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Julian The Apostate

Julian The Apostate

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Noodleface said:
When my mothers boyfriend (now my step-dad) moved in, all I wanted was some engagement and him to care. He did neither and I'm not particularly fond of the man. He provided a good home and anything we needed but not much beyond that. Often put himself and his own kids over us (and still does)

Don't be that guy.
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Thanks for all the input. Lots and lots of good points from everyone

The above quote is what I'm afraid of doing the most. I have no worries about being abusive physically or emotionally but I have a tendency to come off as uncaring, sometimes rightly so, sometimes not. Plus I'm 33 and have lived the last 10 out of 13 years by myself so I can be a selfish fuck with my time.

Good example of me being a selfish fuck is last night. Her son called me while I was playing Dota so I sent it to voice mail. He left me a message that he got some awards in Boy Scouts and wanted to tell me. So I texted him back congrats etc. Talked to his mom later and she said he wanted to call me before he called his dad and was super excited to tell me. Then I realize I should have called him back and felt like shit. This kid really wants me to be a part of his life and I'm just like "meh". Need to fix that and not be that guy, as Noodlebro pointed out.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Julian The Apostate said:
Thanks for all the input. Lots and lots of good points from everyone

The above quote is what I'm afraid of doing the most. I have no worries about being abusive physically or emotionally but I have a tendency to come off as uncaring, sometimes rightly so, sometimes not. Plus I'm 33 and have lived the last 10 out of 13 years by myself so I can be a selfish fuck with my time.

Good example of me being a selfish fuck is last night. Her son called me while I was playing Dota so I sent it to voice mail. He left me a message that he got some awards in Boy Scouts and wanted to tell me. So I texted him back congrats etc. Talked to his mom later and she said he wanted to call me before he called his dad and was super excited to tell me. Then I realize I should have called him back and felt like shit. This kid really wants me to be a part of his life and I'm just like "meh". Need to fix that and not be that guy, as Noodlebro pointed out.
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Just call him today and ask about his awards

Recognizing this stuff is a big part of it.

As a matter of record my stepfather never visited us in the hospital when we had our kid and has only met him once in 18 months
 
Ao-

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Julian The Apostate said:
Thanks for all the input. Lots and lots of good points from everyone

The above quote is what I'm afraid of doing the most. I have no worries about being abusive physically or emotionally but I have a tendency to come off as uncaring, sometimes rightly so, sometimes not. Plus I'm 33 and have lived the last 10 out of 13 years by myself so I can be a selfish fuck with my time.

Good example of me being a selfish fuck is last night. Her son called me while I was playing Dota so I sent it to voice mail. He left me a message that he got some awards in Boy Scouts and wanted to tell me. So I texted him back congrats etc. Talked to his mom later and she said he wanted to call me before he called his dad and was super excited to tell me. Then I realize I should have called him back and felt like shit. This kid really wants me to be a part of his life and I'm just like "meh". Need to fix that and not be that guy, as Noodlebro pointed out.
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I've got 3 kids and it's hard as shit for me to do that even when they're right next to me. You just have to force yourself to be involved (it's tough as fuck), but not to the point that you start resenting the kid for stealing your time. You still need "me" time for yourself, but bringing him in on stuff you both enjoy will be awesome for both of you.
 
Noodleface

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Had an early intervention team in today for the little man since he hit 18 months without talking. They were pleased with everything except communication obviously. They actually think he's about to talk he just needs a push in the right direction. They're coming back Friday to work with him and give us a plan.

So far this whole program has been incredible. It was 5 people meeting with my son today and challenging him. Best part is it's free.
 
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Arative

Arative

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That's awesome. I know my son was a late talker too, at 18 months he had maybe 10 words. My wife was all worried but our Doctor didn't seem too worried. He just turned two saturday and has really started talking.
 
trex

trex

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Noodleface said:
He talks nonstop, just not in English
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we're in the same boat with the oldest. we've done some speech therapy and we're just starting early intervention now (yay free!). he's 26mo and we are just now starting to understand some of his words. he's very social/loves animals/shows lots of affection and the #1 worry of late talking is it's a sign of autism. i dont think that's what we're dealing with, so i'm trying to stay positive and patient. it's hard for me not to worry when we hang out with other kids his age and they speak fluent english. i'd really like to know what the little guy is trying to say.
 
Noodleface

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He was behind in talking and also feeding himself but I'm not as worried as my wife. Trying to stay positive.
 
Oblio

Oblio

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Julian The Apostate said:
Thanks for all the input. Lots and lots of good points from everyone

The above quote is what I'm afraid of doing the most. I have no worries about being abusive physically or emotionally but I have a tendency to come off as uncaring, sometimes rightly so, sometimes not. Plus I'm 33 and have lived the last 10 out of 13 years by myself so I can be a selfish fuck with my time.

Good example of me being a selfish fuck is last night. Her son called me while I was playing Dota so I sent it to voice mail. He left me a message that he got some awards in Boy Scouts and wanted to tell me. So I texted him back congrats etc. Talked to his mom later and she said he wanted to call me before he called his dad and was super excited to tell me. Then I realize I should have called him back and felt like shit. This kid really wants me to be a part of his life and I'm just like "meh". Need to fix that and not be that guy, as Noodlebro pointed out.
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I waited til about your age to have my first kid, because I wanted to get as much selfishness out of my system as possible. Now obviously the big difference between your situation & mine is that you are insta-Dad, this kid is grown & talking etc. I had the opportunity to watch my kids grow & bond with them before they said a word. Great job recognizing that you could have handled things differently.

My advice going forward, is to always answer his phone calls. In 10-20 years I don't think you will ever look back & wish you would have finished that one game of DOTA instead of talking his call. If you love this woman & want to be with her than you love all of her...& that includes her kid. In 10-20 years (assuming you have more kids) the dynamic of your household will change & you will get back that time where you can be selfish.
 
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Aldarion

Aldarion

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Following up on an interesting tangent we had for a moment in Politics. As parents of little girls, is there anything we can do to help them learn to think and act rationally unlike 100% of the adult women on the planet currently?

Its a lifelong mission for me but my girls are still young, so I'm fishing for ideas here. I will give one example of a strategy I am trying.

We have a firm rule in our house, "no fits". Thats nothing unusual. But I've extended this in the last year with an addendum: "crying is a fit". When any of the kids starts crying, the first and only thing theyll hear from me is "crying is a fit, and no fits allowed". No discussion and no action until they get their crying 100% under control.

But thats one little detail. I need more. And I think I need to develop specific strategies for specific problems with girlthink.

Any suggestions? What are you guys doing to try to instill rational thought in your little girls?
 
radditsu

radditsu

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Aldarion said:
Following up on an interesting tangent we had for a moment in Politics. As parents of little girls, is there anything we can do to help them learn to think and act rationally unlike 100% of the adult women on the planet currently?

Its a lifelong mission for me but my girls are still young, so I'm fishing for ideas here. I will give one example of a strategy I am trying.

We have a firm rule in our house, "no fits". Thats nothing unusual. But I've extended this in the last year with an addendum: "crying is a fit". When any of the kids starts crying, the first and only thing theyll hear from me is "crying is a fit, and no fits allowed". No discussion and no action until they get their crying 100% under control.

But thats one little detail. I need more. And I think I need to develop specific strategies for specific problems with girlthink.

Any suggestions? What are you guys doing to try to instill rational thought in your little girls?
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Girls learn more from their own social circle than parental ones. It sucks and i try to instill rationality in my girl all the time.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Well guys showering with my kid was a disaster. Screamed bloody murder the whole time and even like 10 minutes after. Can't tell if I scared him being naked or the shower did. Not trying that again.


Follow up with early intervention. One lady comes to our house for 2 hours a week to work with my son. In addition he goes to a play group for 2.5 hours a week with kids in the same program. Parents can watch behind a glass panel but the kids are doing their own thing.

This is probably the best thing that could happen to him. I've never seen him happier.
 
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Mrs. Gravy

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Noodleface said:
Well guys showering with my kid was a disaster. Screamed bloody murder the whole time and even like 10 minutes after. Can't tell if I scared him being naked or the shower did. Not trying that again.


Follow up with early intervention. One lady comes to our house for 2 hours a week to work with my son. In addition he goes to a play group for 2.5 hours a week with kids in the same program. Parents can watch behind a glass panel but the kids are doing their own thing.

This is probably the best thing that could happen to him. I've never seen him happier.
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SLP to your house or a DT?
I loved the littles and group speech/language therapy...did that at University for clinical hours towards my degree and also at one of my jobs at an early childhood education program (it was an integrated program -so ages 3-5 with either a speech/lang only issue or with a combo sensory/motor/communication thing PLUS non-involved (no delays) peers.
We tried to make it really fun, so happy to read Mr. Noodle that you little guy is liking it.
 
Mrs. Gravy

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Noodleface said:
i dont know what SLP or DT means
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Finally, I get to use acronyms some of you don't understand. You have no idea how much I have to research from things posted here! :)
SLP = Speech Language Pathologist
DT = Developmental Therapist
I may also reference in OT (occupational therapist/therapy) or PT (physical therapist/therapy). My degrees are communication disorders and Speech Language Pathology with a minor in psychology.
I contract and monitor OT, PT and SLPs now for the age 16 and over crowd but sometimes I miss providing direct therapy. Birth to 5 was my favorite.
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

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Noodleface said:
Well guys showering with my kid was a disaster. Screamed bloody murder the whole time and even like 10 minutes after. Can't tell if I scared him being naked or the shower did. Not trying that again.


Follow up with early intervention. One lady comes to our house for 2 hours a week to work with my son. In addition he goes to a play group for 2.5 hours a week with kids in the same program. Parents can watch behind a glass panel but the kids are doing their own thing.

This is probably the best thing that could happen to him. I've never seen him happier.
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Sorry, man. Showering with my kids was a true success story here. Maybe don't give up on it so quick. The shower raining down might just take a second or third try to be "normal." I really hope you find something that works well very soon. That shit's a challenge.
 
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