Why do men keep putting me in the Girlfriend-zone?
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Jait
Molten Core Raider
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Then you have also had plenty of female friends that had no intention or desire to bang you. Because honestly, that's the only way it works. You have to have at least one swampdonkey if you are truly a friend to the ladies as you claim. So she found a way to bang you.
Miss Cleo Chappelle would have to ask, "Are you Asian?"
The cards don't lie.
yerm
Golden Baronet of the Realm
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I know plenty of attractive and desirable women that I am just friends with because of various reasons. They may be in a relationship with a friend or family member, for instance, and it would be morally wrong for me to pursue any sort of intimate relationship with them. They're attractive, fun, desirable human beings who I make zero effort to be anything more than friends with.
I don't see why it's so much of a stretch to do that when the situation is simply the other person is not interested. Some of my best friends friendzoned me hard, and I just sucked it up and stayed friends with them and repressed my feelings. I enjoy the friendship, and while I'd love to be more, I refuse to let that interfere with things. There are plenty more women out there and enough of them that DO find me attractive that I don't sweat the ones who enjoy my company but want nothing more.
I find 90% of the time the guys who bitch about friendzoning in general (not specific instances but the whole concept) are just bad at getting women to like them. They're bad at pushing things past friendship, or bad at taking that next step and getting intimate, or just ugly, or not funny, whatever. It's pretty rare that I meet guys who can routinely pick up hot chicks who complain about the friend zone. There's a pretty fucking good reason why.
I don't see why it's so much of a stretch to do that when the situation is simply the other person is not interested. Some of my best friends friendzoned me hard, and I just sucked it up and stayed friends with them and repressed my feelings. I enjoy the friendship, and while I'd love to be more, I refuse to let that interfere with things. There are plenty more women out there and enough of them that DO find me attractive that I don't sweat the ones who enjoy my company but want nothing more.
I find 90% of the time the guys who bitch about friendzoning in general (not specific instances but the whole concept) are just bad at getting women to like them. They're bad at pushing things past friendship, or bad at taking that next step and getting intimate, or just ugly, or not funny, whatever. It's pretty rare that I meet guys who can routinely pick up hot chicks who complain about the friend zone. There's a pretty fucking good reason why.
Zodiac
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Really guys we don't need another GWBYH thread, the lack of manliness needs to be kept to one thread please.
Again, it's not the only way it works. That may be true for you, but it's not some universal guy truth. Not everything about everyone is the same as it is for you.
I've had girls I was "friends" with that I wanted to bang, but I never really counted them as friends because my desire to bang them outweighed their value as a friend (ie I didn't like them that much as a friend, or in the example of this insanely hot black chick I didn't care that she was a fun friend). That exists on a continuum with hotness pulling toward sex and quality as a friend pulling toward friendship. There are also social circumstances (family friend, coworker, etc) that pull toward friendship. It's not a on/off like girls seem to be, but more of a "ok I would bang them, but..." and then it's a cost/benefit analysis. That means that when lots of alcohol is involved, you can mess it up. I've also had a couple female friends that are attractive and I have turned them down sexually, so you can't say it's some rationalization to cope with a girl who turns you down. None have been supremely hot as I'd probably cave (I'm still a guy), but they were attractive enough that I'd do it in a heartbeat if the friendship was severed.
Pretend you can hold your breath for 4 minutes, and then you read a thread of a bunch of people saying "no one can hold their breath for 4 minutes," and you say "I can," and everyone says "there is no way that's possible." "Um, ok, but....I can, so you're wrong." That's how I feel right now. The only position you can possibly take is that I'm lying to you or lying to myself. The former would make no sense, and I've just given an example that shows the latter is not true either.
Springbok
Karen
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I can't understand how anyone can be friends with a woman. Fuck, dating them is enough work and I get to bang. There is a reason the coolest girls you know have almost all guy friends and no girl friends.... even those "cool" girls at the end of the day are still girls. Too much work, no reward.
Having to be manly just means your covering up for your micro dick. sorry.
The only reason guys here are saying you can't be friends with a woman is because women don't like them because they are fucking losers who buy into the whole Waaaah Girls are Mean and Different Waaaaah.
These threads always dissolve into a micro dicked circle jerk of losers. Now watch them get all ornery and get out their micro dicked aggression with a bunch of lame ass bullshit.
The only reason guys here are saying you can't be friends with a woman is because women don't like them because they are fucking losers who buy into the whole Waaaah Girls are Mean and Different Waaaaah.
These threads always dissolve into a micro dicked circle jerk of losers. Now watch them get all ornery and get out their micro dicked aggression with a bunch of lame ass bullshit.
Eomer
Trakanon Raider
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I dunno, from my perspective, it's more because I really don't have much interest in being friends with women. They're a pain in the ass most of the time, and I most of the shit I enjoy doing in my spare time isn't shit that most chicks are interested in doing.TJ Lazer_sl said:
I'm not saying that men and women can't be friends, they certainly can to a certain point. But I think there's different levels of friendship. And the deep friendship guys develop with their "bros" is very, very rare between men and women for a variety of reasons. In most cases, if that kind of close relationship develops, one half is going to fall for the other half romantically. And really, I think that for most girls, they don't operate on the same level as guys in terms of their own friendships with other girls. Guys will have a dozen or more good friends that they hang out with on a regular to semi regular basis, and that shit is life long. If one guy moves away and they don't see each other for 5 years or even talk, they'll pick that shit back up like two weeks passed when they meet up again. Chicks on the other hand tend to have a very small group of female friends that they seemingly swap members in and out of on a regular basis, with the end result being that group will only have one or two of the same members if you look at it every 3-5 years. If two girls are separated for a long period, they might greet each other superficially friendly-like if they bump in to each other, but both are thinking "why didn't that bitch make more of an effort to stay in touch with me? pfft, whatever, she got totally fat after she got married anyways. What a cow."
Guys and girls just have different approaches both to their romantic and their platonic relationships, probably for evolutionary reasons. So yeah I have a lot of women friends or acquaintances in the general sense, but very few would I rank up there with my group of "bros" that mostly date back to high school. The only two girls I can think of that come close, I've slept with. So yeah...
Pancreas
Vyemm Raider
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Men and Women can be friends if at least one of them are in a serious relationship and the friendship stays relatively casual; That or the guy is gay. Women love gay men because it lets them have their cake and eat it too. They get all the emotional support with none of the sexual baggage.
Men on the other hand, can not be friends with lesbians... unless the lesbian can't be easily identified as a woman... then the man can be polite at best.
Every woman a man sees gets processed through his dick first. There is a half second go or no go check, and then the higher brain functions are allowed to proceed. If the woman is very attractive there is a chance that this may actually interrupt any previous thought process, leaving the man with a glassy look in his eye and his mouth slightly open. Anything he says for the next few moments will have to be from pure memorization as any original statement will simply get garbled.
Experienced males realize this and so develop a heightened awareness of attractive women. This allows them the extra time to think of all of the absolutely vile things they would be willing to do with, or for, said woman. These statements usually come in the following format:
"I'dperform a demeaning or painful actjust tohave a less than optimal intimate encounter."
Example: "I'd chew a hole through my pants just to fuck her in the rain."
This way when the man approaches or interacts with the woman, he can pretend to be a normal functioning human being; and not simply the walking talking reproductive organ that evolution has developed him to be. Any man who claims this is not occurring on a moment by moment basis has either finally grown out of it or is not eating enough broccoli.
Men on the other hand, can not be friends with lesbians... unless the lesbian can't be easily identified as a woman... then the man can be polite at best.
Every woman a man sees gets processed through his dick first. There is a half second go or no go check, and then the higher brain functions are allowed to proceed. If the woman is very attractive there is a chance that this may actually interrupt any previous thought process, leaving the man with a glassy look in his eye and his mouth slightly open. Anything he says for the next few moments will have to be from pure memorization as any original statement will simply get garbled.
Experienced males realize this and so develop a heightened awareness of attractive women. This allows them the extra time to think of all of the absolutely vile things they would be willing to do with, or for, said woman. These statements usually come in the following format:
"I'dperform a demeaning or painful actjust tohave a less than optimal intimate encounter."
Example: "I'd chew a hole through my pants just to fuck her in the rain."
This way when the man approaches or interacts with the woman, he can pretend to be a normal functioning human being; and not simply the walking talking reproductive organ that evolution has developed him to be. Any man who claims this is not occurring on a moment by moment basis has either finally grown out of it or is not eating enough broccoli.
Void
BAU BAU
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In general I agree with the premise that men and women can't be friends, but I also understand that there are exceptions to every rule. I'd like to throw out one that has held true for me.
It always starts with attraction for the guy, so at some point I've been interested in the girl(s) in question. But it is either rebuffed or can't happen for various reasons (already has a boyfriend/husband, coworker, EQ-based long-distance e-lust, etc.). At some point, over considerable length of time, I have come to realize that I dodged a bullet and I would never, ever want to be in a relationship with any of these women. Being friends is fine though because I honestly have zero interest in them anymore. Now, it is also true that they almost universally offer me next to nothing in the way of friendship because they are women that I don't want to fuck, but since I'm putting nothing into the friendship really, I'm not losing anything either.
One of them did call me out on treating her differently than I used to (EQ girl), and I bluntly told her that was because I wanted to bang her before. She got pretty offended by it at first, but being female she literally has almost no friends and I was fine with never calling her again, so she got over it.
I'm sure some armchair psychologist will say that I still want to bang them, that's why I keep them as friends, but I can promise you that's the furthest from the truth. If you know a girl long enough without getting to bang her, you eventually find out what type of person she is anyway; I would have simply found out quicker if I dated her, but might have overlooked some of it too if the sex was great. In this particular case she's gone from mysterious hot chick in EQ I knew almost nothing about to a decent looking chick that embodies almost everything I despise: vegetarian (but hypocritical of course, she'll eat chicken or fish...but only if it doesn't look like it came from a live animal, so no drumsticks for example), returned baby shower gifts that weren't on the approved "toxin free" list, refused to eat any bread out of the basket because I had taken one roll out before using her hand sanitizer, won't eat at a bbq unless she watches the cook use different utensils to cook her food so it doesn't get any of the beef/pork/whatever on it, breastfed her first kid until he was at least 3, I stopped asking after that because she had her second kid, AND she used to love to fucking play alts over mains constantly! The insanity! I could go on and on. I actually tell her that I feel sorry for her husband all the time because he has to put up with her insanity.
I don't care how hot a girl is, if she's that opposite of everything I believe in, I'd have buried her in the backyard long ago if I had let myself get trapped into that life.
So yeah, men and women can be friends once the man realizes he really doesn't want the woman anymore. We won't be sorry if we never hear from them of course, but we can still be friends.
It always starts with attraction for the guy, so at some point I've been interested in the girl(s) in question. But it is either rebuffed or can't happen for various reasons (already has a boyfriend/husband, coworker, EQ-based long-distance e-lust, etc.). At some point, over considerable length of time, I have come to realize that I dodged a bullet and I would never, ever want to be in a relationship with any of these women. Being friends is fine though because I honestly have zero interest in them anymore. Now, it is also true that they almost universally offer me next to nothing in the way of friendship because they are women that I don't want to fuck, but since I'm putting nothing into the friendship really, I'm not losing anything either.
One of them did call me out on treating her differently than I used to (EQ girl), and I bluntly told her that was because I wanted to bang her before. She got pretty offended by it at first, but being female she literally has almost no friends and I was fine with never calling her again, so she got over it.
I'm sure some armchair psychologist will say that I still want to bang them, that's why I keep them as friends, but I can promise you that's the furthest from the truth. If you know a girl long enough without getting to bang her, you eventually find out what type of person she is anyway; I would have simply found out quicker if I dated her, but might have overlooked some of it too if the sex was great. In this particular case she's gone from mysterious hot chick in EQ I knew almost nothing about to a decent looking chick that embodies almost everything I despise: vegetarian (but hypocritical of course, she'll eat chicken or fish...but only if it doesn't look like it came from a live animal, so no drumsticks for example), returned baby shower gifts that weren't on the approved "toxin free" list, refused to eat any bread out of the basket because I had taken one roll out before using her hand sanitizer, won't eat at a bbq unless she watches the cook use different utensils to cook her food so it doesn't get any of the beef/pork/whatever on it, breastfed her first kid until he was at least 3, I stopped asking after that because she had her second kid, AND she used to love to fucking play alts over mains constantly! The insanity! I could go on and on. I actually tell her that I feel sorry for her husband all the time because he has to put up with her insanity.
I don't care how hot a girl is, if she's that opposite of everything I believe in, I'd have buried her in the backyard long ago if I had let myself get trapped into that life.
So yeah, men and women can be friends once the man realizes he really doesn't want the woman anymore. We won't be sorry if we never hear from them of course, but we can still be friends.
ohkcrlho
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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Meh, I have lots of chick friends. Not super close, go to movies, chill at each other house friends, but about as close as anyone besides my girlfriend and best friend. Chicks are fun to hang out with, and you get a lot more respect in general if you roll with a bunch of hot women when you go out. I'm pretty active, I always invite a lot of people to come with me, and I'm comfortable with myself. I am not looking to bang any of these girls, because I'm quite content with what I have, but it's fun to go out with people, be they men or women.
Basically, if you are comfortable with yourself, you are not going to have stupid rules about who and who not can be your friend. And you aren't going to look for more out of a relationship than what is freely given.
On a side note, I'm pretty sure that a few of the girls I am friends with are secretly hoping I will break up with my girlfriend, and let's face it...it's never bad to have a stable of bangable chicks if you ever need it.
Basically, if you are comfortable with yourself, you are not going to have stupid rules about who and who not can be your friend. And you aren't going to look for more out of a relationship than what is freely given.
On a side note, I'm pretty sure that a few of the girls I am friends with are secretly hoping I will break up with my girlfriend, and let's face it...it's never bad to have a stable of bangable chicks if you ever need it.
Zodiac
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Honestly, the chicks I'm 'friends' with are only 'friends' and not acquaintances because I tolerate them to be around when they are out with the group. I wouldn't ever call one of them just to chat or ask them to do something that wasn't intended as a date. Not to say I don't enjoy the company or dislike them per se, but I'd never put any effort into a 'relationship' with a chick if it was platonic. If they show up, whatever. If they don't, whatever.
To me, that 's not a very deep friendship, but I guess you could still call it one.
To me, that 's not a very deep friendship, but I guess you could still call it one.
I'm friends with lots of attractive girls. Do I want to fuck them? not really. I have the occasional urge, but I'm mostly indifferent and could really care less if it happened or not. Usually with that attitude comes them wanting to fuck you though - and hence, that is precisely the problem, and the main reason men and women can't really be truly close friends. Because the not caring on either side is attractive; it generates attraction to 'just be friends' and platonically associate over a period of time while pursuing other interests and talking about those interests with each other if the friendship evolves into a close one.
So men who say they have women friends: while it may be true, if those women/men weren't involved with another and the two were sufficiently close, the barriers would likely break down. So while you may have women as friends now, the answer is you really don't: once circumstances change over a period of time, so too will that relationship likely change.
So men who say they have women friends: while it may be true, if those women/men weren't involved with another and the two were sufficiently close, the barriers would likely break down. So while you may have women as friends now, the answer is you really don't: once circumstances change over a period of time, so too will that relationship likely change.
Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Something is not adding up here, as the only reasons you wouldnt pursue(either just to fuck or be in a relationship) a woman is if;
shes ugly
shes crazy
shes taken
your taken
your gay
I just dont buy that there is a single guy that isnt gay who is going to pass up a woman who is avaliable, shares your interests, and isnt crazy or ugly. It just doesnt happen unless its one of the things I listed, then you will say shes your friend and not pursue her.
shes ugly
shes crazy
shes taken
your taken
your gay
I just dont buy that there is a single guy that isnt gay who is going to pass up a woman who is avaliable, shares your interests, and isnt crazy or ugly. It just doesnt happen unless its one of the things I listed, then you will say shes your friend and not pursue her.
Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
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So much this. There are very few women who I am willing to engage with on an intellectual level, let alone a social one. Their interests couldn't be more opposed to mine. On top of that, you want me to put up with all your whining and emotional shit without the whole banging part? Yeah...no.