Parent Thread

Captain Suave · Sep 25, 2023

meStevo Have you taken or considered taking any grappling training for yourself? If you're dealing regularly with potential physical violence from someone within a dangerous size range of yourself, I think it'd be worth learning to be able to control them safely. Six months or a year of jiu jitsu goes a very, very long way against someone untrained. (Back mount and then hold them until they calm down.) You'll always be able to escalate to the authorities if you want, and you'll be able to protect yourself, your wife, and your son from harming anyone while you wait for their response.

I'd normally have said that training could be good for the kid, but if he's really this volatile I think you want to avoid giving him more tools to be effective with force.

Izo · Sep 25, 2023

Jesus. I'm glad I have girls. Otherwise I'd propofol + give away for adoption. That is some hardcore stuff you're going through,

meStevo

meStevo · Sep 26, 2023

Got him a new therapist lined up for late next week. Baby steps.

Captain Suave said:
meStevo Have you taken or considered taking any grappling training for yourself? If you're dealing regularly with potential physical violence from someone within a dangerous size range of yourself, I think it'd be worth learning to be able to control them safely. Six months or a year of jiu jitsu goes a very, very long way against someone untrained. (Back mount and then hold them until they calm down.) You'll always be able to escalate to the authorities if you want, and you'll be able to protect yourself, your wife, and your son from harming anyone while you wait for their response.

I'd normally have said that training could be good for the kid, but if he's really this volatile I think you want to avoid giving him more tools to be effective with force.

With 4 kids it can be hard to find the time, but I'll consider that once I can get some other things sorted (therapy for him, myself, etc). He's 100lbs and I'm 5'10" and 250 so I have leverage in my favor in the short term. Gone are the days of carrying him up the stairs and shit though that's for sure.

For those not familiar, I've painted a picture of our situation in this thread previously... everyone's just a year or two older, different meds, different therapy, etc etc. Change is constant.

Parent Thread

My life as a parent right now: My son, 11: ODD, ADHD, explosive tendencies. Has to be restrained about once a day at the moment as meds seem to do less and less (which continue to be adjusted). Has kicked a hole in one wall and multiple holes in his door. During a tantrum this morning while...

www.firesofheaven.org

Foler · Nov 10, 2023

Yes the individual presenting does make it somewhat ironic but good for him and the content is solid

Guurn · Nov 15, 2023

Maybe someone here can help me. My youngest grandkid ATM is 2.75 years old
He's just starting to read a tiny bit and can count items and count to 20. Iwant to make sure he stays ahead in math especially because of the corruption around getting into advanced math classes. My oldest sister sent her kids to some sort of math thing when they were young, basically reciting tables in a classroom. After that it moved on to formulas etc right through calculus. The kids claimed they never had to study in math at all right through college, one nearly got a math PhD. (Long story, I've told it before. He died)

Does anyone have any idea what it could have been?

Hateyou · Nov 15, 2023

Guurn said:
Maybe someone here can help me. My youngest grandkid ATM is 2.75 years old
He's just starting to read a tiny bit and can count items and count to 20. Iwant to make sure he stays ahead in math especially because of the corruption around getting into advanced math classes. My oldest sister sent her kids to some sort of math thing when they were young, basically reciting tables in a classroom. After that it moved on to formulas etc right through calculus. The kids claimed they never had to study in math at all right through college, one nearly got a math PhD. (Long story, I've told it before. He died)

Does anyone have any idea what it could have been?

Advanced early learning programs are great but I believe you also need to do stuff at home. We did both. Turn everything into some kind of counting game, math game, reading game, etc. My kid skipped a grade, so he's a 3rd grader on 4th grade curriculum, reads at a 7th grade level and is still getting an A+ in every class. All we did was constant engagement, constant reading. Read multiple books every single day for years. Turned everything into games and challenges.

We have neighbors the same age as my son that went to the same early learning center but did nothing at home, one was exactly average for his grade and the other is well below and needs a tutor, one of two in his class that needs a tutor. My son tutors the other kid in his class.

The only supplement we ever really gave him was Milk with Omega 3 in it for brain development.

Guurn · Nov 16, 2023

Hateyou said:
Advanced early learning programs are great but I believe you also need to do stuff at home. We did both. Turn everything into some kind of counting game, math game, reading game, etc. My kid skipped a grade, so he's a 3rd grader on 4th grade curriculum, reads at a 7th grade level and is still getting an A+ in every class. All we did was constant engagement, constant reading. Read multiple books every single day for years. Turned everything into games and challenges.

We have neighbors the same age as my son that went to the same early learning center but did nothing at home, one was exactly average for his grade and the other is well below and needs a tutor, one of two in his class that needs a tutor. My son tutors the other kid in his class.

The only supplement we ever really gave him was Milk with Omega 3 in it for brain development.

Yeah, he gets the 5 books before his nap and 5 before bed. I'm a little tired of Horton sitting on that egg. I think it's why he's starting to read. I'm happy where he is with math ATM I'm just looking for the supplement.

You bring up a good point though. One of the things we missed with our son had to do with what you mention. With him we've involved him in all chores from the beginning, from sweeping the floor to cooking and yes, any chance I get to put math in there I do. It's remarkable how much that affects kids. He's is happiest when he's helping and his mind is active and learning.

Gurgeh · Nov 16, 2023

Hateyou said:
Advanced early learning programs are great but I believe you also need to do stuff at home. We did both. Turn everything into some kind of counting game, math game, reading game, etc. My kid skipped a grade, so he's a 3rd grader on 4th grade curriculum, reads at a 7th grade level and is still getting an A+ in every class. All we did was constant engagement, constant reading. Read multiple books every single day for years. Turned everything into games and challenges.

We have neighbors the same age as my son that went to the same early learning center but did nothing at home, one was exactly average for his grade and the other is well below and needs a tutor, one of two in his class that needs a tutor. My son tutors the other kid in his class.

The only supplement we ever really gave him was Milk with Omega 3 in it for brain development.

I'm giving a little bit of Iodine as well, it's pretty damn easy to have a diet low on iodine, especialy for kids, as fish is full of heavy metals.. You probably don't want to overdo it. Iodine probably does more for brain development than Omega 3.

The countries with the highest average IQs are Japan, Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong

We know iodine greatly affect brain development, and that iodine is everywhere near the sea, a iodine defiency cause cretinism... And you have to go very overboard for it to be dangerous.
Gave 300 micrograms of Iodine most of the days when she was pregnant, and giving around 300/450 micrograms per week for the kids... Japanese people take 10 times this on average... and in some area of japan it's up to 100 times that (like 15 mg per day...)

Captain Suave · Nov 16, 2023

Modeling intellectual curiosity and actually using the skills/tools is the way to go. Kid's got a question that requires some numbers to really figure out? Buckle up son, it's time for some napkin algebra at the dinner table. Saw a cool YouTube video about a 3d-printed gizmo? Welp, I guess we're learning CAD. Want them to be a reader? Read to them, and conspicuously read yourself. Critical thinking? Give them some credit and talk through complicated issues. I don't have the mental fortitude to turn everything in to a produced teaching moment, but I can try to make myself the kind of nerd I want my kids to be.

We're neighbors with my wife's cousin who has kids the same ages as ours. They're in a whole battery of enrichment learning, after school, and tutoring sessions. As far as I can tell this is just robbing them of autonomy and making them hate their lives, resent their parents, and teaching them to coast through their overscheduled lives with their brains in neutral. I live in a heavily Asian community and see this a LOT. You can force kids to learn some, but you can't make them WANT to learn. The latter builds MUCH better habits for a successful life, IMO.

Falstaff · Nov 20, 2023

Any advice for getting kids to swallow pills? My 10 year old had a bad experience with an augmentin pill or something when their was no liquid option, she took it for 3 days fine then on the 4th day couldnt swallow it and got scared she was choking.

Now we have pills that are like the size of tic tacs and she is so worked up and anxious she won't even try. We've practiced with tic tacs so there is no pressure but she just lets it get super tiny before she even tries to swallow it. I tried taking my pills with her, giving her a couple options (water in mouth first, then pill, then drink more etc., and taking the pill with a spoon of ice cream) and she just gets it in her mouth and then spits it out without swallowing.

Guurn · Nov 20, 2023

Falstaff said:
Any advice for getting kids to swallow pills? My 10 year old had a bad experience with an augmentin pill or something when their was no liquid option, she took it for 3 days fine then on the 4th day couldnt swallow it and got scared she was choking.

Now we have pills that are like the size of tic tacs and she is so worked up and anxious she won't even try. We've practiced with tic tacs so there is no pressure but she just lets it get super tiny before she even tries to swallow it. I tried taking my pills with her, giving her a couple options (water in mouth first, then pill, then drink more etc., and taking the pill with a spoon of ice cream) and she just gets it in her mouth and then spits it out without swallowing.

It's probably going to be a process. At each meal as they swallow a bite of whatever I'd probably mention that it was larger than a pilland then laugh about it. You could crush it up and put it in pudding as long as it isn't so disgusting that it ruins the flavor. Some pills aren't supposed to be crushed though. Otherwise you seem to be doing OK.

OU Ariakas · Nov 20, 2023

Falstaff said:
Any advice for getting kids to swallow pills? My 10 year old had a bad experience with an augmentin pill or something when their was no liquid option, she took it for 3 days fine then on the 4th day couldnt swallow it and got scared she was choking.

Now we have pills that are like the size of tic tacs and she is so worked up and anxious she won't even try. We've practiced with tic tacs so there is no pressure but she just lets it get super tiny before she even tries to swallow it. I tried taking my pills with her, giving her a couple options (water in mouth first, then pill, then drink more etc., and taking the pill with a spoon of ice cream) and she just gets it in her mouth and then spits it out without swallowing.

Have her try getting her mouth totally full of water (like chipmunk cheeks full) then push the pill in her mouth and have her swallow the whole mouthful in one gulp. Usually you cannot even feel the pill.

darkmiasma · Nov 20, 2023

Falstaff said:
Any advice for getting kids to swallow pills? My 10 year old had a bad experience with an augmentin pill or something when their was no liquid option, she took it for 3 days fine then on the 4th day couldnt swallow it and got scared she was choking.

Now we have pills that are like the size of tic tacs and she is so worked up and anxious she won't even try. We've practiced with tic tacs so there is no pressure but she just lets it get super tiny before she even tries to swallow it. I tried taking my pills with her, giving her a couple options (water in mouth first, then pill, then drink more etc., and taking the pill with a spoon of ice cream) and she just gets it in her mouth and then spits it out without swallowing.

That's easy, get a glass of water (or whatever she'll drink) and put a straw it in, tell her to toss the pill in her mouth and suck on the straw to take a drink, it goes down in 2 seconds. You don't even notice it.

Edit: works best with a bendy straw, and you hold it up to your head, so it just goes down with less water needed.

Falstaff · Nov 20, 2023

Thanks for the suggestions, will keep them in mind.
In the chaos I never thought of being able to pop the pill open and pour the powder into liquid, which was confirmed via the manufacturer website and the FDA and the doctor as being OK so... crisis averted for now.

sleevedraw · Nov 20, 2023

Falstaff said:
Any advice for getting kids to swallow pills? My 10 year old had a bad experience with an augmentin pill or something when their was no liquid option, she took it for 3 days fine then on the 4th day couldnt swallow it and got scared she was choking.

Now we have pills that are like the size of tic tacs and she is so worked up and anxious she won't even try. We've practiced with tic tacs so there is no pressure but she just lets it get super tiny before she even tries to swallow it. I tried taking my pills with her, giving her a couple options (water in mouth first, then pill, then drink more etc., and taking the pill with a spoon of ice cream) and she just gets it in her mouth and then spits it out without swallowing.

In my experience, applesauce/yogurt/pudding work better than ice cream because you don't have to worry about brainfreeze or melting.

meStevo · Dec 27, 2023

Did the thing. Son was arrested for domestic battery. Should get to pick him up in 12-13 hours.

Happy holidays.

Tarrant · Dec 27, 2023

As someone who used to work in one, there are homes for troubled youth, some are voluntary, others aren’t. You may want to see about utilizing a service such as that. They can go from 21 days to 18 months depending on the program.

sorry this shit happened man. Something to do with Christmas stuff I imagine?

meStevo · Dec 27, 2023

Just a usual tantrum, and just to the point where we're at. He escalated it and started hitting me and his mom after I had to remove him from one of the kids' rooms.

CPS and Metro have both said to start calling 911, so we did. Provided video of me removing him from a siblings room and him flopping down on his back and starting to kick me, and his mom stepping in and him then resuming on her. Another video from my cell of him hitting his mother and asking if he'd like to explain why he's doing what he's doing (he responded by flipping off the camera and continuing to hit and kick).

Have an assessment for an IOP program we expect he'll start as early as next week (group therapy, 3x a week, 3hrs a day), happens to have a session tomorrow w/ therapist. We'll have a lot to talk about. If IOP doesn't work, they do PHP (5 days a week, basically replaces school) and if we progress to and beyond that we will.

By the time they arrived he was sad and remorseful and sorry - but he always is. And then does it again. This had to be done and I have no hope or optimism that it will be the last. But we have to go through this pain now or he'll never be successful in life. This shit needs to be figured out. ODD sucks.

I am so bitterly jealous sometimes of parents and families who don't have to deal with special needs kids like this. I hate myself for it.

Gavinmad · Dec 27, 2023

meStevo said:
I am so bitterly jealous sometimes of parents and families who don't have to deal with special needs kids like this. I hate myself for it.

It's probably common to feel that way but you shouldn't be too hard on yourself because I cannot imagine a single person in the world not feeling the same in your shoes. If you want to hate someone hate your sister or your parents, or better yet just don't hold on to that kind of negativity in the first place. You're basically a candidate for sainthood and I imagine very few of those folks (the ones who actually earned it, not the fakes pushed through by JP2) had a particularly easy path through life.

Or if some perspective would help, some part of me is bitterly jealous of your son actually having a hope at a future because his parents are getting him the help he needs instead of just assuming he's a bad kid.

Conefed · Dec 27, 2023

Captain Suave said:
meStevo Have you taken or considered taking any grappling training for yourself? If you're dealing regularly with potential physical violence from someone within a dangerous size range of yourself, I think it'd be worth learning to be able to control them safely. Six months or a year of jiu jitsu goes a very, very long way against someone untrained. (Back mount and then hold them until they calm down.) You'll always be able to escalate to the authorities if you want, and you'll be able to protect yourself, your wife, and your son from harming anyone while you wait for their response.

I'd normally have said that training could be good for the kid, but if he's really this volatile I think you want to avoid giving him more tools to be effective with force.

"Handle With Care" is a martial art used in mental health, at least where I worked. Strongly agree with above. With HWC, everything is about deflecting and using their momentum to lock them down from behind until backup comes or they calm down

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