So I posted this back in August and since then things have only gotten worse. For lack of a better work I feel "broken", I don't know where to begin to pick up pieces or how to do anything. I dove back into World of Warcraft which is an escape in a way but it isn't productive at all. I pretty much spend most days in my apartment with little interaction outside, I have one close friend who started a weed business out in Oregon and thought about moving out there to help him and even invested about $25k in his company foolishly, but I am not sure that is working out and seems to be just another bad decision. Sadly I have a habit of helping my friends out whenever needed and rarely does it ever feel it's reciprocated.
One thing that has struck me very hard in all of this is many of my so called friends and peers were always around when I was running the company and now that I am no longer in that position they disappear rather quickly. People whom I helped find jobs in the industry and other things just blow me off. I am sure it's partly because I am cynical but I feel betrayed on almost all sides. I have been doing some consulting work here and there to supplement my income but my lease it up in a couple of months and at this point I just want to be the hell out of Atlanta.
Half of the days go by and I think of killing myself but I know that isn't something I would do, however the thought of it comes up over and over. Most normal people get over relationships and get over work failures move on and try and find something new. Here I feel like I lost everything, I lost my partner, I lose my timeline for having kids, I lost my career and I don't know how to start over. My lawsuit against my old business partner has been dragged out and it might even take another year which has drained me financially and emotionally. I am not even sure why I am posting this but maybe there is someone here who can help give me some advice. Or maybe there is someone here who can help me find a new career path. I am spending most of this week updating my resume and things and I feel like I am willing to move anywhere in the states and maybe even out of the country if there opportunity presented itself. I am about 4-5 months before I reach the end of my line and I have to do something I just don't know what anymore.