You get one superpower

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!

Choose a Super Power

  • Hear the inner monologue of anyone over the age of 70 (passive)

  • Pubic hair grows 5% faster on anyone you touch (passive)(max: 5 stacks)

  • Once per day, make any person you look at briefly think of their parents naked (active)

  • Your boogers are peanut brittle (passive)

  • Once a day, two fully charged AA batteries appear in your left pocket (if you have one) (passive)

  • You can sneeze 10-100 easter peeps at will (active)

  • You can make the last smoke alarm you touched go off by thinking about it (active)

  • Your farts always have an upward/inquisitive inflexion (passive)

  • Saying "FUS ROH DAH" 300x consecutively causes Bethesda to release a new version of Skyrim (active)

  • Your tears and semen turn into soy sauce as soon as they lose contact with your body (passive)

  • Every time you defecate, 25 of Bandwagon's taste buds transfer from his mouth to his asshole.

Results are only viewable after voting.
Otto

Otto

<Silver Donator>
2,283
23,097
That last one is evil.

flintstonesprowler10.jpg
 
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Leon

Leon

<Silver Donator>
5,611
19,071

Every time you defecate, 25 of Bandwagon's taste buds transfer from his mouth to his asshole.​


And i'd hit taco bell non stop every meal for a month.

Have fun!
 
  • 1Worf
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Reactions: 1 users
Kaige

Kaige

<WoW Guild Officer>
<WoW Guild Officer>
5,584
12,745
I would take the "naked parents" one then use it on politicians, celebrities, and news people while they were talking live.
 
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Fucker

Fucker

Log Wizard
12,942
29,682
Nothing here about being able to plug in USB on first try.

YET ANOTHER INVALID LIST OF SELECTIONS.
 
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Bandwagon

Bandwagon

Kolohe
<Silver Donator>
24,454
65,768
Leon said:

Every time you defecate, 25 of Bandwagon's taste buds transfer from his mouth to his asshole.​


And i'd hit taco bell non stop every meal for a month.

Have fun!
Click to expand...
I'm not worried about it. I can burn those butt buds off in a hurry
 
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Arbitrary

Arbitrary

Tranny Chaser
29,603
82,013
Edaw said:
twinsanity.co

2 Funny: Captain Marginal

Today’s 2 Funny comes from cartoonist Michael Kupperman and was originally shown on the late Comedy Central series TV Funhouse. Imagine DC’s Captain Marvel origin story gone horribly wr…
twinsanity.co twinsanity.co
Click to expand...

Well yeah sure I found that one too but ain't no one going to click through a website to get to a vid if I just throw up a URL but they might click it off a clean video embed.

edit - sign me the fuck up for clean break poops
 
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Vanessa

Vanessa

Uncle Tanya
<Banned>
7,689
1,417
Arbitrary said:
sign me the fuck up for clean break poops
Click to expand...
Amen, or even better since this is pure fantasy... no poops at all.

Honestly, isn't taking a dump one of the shittiest (pun absolutely intended) low dice rolls with being a human? Scientists have figured we sit on the pot throughout our lifetime for 3 months straight. 3 months wasted on the porcelain pony just sitting there, pushing out smelly brown babies. Just imagine never having to take a shit again. Ever. I'd take that over invisibility any day.
 
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Izo

Izo

Tranny Chaser
19,579
23,816
Vanessa said:
Amen, or even better since this is pure fantasy... no poops at all.

Honestly, isn't taking a dump one of the shittiest (pun absolutely intended) low dice rolls with being a human? Scientists have figured we sit on the pot throughout our lifetime for 3 months straight. 3 months wasted on the porcelain pony just sitting there, pushing out smelly brown babies. Just imagine never having to take a shit again. Ever. I'd take that over invisibility any day.
Click to expand...
Poop Diarrhea GIF
Michael Jones Toilet GIF by Achievement Hunter

What, you don't read while pooping? If you're taking too long you need more fiber. Ask Kuriin Kuriin for the us brand.
 
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Vanessa

Vanessa

Uncle Tanya
<Banned>
7,689
1,417
Izo said:
Poop Diarrhea GIF
Michael Jones Toilet GIF by Achievement Hunter

What, you don't read while pooping? If you're taking too long you need more fiber. Ask Kuriin Kuriin for the us brand.
Click to expand...
I'm on my phone mostly, but before phones yeah, of course I read :) Whilst true that the act of reading makes poops go along more productively, I'm more saying that the actual, physical act of taking a shit is laborious, gross, and the idea of never having to do that is a glorious thought.

Taking shits is the one of the worst things we do as people and it's one of the first things I'm going to complain about on the "how did your experience go? Your feedback is important to us!" cards in Heaven.
 
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Cinge

Cinge

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
7,307
2,363
Do I have to be next to the 70+ year old to hear their inner thoughts? Otherwise I can hear the thoughts of every politician, blackmail them for cash. Make old people think I can read their minds and/or talk to them about savings, passwords and other secrets, their mind auto goes to those things, and thus I learn it, and clean them out.
 
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Bandwagon

Bandwagon

Kolohe
<Silver Donator>
24,454
65,768
Cinge said:
Do I have to be next to the 70+ year old to hear their inner thoughts? Otherwise I can hear the thoughts of every politician, blackmail them for cash. Make old people think I can read their minds and/or talk to them about savings, passwords and other secrets, their mind auto goes to those things, and thus I learn it, and clean them out.
Click to expand...
I am not omnipotent, sir.

I'd assume, since it's a passive skill, you wouldn't want it to work over the TV, radio etc. Can't shut it off.
 
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Indyocracy

Indyocracy

Stock Pals Participant
<Gold Donor>
1,121
5,242
I wanna hear just how fucked up a bunch of old people are. The shit they say out loud is fucked up half the time can't image what goes on inside
 
  • 1Worf
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Onoes

Onoes

Trakanon Raider
1,473
1,264
Cinge said:
Do I have to be next to the 70+ year old to hear their inner thoughts? Otherwise I can hear the thoughts of every politician, blackmail them for cash. Make old people think I can read their minds and/or talk to them about savings, passwords and other secrets, their mind auto goes to those things, and thus I learn it, and clean them out.
Click to expand...

Yuuuup, my thought exactly. "Now don't tell anyone your bank account password" and it's mine now.

Zing.

Or, if you had access to wealthy people, just talk about how to get money, what's the worst thing they've ever done, whatever... just ask leading questions and know the absolute truth. Use that to your advantage.

I almost selected the peep sneezes though, just for hilarity as I sneeze 20+ times a day, often 5-10 chained together. The lolz would be great.
 
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Punko

Punko

Macho Ma'am
<Gold Donor>
8,007
12,836
I'll take the fus ro dah for the team.

Anyone has spare AA batteries pls?
 
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