I almost got married to an attractive blonde. Three year relationship. Two months before the ceremony she decides she needs to go to Colombia for a month alone. She was working with indigenous crafts people to bring their wares to market. I did not like the timing of it, she bought the tickets anyway. That really gave me doubts about the whole situation and what the fuck was I actually doing. Something stunk. We were having regular phone conversations while she was away and something seemed off. I hated the fact that I was suspicious. Made me feel dirty for not trusting. My stress levels were starting to peak. I snapped and told her I wasn't happy with the current situation. She suggested we cancel the wedding. That left me feeling numb.
The day she got back was also my birthday, she had forgot when she scheduled the flight. The first real conversation we have she says we should go our separate ways.
I was devastated then really pissed off. I asked if she had met someone else. She said no. I left.
We had just recently purchased a house together around the time I proposed. A little bit of the cart before the horse, but the market was tight and properties were lasting less than 24 hours. The house was perfect and cheap, seemed like a smart move...
She wanted to stay in the house and was going to refinance the mortgage in her name. I said great, let me know when that's all settled and then I will sign over my half, but not a day before.
When I see her on the day of closing for the refinance three months later, she reveals that she had met someone else while in Colombia, had married them, and was pregnant with their child.
I was on a flight to Texas the next day. The guy who sat beside me didn't understand how I was able to just stare at the back of the seat in front of me for 4 hours straight. I said I had lots of practice.
I called her two weeks later to ask if what she had told me was actually real. I didn't want to look like even more of a fool telling the whole world some crazy lies. She said it was, but now she was filing for divorce and getting an abortion. I told her good luck with that.
Last I knew she moved to Colombia and got married again.
The whole thing hollowed me out at first, then I came to appreciate just how lucky I was. I got out of a terrible relationship and a mortgage without getting screwed financially. The alternative of getting married or having a child with her would have been a living nightmare.
But there is definitely a whole part of me that used to really give a shit, about little things, and being happy and trying hard. That part died. I can still enjoy things, but I really don't give a fuck about the small stuff. As long as I don't get physically hurt, it didn't cost any money, and I didn't get arrested or sued then it wasn't a problem.