The Flash (2023)
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
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Fucker
Log Wizard
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I dont care for him either, but he's a good director. At least The Town and Argo. His degenerate brother is the one that needs to be thrown into an industrial tomato steamer, though.
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I have to agree with
Chukzombi
on at least one point here. Using the Flash and a "Flashpoint event" storyline they have the absolutely perfect legit plot device to build a new and blended universe. The problem with the Snyderverse was not the actors (outside of the whack job starring in this film) , it was the writing, direction, and stylistic choices. Cavill was a damn near perfect Superman, Gadot was a spot on Wonder Woman, Batfleck even worked surprisingly well. Instead Gunn's insistence of "putting his mark on things from the word go" means none of these films will carry any weight for the audience, and one thing super hero movie audiences seem to crave is the persisting world building. Instead, we're getting the Gunn version of "New 52" and we all see how that had to end up....
Chukzombi
on at least one point here. Using the Flash and a "Flashpoint event" storyline they have the absolutely perfect legit plot device to build a new and blended universe. The problem with the Snyderverse was not the actors (outside of the whack job starring in this film) , it was the writing, direction, and stylistic choices. Cavill was a damn near perfect Superman, Gadot was a spot on Wonder Woman, Batfleck even worked surprisingly well. Instead Gunn's insistence of "putting his mark on things from the word go" means none of these films will carry any weight for the audience, and one thing super hero movie audiences seem to crave is the persisting world building. Instead, we're getting the Gunn version of "New 52" and we all see how that had to end up....- 2
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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yes, apparently me you and a lot of other people feel like we were done dirty by DC when they yanked away our favorite actors after 10 years and now we dont care anymore about their films. at least they were able to match Marvel in that respect.I have to agree with
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The one thing I will say that would justify a "full reboot" is that in the Snyderverse movies we have Superman obviously well into middle age and having been going at this a while. We have a late middle aged Batman (which would put him post active career, Pre-Miller dark knight mode). If you want to be able to make a set of movies about these character they need to be younger (since audiences will identify more with a Superman and Batman who they feel are closer to relevant to their age). In the comics they've done various things over time to explain how they just don't seem to really age, including the time to time reboot. So there was some justification for a reracking of the talent. (Wonder woman I leave out of this analogy because she's literally an immortal so shouldn't age, good luck finding an actress that matches that, although Gadot is close)
But even with that, they could have done this film also as a blending of those established actors and such into a newly re-written Barry-verse post flashpoint with the adjustments they needed to make and kept the story moving. (New timeline where what changed makes it so that a new Superman exists who is a generation younger, arrived on earth in the late 90's, and Henry Cavill plays holographic Jor-El, Affleck is suddenly actually the father who gets killed taking his son to a movie in the early 90's who then is Bruce, etc... ) Instead they're just "nope" on that and it's fresh reboots across the line. The part that annoys me most is that the one actor they seem to be bringing along is the least good of the whole batch...
So Gunn was in an unenviable position, none of the paths forward were great. But he still seemed to pick a path which is going to further alienate the core audience he'll need.
But even with that, they could have done this film also as a blending of those established actors and such into a newly re-written Barry-verse post flashpoint with the adjustments they needed to make and kept the story moving. (New timeline where what changed makes it so that a new Superman exists who is a generation younger, arrived on earth in the late 90's, and Henry Cavill plays holographic Jor-El, Affleck is suddenly actually the father who gets killed taking his son to a movie in the early 90's who then is Bruce, etc... ) Instead they're just "nope" on that and it's fresh reboots across the line. The part that annoys me most is that the one actor they seem to be bringing along is the least good of the whole batch...
So Gunn was in an unenviable position, none of the paths forward were great. But he still seemed to pick a path which is going to further alienate the core audience he'll need.
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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Daezuel
Potato del Grande
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Asshat wormie
2023 Asshat Award Winner
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Dazed and Confused, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, GOOD WILL HUNTING, DOGMA, Boiler Room, Reindeer Games, Pearl Harbor, Changing Lanes, The Town, The Accountant. And of course there is always Daredevil.
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Asshat wormie
2023 Asshat Award Winner
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Damon and Affleck in a movie together? Sounds like I missed a gem.
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this is out on the seven seas for those of us who refuse to give Hollywood money. Really good quality just the occasional annoying floating banner ad.
about an hour and a half into this and my god what a shit fucking film.
Like I get it. This is the flash's first solo film, and thus they have to tell the Barry Allen flash origin story, explain how he got his powers, little training montage shit on how he learned to use them, etc so that's what this film is.
But they also have to reboot the DCEU to erase all of the existing shit so they can replace it with the DCU, so that's also what this film is.
The obvious comparison is Spiderman because this is the same plot as Spiderman: No way home.
So Imagine if Spider-Man: no way home was the first of the Spider-Man solo films? So they were stuck trying to tell the Spider-Man origin at the same time they are doing multiversal shit and bringing in past actors to play variants of the same beloved character? But instead of Spider-Man, it's the fucking flash and outside of some campy ass 70s tv, this is really the only version of the flash, so they have to use alternate versions of Batman instead of the main character, and to show off the multiple "variants" of the flash, you have annoying kooky ass faggot actor who plays the flash, play a faggier more annoying version of his "younger" self, like he really has to dial that faggotry up to 11 to differentiate 18 year old barry allen vs current_era barry allen because of course its the same actor thus they look identical and they couldn't spring for any aging/de-aging software or anything.
The way they chose to do this is by having the flash think about his origin story in a flash back (so the origin story is explained) then gets so super sad about it, so sad he just starts running til he realizes his running so fast he can travel back in time to fix it and end up spending half the film playing his own stunt double because he inadvertently gives his powers to his younger 18 year old self and get stuck back in 2012 during the man of steel general zod invasion of earth.
so you have the older, wiser and slightly less annoying version of this character with no powers being carried by the 18 year old annoying faggot version of flash with all the powers but none of the knowledge having to fix the timeline he fucked up.
So its literally just no powers faggot flash and "doesn't know what he's doing learning his powers as he goes, shoulda been a fucking montage" faggot^2 running around for entire film ruining every scene they are in (most of them). edit: there's a spoiler earlier talking about how much screen time Michael Keaton has and its incorrect. Michael Keaton is the main character of this movie he is carrying the entire thing on his back, he's also in it so far like half the film.
If they were going to keep this plot they should of got the dude who plays the TV flash to be younger barry allen and let them play off of each other. But in all honesty they should of just abandoned their attempt to copy spider-man no way home scene for scene, and changed the plot entirely. Just had him momentarily interact with past self, fuck up the present, and have to keep going back and forth throughout time trying to fix shit, interacting with different versions of past DC heroes until he realizes he's in a paradox and can't fuck with the timestream without fucking everything up and then just have him do the can of tomato sauce thing to free his dad in the future, inadvertently putting the DC movie universe on the DCU continum and not the DCEU.
Basically this film could of been the butterfly effect with the feel/fun/pacing of Edge of tomorrow but instead its just faggy dog shit.
about an hour and a half into this and my god what a shit fucking film.
Like I get it. This is the flash's first solo film, and thus they have to tell the Barry Allen flash origin story, explain how he got his powers, little training montage shit on how he learned to use them, etc so that's what this film is.
But they also have to reboot the DCEU to erase all of the existing shit so they can replace it with the DCU, so that's also what this film is.
The obvious comparison is Spiderman because this is the same plot as Spiderman: No way home.
So Imagine if Spider-Man: no way home was the first of the Spider-Man solo films? So they were stuck trying to tell the Spider-Man origin at the same time they are doing multiversal shit and bringing in past actors to play variants of the same beloved character? But instead of Spider-Man, it's the fucking flash and outside of some campy ass 70s tv, this is really the only version of the flash, so they have to use alternate versions of Batman instead of the main character, and to show off the multiple "variants" of the flash, you have annoying kooky ass faggot actor who plays the flash, play a faggier more annoying version of his "younger" self, like he really has to dial that faggotry up to 11 to differentiate 18 year old barry allen vs current_era barry allen because of course its the same actor thus they look identical and they couldn't spring for any aging/de-aging software or anything.
The way they chose to do this is by having the flash think about his origin story in a flash back (so the origin story is explained) then gets so super sad about it, so sad he just starts running til he realizes his running so fast he can travel back in time to fix it and end up spending half the film playing his own stunt double because he inadvertently gives his powers to his younger 18 year old self and get stuck back in 2012 during the man of steel general zod invasion of earth.
so you have the older, wiser and slightly less annoying version of this character with no powers being carried by the 18 year old annoying faggot version of flash with all the powers but none of the knowledge having to fix the timeline he fucked up.
So its literally just no powers faggot flash and "doesn't know what he's doing learning his powers as he goes, shoulda been a fucking montage" faggot^2 running around for entire film ruining every scene they are in (most of them). edit: there's a spoiler earlier talking about how much screen time Michael Keaton has and its incorrect. Michael Keaton is the main character of this movie he is carrying the entire thing on his back, he's also in it so far like half the film.
If they were going to keep this plot they should of got the dude who plays the TV flash to be younger barry allen and let them play off of each other. But in all honesty they should of just abandoned their attempt to copy spider-man no way home scene for scene, and changed the plot entirely. Just had him momentarily interact with past self, fuck up the present, and have to keep going back and forth throughout time trying to fix shit, interacting with different versions of past DC heroes until he realizes he's in a paradox and can't fuck with the timestream without fucking everything up and then just have him do the can of tomato sauce thing to free his dad in the future, inadvertently putting the DC movie universe on the DCU continum and not the DCEU.
Basically this film could of been the butterfly effect with the feel/fun/pacing of Edge of tomorrow but instead its just faggy dog shit.
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Ambiturner
Ssraeszha Raider
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100% agree. We really need to see Superman and Batman's origin story again and the only reason I can't relate with godlike aliens is that they're a little older than me
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Sanrith Descartes
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
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Ok just finished this.
I stick by everything I said earlier.
This was 2 films morphed together in some fucked up Cronenberg-esque monstrosity.
It's the flash origin story, training montages, learning how to use his powers, etc, and seeing how Ezra miller is the weakest part of the film and the way they tell this origin story and do the training montages is by having 2 fucking ezra millers, both faggots who ruin every scene but one far more annoying than the other having to learn how to stop being a faggot, this film is absolute dog shit.
And it's the "DC's version of 'No Way Home' multiverse collides, how do we fix the timeline, look at all this fan service and nostalgia for all the previous actors who played this roles etc etc" and that film is actually....pretty fucking good. Yes it's mainly carried by Michael Keatons batman but even Zod is great and yes Nick Cage's superman makes a cameo fighting the thanagarian snarebeast...shit was great.
the problem of course is these films are intertwined together so overall this movie blows.
if they had done the origin story in the first solo film and this was Flash 2 and could of just been 1 flash trying to undo the past and deal with the ramifications of fucking up time, this would of been a great film on par with No Way Home, out of pure nostalgia and fan service not for Ezra/flash but for all the other beloved DC characters from the silver age and on.
Again this movie is fucking ruined by the two ezra millers doubling up the faggotry. If DC had any fucking sense they would of did their own thing instead of "gotta have multiple flashes, spider-man had multiple spider-man and we are just paint by numbers copying that movie". If it had just been the one, older wiser less faggoty flash, no training wheels learning how to use his powers, just him dealing with the timeline fuckery this could of been an epic send off to the DCEU.
I stick by everything I said earlier.
This was 2 films morphed together in some fucked up Cronenberg-esque monstrosity.
It's the flash origin story, training montages, learning how to use his powers, etc, and seeing how Ezra miller is the weakest part of the film and the way they tell this origin story and do the training montages is by having 2 fucking ezra millers, both faggots who ruin every scene but one far more annoying than the other having to learn how to stop being a faggot, this film is absolute dog shit.
And it's the "DC's version of 'No Way Home' multiverse collides, how do we fix the timeline, look at all this fan service and nostalgia for all the previous actors who played this roles etc etc" and that film is actually....pretty fucking good. Yes it's mainly carried by Michael Keatons batman but even Zod is great and yes Nick Cage's superman makes a cameo fighting the thanagarian snarebeast...shit was great.
the problem of course is these films are intertwined together so overall this movie blows.
if they had done the origin story in the first solo film and this was Flash 2 and could of just been 1 flash trying to undo the past and deal with the ramifications of fucking up time, this would of been a great film on par with No Way Home, out of pure nostalgia and fan service not for Ezra/flash but for all the other beloved DC characters from the silver age and on.
Again this movie is fucking ruined by the two ezra millers doubling up the faggotry. If DC had any fucking sense they would of did their own thing instead of "gotta have multiple flashes, spider-man had multiple spider-man and we are just paint by numbers copying that movie". If it had just been the one, older wiser less faggoty flash, no training wheels learning how to use his powers, just him dealing with the timeline fuckery this could of been an epic send off to the DCEU.
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Burns
Avatar of War Slayer
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TBT-TheBigToe
<Rickshaw Potatoes>
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I liked The Accountant, would have made a better limited run tv-series on Netflix or whatever and it's not perfect but I liked it.
Harshaw
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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the Keaton Batman and Cara stuff i had no problems with, my only quibble with Keaton Batman is he got stuck repeating the same lines from Batman89. nobody asked for that. its not even a fanservice thing as no fans would want Keaton to play on a loop. its a, "remember this? guys, do you remember Batman in 1989? look, its the Batman you grew up with. Batman 89! you fucking neckbeard loser nerds must love this film" very insulting, Cara was a really nice surprise. i didnt think i would end up liking her as much as i did, not just because she is cute, but she had a decent heartfelt performance. but as we said. ITS ALL RUINED by FagBarry and FaggierBarry in every fucking scene being obnoxious fags to the utter extreme. i cant stress enough how bad he was and how much his casting has destroyed the future of this franchise.
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