You get one superpower

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!

Choose a Super Power

  • Hear the inner monologue of anyone over the age of 70 (passive)

  • Pubic hair grows 5% faster on anyone you touch (passive)(max: 5 stacks)

  • Once per day, make any person you look at briefly think of their parents naked (active)

  • Your boogers are peanut brittle (passive)

  • Once a day, two fully charged AA batteries appear in your left pocket (if you have one) (passive)

  • You can sneeze 10-100 easter peeps at will (active)

  • You can make the last smoke alarm you touched go off by thinking about it (active)

  • Your farts always have an upward/inquisitive inflexion (passive)

  • Saying "FUS ROH DAH" 300x consecutively causes Bethesda to release a new version of Skyrim (active)

  • Your tears and semen turn into soy sauce as soon as they lose contact with your body (passive)

  • Every time you defecate, 25 of Bandwagon's taste buds transfer from his mouth to his asshole.


Results are only viewable after voting.

yerm

Golden Baronet of the Realm
6,537
16,753
If I wanted to steal money and shit from old people I'd just move to Bangalore. I picked sneezing peeps for the good times.
 
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Vanessa

Uncle Tanya
<Banned>
7,689
1,417
I picked sneezing peeps for the good times.
Ditto... I'd sniff pepper all day long just to feed the homeless and hey... it would look as absurd as it sounds.

I'd really like to change my vote, however, to this:

  • 1/4 of whatever Bandwagon Bandwagon was flying on when he made this post.
 
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Punko

Macho Ma'am
<Gold Donor>
8,007
12,836
Belgians already have a superpower so i'm ok with a somewhat bad secondary.



The waffles must flow.
 
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Il_Duce Lightning Lord Rule

Lightning Fast
<Charitable Administrator>
11,086
58,283
Huh, look at the choice that won out :trump:

For all the astute posters who also picked that one, allow me to add some secondary effects of this power:

-Humans have approximately 10,000 taste buds, so when you've taken enough shits to get Bandwagon Bandwagon to 1,000 taste buds replaced, you gain a telepathic link with him every time he eats for the 24 hour period that he got to 1K. You don't share his sense of taste, you just get to hear his internal monologue about why things are going... SOUTH... for him, if you see what I did there.

-This link happens at every 1k interval until he gets to 10K, then it resets back to 0 after being at 10K for 24 hours. The process then starts over.


I wonder what a running diary of this experience might look like...

Bandwagon, Day 10: something definitely seems off lately. Things seem to taste a bit... tangy-er... than they should. At first I thought it was my imagination but it's definitely getting more pronounced over time.

Bandwagon, Day 20: I had to do it: I finally went to the Doctor to see if he could tell me anything about what's happening to me. The look on his face as I described what was happening was not encouraging... usually he has a good poker face, but this time... As for the check-up itself, everything came back normal... though he did have a strange look momentarily as he checked my tongue with the depressor. There was also the strangest hint of latex during one of his tests. Or was there? I can't be sure.
 
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Bandwagon

Kolohe
<Silver Donator>
24,452
65,765
Huh, look at the choice that won out :trump:

For all the astute posters who also picked that one, allow me to add some secondary effects of this power:

-Humans have approximately 10,000 taste buds, so when you've taken enough shits to get Bandwagon Bandwagon to 1,000 taste buds replaced, you gain a telepathic link with him every time he eats for the 24 hour period that he got to 1K. You don't share his sense of taste, you just get to hear his internal monologue about why things are going... SOUTH... for him, if you see what I did there.

-This link happens at every 1k interval until he gets to 10K, then it resets back to 0 after being at 10K for 24 hours. The process then starts over.


I wonder what a running diary of this experience might look like...

Bandwagon, Day 10: something definitely seems off lately. Things seem to taste a bit... tangy-er... than they should. At first I thought it was my imagination but it's definitely getting more pronounced over time.

Bandwagon, Day 20: I had to do it: I finally went to the Doctor to see if he could tell me anything about what's happening to me. The look on his face as I described what was happening was not encouraging... usually he has a good poker face, but this time... As for the check-up itself, everything came back normal... though he did have a strange look momentarily as he checked my tongue with the depressor. There was also the strangest hint of latex during one of his tests. Or was there? I can't be sure.
Bruh. If you wanna know what my butthole tastes like, just ask.
 
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Mist

REEEEeyore
<Gold Donor>
31,378
23,801
I don't need any of these.

I need "Ability to tolerate other human beings for longer than 2 minutes."
 
  • 1Salty
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Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
<Gold Donor>
27,537
15,934
I have considered all the options. Worked through the pros and cons in my head. Masturbated to most of them, and made my decision. The first one. Old people are awesome.
 

Bandwagon

Kolohe
<Silver Donator>
24,452
65,765
Cracking Up Lol GIF by Originals
 
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Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
<Gold Donor>
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Nessy is trying to turn mist into a tranny. FTF? Or is it more androgenous to female?
 

Mist

REEEEeyore
<Gold Donor>
31,378
23,801
Serious question Mist:

Have you worn an ounce of makeup in your life and/or tried to make yourself attractive?
Only for job interviews and similar things.

People tend to like me, however inexplicable that is. It's actually quite confusing to me when people like me, or at least pretend to like me, because I certainly don't like me and don't see why anyone else would, so I just default to assuming they have an agenda. Even the few times I accidentally ended up in a relationship it would quickly fall apart because I just couldn't understand why anyone would like me.

People tend to think I'm smart, because I don't speak on a topics I'm not extremely confident on in real life, due to a moderate speech impediment (which is always think sounds way worse than it does) unlike the internet, where I am a shitposting machine. If I could talk even half as fast as I can type, I'm sure everyone would hate me as much as you all do.

I really just don't want people to like me, it's a hassle that I'm just not equipped to deal with.
 
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Vanessa

Uncle Tanya
<Banned>
7,689
1,417
Nessy is trying to turn mist into a tranny. FTF? Or is it more androgenous to female?
You're a weird dude Hoss.

Only for job interviews and similar things.

People tend to like me, however inexplicable that is. It's actually quite confusing to me when people like me, or at least pretend to like me, because I certainly don't like me and don't see why anyone else would, so I just default to assuming they have an agenda. Even the few times I accidentally ended up in a relationship it would quickly fall apart because I just couldn't understand why anyone would like me.

People tend to think I'm smart, because I don't speak on a topics I'm not extremely confident on in real life, due to a moderate speech impediment (which is always think sounds way worse than it does) unlike the internet, where I am a shitposting machine. If I could talk even half as fast as I can type, I'm sure everyone would hate me as much as you all do.

I really just don't want people to like me, it's a hassle that I'm just not equipped to deal with.
I've known similar "yous" in my life if that makes sense. Here's what you need (and you know me [I hope you do by now]... you know I'm not one of the trolls here looking to get a rise out of you or pick on you) the right prescription. Try XYZ anti-depressant. If that doesn't work for you after a couple months, talk to your shrink and get on another. You are a chronic depression case. I assume I'm not breaking new ground and everyone has told you this already, yes?

So why doesn't any of it work? What are YOU not doing if that's the case? Giving up? Saying "why am I taking this... it won't help" then not taking it, making it into a self-fulfilling prophesy?

You're now thinking I have an "agenda" with you and that is the depression talking again. No agenda... just don't like seeing people being sad! Seriously, that's it.
 
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Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
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You're now thinking I have an "agenda" with you and that is the depression talking again. No agenda... just don't like seeing people being sad! Seriously, that's it.

Of course she does. I already think you're trying to recruit her as a trans and I don't have the whole clinal depression thing going on. Try explaining to her in clinial terms why we develop cares about people we spend time with. Not sure if that's stockholm syndrome or if there's a more specific name for it when you're not a captive.
 

Vanessa

Uncle Tanya
<Banned>
7,689
1,417
I already think you're trying to recruit her as a trans
On one hand (probably my male side LoL), I'm genuinely annoyed and rankled at this, but on the other hand (likely the female side), I'm honestly curious and I gotta ask:

Hoss...

Are you trolling me right now? Are you being serious or not? Because I can't honestly tell.

If you're trolling me, great: I fell for it. Legit, I got played.
If you're serious... what in the frolicking freckled fuck are you talking about... recruiting Mist as trans? How did you come to this conclusion in any way based on what I said above that is rational or logical?
 

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
<Gold Donor>
27,537
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On one hand (probably my male side LoL), I'm genuinely annoyed and rankled at this, but on the other hand (likely the female side), I'm honestly curious and I gotta ask:

Hoss...

Are you trolling me right now? Are you being serious or not? Because I can't honestly tell.

If you're trolling me, great: I fell for it. Legit, I got played.
If you're serious... what in the frolicking freckled fuck are you talking about... recruiting Mist as trans? How did you come to this conclusion in any way based on what I said above that is rational or logical?

Because of a thing called projection. People (and you are a person despite what some here will argue) like to project their own problems onto others. I got the feeling from your words that you had been there done that and were trying to commiserate with mist. Don't forget you're dealing with someone who basically admitted that she fabricates ulterior motives for people interacting with her.

Plus we all know gays and trannies can't reproduce so they have to recruit. Glenn Beck and Alex Jones told me so.
 

TJT

Mr. Poopybutthole
<Gold Donor>
43,047
109,974
Just wait until I am able to sneeze a deluge of peeps at anyone who irritates me.