They think, therefore they ARRRR!
2. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because
1. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
they’ll just wash up on shore later.
3. How do you save a dying pirate?
CPARRRRR
4. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
5. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.
6. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg
7. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
In a jarrrrr
8. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
9. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
He bought it on sail.
10. How do you turn a pirate furious?
Take away the “p.”
11. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
12. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
RRRRRRA!
13. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A buck-an-ear.
14. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?
Leeks
15. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep
16. Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
17. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C.
18. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?
He needed a new ipatch
19. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?
Barry D. Treasure
20. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
Because swords can’t walk. Duh.
21. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
n arm and a leg.
22. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?
Booty calls
23. Where do pirates go for a drink?
The sandbar
24. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
Because he was standing on the deck.
25. What’s a pirates favorite part of a song?
The hook!
26. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
Swordfish
27. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.
28. Why type of socks do pirates wear?
Arrrrgyle
29. What did the first mate send down the toilet?
The Captain’s log!
30. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty!
31. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
32.
A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.”
The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here.”
33. How do you make a pirate very angry?
You take away the “p”.
34. What do pirates wear when it gets really cold?
Long Johns.
35. How did the pirate call his mate?
On his aye phone.
36. What does a pirate name his dog?
The Plank. That's why he's always walking The Plank.
37. What do you call 3.14 men out at sea?
'Pi’-rates
38.
What's a pirate's favorite music genre?
Arrrrrr & B
39. What’s a pirate favorite rock band?
A-sea D-sea
40.
What do you call a pirate mutiny?
A conspira-sea!
41.
Why are pirates always so healthy?
They get such a good dose of vitamin sea.
42.
Why did the captain wear a suit and tie?
He had a cor-pirate meeting.
43.
Pirates are great at solving math problems. They are always trying to find out where X is.
44. Pirates make the best singers. They can hit the high sea notes with ease.
45. What did the pirate Santa Claus say?
Row, row, row!
46.
Why didn't the ammo leave the pirate's gun?
It got stuck in the barrel.
47
Why did the alcoholic pirate stop drinking?
Because he’d
rum out!
48.
Why do pirates live life to the fullest?
They know how to seas the day.
49.
Why did the pirate get lost?
He wasn't shore which way to go.
50.
Why did the pirate always regale the crew with stories of his youth?
Those were his most treasured memories.
51
Why did you join a band of pirates?
Pier pressure.
52.
When do pirates remove the anchor?
At the kraken of dawn.
53.
When do pirates get to eat cake?
When they reach a dessert island.
54,
Why was the pirate sad when his parrot left?
It gave him the cold shoulder!
55. Where do one-legged pirates go for brunch?
IHOP!
56.
Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?
He was in shark-invested waters!
57.
What do you call it when two pirates call it a draw?
A stale-matey!
58.
How come you can never call a pirate?
They always leave their phones off the hook.
59.
Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lo
