Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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Noodleface said:
Speaking of jerking me off, lurking come on over
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Man, I've been waiting for that invitation for years.

ldOkBB4.gif
 
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Soygen

Soygen

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If you two want to blow each other, the Politics Thread is thataway ---->
 
Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

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Hoss said:
Just wanna say that shit right there is dangerous. Sometimes you will interpret good vibes, sometimes you will interpret bad vibes and you'll be either happy or pissed at him for things he didn't do. If you can't be happy with the silent type, you need to either get out or find some way to fix it. It sounds like you're the type of person who needs constant verbal affirmations and he's not. Perhaps if you figure out how he shows love and tell him what you need, you can both make an effort and be happier.
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My dear Hoss, please refrain from pigeonholing me based on my therapy sessions here. ;)
I am very communicative, (Duh!) no doubt, but with him I actually like that he and I can just hang out and not have to say anything to one another and just enjoy whatever activity in which we are engaged. People watching is a favorite activity or listening to music or just BEING. (G and I could do that too).
He is not silent about his other interests and I think he is just really busy with his own internal dialogue or his own internal silences to reciprocate what he may view as uninteresting from me.
Also, though, my conclusion was that it is more difficult for him to verbally express how he feels about me or where he wants this to go. I don't need to talk about that all the time either but we have been seeing one another for about 6 months . Therefore, I appreciate being given the most simple bit of info. I don't need anything grandiose...
The truth is after working through this here...can you not tell that is what I do.. you guys are great at helping me gain perspective ... I am more than happy to adjust most of my style with him...because he is flipping awesome in so many ways...and I am not expecting him to change his nature and have told him as much. Why would I? Crap, if I wanted someone different I would cut New loose and look for New Two.
The rest of the story...he knows that I care about him and want to continue as an us. He was able to tell me he takes things day by day but also that he will never do anything to hurt me.
I am very satisfied with both of those answers and will not ask again. I will continue to pay attention though.
I am definitely accustomed to taking things day by day (G's dying process hit that home for me) but I will ever be a hopeful-future looking person.
 
Phazael

Phazael

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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You can have low self esteem and still have an over inflated sense of self worth. See Bill Burr hardest job on the planet bit, as an anecdote on that. But yeah skepticism is always advised when getting relationship advice from anyone.
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Phazael said:
You can have low self esteem and still have an over inflated sense of self worth. See Bill Burr hardest job on the planet bit, as an anecdote on that. But yeah skepticism is always advised when getting relationship advice from anyone.
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I don't think you know what the word "esteem" means Phaz.
 
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Picasso3

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Hookers probably have low self esteem and they still ask for doctor rates.

Checkmate gingers
 
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Hoss

Hoss

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Mrs. Gravy said:
I actually like that he and I can just hang out and not have to say anything to one another and just enjoy whatever activity in which we are engaged.
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That's doesn't counter what I said about you needing verbal affirmations. If it was, you wouldn't be sitting there in a vacuum trying to interpret what he's not saying.

Everyone expresses love differently. Be it verbally, with acts, gifts, time, or physical touching. They're all valid forms of showing how you feel but a lot of people tend to not recognize some of them. From what you've been saying, it sounds like the primary way you express and understand affection is verbally. He sounds like he's primarily doing it through spending time with people. It's not a huge thing to over-come. Once you figure out the differences you can recognize it from the other person and you can both make an effort to express affection the way they want it.
 
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Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Yep, and it's a typical deflection for people who are insecure about some or many things. A sign of low self-esteem.

And that also doesn't change the meaning of self-esteem.
 
Khane

Khane

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Picasso is into the finer things in life. Espresso machines, fancy pianos, high end prostitutes.

I subscribe more to the J49 flavor of life.
 
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Picasso3

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Noodleface said:
Picasso have you fucked the marriage counselor yet
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No, i think my wife is going to go solo as we all kinda zeroed in on her anxiety.

I suggested xanex so she can zonk herself when she starts getting wound up too much as it's only once every few months but apparently psychologists don't like pills (prob because they can't write prescriptions).

I have enjoyed the freedom of the safe space while it lasted.
 
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