Woefully Inept
Karazhan Raider
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
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Tarrant was at a party a many years ago at a friends house, and he had too much to drink. He got into an argument with someone, and, out of frustration, intentionally clothes lined the next person to run near the stairs. Unfortunately it was a 10 year old boy. The clothes line had such force that the child did a complete back flip in the air on the way down the stairs before landing face first on a tile floor. This did irreparable damage to the boys face, and he will forever have to live with a mask. He was hoping to have a career as a performer, a singer, and had shown unbelievable potential, but has become more and more reclusive over the years, and now rarely comes out of hiding. You judge the monstrous damage for yourself:
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Man, my middle daughter has just randomly lost her shit. Her behavior had improved so much, like magic over the past few months. We went from a point where the people at her preschool were telling us they didn't think she was ready for kindergarten to where she definitely was, she was listening well and her teachers were sending home great reports every day. Coinciding with when my dad left after he came up to visit, her behavior just went batshit crazy. Every single day she has some kind of incident at school. Today it was so bad I had to go pick her up because they just didn't know what to do. She was tipping over chairs, stripping, running away from them... I have no idea what to do. She was doing so good and now, less than a month before she was supposed to start kindergarten, it's worse than ever.
This behavior is only at school. At home she has moments just like any kid, but nothing like that shit at all. She listens and is nice and wants to help us and participate in everything. Pretty stressed over this.
This behavior is only at school. At home she has moments just like any kid, but nothing like that shit at all. She listens and is nice and wants to help us and participate in everything. Pretty stressed over this.
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I haven't posted because, to be honest, there was no point until the diagnosis was in. It's in. My 2 year old is showing several traits on the autism spectrum. I'm honestly not sure whether to post this here or on the depression thread, because it's becoming very difficult for me to deal (in terms of trying to help her, trying to talk it out with my wife, and trying to deal with the possible negative effects of this diagnosis on my kid's future).
She doesn't initiate social contact, except for very rare cases, and those are mostly when she wants something that she knows she can't do herself. She does maintain eye contact, so that's a good thing, but she doesn't respond to (most) simple phrases, she gets hung up on playing with certain toys (or doing certain actions, over and over), she sometimes gets very upset when her patterns are broken, she throws tantrums that are a sight to behold sometimes, and she rarely uses words to communicate. She uses gestures even less frequently than words. Up until a month ago or so (she turned 2 in April), she had never pointed at an object to identify it. I'm still not entirely sure that she has done so. Sometimes, we see what we want to see.
And that, actually, is the worst part of this. I can't always tell if I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing out of her. Sometimes I'm fairly sure it's just me hearing what I want to hear, because if she exhibits certain behaviours, she'll be considered "better" and won't be labelled as readily. I fear for her future. I don't want her to be labelled a certain way going in to school, because there is an entire set of negative consequences for that in both the school system and society at large. I'm fairly sure that with the right programs and help, she'll be fine. She's pretty highly functional, even now, and the doctor who diagnosed her said as much, but there are still a few major blocks to deal with, specifically in terms of language and social behaviour.
So, here's the question: Has anyone else dealt with this, and if so, do you have any suggestions? We have already enrolled her in as many local government funded programs as we can get her into, and we are looking into one private option as well. She's still very young, and my wife and I really want to do everything that we can to help her out. Our hope is that we caught her behavioural issues soon enough that we can hopefully change some of her behaviour, and maybe right the ship a bit before she gets to preschool/JK age. She is in a full day day care right now as both my wife and I work. Ever since she started at this day care, her behaviour has improved, but it isn't a day care that is properly equipped to deal with these particular issues. One thing that we haven't really looked at yet is online resources and DVDs, etc. It's almost impossible to know what's real and what's just a sham or a half-assed attempt from someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.
Hoping someone has some insight here. It's taken me a lot of time just to process what's going on here (she was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago). The wife would kill me if she knew I was posting here, but I have a feeling that someone may know exactly what we're going through.
She doesn't initiate social contact, except for very rare cases, and those are mostly when she wants something that she knows she can't do herself. She does maintain eye contact, so that's a good thing, but she doesn't respond to (most) simple phrases, she gets hung up on playing with certain toys (or doing certain actions, over and over), she sometimes gets very upset when her patterns are broken, she throws tantrums that are a sight to behold sometimes, and she rarely uses words to communicate. She uses gestures even less frequently than words. Up until a month ago or so (she turned 2 in April), she had never pointed at an object to identify it. I'm still not entirely sure that she has done so. Sometimes, we see what we want to see.
And that, actually, is the worst part of this. I can't always tell if I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing out of her. Sometimes I'm fairly sure it's just me hearing what I want to hear, because if she exhibits certain behaviours, she'll be considered "better" and won't be labelled as readily. I fear for her future. I don't want her to be labelled a certain way going in to school, because there is an entire set of negative consequences for that in both the school system and society at large. I'm fairly sure that with the right programs and help, she'll be fine. She's pretty highly functional, even now, and the doctor who diagnosed her said as much, but there are still a few major blocks to deal with, specifically in terms of language and social behaviour.
So, here's the question: Has anyone else dealt with this, and if so, do you have any suggestions? We have already enrolled her in as many local government funded programs as we can get her into, and we are looking into one private option as well. She's still very young, and my wife and I really want to do everything that we can to help her out. Our hope is that we caught her behavioural issues soon enough that we can hopefully change some of her behaviour, and maybe right the ship a bit before she gets to preschool/JK age. She is in a full day day care right now as both my wife and I work. Ever since she started at this day care, her behaviour has improved, but it isn't a day care that is properly equipped to deal with these particular issues. One thing that we haven't really looked at yet is online resources and DVDs, etc. It's almost impossible to know what's real and what's just a sham or a half-assed attempt from someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.
Hoping someone has some insight here. It's taken me a lot of time just to process what's going on here (she was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago). The wife would kill me if she knew I was posting here, but I have a feeling that someone may know exactly what we're going through.
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So what is she like in moderate to large social situations? There could be something with over-stimulation in a class like setting, which might explain why the smallness/familiarity of home doesn't cause her to act out in the same way.
My youngest has some of this, too. He absolutely hates going to the movies, for example, because the sound is so loud, and the screen is so big, and the contrasting lights are so severe. He freaks out. He also had trouble in the first classroom situation he was in. Now, he is ADHD (which he comes by honestly, his mother is also that way, but none of the other kids are - yay genetics!), and since he has been medicated (which I REALLY hated to do and held off too long) he does not have the same issues in classrooms or busy, loud social situations.
I'm not saying your kid is ADHD, but something in that particular situation is triggering her, and it is just a matter of her learning coping mechanisms or something. It's tough with work, but could you or her Ma spend a day in the classroom with her to observe and reassure her? Might help.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Well I don't have any direct experience raising an autistic child, but I do have some insight from being autistic, doing some reading on the subject, and having a lot of conversations with my therapist who has an autistic son.
You just deal with it. Dealing with it will be a trial for the rest of your life (and hers), but consider yourself blessed that it was caught so early, because every little bit of time makes a huge difference in helping improve her development. Whichever psychologist/pediatrician made the diagnosis should be able to recommend literature for you, and depending on how big a town you live in, you should be able to find some kind of support group for parents of autistic children. As for a properly equipped daycare, unless you hire a nanny/au pair, I don't think you're going to find a a daycare specifically for special needs children. Or it will cost almost as much as a private nanny if you do, and I'm quite sure it's better for an autistic child to be around unimpaired children rather than other special needs children.
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Yep, I think the day care experience is doing good things for her in that the other children are showing her what "normal" is. This can also serve as a mask for the more important issues, though. I don't know how much interaction she actually has with the kids that is initiated by her and not by them.
One of the trickier aspects of this whole ordeal (for me, anyway) has been getting to understand exactly how much of the interaction between us, and between her and others, that my wife and I are actually responsible for interpreting on her behalf. She doesn't really engage anyone on a social level at this point without us being there as a buffer, which is apparently pretty typical. We don't even realize that we're doing it.
We can't afford a nanny. There's no way. We just bought a new house, and all of the assorted costs that go with said house are a bit of a financial mountain at this point (though it's mostly done and is getting better every day, so who knows). Clearly, we're going to do whatever it takes to make this work, but I'm not a magician.
I will say this, though: We were thinking of having another child. This is putting a pretty huge damper on that thought.
One of the trickier aspects of this whole ordeal (for me, anyway) has been getting to understand exactly how much of the interaction between us, and between her and others, that my wife and I are actually responsible for interpreting on her behalf. She doesn't really engage anyone on a social level at this point without us being there as a buffer, which is apparently pretty typical. We don't even realize that we're doing it.
We can't afford a nanny. There's no way. We just bought a new house, and all of the assorted costs that go with said house are a bit of a financial mountain at this point (though it's mostly done and is getting better every day, so who knows). Clearly, we're going to do whatever it takes to make this work, but I'm not a magician.
I will say this, though: We were thinking of having another child. This is putting a pretty huge damper on that thought.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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I mean, you might want to delay another kid until you're good and comfortable with the extra care your daughter needs, but it won't be impossible to have more kids. I think my counselor has 3 and the autistic one is either the oldest or the middle child, so it's not like your life has to stop when you're caring for one. I think the most important thing right now is for you to find other parents of autistic children to talk to.
Daughter finished a battery of tests for ADHD and any other learning disabilities and behavioral ones. Waiting to hear back to see if we can figure out how to move her forward in life.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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My oldest one is the reverse, he's good at school but a shit head at home. Doesn't listen to the nanny and I have to step in more than I'd like. But at school, he gets great reports from teachers, no problem notices, straight A's... Don't know what to think about it.
Izo
Tranny Chaser
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Let's see...he behaves badly at home and gets your attention. What could possibly be the motivation?
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Impossible to figure out, I agree.
And the "don't know what to think about it" is more surprise that he doesn't get in trouble at school, rather than why he misbehaves at home. Sorry I didn't clarify.
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Oh, we're definitely not saying "stop, now, and never try again". We're just not sure that with all of this going on, that now would be the time to think about having another one, especially if this is a genetic marker that means our kids are predisposed to this kind of thing. We're seeing genetics next week. The tests may take quite a while, though.
And yeah, we're in touch with a bunch of people, so hopefully, it'll work out for the best. At this point I'm just trying to get myself in a better place so that I can be more attuned to what we need to watch for in her behaviour. Specifically, I find myself paying much more attention to the give and take in our interactions, and the quality/quantity of her social behaviour. She made a few new and different attempts at communicating today, I think, so that's a good thing. It's still tough to figure out if I'm seeing genuine effort on her part, though, or if I'm just thinking I see what I want to see. Time will tell.
iannis
Musty Nester
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Gotta introduce that boy to the Patriarchy. Specifically how the Patriarchy works.Impossible to figure out, I agree.He's definitely my boy though, he's old enough that he goes to the gym with me now, I can take him to R rated movies, shit like that. He's a cool dude most of the time. He just treats people who aren't me that tell him to do things as if they don't exist.
And the "don't know what to think about it" is more surprise that he doesn't get in trouble at school, rather than why he misbehaves at home. Sorry I didn't clarify.
What the nanny tells you to do, I told you to do. She speaks for me when I'm not there. Disobedience to her is disobedience to me.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Been a week now and the kid has been sleeping 11:00pm - 6:00AM every night. I've heard there's a sleep regression around 4 months, so not looking forward to that.
Woefully Inept
Karazhan Raider
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Our little guy has finally gotten into a pattern too. 8p to 1-2am. He's up for about half an hour eating and getting him changed. Then he sleeps until 5 or 6am. I'll take that on problem over waking up every 3 hours on the dot.
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And it will probably happen more than once. My son went through a few phases of sleeping through the night followed by waking up a few times randomly. The phases last months at a time as well. He's 2 yr 8 mo now and out of the blue this week he has slept through the night every night...