The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

We met at a club here in Busan, but she lives in San Fran and goes to art school there working on her master's. She was visiting her family for her summer vacation when we met. In the club, we didn't do much but talk and a little dancing, but we met again about two days later and walked around the beach, started kissing on the beach, and eventually (at like 3:30am) I was feeling her up on a park bench. Nothing more happened, and we met again the next day for a very similar meeting but again she had to go home because of her mom (a common theme here in Korea). Then, I had a previously scheduled trip to my home in southern California, so I left, and we texted all the time and even video chatted on skype most days. We did some things (IE I jerked it while convincing her to remove more and more clothing) so our relationship was moving pretty quickly, both sexually (as far as it could over the internet) and emotionally, since we were chatting all the time.

My return flight just happened to go from LA to SF and SF to Incheon, so I called the airport and asked to change my ticket with a longer layover in SF. I visited her apartment for 3 days and 2 days, and we had a really amazing time. I think my first night there was her second or third night; she had just moved in, so we were kinda experiencing it together. We still didn't have sex, but damn near; we were both naked and I was dry humping her clit, essentially. So all in all we had a really great time together and we were both really sad when I returned to Korea.

Truth be told, if she stayed in Korea or I stayed in SF, I would have been completely faithful and devoted to her. But as it stood, I did in fact have sex with a girl the day of my return to Korea. I think I knew that our relationship couldn't really work, because she was not planning on coming back to Korea and I had 0 intentions of going to San Fran. However, I still maintained the illusion, going so far as to kick a girl out in the morning because I had a Skype date with the SF girl. I really valued our relationship, and did everything to keep it together.

She, on the other hand, did not. I returned to Korea on a Sunday, and all that week we were still Skyping morning and night. She was just doing art in her studio, and I would be doing internet shit or even practicing drums. We just liked to be involved in each other's lives. (The one caveat to this is she had a really obnoxious "habit" of stopping texting mid-conversation, without any sort of "I'm busy" or "bbl" or "class, ttyl". Nothing. Happened not often, but enough to be an issue for me) The following Friday, we were texting back and forth when she said something special. I can't remember the exact words, but it was close to "I feel strange saying 'i really like you' because my feelings are a lot stronger than that'" so I think I made some stupid joke combining the words like and love, but then I said I think I love you, and she said the same back to me. So that Friday, I was feeling pretty good. Friday night I went out but didn't do anything, came home alone, and slept.

Saturday, morning my time, night her time. She was having a house party with her two roommates to celebrate their new place. She was texting me during most of it, not constantly but pretty much every 5-15 minutes. Pretty often considering it's her house party. But very early on it was bad. She was telling me about "this Italian guy" who was hitting on her. I'm not happy about that but I know she's a pretty girl and it's gonna happen. The thing she didn't fully appreciate, is that this kind of behavior does not need to be told to your boyfriend across the ocean. There ain't a god damn thing I can do about it, so why the fuck are you telling me? Too immature to know? Want to feed off the drama? I dunno. But, she did it. I should quickly mention that she wasn't drinking alcohol at this point, she had had a stomach problem and the whole time we were together she never drank so much as one beer. The party decides to go to a club, and soon she's telling me how weird it is because all her classmates are drunk and making out with each other. And this Italian guy is "trying to make out" with her. To which I respond "What does 'trying' mean? Just tell him you have a boyfriend." She doesn't really respond, but then says she's going home (it's maybe 1:30 or 2am at this point). And then she says "the Italian guy is coming with me???" (next text) "he says for safety."

I'm quite upset at this point, obviously. I'm sitting in my desk chair in Korea with my stomach in knots because I'm listening while my girlfriend is either setting herself up for some date-rape or just flat out cheating on me....or possibly just being really inconsiderate with regards to how the whole situation looks to me. After like an hour (during which I sent two more texts asking what is going on) she says she's home and helping her roommates clean up. I ask her when she'll sleep, and she doesn't answer. Many hours later I get a text asking me to get on Skype, which I do, and we start video chat. She's lying in her bed, starting to chat with me just like nothing happened. It was still pretty early over there (I think between 8 and 9am) so she could have feasibly done something and kicked the guy out, but I don't think she did. I truly believe she's just a really, really bad long-distance girlfriend. I asked her about the night and she said "I was just really tired after cleaning up so I went to bed" which I think is a fine response under normal conditions, but not when the whole night you've been telling your boyfriend about this dude trying to make out with you and escorting you home.

We kept in contact for another week or two, but we did have one big argument in which I brought up that night, and I did say she's a shitty long-distance girlfriend. I told her that she simply can't continue on with her behavior of randomly ignoring my texts. Her excuse was that she's extremely busy (which is true) and she's having trouble with her art (also true) but all I wanted was a simple "let's talk later" instead of stone-cold silence. When we're on Skype, she's happy to not talk at all, just have my presence around. When we text, it's chatchatchatchatchatNOTHING. One example happened in the week following the party. She was on her way to the city and she was telling me about a guy who came up to her earlier and said she was wearing a really nice sweater, and then asked for her number. And she gave it to him. And she told me this. And so I obviously had a few questions, and I think she answered one like "It's the easiest way to get rid of him" (probably true, considering her personality, she's normally very shy) but then I asked one more (not accusatory, just a question) and she read it (you can see when someone has read your message in the chat program we use) and didn't answer. All day. I texted her again maybe 8 hours later with a goofy quizzical-faced emoticon asking what's up, and then she didn't answer until the following morning. I think it was this event that led to our big argument, and me calling her out.

We were on Skype and I told her I didn't think our relationship would work. We didn't officially break up, but I stopped texting her after that. She messaged me on Skype about a month later, and we chatted for maybe 20 minutes. Then I messaged her about a week after that, and we texted back and forth for about 40 minutes until I asked "How's your art going" which she read and didn't answer......until two weeks later, she says "You still owe me dinner, remember?" When I left her place in SF, I forgot my sunglasses, which she shipped, and I said I'd buy her dinner as payment. I forgot I said this, so I had to ask. Turns out, she was back in Korea for winter vacation.

It's before Christmas, she's in Korea, she wants to meet for coffee. But she asks when I have one of my private students who lives in an apartment called Zenith because she lives there too....except that that apartment is about 7 minutes away by taxi, so there's really no reason to wait until my class. That day comes and goes, with us not talking, and I finally message her and ask "Why did you message me when you came back?" and she says "I thought we could catch up, but I've had a lot of family trouble." I'm quickly reminded of how awful she is at communicating, that she didn't just say this to begin with. She has a trip to Hong Kong, she goes, the New Year comes and goes, and she messages again, so I finally concede and meet her. I felt confident but also a bit angry before the meeting, and that came through pretty clearly. She commented that she never knew I was so sarcastic because I was laying it on so thick. My jokes were still funny, she was laughing, but most of my comments were definitely pointed. We talked for about 3 hours, about her family problems and also that she's embarrassed about what we did over Skype, but this was a minor drop in our conversational ocean. At the end, she says she'd like to meet me again for dinner, and I said yea sure and let her go.

She messaged me the next day asking about dinner, and I said "No, I don't want to get dinner. I don't want you as a friend and you can't be my girlfriend." That was it, until a few days later she messaged me again, but this time about our Skype experience. She said she felt very embarrassed and ashamed. She did it because she trusted me and we were in a relationship, but now that I told her I didn't want to see her again, she was 'freaking out.' I again reassured her that there was nothing to freak out about, that we just did the same thing we did in person. I wasn't using smilies or any sort of friendly, jokey language. I was just being direct. She said "thanks Jabber, that makes me feel a little better" which I read immediately and didn't respond to. That was the last time we spoke.