I'll try to dig a few up, but I remember reading a lot of literature on the domestic abuse that essentially stated that MOST domestic abuse is reciprocal. So, in order to fix the problem, you'd really need to address BOTH parties behavior, not just the one who got injured. But when you say that, you get a host of feminist's saying you're "victim blaming" ect and that domestic violence is a purely male issue; and only men should be punished for it. (Groups in Sweden even got pissed off when men got counseling instead punishments.)
The problem I have with this particular feminist agenda, of making DV a purely male issue, is not the fact that it's unfair (Though it is)--it's that it projects such a narrow, and distorted view of what domestic violence is. People have this image that DV is just some guy in a wife beater, coming home with soot on him from his low paying job, and then beating his wife because dinner isn't ready. It's a preposterous image of it; and it hurts the people involved in these toxic relationships because they will never actually get help that is correctly tailored the problem, but instead will get "help" that has been born of political ideologies.
I feel pretty strongly about this issue because my cousin and my uncle, was severely abused by my aunt. I spent a lot of time at his house because I was worried about my cousin (And we were best friends). His father is (My blood uncle) Italian, and very catholic, so divorce was completely out of the question for him. My aunt always used that knowledge against him, growing more and more chaotic and childish as the years went on; she'd clean out their bank account to buy a new car for herself, go on these lavish shopping sprees, and when my uncle asked about it (I could hear them downstairs), she'd throw a fit and say he was "controlling" her, and then she'd start hitting him--a few times the cops needed to be called because she used a meat hammer. The cops believed him, and would take him to my house to let him get away for a few days, and then my aunt would move in on my cousin (I always tried to get him to stay at our house during the flare ups, but the beatings would just be worse if he did.)
Anyway, the point is, these flare ups of severe abuse? Happened maybe 2-3 times a year. At all the other times, it was just low level stuff, like her hollering or the dad bellowing about the house. Not terrible, certainly not what you would classify as "abuse"--but the problem was, is that the low end stuff would build until she actively became violent. And no one could see the relationship was toxic because everyone has this view that DV is this cliche image of the hairy, redneck who beats on his wife, and not what it actually isin most cases.In most cases, DV families look 100% normal.
The reality is, DV is usually one partner who bullies the other in very subtle ways for months, and thateventuallybecomes physical violence. Either it's a dick head guy who antagonizes his wife until she blows up, and then he takes that as his excuse to beat her ass or it's a bitch who hen pecks a guy until he finally argues back and then she starts hitting him for daring to holler at her (And then he either takes it, or hits her back.) Most DV relationships arenotthis consistent violence that we see on TV; it's a stupid image to project of DV, and it sucks we can't actually help the root cause of the issue because of politics.
(Edit: Too add, I usually don't add much about DV, because I fear my opinions will be biased by what I saw, so take the above with a grain of salt that I am biased by my anecdotal experiences with a woman who was a sadist.)
