Gonna continued to put pm"s out there in anon form, I get asked the same questions over and over again, plus I feel this one is important.
Anon said:
I started reading the 2 books you suggested, The Millionaire Next Door and The Millionaire Mind.
The more I read the more I started evaluating my gf and how she lives and thinking about how it would work if we end up together. Suffice to say I wasn"t thrilled with the things I was seeing as far as how my gf spends money.
Does your wife work? Does she fall in line perfectly with the ideas in the book about living below your means, saving, etc?
I just ended up with more questions and more stress trying to figure out what to do with my future relative to my gf. I really want to be financially independent one day. When I discuss these things with my gf she agrees but when it comes to her daughter it"s spend, spend spend...
I"ve considered if we got married just having separate finances and I could just save with my salary and let her do what she wants with hers. We make about the same so if I saved 30% of my earnings that would roughly provide for both of us...
What do you think?
My wife wasn"t ready when we were dating, but I told her about my goals. I"m not going to say my goal was to be a business owner at that point, but my goal was to be a multi-millionaire through investing at the time. We had long talks about it, and other expectations while we were dating. I was already making 65-70k at that point, and I had no desire to see that money wasted. Anyone making that much can eventually be a millionaire with careful planning. She said she was OK with sacrificing now for the future, but she came from a poor family, and had no idea how to budget or invest.
When we first got married, I was given her bills, and was shocked. I ended up paying out about 4k in the first week just to get her bills paid up to date. And then I pulled her credit score, and I was like 538!
Needless to say, her coming from a poor family meant she needed to be trained. I had to put my foot down, at first, I was such a Nazi I didn"t allow her to buy a soda without calling me for permission. I definitely played the man-card, told her I was the man of the house, and if she wanted to do better, do what I told her to do. Eventually, I got her to the point that she budgets for both the house and the business. Her life is definitely different now, as she grew up in a 1,200 sq. ft. house with 6 people in it (and holes in the floor), and now lives in a 5k sq. ft. house in the highest end neighborhood in the city and drives a Mercedes with money in the bank. I was harsh on her at first, but ask her now if it was worth a little more discipline.
A wealthy businessman once told me that you better pick your spouse right, because that spouse will determine your level of happiness and success in life (or your sadness and level of fail). Its a little bit different, in that I didn"t live with her beforehand, so there were no expectations we"d get hitched. Screw expectations of people around you, those other people expecting you to get married don"t have to live with her for the rest of their lives. Its your life. I"d try further talks with her to see how she does, if she can"t/won"t change, you"ll need to make a decision. What are your goals in life? You trying to accomplish something in life, or do you want to live a lesser life but be in love? I say that like its mutually exclusive, because they are.
We definitely had to come together on some things. Like I was unemployed during grad school, and she supported the house entirely. I had all this money sitting in investments that we could have lived off of, but that would have meant I couldn"t have afforded a down payment on the business. She had to step it up a lot at work to cover all the bills, and she didn"t waste a penny. We were united when we said we didn"t want our nest egg to be touched. If you pick a spouse that spends everything, and you go unemployed, some spouses with no budgeting skills will use up the nest egg pretty quick.