Parent Thread

chaos_sl said:

We are having serious issues with bedtime with my two oldest girls now. They share a bed and it is frustrating as fuck trying to get them to go to bed because they feed each other's energy. We did that whole Supernanny thing when they were each in their own room, but now that they share a room that shit doesn't work, they think it's a game. Idk, working on it.

Am I the only one who forces my kids to watch shows just so I can watch them? I forced them to watch Yo Gabba Gabba and now Aquabats, those shows are awesome.

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I wish I had a solution. Well, I do, but it's huge amounts of oragel, and I don't want to get yelled at again.

I've not had the bedtime trouble you have. A really, really regular routine helped me avoid it. I also didn't have two sharing a bed until sleeping patterns were well established. I know this is a shitty, shitty option, but what if you guys take it in turns to sit IN the room at bed time until sleep happens. It wouldn't be forever, and a week or two of this might solve the problem.

That said, keep this in mind - you're not a bad parent. Even if you make them watch crap tv.

Man we had a regular routine and it was fine until we combined them into one room, now it is just chaos. I have some ideas. Really it all boils down to my middle girl. She is... difficult. All the things the books say should work, don't. Things like time out, no effect. Tonight went really well even though they got in trouble, they accepted it and went right to sleep.

And bro, Aquabats is amazing. Best show on tv right after Breaking Bad.

chaos_sl said:

Man we had a regular routine and it was fine until we combined them into one room, now it is just chaos. I have some ideas. Really it all boils down to my middle girl. She is... difficult. All the things the books say should work, don't. Things like time out, no effect. Tonight went really well even though they got in trouble, they accepted it and went right to sleep.

And bro, Aquabats is amazing. Best show on tv right after Breaking Bad.

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Hmm. Now I'm going to have to check out Aquabats. Something I should watch with kids between 5 and 12?

Kids go through phases, brother. Your middle will mellow.

Aquabats is like... I can't even describe it, just watch an episode of it. My oldest is 4 and I think it is fine for her. Some language that I don't like (stupid, idiot, etc, nothing too bad) but I always explain to her that it is bad. The episode with the floating eyeball of death scared the piss out of her. Older kids wouldn't be phased by it though.

Spanking isn't for everyone. Don't want to start a whole thing about it, but I'm not spanking my son ever, no matter what stupid shit I KNOW he's going to do.

I have spanked my 3 year old a couple of times, and I felt horrible about it. Once for running out into the street, which freaked me the fuck out, and a couple of times out of frustration because she is so fucking crazy sometimes that I just don't know what to do, it is like nothing gets through. I know that isn't true but it seems like that sometimes. But whatever, I don't dwell on it, I made mistakes so move on and do the right thing instead. My challenge with her is to try and find a way to teach and discipline her that actually gets through but doesn't turn into an hour of drama every time or frustrate me to the point I can't stand by what I know is right.

Really my frustration with her comes down to the difference between kids, I think. My oldest is legit advanced for her age. I know everyone thinks that about their kids, but she is. She was meeting the requirements for kindergarten at age 2. She listens well, is easy to discipline, really she's easy. Then my middle girl doesn't seem interested in learning, like you can't sit her down and teach her something, she just won't sit still. She won't even sit in a chair for a meal, she is constantly up and down. Time out seems to have no effect on her, she can get in trouble for doing something and go right back to doing it, like she forgot or something. I could go on and on about her behavior issues, there are a lot of them. I think a lot of this is normal 3 year old stuff that we just didn't experience with our older girl because that wasn't her personality.

My goals for the next month or so are to figure out a discipline method that works with her, and I think I may have figured out a way to do time out that is effective, and to settle this bedtime routine thing once and for all. If I can do those two things I think my household will be good to go.

Adebisi_sl said:

Phineas and Ferb is currently THE show to watch in my house.

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Gravity Falls is awesome too.

Tarrant_sl said:

I feel horrible about it every time I've had to do it, which isn't often. Maybe 10 times between all 3 kids...ever. But the shit works.

I get how you feel about the differenced between your girls. My youngest is nothing like my oldest two were. He's constantly pushing limits and wanting to throw tantrums, not listen and yadda yadda yadda. My oldest two were never like that. With my youngest the final straw was when he tried climb one of my book cases to get small truck he threw at his mothers head. It was the first time I gave him a swat and that chilled his shit in a hurry and once he realized "oh shit, theres lines and boundaries I can cross to cause this shit to happen" he stopped with that behaviour. I've had to pull the card three times with him, that's it. I don't use it as an every time thing, only in the extreme and it works damn well. I feel like shit doing it but it works and gets through to them and in the end I know its the shock of it happening rather then any pain I'm inflicting because lets be honest, a swat on the butt though a diaper isn't doing shit with regards to that.

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See, if it actually worked I would feel less bad about it. But it doesn't for my girl. Idk, it isn't like it is something I have done a hundred times or something so there is no reason to dwell too much on it.

When I was younger, all my dad had to do was threaten to take off his belt and I stopped doing whatever I wasn't supposed to be doing.

Corporal punishment is outlawed in most western countries, including mine.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corpora...me_is_outlawed

In native English speaking countries like The US, Canada, UK and Australia it is lawful. Odd.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_punishment_in_the_home#Views_on_corporal_ punishment_sl said:

Opinions are divided on whether spanking is helpful or harmful to a child's behavior. Public attitudes towards the acceptability and effectiveness of spanking vary a great deal by nation and region. For example in the United States and United Kingdom, social acceptance of spanking children maintains a majority position, from approximately 61% to 80%.[40][41] In Sweden, before the 1979 ban, more than half of the population considered corporal punishment a necessary part of child rearing. By 1996 the rate was 11%,[42] and less than 34% considered it acceptable in a national survey.[43]

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I'm so glad it's outlawed here. And also the fantastic benefit of it having changed the popular opinion if this from being socially acceptable to being viewed as a barbaric and cruel instrument. Health wise we don't have to deal with blown eardrums, shaken baby syndrome and other permanent physical and psychological damages to children quite as often as was the case before. Less violence is better for the individual and society as a whole. Shocking

Now cue the 'I got spanked and I turned out juuuuust fiiiiine'-people

TLDR; Don't spank your kid, mkay?

Cad_sl said:

So in Sweden, what do you do when your five year old tells you to fuck off, he's not eating his peas and he doesn't care if you send him to his room. He's not going. Lay a hand on him and you go to jail. What now?

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Denmark. Equivalent to Sweden, but ok. You cope. You learn to not hit your kids. You learn to promote positive behavior by other means. Corporal punishment is never the answer. Of course it's harder, I get it and I understand your frustration, but really, when words fail, violence begins. Try to be a role model, not a model to fear.

Basically non-authoritarian parenting is where the gold is in modern society. Read some of Jesper Juul's famous books if you need concrete advice on how to promote positive behavior in your child without having to resort to violence - or resolve forced situations where you 'have to discipline with your hand'. There is no such thing if you do this right.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesper_...ily_therapist)

I'm sure there are other non-violent parenting philosophies that are just as good or better. Let's here it from some of the other parents in here

Cad_sl said:

So in Sweden, what do you do when your five year old tells you to fuck off, he's not eating his peas and he doesn't care if you send him to his room. He's not going. Lay a hand on him and you go to jail. What now?

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A discussion I've had with my wife before (Several times really). Because when I was a kid my parents tried the same BS, and all it did was make me MORE stubborn. Going to spank me? Fine do it. Make me sit at the table for 4 hours until I eat what's on my plate? Ok fine, but I'm still winning that game and going to bed when you get tired of checking up on me. All it did was breed resentment and hate that years of therapy in my adult life has contained, but not "fixed". And for what? Because another human being didn't submit to your desires as you felt they should? Oh but your goal is to make sure I eat healthy, so it's a noble one eh? If I've tried peas before, and didn't like them then, why are you feeding them to me now? I like carrots and other vegetables, and you know it, but you'll force me to eat peas because "that's what's for dinner tonight dammit!" Is that it? You can be flexible with your kids and what they eat and still have them eat healthy. If you don't like peas, why the fuck would you ever make them for dinner, yet you do it for your kids? Sorry, but you've set yourself up to fail and then blame your kids in that scenario.

Be flexible. I'm not saying let your kids be like that fat white trash kid that refuses to eat anything but chicken nuggets, but be flexible. How would you feel if the person who made your food made stuff you don't like, that they know you don't like, and then got mad at you for not eating? Get your ego out of the equation.