TV service, or you don't get a car, or you don't get whatever) and she bails... he's out likely alimony at least for a while and his kid at least half time and child support on top of that in the best of situations. No court is going to go 'yea, I mean that office IS messy, guess you get full custody!'. That's what I mean. She literally does hold the power on when to end it because she has nothing to lose, especially if she actually is a 'unable to cope' with having a single kid and is content to live in squalor with cable TV.
I don't disagree at all with you that it's inevitable by the nature of the person, nor do I disagree that he should be more straightforward in communicating with her his issues. However, this all goes back to the titular argument in this thread. I can't really blame people for attempting to 'trick' their spouse into doing the right thing even if it is childish at best or delusional at worst. It would likely be a lot easier had the kid not come into the picture - Noodle would not have to worry about the welfare of his child.
I don't know if Noodle is just 'pissed' or actually OCD enough to not be able to function in a house like that and we only have his perceptions on how his wife reacts. It seems silly enough that it should not be an insurmountable problem, but then again longer relationships have been destroyed over lesser things.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Yea but a normal human can cope with 'sanitary clutter' on a temporary basis IE after you move to a new place with boxes and furniture to take care of. Someone with OCD could very well lose their composure/sleep/job because of it. Noodle is clearly bothered, but there are plenty of things that can 'bother' someone but they are still able to function. This is what I'm trying to get at - if it's actually affecting his well-being then it IS a deal breaker and she can't be so ignorant or blind to not know that so there's yet another dimension to the problem.
Noodleface
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Fuck I wrote a long post and the Internet ate it. Fact of the matter is I don't want to hire someone to do what my wife should be doing. I'm not j49.
Noodleface
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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No need my friend. I'm 100% confident any backyard deals I make with my wife will be 100% followed through with and she will never ask for more money, even after I sell my jurassic park truck.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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Noodle I feel for you man, you're trying to be the nice husband and getting shit on in return. I've been there. From the way you're describing it it sounds to me like she is unhappy with her day-to-day and wants you to be unhappy too, so she's finding ways to annoy you. She won't clean, and won't let you clean, and won't let you hire a maid? She just doesn't want you content when she is not.