Parent Thread

chaos - that's really rough, man. It's hard on you, it's hard on your wife, and it fucks with the relationship when one person makes the decision to stay home even though it isn't necessarily what they want. I wish I had a perfect solution, but obviously I don't. You guys should read this, it's a pretty good article.

<i>All</i> Matters, So Stop ApologizingAndrea Midgett

Are there universities near you? You should check into their child care programs. Some have partially subsidised programs that serve as educational situations for the university students while providing day care for the kids. They're always very regulated and safe. Other than that, yeah, find a live in, and squeeze the space as hard as you can...

Eyashusa_sl said:

You have been the queen of "look at me and how awesome my life is!!" the past few months, can't believe you are coming down on Cad so hard.

And I say that with peace and love before you destroy my delicate sensibilities on the internet.

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My life is pretty wicked awesome. Has zero to do with judging other folks' parenting decisions. I wasn't coming down on him for saying his life was awesome (if it is great for him) - was coming down on him for the implied tone of "corporatized care" and "that's fine for you."

Personally I don't see how dropping in once every 3-4 weeks to say hey my kid is sick or I have the stomach flu for the second time in 4 months or selling the house is super frustrating or my cycle is all kinds of fucked up but maybe all the rest of the stuff that was great going on overshadowed that. /side eye @ you. I most certainly have been an advocate for folks not judging other people based on parenting decisions (breastfeeding, cry it out, food choices, daycare choices).

So forgive me if I'm a little lost in all of etoille hate.

Edit - to try and see what you were on about I went through all of my posts from like the last 2-3 months. I can honestly say I have no earthly idea wth you're talking about. BTW I may have missed it somewhere - how goes it with the helmet? Its amazing to see the progression the kids make - my friend's kiddo is still in PT (he also had torticollis) but doing great.

Cad_sl said:

There was no kind of insult to what I said. There's advantages to day care, as you pointed out. There's also advantages to home care.

I was just pointing out the paid vacation thing while they aren't working actually is common. If you have a day care where it's just one or two ladies with 5-10 kids, they are going to take vacation too. If you go with a bigger place where it is more corporatized, they will have overlap, but that has cost and consequences too.

Sheesh.

Chaos: one big advantage to home care is they don't really charge per-kid. 1 kid costs about the same as 3. Which is nice if you have multiples.

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Wasn't how it came off but will take you at face value.

I 100% agree with what you said - including the multiples thing. My sister just had twins - I'm so scared we'll get pregnant with twins and our budget will just go kersplat.

My employer wants to do onsite daycare - he thinks oh just hire a babysitter I'm like dude....no. I sat him down today and explained logistics to him of what all of this means. Licensing. Regulations. Curriculum. Liability issues. Issue was dead in 10 mins once I took the time to explain it to him.

OneofOne_sl said:

Ok anyone with experience with their kids in daycare, curious on your thoughts. Situation is this. Kid is in daycare, but parents are going to pull kid out of daycare for 3 months since they are going out of town. Provider will want a fee to hold the child's spot in the 3 months they are out of town. What's fair in this situation?

Also (and I've never heard of this before) the provider continues charging during her yearly 2 week vacation, in which she's obviously not taking care of the kids. Is this... normal?

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I know I'm late on this topic, but here goes.

What does the contract say? Most likely a contract was signed, and it states what the hold fees are, and what vacations are expected. We had our kid enrolled in a small (12 kid) home daycare, and we got the contract. It said she takes week long vacations in the spring, summer, and Christmas time. I thought that was completely insane. The question wasn't is it insane though, the question you asked is "is this... normal?" Turns out, the answer is yes. Home daycares take vacations, and you pay through them. They also expect hold fees. I think a full fee is too much, and many of the daycares around here (West LA) charge half or something, if you give them enough notice.

The home daycare we enrolled in 2 months before our son was born. We got a call 3 weeks AFTER he was born telling us "the spot we told you we had for you? Well, they aren't leaving afterall. Sorry." Ended up in a infant through preschool church program. They take a few days scattered through the year for staff training, and also take the week between Christmas & New Years off. It ends up being a similar number of days, but works better for us since we can just alternate taking one day off work here and there. The home daycare, you end up scheduling your vacations around the time they take vacation, rather than when you actually want to go.

My 6 year old has been begging for a phone lately.

Not a chance kid.

She has decided she needs one by the time she is 8 though.

Once they start doing a bunch of activities and are being driven home by other people, I think it is totally reasonable.

Mine just wants it for games.

I don't think I want my kid having a cell phone until they can drive.

For games could you just sub an iTouch? I think you can make texts with that though, or iMessages at least. What about an old iPhone (if you have one) with no sim card?

She has an xbox and a nabi so she has plenty of stuff for games. It is the idea of a phone plus the games.

I don't know the "perfect" age for kids to get phones. Because of the family plan I'm on it only costs us a tiny bit more to add a third phone, so we got one, and my kids share it. If one of them is going to a friends house after school, they take the phone. If any of them is separated from the pack, they take the phone. That's tricky to navigate with as many kids as I have, but we'll milk it for as long as it is worth.

And they can't play games on it. They need to use it like a tool, not a toy. The one exception to that is that they may put music on it. We also monitor how the internet is used on it very closely. That, in and of itself, is a whole shitstorm.

Of course, the 13 year old twins secretly believe the phone to be only theirs...

Everyone at work makes fun of me, but when my oldest starts kindergarten I am getting her a phone. You can lock down the features to where she can only call certain numbers and (i think) to where only certain numbers can call her. All of the safety pros far outweigh the cons imo. I mean, just the GPS functionality alone is worth it. I know the statistics on child abductions and everything and I know it isn't worth getting overblown worries, but that is a simple thing you can do.

The only thing I am not sure of is what kind of phone to get her. Like, do I want her to have the ability to play games? Texting? An actual smartphone? I don't know.

lindz_sl said:

Once they start doing a bunch of activities and are being driven home by other people, I think it is totally reasonable.

Mine just wants it for games.

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I think the bigger problem is the other parents out there that just give their kids whatever to shut them up. They are the shitty parents of the world, and they're fucking EVERYWHERE. It's pathetic. Sure, it's fun to sit down and watch a show with your kid, but at the same time, you kid shouldn't have TV/Entertainment access every second they are awake. They need to also enjoy the other things in life.

Blazin_sl said:

Don't know how many have adolescent /teenagers yet but I decided to buy my 13yr old daughter a cell phone yesterday, havent given to her yet. She is doing very well in school (deans list) and I'm very proud of her but I'm torn on a kid having a phone at that age. I think times are changing so I can't use my childhood as an example on things, but it does concern me if I'm exposing her to things she shouldn't be, I'm a rather protective parent. Is there a way to set an iphone to only receive calls and texts that are on contact list? Do guys think kids having phones is a problem?

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Man, 13 years old is plenty old enough for a phone and that is around the age they start doing things with friends, like going to movies, the mall, etc and aren't supervised 24/7, I'd definitely want my 13 yo to have a phone. Plus taking away their cell phone is about the best punishment you can hand down for a teenage girl.

Playing devil's advocate here...

Or you could all just trust your kid with a smart phone, and quit worrying about what they are doing with the phone! lol Worry enough that you want them to have a phone, so you can GPS them, and get in contact with them, but don't trust them enough to actually have a smart phone? Where's the disconnect here?

Well right, any kid has the ability to get into trouble, but if we automatically assume they are going to do something stupid, then are they ready for a smart phone?

I suppose my thought is, that at the age I can trust that they can be reasonably trusted to not do something stupid with a smartphone is the year they can get one.

But of course, my comment after reading it again, is extremely subjective, and the answer would be different for every child, but maybe that's the point.