Noodleface
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To each his own man, I really like it. I just grab her ass from the side and slam myself into there rapidly.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Noodleface
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This took a peculiar detour...
Glad things are better, man. Keep up the furniture destroying activities.
Glad things are better, man. Keep up the furniture destroying activities.
Noodleface
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We get 6-month water bills and they're only $49.50 (the absolute minimum they can charge) - I can barely get a boner from that
Eomer
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That position with the ex was one of both of our favorites. Although typically I'd be kneeling on the bed, not standing beside it (bed is too low for that). Something about the angle worked great for her, although I'd have to be careful to not bottom out if I also brought one of her legs up to really get right in there.
Eomer
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Some days are better than others. I'll be feeling fine about shit and then some stupid reminder of her will come up and I'll get all mopey and shit. Overall I'm doing okay. In some ways it's kicked off a bit of an existential crisis for me, wondering what I want to do with my life in general and specific areas. Do I want to settle down and have kids? Do I want to move from my condo to a house? If I do, do I want to get a dog? Do I want to seriously look in to moving to the mountains and working remotely? Or even further than that, get out of the business entirely and do something else? Do I need to work on being a bit more humble (she's not the first GF who's said I can be an arrogant dick, and my friends wouldn't disagree with that, but they've known me so long they know it comes from a good place and it doesn't bother them. It's just part of who I am, but maybe I need to work hard to round off the sharper edges)? Should I quit drinking entirely, or just cut back? Should I quit smoking pot entirely?
Shit like that. I think it's probably pretty natural when you have a big change in your life to take a step back and think about things. Or it should be, anyway. Ultimately I don't know that I'll make any major changes, but who knows? It's not that my life sucks or anything like that, but for most of it I've just been kind of on autopilot taking things as they come, as opposed to moving in any particular direction. If I took more pride from my business or had more passion for it a lot of that would be moot, but the reality is that I don't much like what I do on a daily basis. But extricating myself from it is not an easy proposition, given that my bro is my partner, and I'd be seriously fucking up his life and plans if I were to walk out the door.
So yeah, I guess I'm doing okay. I've seen her a couple times since she moved out. Once to drop off a table that she'd stored at my office to her new place. And she came by about 10 days ago to pick up some mail that was collecting, as well as a few other items I came across while rearranging closet space etc. It's all been very amicable, we did a bit of small chat for a couple minutes, and as she was leaving she said that we should meet up for a beer and chat in a couple weeks. I was kind of confused about what she wanted to chat about, and she said at least she wanted to talk about the money/payment situation. So I guess we'll see how that goes in a few weeks. Part of me wants to think up all these elaborate ways to win her back. The other part of me knows that there's next to no chance of that happening, and that trying to do so is only going to make things worse in the end. So mostly I've just avoided contact with her so I don't say or do anything stupid. I considered getting her something for her birthday a couple weeks back, but managed to resist that temptation. I wasn't going to do anything romantic; there's a really nice wine and cheese store in the basement of my building, and you can buy a "cheese of the month" membership thing where you get a couple fancy cheeses per month. But I decided against that and just sent her a short text wishing her a happy birthday and left it at that. I was also kicking around the idea of sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, but again, that's probably not a great idea.
So yeah, mostly I've been masturbating a lot.
Shit like that. I think it's probably pretty natural when you have a big change in your life to take a step back and think about things. Or it should be, anyway. Ultimately I don't know that I'll make any major changes, but who knows? It's not that my life sucks or anything like that, but for most of it I've just been kind of on autopilot taking things as they come, as opposed to moving in any particular direction. If I took more pride from my business or had more passion for it a lot of that would be moot, but the reality is that I don't much like what I do on a daily basis. But extricating myself from it is not an easy proposition, given that my bro is my partner, and I'd be seriously fucking up his life and plans if I were to walk out the door.
So yeah, I guess I'm doing okay. I've seen her a couple times since she moved out. Once to drop off a table that she'd stored at my office to her new place. And she came by about 10 days ago to pick up some mail that was collecting, as well as a few other items I came across while rearranging closet space etc. It's all been very amicable, we did a bit of small chat for a couple minutes, and as she was leaving she said that we should meet up for a beer and chat in a couple weeks. I was kind of confused about what she wanted to chat about, and she said at least she wanted to talk about the money/payment situation. So I guess we'll see how that goes in a few weeks. Part of me wants to think up all these elaborate ways to win her back. The other part of me knows that there's next to no chance of that happening, and that trying to do so is only going to make things worse in the end. So mostly I've just avoided contact with her so I don't say or do anything stupid. I considered getting her something for her birthday a couple weeks back, but managed to resist that temptation. I wasn't going to do anything romantic; there's a really nice wine and cheese store in the basement of my building, and you can buy a "cheese of the month" membership thing where you get a couple fancy cheeses per month. But I decided against that and just sent her a short text wishing her a happy birthday and left it at that. I was also kicking around the idea of sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, but again, that's probably not a great idea.
So yeah, mostly I've been masturbating a lot.
Haast
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Yes, this is good. I spent several months pondering lessons from my train wreck marriage. I think that pondering helped me figure out what I was looking for and what to watch out for when I started dating again, as well as some ways I could handle things better in relationships.
Cutting off contact after closing out mutual obligations is very helpful. Whether you want to fix things or want to rage at her, none of it is useful after she's checked out. And really, do you want to get back with someone that shut down on you when you were thinking proposal? That's a bad omen.
Focus on what is next for you. Don't keep buying her gifts and flowers, either. That is confusing as hell and will toy with both of your emotions. You can go have beers with her, but expect to be disappointed. Maybe that will help firm up your resolve to move on without involving her.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Unless you are lighting up every day, why quit pot?
Don't chat with her about the money thing. Just give her a bill with the total owed, tell her she can send it in however much or little she wants, 0% interest. Walk away. Nothing good comes of this as far as potential conversations go. Hell, just text her the info.
Eomer
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As far as pot goes, I definitely have some dependency issues if I keep it around. When I don't, then it's not really an issue, just the occasional puff after hockey or while camping/hiking/skiing with buds. So no, I don't think it's a major issue for me at all or anything, just one of many things to think about. The fact is, I haven't gone more than a couple weeks without smoking pot since I was probably 15 or 16 (20 years, give or take). So maybe it would be a good idea to cut it out entirely for a period of time to see if I notice any difference. I had a few buds who were roommates at the time who in their mid 20's gave up any and all alcohol for six months, and they said it was kind of eye opening for them. None had any serious issue with alcohol or anything like that, they just decided to do it together and were all glad they did. They've all gone back to drinking to one degree or another so it's not like it was a life changing experience or anything like that.
We've already discussed the total bill of what she owes me and that there's no interest. She'd kept her own record which largely matched up with mine. Her total was actually a bit higher than mine, but I think she'd missed some payments or something along the line. So yeah, there's really not much to discuss, which is why I was kind of thrown off. I dunno, all I can think is that she just wants to discuss how she intends to pay it off. I'm not really sure that warrants meeting up to discuss it. We just left it open with no firm plan or date, so I'll just wait to hear from her I guess. There's a few more pieces of mail to give her as well, so maybe it's just a quick coffee or meeting and we move on from there. Come to think of it she still has a set of keys to my place, in case it was convenient for her to swing by during the day to pick up her mail as she works nearby. So I'll be getting those back as well.
I haven't bought her any gifts or flowers since we broke up, not sure if I was unclear on that. And yeah, I fully expect to walk away from the next meeting, if it happens, feeling about the same as I did the last couple times we met. As you said, she checked out awhile before we broke up, and generally there's no coming back from that.Haast_sl said:
iannis
Musty Nester
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She'll never be comfortable with your money, and that's just the hard truth of it.
Sometimes the reasons are emotionally easy. She's a whacko bitch, I treated her bad, titties are gross, dicks too small, etc. And sometimes it's like this. Something that isn't even a flaw or fault, just an intractable difference. And it's just that one thing... But one of those is all it takes.
She made a mistake which she will coke to regret in a few years, I expect. But you know you ain't her daddy and it is her mistake to make.
Sometimes the reasons are emotionally easy. She's a whacko bitch, I treated her bad, titties are gross, dicks too small, etc. And sometimes it's like this. Something that isn't even a flaw or fault, just an intractable difference. And it's just that one thing... But one of those is all it takes.
She made a mistake which she will coke to regret in a few years, I expect. But you know you ain't her daddy and it is her mistake to make.
Eomer
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No, she really wasn't interested in my money dude. I don't know how you take that away from it all. If she was, she'd have gotten her hands on a shitload more of it and/or walked out the door with no intention of ever making good on it.
I have a good friend who went through an ugly breakup a couple years ago, and THAT bitch was definitely after his money. He made the mistake of co-signing on a condo purchase/mortgage with her (they weren't married or engaged, and in Alberta even if considered common law that confers no property rights whatsoever, just support if one person was supporting the other as part of the relationship), and when they broke up she tried to take all the equity from the condo despite having paid only a fraction of the downpayment, tried to get a piece of another condo he owned elsewhere, went after his car, etc etc. I think he said in the end it cost him close to 60k to get rid of that cunt. 40k to buy her out of the condo (she'd only put down like 5-10k I think), and another 20k in legal bills.
My ex on the other hand is likely going to try to pay me back a debt that's damn near half her yearly earnings in a year or two, even if it kills her. Like I said, she does definitely care about money, but in a fucked up, resentful/hateful kind of way. It's really weird. But it's not greed or gold digging.
No, she never would be. But I don't think that alone was necessarily a deal breaker. After much reflection over the last month I think that her opinion of me as a person had significantly deteriorated as well. The financial aspect didn't help things, for sure, but I think primarily she'd come to realize that for various reasons I wasn't suitable as a husband or father of her children. Whether consciously or unconsciously. Sucks to admit that to yourself when you really respect that person yourself, but here we are.Iannis_sl said:
Eomer
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heh, played a late beer league game tonight. And it was kind of reassuring chatting with one of the guys on my team who is a kinesiologist and personal trainer. He works with a fair number of NHL players in the off season, and is pretty good buds with a few. Apparently one of them just got dumped by his girlfriend, and was in such rough shape over the past couple weeks that his agent flew him back to Edmonton for the all-star break to hang out with his bud and get his shit together.
There's some solace in the knowledge that even a professional athlete making 7 million dollars a year can be brought to his knees by the end of a relationship.
On the downside, I completely destroyed a rim while driving home last night, and barely nursed my car back to the office to grab a spare vehicle. Hopefully the rim can be fixed. That tire is definitely fucked from driving on it flat, as my winters aren't run flats and I don't have a spare. And because all the tires are fairly worn and the car is AWD, I'll likely have to get 4 new ones, and potentially replace the rim if it can't be machined. Additionally, on my ski trip last weekend, a rock fell off a cliff while we were driving on the highway and smashed through the window about six inches from my ear.
I think someone is trying to kill me. Fuck me, when it rains it pours.
There's some solace in the knowledge that even a professional athlete making 7 million dollars a year can be brought to his knees by the end of a relationship.
On the downside, I completely destroyed a rim while driving home last night, and barely nursed my car back to the office to grab a spare vehicle. Hopefully the rim can be fixed. That tire is definitely fucked from driving on it flat, as my winters aren't run flats and I don't have a spare. And because all the tires are fairly worn and the car is AWD, I'll likely have to get 4 new ones, and potentially replace the rim if it can't be machined. Additionally, on my ski trip last weekend, a rock fell off a cliff while we were driving on the highway and smashed through the window about six inches from my ear.
I think someone is trying to kill me. Fuck me, when it rains it pours.
Cad
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You missed the "negative interest" part of his "interested in your money" comment.
Noodleface
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Eomer
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Ah, you're right. My bad.
Just under 20k. 7k to help her replace a stolen car when we'd been dating for about a year. She'd initially rejected my offer of help when it became apparent that her insurance settlement and ability to make payments was only going to get her an absolute shit box, but then fell in love with a particular car that she paid way too much for, and came to me for help. Another 6k to pay down her CC when she was doing a two month practicum for her Masters that required her to take time off from work. And then a smattering of other small loans or payments here and there for school tuition, books, residence rent, etc etc. The shitty part is that since last summer she's actually making pretty decent money and going forward wouldn't have needed any further assistance and could have actually started to chip away at what she owed me, paid for some groceries, etc etc and not felt like a free loader as much.