A large portion of this forum did not grow up in the negative circumstances that you did. A large portion also have better communication skills. Its great that you got your freak on so that you are not out raping and murdering, but you need to understand that your little cult is only good for specifically that: Getting socially disadvantaged men a means to bust a nut. It is not a long term life plan. Blowing loads in dumpster fire women might give you short term satisfaction, but you are going to end up being just as unhappy long term if you do not address the underlying problems. Its good you got in shape physically, but you need to do the same mentally now.