The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

So I was at the D.C. Bachata festival this weekend and met a girl who was really cool... found out she was married and has only had sex with her husband. Long story short she admitted to really wanting to have sex with me and was terrified her control would "slip" and she'd end up cheating.

Did I take advantage of this? Fuck no. I've been cheated on and it sucks, I wouldn't do that to someone else. I actually think monogamy is kind of stupid because even if you want to be with one person 99% of the time, sometimes you meet someone and have that intense sexual chemistry and want to do something about it.

I realize the thread is a few posts past the discussion on cheating, but I wanted to put that out there. I did nail a completely different girl who is single before the weekend was over though.

Can I have the married girl's number?

"married"

How many people do you meet at a festival who just come out and go "So i'm married but I really want your dick up in me, save me from myself obi-wan. TEEHEE" after a few hours of knowing you? And if they do do that, do you really think it's specifically your dick that's so awesome or do you think that maybe any old dick would do the trick?

Well, maybe it's a common occurance. Maybe i'm just hanging with the wrong class of people.

Basic self-preservation dictates a retain eye contact while backing away slowly approach to that situation. God knows what you'd catch fishing in that pond.

10 days now of no contact with my ex. It definitely helps the healing process but like any breakup, it's a total roller coaster. I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish with it outside of healing, hopefully some clarity. I know there's a large part of me that also wants her to feel remorseful, to reach out and contact. The way she acted once the breakup was final was pretty reprehensible though so I hope for the best but expect the worst. I just need to kill that last bit of hope, as I know it would be a massive mistake to open myself to her in anyway after what she's done. These last few days she's gone out of her way to be really friendly with my friends on social media, I think she's in damage control mode, her roommate mentioned to me (girls are the worst friends to each other) that she commmented on how often it seemed like I was going out and that she even once tried suggesting it could be a good idea to go to a place she thought I might be (her roommate talked her out of it). She's been on vacation since saturday though, so that definitely helped the no contact but slowed the 'moving on' process, I think when she's back in town fucking some bartender with a suspended license and no car I'll have to swallow that pill all over again

Iannis_sl said:

"married"

How many people do you meet at a festival who just come out and go "So i'm married but I really want your dick up in me, save me from myself obi-wan. TEEHEE" after a few hours of knowing you? And if they do do that, do you really think it's specifically your dick that's so awesome or do you think that maybe any old dick would do the trick?

Well, maybe it's a common occurance. Maybe i'm just hanging with the wrong class of people.

Basic self-preservation dictates a retain eye contact while backing away slowly approach to that situation. God knows what you'd catch fishing in that pond.

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Dancing Bachata? A lot. There are a lot of factors at work here. At the festival you have a bit of anonymity and distance. You're all staying in the same hotel. So chances of getting caught, very low, ease of making it happen, very high. We live on opposite sides of the country. It was more than a few hours, the festival ran Thurs-Sun and you are basically awake and dancing, doing workshops, taking meal breaks together 20+ hours a day (I got 7 hours of sleep the whole weekend). Though obviously it didn't happen like that, it was subtler, but that was the result.

Bachata itself is a very sexual dance and, if you are a good lead who gets to know girls over the weekend, you end up doing a lot of things that just get both of you worked up. Leading a girl to do body rolls against you, just controlling her body in general, is a huge turn on. Honestly if you are a good lead and don't have multiple opportunities for getting laid at a festival, you're doing something wrong. I kind of feel bad for the professional instructors actually, they'd pull mad ass but most of them are there with their S.O. because it is damn near impossible to be a top level instructor if you aren't in a relationship with your partner. People get too jealous and solo instructors can't perform/compete to get their names out there. Just a different world.

ham_sl said:

10 days now of no contact with my ex. It definitely helps the healing process but like any breakup, it's a total roller coaster. I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish with it outside of healing, hopefully some clarity.I know there's a large part of me that also wants her to feel remorseful, to reach out and contact.

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Bitches be bitches*, and they'll never give you what you want (closure). Been there, done that, ONCE.

The best things you can do to make her choke on being a bitch:

1) Don't give her the time of day. Don't be rude or flat out ignore her, but make her feel utterly unimportant. Some bitches thrive on control and attention even after breakup. Don't give it to her. Not. One. Single. Atom. Of. Attention. Don't call her, don't text her.

2) Don't be a doormat. This should be a sticky on every post in this thread.

3) Just move on. You are ten days in, so you are about 4-7 days away from not really giving a serious fuck about her anymore.

4) Date nice women, and better looking ones than the bitch that you just broke up with. Post pics of them on FB or whatever. Often. Don't use them specifically to piss off your ex, but it's a nice bonus as a matter of mere happenstance.

5) Others can add to this list.

*Bitches. I'm not talking about all women here, just the bitch ones. You guys dating a bitch? Drop her like you'd drop a turd in a toilet, then run like hell from the stench.

The Master_sl said:

Dancing Bachata? A lot. There are a lot of factors at work here. At the festival you have a bit of anonymity and distance. You're all staying in the same hotel. So chances of getting caught, very low, ease of making it happen, very high. We live on opposite sides of the country. It was more than a few hours, the festival ran Thurs-Sun and you are basically awake and dancing, doing workshops, taking meal breaks together 20+ hours a day (I got 7 hours of sleep the whole weekend). Though obviously it didn't happen like that, it was subtler, but that was the result.

Bachata itself is a very sexual dance and, if you are a good lead who gets to know girls over the weekend, you end up doing a lot of things that just get both of you worked up. Leading a girl to do body rolls against you, just controlling her body in general, is a huge turn on. Honestly if you are a good lead and don't have multiple opportunities for getting laid at a festival, you're doing something wrong. I kind of feel bad for the professional instructors actually, they'd pull mad ass but most of them are there with their S.O. because it is damn near impossible to be a top level instructor if you aren't in a relationship with your partner. People get too jealous and solo instructors can't perform/compete to get their names out there. Just a different world.

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I'm honestly wondering how a relationship would work for any of the people at this festival. How many people here are in a solid enough relationship that they'd be perfectly fine with their SO going to a dance festival and essentially grinding on a bunch of different guys for 4 days straight?

Silence_sl said:

4) Date nice women, and better looking ones than the bitch that you just broke up with. Post pics of them on FB or whatever. Often. Don't use them specifically to piss off your ex, but it's a nice bonus as a matter of mere happenstance.

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Or we could not advocate being a child. She hurt you...of course your emotional reaction is gonna be somewhat vindictive. That doesn't mean that's a good impulse. Do whatever is best for you to get over it, which will most likely involve trying to not see or talk to her. It may also involve a bunch of rebounds.

But as soon as you start trying to "win" the breakup, you lost.

Xequecal_sl said:

I'm honestly wondering how a relationship would work for any of the people at this festival. How many people here are in a solid enough relationship that they'd be perfectly fine with their SO going to a dance festival and essentially grinding on a bunch of different guys for 4 days straight?

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Usually there isn't any actual grinding. It starts out innocent enough, you just develop a certain comfort with certain dance partners. I have probably half a dozen ways of doing every move I know, ranging from the innocent to the overtly sexual. I start out innocent with every new partner.

But most dancers who date non-dancers... their relationships don't last, unless the dancer gives up dancing. There are exceptions, obviously. Or you could be like me and be in an open relationship so it isn't an issue, though both my girlfriends are dancers.

Woah there. My college had a dance department. A fairly decent one, in that some students actually got hired out of it.

If you're claiming to be a male classically trained dancer and claiming to NOT be homosexual -- you are part of the 10% my friend. They was all gay except for like 2 guys. And those guys? Well, all the women wanted to fuck them and all the men wanted to be them. It's the closest in my life I've ever come to meeting an actual real-life superhero.

Iannis_sl said:

Woah there. My college had a dance department. A fairly decent one, in that some students actually got hired out of it.

If you're claiming to be a male classically trained dancer and claiming to NOT be homosexual -- you are part of the 10% my friend. They was all gay except for like 2 guys. And those guys? Well, all the women wanted to fuck them and all the men wanted to be them. It's the closest in my life I've ever come to meeting an actual real-life superhero.

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I am a ballroom dancer, originally and yes, nearly all of the guys I competed against were gay.

The Latin dance community is different, because culturally, for them, dancing is part of being a man. You are considered much less attractive to women in these cultures if you can't dance, to the point where nearly any guy who can dance can just take your girl away from you. Dramatic difference between Latin/nightclub dancing and competitive ballroom or Ballet.

ham_sl said:

10 days now of no contact with my ex. It definitely helps the healing process but like any breakup, it's a total roller coaster. I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish with it outside of healing, hopefully some clarity. I know there's a large part of me that also wants her to feel remorseful, to reach out and contact.

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One of the worst things you can do to a woman is cut off all contact. Meaning it's best for you and what she hates. I have ex-gf's send me an email 6 months, a year, even two years after the break up. I just don't respond. She even came to a message board that I frequent and sent me a PM. Again I didn't respond.

When you don't respond, they don't know what you are thinking. They tend to make up worse things in their own mind than what the truth is. You never lose by not responding.

Destructis_sl said:

One of the worst things you can do to a woman is cut off all contact. Meaning it's best for you and what she hates. I have ex-gf's send me an email 6 months, a year, even two years after the break up. I just don't respond. She even came to a message board that I frequent and sent me a PM. Again I didn't respond.

When you don't respond, they don't know what you are thinking. They tend to make up worse things in their own mind than what the truth is. You never lose by not responding.

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This man speaks the truth. Back on old FOH board I got on here and talked about how my ex hit me up with the "I don't love you anymore" bullshit so I packed my shit and left. Haven't talked to her since and that was 2ish years ago. She stopped by my house yesterday because she wanted to catch up on old times. Told her I was getting ready for work and shut the door in her face. Girlfriend asked who was at the door and I told her some salesperson selling some bullshit.

Felt good bros.

Destructis_sl said:

One of the worst things you can do to a woman is cut off all contact. Meaning it's best for you and what she hates. I have ex-gf's send me an email 6 months, a year, even two years after the break up. I just don't respond. She even came to a message board that I frequent and sent me a PM. Again I didn't respond.

When you don't respond, they don't know what you are thinking. They tend to make up worse things in their own mind than what the truth is. You never lose by not responding.

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Women are also prideful mfers though. They may be wondering but some are strong enough (or get enough male attention elsewhere) to not bother with it until you've already had enough time to heal on your own.

My ex came back into town about 2 days ago and is really hitting up the mutual friend circuit to pretend like nothing happened. She does this childish social media things like going through and liking all my friends pics but not mine, I'm guessing for a reaction or maybe so I have to see her name a lot. I'm not going to block her because it shows she has some kind of control over me (she does, but I'm not showing it). Foolishly I sometimes get caught up into forgetting her roommate is her friend first and mine second and I will say things to her roommate that I hope to dear god haven't got back to her, so now I'm just going to never let her bring up my ex around me.

A large part is definitely accepting the person you thought someone was may not be who they were. The girl I was with, while stubborn and had her flaws, was really an absolute sweetheart to me during our relationship. Our breakup was very dirty and she said very hurtful things on top of doing what many would consider an unforgivable act in a relationship (cheated the last weekend we were together for anyone who missed it). And here I am, caring that she calls, or feels like shit or reaches out in some way, like a total schmuck, and I know I'm doing it but I can't help it. I feel cheated out of opportunities to better myself while with her and I feel deceived into thinking I knew her. Everything in every way is completely different than it was this time a month ago.

I haven't seen her or heard her voice since the 29th. Haven't spoken outside of text since that saturday, and not a peep. I've come dangerously close to cracking after drinking or waking up (waking up is definitely the hardest time), but I've resisted. I keep telling myself not to be a doormat, that SHE IS THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP and that if I crack early, I have to start all the way over with this. dammit I feel like i'm 15

Big Phoenix_sl said:

Rule #1 Dont get into a relationship with a taken girl
Rule #2 Dont shit where you eat.

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I cant stress rule #2 enough . It really should be rule #1 . The issues that can and will arise from it is not worth getting some action .

Good man ham. Stay strong

My only question really is why are you staying friends with the spy roomate?

The "she's her friend first my friend second" isn't a real thing. That's not a real thing. She's her friend not your friend. A friend to all is a friend to none. Roomate has to live with the girl so you can't even fault her.

And I mention this because trying to pretend like that's a real thing is just a prolongation of your personal misery. When you break up with a woman, especially if it's an ugly one, you have to break up with her friends too. If it's amicable you could test your luck.

^because the shit where you eat thing applies. we were all friends before this. breaking up with her friends is not an option because they are my friends too, I just have to realize that that's one particular friend I can't have those types of conversations with, even though they'll be the easiest ones that come to me, because of the knowledge available to me from her. You're right, it is a prolongation of my misery if I do that. Keeping tabs on what my ex is doing or what she's saying about me does absolutely nothing to benefit me