Parent Thread

UK, USA ANZ - Jesper Juul

Your competent child.

Tuco_sl said:

Wife is due in a couple weeks. Anyone have any good book suggestions on parenting? Especially focused on the first year or two? It's a boy if the books are commonly gender typed.

Click to expand...

The best one I found that is geared towards fathers wasThe New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year. Slightly new-agey at times but doesn't go full-blown hippy on you.

For generic books my wife likedBaby 411.She also has said thatThe Happiest Baby on the Blockis highly recommended on all the parenting forums she frequents but she hasn't read it yet.

Bond and spend as much time with your kid as you can. Even in the early years which some men seem to think is more geared to woman. It will be your loss if you don't. Simple things like changing diapers or feeding the baby aren't exactly fun and stimulating but it builds emotional bonds for you and the child. Kids are aware of a great deal even at an early age. Don't miss out on the bonding as the work you put in at the start pays off quickly.

Set a schedule and try to keep to it as best as possible right of the bat.

The early months are easy the work load goes up quite a bit as they get older unless you let day care raise your kid.

Tuco_sl said:

Thanks. Is there a consolidated list of chemicals, food, whatever that people say will make my kid retarded and what the research really shows?

ex: phthalates

Click to expand...

There is so much competing info on all kinds of stuff to avoid its virtually impossible to go through it all and figure out what is bull shit and what is not.

Prior to getting pregnant our IVF doc pushed all his patients to avoid artificial sweetners and we got COUNSYL genetic testing to check for defects. Well worth the costs because my wife showed up with MTFR and was a carrier for Alpha 1 antitripsen. The alleles she had were not the bad ones (she had dominate traits) but it was important to check because I had the same deficiency and had one of us had different alleles it could of been a different story. Fortunately for us, genetically we were solid but its good to know that if I don't smoke or the like I'm 100% fine but if I do smoke for any length of time I'll end up with COPD. Same with the wife, we lost our first child due to the MTHFR and clots, which baby asprin completely alleviated. Best $300 I've ever spent.

We tried to limit exposure to artificial stuff, limited the plastic cups to BPA free and keep artificial sweeteners away, heck even things like real fruit juice to a minimum so that it wasn't a crutch to get her to drink. We have some friends where the only thing their kids will drink is juice and they can't get them to drink milk or anything else right now. We decided to limit the juice, water it down when she does get it and push things like milk and water for most of her hydration as she got older.

When she was younger we used formula as my wife's milk didn't really come in all that well past 2 months. The La leche league will push really hard for breast feeding and say "a drop will do you" or "what they get will be enough". Breast feeding is great and whatever milk they get from Mom is awesome but their propaganda to push it is at times bull shit. Many breast feeding parents are up giving their kid the tit every 2 hours because they are only putting out an ounce or two but don't know it because they aren't pumping and can't measure. If you pump you tend to put out less so its a double edge sword and while some woman can put out milk like a moo cow others can have issues. Don't be afraid to supplement with formula.

When he gets a little older the formula might not hold him as much. You can start adding a bit of rice cereal to thicken it up some and get him started on the transition to solids. it starts with a tiny bit and ramps up as they get older and ready for solids.

If you cook from scratch with raw meat (we went with the no added hormones so she didn't hit puberty at 8) and skip out on as much processed stuff as possible you should be fine food wise. We generally avoid processed food ourselves so it wasn't a big deal when we added a child to the mix.

We avoid seafood and peanut butter until she is 2. She can have fish and has a few bites at times but its not something we push due to mercury. Other seafood like shrimp and shell fish are off limits until 2 due to allergy concerns.

Tuco_sl said:

Thanks. Is there a consolidated list of chemicals, food, whatever that people say will make my kid retarded and what the research really shows?

ex: phthalates

Click to expand...

Many are highly relevant prenatal too - mercury in predator fish, tuna f.inst.

Forbes has a short article, good read.
11 Toxic Chemicals Affecting Brain Development In Children - Forbes

The Lancet, the number one medical journal, runs through them here:
Neurobehavioural effects of developmental toxicity

Double post. meh.

Tuco_sl said:

Wife is due in a couple weeks. Anyone have any good book suggestions on parenting? Especially focused on the first year or two? It's a boy if the books are commonly gender typed.

Click to expand...

This site was amusing in its approach24 HOUR CRIBSIDE ASSISTANCE - A MANUAL FOR NEW DADS

Get to know your pediatrician, ask questions, you need to learn when to get your baby medical help (dosings, temperatures etc). Don't rely on your wife to remember everything.

BrutulTM_sl said:

You are a terrible person if you have never let your child taste chocolate. She is lucky she has some decent grandparents at least.

Click to expand...

Hah, sounds just about right.

We had to do the middle of the night feedings until somewhere around the 3-4 month mark. You may be nearing the finish line

lendarios_sl said:

This is what i learn how to make your baby fall asleep.
Step 1, put her in the most uncomfortable position u can find, on top of a pile of cloth on the bed, basically nothing fully horizontal. Step 2 make sure the baby is touching you or feeling your body heat. Baby falls asleep in 5 minutes flat.
And this is what i learn how to awake your baby.
Put her on a very comfortable crib all by herself. Baby wakes up in 5 minutes.

Click to expand...

You can sometimes get away with tricking them on the body heat thing by warming up a blanket in the dryer and trying to set them on that. But yeah, during the day my little girl will pretty much fall asleep instantly in my arms if I am standing but the second I either try to set her down or sit down myself it is instant awake and meltdown mode.

At night she sleeps next to me in arock-n-play.It is about 50/50 on whether she'll sleep through the night or wake up once around 4:00am for a feeding. Been that way pretty much since we got her home. The 4:00am feeding doesn't bother me a whole lot because usually she goes right back to sleep afterwards and frankly with 2 dogs and 2 cats roaming the house I was already trained to be woken up multiple times a night.

We have started trying to put her in her crib for naps with middling success, and plan on trying to get her to sleep in her crib full time once she hits 4 months in a couple of weeks.

Man, I can't believe how easy we had it with kids sleeping when I hear other people talking about their own kids. I get looks of death from everyone when I talk about how we had to wake our kids up for night feedings. And they transitioned into grown up beds before 2 and never got out of them. And they always went to bed at 7 and sleep until 7.

I'll take fights about food over sleep issues any time!

My wife breast feed for the entire first year and he stayed in our room during that time. He would wake up for cuddles and milk about 2 times a night. I cant blame the kid though, who wouldn't want to have their fill of warm milk and then fall asleep with a boob their mouth. However, we went to visit family and he stayed in another room and he was sleeping through the night with no trouble. When we returned home the first night he woke up a bunch and i just couldn't take it anymore. The next day while my wife was at work I moved his crib and all his stuff into his own room and he slept for 12 hours straight that first night. The 2nd one will be getting kicked out much sooner.