Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Pants on head retarded you say? Like when Prodigy singer posted his two kids? And the nude woman he was banging? And the jurassic park truck, and his wife (I think)?

Cad_sl said:

But come on, asking anyone to post pics of a loved one on this forum is pants on head retarded. Not going to happen.

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Sometimes ya gotta be a little retarded to get a high five.

Tenks_sl said:

I think the bus ride was like 12 hours long too. Maybe even more.

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I can assure you that if it was truly "Canada" to "Southern California", it had to have been 20+ hours on the road, not counting stops along the way. And that's assuming he was starting out right at the 49th parallel somewhere in BC. From there even to San Fran it's 15+ hours of straight driving.

Tenks_sl said:

From his description I feel like he'd prefer if he was catfished

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It's a good thing I had finished my coffee before reading this. I would have been out a monitor.

It was agreement cad. I posted my picture one time in this thread with my wife and it was a mistake

fifey_sl said:

That was my big thing is I lost my freedom to do as I pleased, my life went from having adventures and plenty of things to do to coming home straight from work and having dinner and watching TV. It drove me insane and I kept letting her know I needed more space but I don't think she knew how to do that.

I felt rather upset about it the first week but now I realize I did the right thing. I was trying to compromise too much to make the relationship work that it just made me miserable.

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Yeah, I feel like I'm approaching that same sort of conundrum with my wife. I'm beginning to realize more and more that I just don't think I have the capacity to give up the "space" I require in life. It's becoming a realization that I just may not be cut out for a LTR, honestly.

Now, a part of the problem is that my wife doesn't really have many hobbies and often expects me to be the roller coaster ride operator for any sort of "fun" activity we engage in. I was slowly able to get her to understand that I need alotof space, but no matter what, I just can't shake a constant nagging feeling that I'd just be better off alone. To be fair, this is something I've experienced in pretty much every long-term relationship I've had, so I'm getting to the point where I'm pretty sure it's a me problem.

Now, it really sucks because in many ways I feel like I'd be losing one of my best friends, honestly. Personality wise, we're very similar. We hate PC bullshit, similar views on politics, humor, religion, etc. The problem is, my other best friends also give me plenty of fucking space.

Phazael_sl said:

The cutting point seems to be kids. Now, my wife and I are unusual in that we are best friends and do all the same hobbies. We are constantly looking for people to board game with and so on, but the married ones drift off and then vanish entirely the moment it is time to crank out a fuck trophy.

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It seems to have been about half and half with my circle. Half cut when kids entered the picture and the other half cut as soon as "settling" down happened.

It's funny, I've actually become more social since having my kid. I've rekindled a couple of old friendships that had slowly drifted apart over the years and have done something that I probably hadn't really done since college, make some new friends.

Of course the key ingredient is the fact that we all have young kids now so it's like we entered the the next level of the adulting-club or something. I guess I don't see my still-single friends as often so they probably think I've just vanished due to the kid, but ya my social calendar is now so full that even my wife (who is the social butterfly between us, I am the introvert) is like "ugg, can we stay home and do nothing this week?"

Kirun_sl said:

Yeah, I feel like I'm approaching that same sort of conundrum with my wife. I'm beginning to realize more and more that I just don't think I have the capacity to give up the "space" I require in life. It's becoming a realization that I just may not be cut out for a LTR, honestly.

Now, a part of the problem is that my wife doesn't really have many hobbies and often expects me to be the roller coaster ride operator for any sort of "fun" activity we engage in. I was slowly able to get her to understand that I need alotof space, but no matter what, I just can't shake a constant nagging feeling that I'd just be better off alone. To be fair, this is something I've experienced in pretty much every long-term relationship I've had, so I'm getting to the point where I'm pretty sure it's a me problem.

Now, it really sucks because in many ways I feel like I'd be losing one of my best friends, honestly. Personality wise, we're very similar. We hate PC bullshit, similar views on politics, humor, religion, etc. The problem is, my other best friends also give me plenty of fucking space.

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I'm kind of the same way. Though it isn't that I NEED my space but rather I'm just very independent so inevitably because I'm perfectly fine and perfectly happy to do things separately they end up taking that as me not caring about them at all and that I don't want to spend time with them. I also get bored pretty easily so I've come to a similar realization... I just don't think I'm cut out for long term, monogamous relationships.

It could be that I just haven't met anyone worth marrying and that day may eventually come. But I doubt it.

Best take on weddings/marriage ever was the shadow council on Metalocalypse:

Metalocalypse_sl said:

Deth Wedding (Season 2 Episode 7)

Expert: Gentlemen, the American wedding is a dark and fearful sham. The event itself is designed to incite anger and drain loved ones of patience, support and money. Most marriages fail miserably within two years; others end in murder-suicides, and a small percentage of them end with what we like to call "liveable hatred."

General Crozier: Dethklok should be kept as far away from the institution of marriage as possible. Marriage has suffered enough.

Mr. Salacia: We mustn't intervene, General. We will allow Dethklok to experience...the blackness!

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Can't count the number of times I've read posts and thought "liveable hatred" or "experience the blackness".

And on that note, I'm considering getting engaged.

That was pretty fast. Didn't you get divorced last year?

About a year and a half ago it was official. We were fully separated 2+ years ago, and I've dated my girlfriend for a little over a year. Emphasis on considering, not proposing tomorrow.

Yeah if it was up to my wife we would have just gotten married in a court house with our immediate family. Unfortuantely I felt that was a touch selfish since she is her mother's only daughter and my mom absolutely loves weddings as well and she only has two children. So I sucked it up and went with the big (ish, it was still only like 120 people) wedding. It sucks planning it and everything but I don't regret the decision.

Since my friend just got married in Hawaii I can assure you it costs way more than 8k lol

Khane_sl said:

I'm perfectly fine and perfectly happy to do things separately they end up taking that as me not caring about them at all and that I don't want to spend time with them.

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This is pretty much myexactoutlook and why I think things have started to deteriorate. It isn't that I'm bored or don't care, but I'm perfectly satisfied "doing my own thing". That gets interpreted as "uncaring, selfish, etc." and no matter how many times I explain where I'm coming from, it just never resonates. She has gotten better, but her lack of hobbies and co-dependent nature has made it unsustainable for me, I think. I don't want life to ever become a "liveable hatred". I've seen others go through it and I see a friend of mine who had a kid 10 months ago quickly reaching that angry, bitter person point in life.

I'm just an extremely pragmatic person and after seeing the effort of sustaining a marriage/LTR, I'm at the point where if mine ever eventually implodes, I'd never do it again. The amount of effort involved (mostly mental) for ashotat things working out? I just don't have the patience for it anymore. And sure, we can sit here for days musing about how I just haven't met the "right one" yet, but I'm just not at an age where I'm willing to hop LTR to LTR, hoping for something to eventually "click" with a girl.

Ever since my best friend put a bullet in his brain, I've done atonof soul-searching (daily) and one major thing to come out of that is the realization that while there are some great aspects to relationships (getting your dick wet constantly, "outings", "companionship", cooking/cleaning, certain social engagements, etc.), the "tradeoffs", sacrifices, capitulations, etc. that you end up performing just don't make it some great, amazing alternative to your typical, single life. I've never once, through any LTR or marriage (now married 3 years), looked at my life/current situation and said, "You know! I'm so much happier now that I'm not single!". Now, I've definitely hadmomentswhere I've felt that, but never on a whole, oroverall. In contrast, I've definitely had just as many of those same "happy" moments, where I've instead said, "You know, not being single fucking sucks".

Now, maybe this is just some big, existential crisis I'm going through since turning 30 (now 31), but looking back at my last LTR prior to marriage, pretty much the exact same scenario started playing itself out in my head.

Destination weddings are for assholes. You save 10k (which you won't) but forcing your friends and family to drop $3-5k on a trip.