Annoying shit your wife does

Daezuel

Potato del Grande
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Probably all the black bull spooge she has to mop out of her snatch.
And that's why you'll always remain inferior to others with that immature outlook on life. Enjoy the crappy life though.

(god even the spazzes on mmo.cuk have better come backs than Tanoob)
 

Hoss

Make America's Team Great Again
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Fancy! We use those for coats only, they're like $5 each! Plus they take up so much room in the closet. Jelly though, those would be nicer if I had $1,000 dollars to spend on hangers.

Talks about eq brower 24/7 and jerks it to gay porn.

You never stay in a hotel that's 2 stars or above? Those wooden hangers are free.

Also lol at the last line. Didn't see it when I read the post the first time.

I use the metal hangers I get from the dry cleaners for arts and crafts projects.

Is stealing cars called a craft project now?

I'll probably just turn gay when the daughter is old enough and her period syncs up with my wife's

Take my advice. Mark that shit on a calendar and keep chocolate handy. I actually have outlook calendar at work setup to give me 3 days notice. I fucked up today though. I went to a gun show and left them unsupervised. They wound up in a car together going someplace else. For about 5 minutes.

Anyway, annoying shit my wife does is she's always wanting to suck my dick. Like OMG, let me just take a fucking shower once in a while in peace?
 

Lejina

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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Put up a drywall? There's a home improvement thread somewhere.
You're expecting tyen or trex to put up drywall? Either option sounds ridiculous.
 
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Haus

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Wow, so much shitposting to cover.. and so little time....

A) Trexie... love you to death but you and Tyen need to own that you two are the reason you want to live in DT Portland, not the kids well being. You're just at that point in the commercial where he says "we're never moving to the suburbs".. I have faith though that eventually the fact that having kids means they should always come first will sink in for you and you'll realize the more feasible of options between doubling your income (ir order to sink it into rent and never have a "forever home") , or sacrificing some of your cool kid cred and getting a place outside downtown. Here, for reference :

B) That comment about "He thought you thought you had D-cups", priceless. You really walked right into that one. I hope your nose is OK.

C) Can we just get this renamed the "Pre-Divorce thread"?

D) On women and grocery shopping, my wife and I usually actually do this together and it doesn't bother me. Recently she has been ill and was apologizing profusely to me about me needing to go do it myself, all the while me telling her it was fine and to rest. While the inner monologue is just saying "Hell yes, i'm gonna have this shit done in a quarter the usual time!"
 
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Picasso3

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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My wife will say "really?" After you answer a question like "what's your favorite xx", basically saying she can't believe how shitty your decision is you must be kidding.
 
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Mist

Eeyore Enthusiast
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Can I put annoying shit my mom does in here?

If so, continuing to breathe is one of them.
 
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popsicledeath

Potato del Grande
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Can I put annoying shit my mom does in here?

If so, continuing to breathe is one of them.

No it's supposed to be annoying things people do who also love you. Sorry. You'll need to keep posting in the girls who broke my heart thread.
 
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radditsu

Silver Knight of the Realm
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i hate warm tuna. i do not know how to say it more plainly to you woman. The only acceptable methods of preparing tuna are sushi or in a chilled tuna salad. She keeps trying to make it a thing. I barely swallow it. But she used to never cook until I got absolutely burned out on it. I like to cook, but i hate the children bothering the shit out of me when I do so. I am NOT picky, i just hate warm fucking tuna.
 
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trex

Queen Bee
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Mist and mist's mom obvious products of suburbia: one needs things she can't afford and wants someone to give them to her because she grew up in communist Pleasantville. One gives things she doesn't want to because she has no backbone, doesnt like confrontation,doesn't want to upset anyone and believes that everyone's life should be Pleasantville.

Mist, cut her the fuck off.
 
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jeydax

Death and Taxes
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Wife: Can you finish the projects you're on now before you start your next one?
Me: That's the plan.

Fast forward a day....

Wife: Can you put a new storm door in and help me put up some new drapes?
Me: *Begin raging with the white-hot passion of a thousand fiery suns*

It's OK if we're doing her projects but god forbid if I want to run a couple god damn ethernet cables so she can have her crystal clear Netflix on whenever she wants. Put the fucking drapes up yourself god damnit! Grumble grumble grumble...
 
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Gnomedolf

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I think my wife snacks on toilet paper because man, does she go through that stuff quickly.

I feel ya. I can set out a new double roll in the morning and it's gone by noon. Shit's expensive, yo. (No pun intended)
 
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Synj

Dystopian Dreamer
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How has this thread gone 24 hours? You mutherfuckers are slipping.

Me: Reading, internetting, w/e in a room alone
Wife: Enters and starts babbling about boring topic I don't care about
Me: Look up and give cursory attention required before going back to what I was doing before she entered the room
Wife: "Oh I can see you don't want to talk" huff puff waffle copter out of the room

JESUFUCHRIST!
 
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Synj

Dystopian Dreamer
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See above but for extra difficulty points:

Wife starts READING some none funny list from Buzzfeed about Top 10 Things Every Working Mother Deals With, "isn't that so true snortle?!"

IDONTCARE!
 
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Sludig

Golden Baronet of the Realm
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Same as above, except when I then go in while she is watching gypsy lives, celebrity marriage counseling, are you the one and other IQ dropping shows. A quick question and I'm the complete worst asshole ever. Despite that shit being DVR'd and rewind/pausable unlike me being deep into a ranked overwatch match.
 
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ZyyzYzzy

RIP USA
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Wife is excited and talks about having a party/get togetjer for 3 weeks for dauther's friends and her mom friends.

It is on Wednesday. Nothing but bitching and complaining about having to have it sonce Saturday
 
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