What tickles your pickle
- Thread starter Kreugen
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
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Imagine you work with them. And then do what comes naturally. What you seem to have an inability to stop.
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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Apparently I'm all talk. She said I was the most polite person she's had all month (...first day of the month....).
Pickle untickled
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Rajaah
Honorable Member
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A couple years ago I got an ultrasound of my junk, trying to figure out why the fuck it feels so weird all the time post-vasectomy (never figured that out yet).
The nurse doing the ultrasound was pretty cute and she was rubbing the ultrasound dongle thing around on my gelled-up junk. I stayed professional, but I did ask her to get a little lower down on the base just to get all of it.
Whole thing was actually pretty unsexy, reminded me of the Cock Magic skit from South Park. Like I had a towel over my nether-regions and kept having to move it around to obscure everything except the area she was currently rubbing. I didn't see the point because she was already looking at my junk and I'm not exactly modest about it, so before long the towel just sorta got left on the side. Then she blew me. No she didn't.
Right now I have zero women throwing themselves at me, but I have a dentist's assistant working on my invisalign who is a gorgeous Indian girl and I think she has a crush on me based on how she wastes time with me and looks at me with a twinkle in her eyes when I say her name. Also have a banker who seemed to like me a couple months ago, don't know if that's still the case because the bank moved and I haven't been by the new one. I'll check out both avenues and see what's up. It'd put me in a rough spot if they're both into me and both open to something, because they're both hot as fuck in completely different ways. One's Indian, one's Russian. I guess I could try juggling them and being indecisive and see which one works out on its own. Or maybe neither is into me anymore due to my inaction. Who knows. I don't know if I even care right now, my life's a bit of a mess that needs to be fixed up before I pull anyone else back into it.
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Brad2770
Avatar of War Slayer
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Wire a little speaker under your balls. As soon as you unzip your pants, press play:
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Punko
Macho Ma'am
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I just opened 3 weeks of unopened mail, and there wasn't a single invoice.
Amazing feeling.
U can always fuck the Russian one and claim you did it for Ukraine.
Amazing feeling.
U can always fuck the Russian one and claim you did it for Ukraine.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Tell them you have a weird painless knot that shows up when you're fully erect.
Good move telling all the girls at work that you're gay. They obviously think of you as their gay best friend.
Bandwagon
Kolohe
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The girls at work I'm "talking" to all work in Portland, Vancouver and Seattle and about half of the men in their offices are ovensexual demifurries with 7 syllable pronouns. I could suck a conveyor belt of dicks right in front of them and they'd still think I'm the straightest man in the Pacific NW.
Edit: One of them has been here all week and is sitting at the desk just around the corner. She was making jokes about transferring to our office on Tuesday. Now it's Friday and she asked the office manager this morning if he thought it would be an option. I asked her last night if she felt like the "bat-shit crazy fog" was lifting after being out of Portland for a few days.
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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Our "office lady" (admin) tells us all the time that she's not our maid/housekeeper, but the breakroom and snack supply is literally one of her responsibilities. Facebook, however, is not, although she spends roughly 5 hours a day on it.
I'm running on 3 hours of sleep today and walked in the breakroom to get coffee. I had Friday's coffee cup in my hand and opened the dishwasher to put it away when she walked around the corner and said "Dishwasher is full, they need to be put away". I said "Yes, they sure do", put my cup in the sink, poured a new one and walked out of the breakroom. Office manager was around the corner and overheard me and gave me the biggest shit-eating grin when I walked by.
I'm running on 3 hours of sleep today and walked in the breakroom to get coffee. I had Friday's coffee cup in my hand and opened the dishwasher to put it away when she walked around the corner and said "Dishwasher is full, they need to be put away". I said "Yes, they sure do", put my cup in the sink, poured a new one and walked out of the breakroom. Office manager was around the corner and overheard me and gave me the biggest shit-eating grin when I walked by.
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Morsakin
Golden Knight of the Realm
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Falling the fuck asleep ALL GODDAMN DAY Sunday unexpectedly. My girlfriend assumed not only what I was doing but proactively supported it, because we work in similar industries for a change. Woke up to a text about playing some Destiny 2 and/or getting some boba when I was up for it.
Bandwagon
Kolohe
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I use a new cup every Monday, Hoss. You should see what that thing looks like after the weekend.
I also get Starbucks about once a week just because I need a new spit cup.
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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My hot dental hygienist just spent 45 minutes giving me a cleaning while ranting about how much she hates government and that her and her husband aren't going to pay taxes on their rental anymore, and they're going to start finding subcontractors that will work under the table. I think I love her.
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Oblio
Utah
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Brahma
Obi-Bro Kenobi-X
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Not sure what you mean by salt balance if this was meant for me.
Lye cold press method. Coconut oil, olive oil, shaved coconut, lemon oil for scent.
Making a sandalwood and tea tree now. See how that goes!