Dating

Cad · Mar 16, 2023

Khane said:
Of course guys who have been married a long time have an idea of how to sustain a relationship.

But that's not what the conversation was about. He posted a checklist of inquiries to ask on first or early dates. It's a very rigid approach that is more robotic than romantic. He was confusing trying to determine if a woman is a good match and shares ideals with, as others have said, interviewing them expecting real answers.

And if that wasn't his intent he did a poor job conveying his advice. And that's what he was being called out on. If you sincerely expect that you can suss out what the woman sitting across from you is all about with that series of questions you'll be in for a very disappointing dating life.

And of course he couldn't help but launch straight into a hypocritical ad hominem.

Reading his posts, it seems like he backed down on talking about sex frequency at least, hah. Those are things I'd probably talk about with people right off. I talk to people about retirement, spending on things, what we think it's okay to spend on vs. not... you could tell a lot about a person by how they answer or don't answer those questions.

You ever talk to one of those people who is just on your wavelength and you feel like you've known them forever even though you just met? Acting like yourself is how that happens. If you put on a front and wait until the 4th date to let it down, you will go on a lot of fake ass 4th dates that fizzle out whenever you drop the mask.

I think generally I'm with Oblio... just be you, even if that means running down a checklist on the 1st date. If thats how you feel, do it. You'll meet checklist babe and she will be your soulmate. Hiding your personality will get you more dates but I'd rather have more "real" dates.

Khane · Mar 16, 2023

I don't think anyone would suggest putting up a front or hiding your personality and intentions. His phrasing was just poor and it's important to note that it's better to present these things in a manner that conveys what you want and weigh their responses to your own thoughts rather than just flat out asking a question. That, in my experience, will get more genuine feedback.

In other words, use what your looking for as an outline for topics of conversation, rather than a series of questions.

Cad · Mar 16, 2023

Khane said:
I don't think anyone would suggest putting up a front or hiding your personality and intentions. His phrasing was just poor and it's important to note that it's better to present these things in a manner that conveys what you want and weigh their responses to your own thoughts rather than just flat out asking a question. That, in my experience, will get more genuine feedback.

In other words, use what your looking for as an outline for topics of conversation, rather than a series of questions.

Well I completely agree there. I ask people questions for a living and how I talk in depos or in court is different to the point that its an entirely new conversational skill.

You definitely don't want to make it seem like you're just asking your list of standard questions even if you are. Presentation matters. No argument there.

Oblio · Mar 16, 2023

Khane said:
I don't think anyone would suggest putting up a front or hiding your personality and intentions. His phrasing was just poor and it's important to note that it's better to present these things in a manner that conveys what you want and weigh their responses to your own thoughts rather than just flat out asking a question. That, in my experience, will get more genuine feedback.

In other words, use what your looking for as an outline for topics of conversation, rather than a series of questions.

Based on your posts over the years it is safe to say that you are middle aged, single and lonely. The whole point of my post was to advise being upfront/honest and not to play games. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes like growing old alone. It's funny that you think you have all the answers at something you have repeatedly failed at. It's like a guy that never play football beyond highschool telling an NFL Vet how to make it in the NFL. You can keep acting the fool and misconstrue the points I was making or maybe listen to what I said apply (in your own way) it on your next date and see what happens.

Animosity you are wrong about (as the kids say) my body count. But how is Body Count relevant to a successful relationship? When you are your death bed are you gonna think of all the women you slept with or the woman that you spent and built your life with? What is the point of that comment?

For all of the guys in this thread stuck in the dating game, the reason you are stuck is because you are playing the dating game by dating game rules. I personally would not play by those rules if I was looking for a relationship. Again, play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Trying to get laid is a different story.

Lastly, just stop the bullshit narrative comments like interrogation/robotic etc. I have stated multiple times I would do it tactfully. I would work all these topics/questions into the conversation in natural way, if you keep arguing the contrary you are not arguing in good faith.

Khane · Mar 16, 2023

You're a real gem Oblio.

Oblio · Mar 16, 2023

Khane said:
You're a real gem Oblio.

I know my wife and partner of 25 years tells me that daily. Keep playing those games and winning those prizes Champ!

pharmakos · Mar 16, 2023

Oblio said:
but in all honesty why waste your time on a dozen dates if the sexual compatibility isn't there?

What kind of middle aged man values sex above all else? Your pecker is gonna quit working in a decade or two anyway bruv

pharmakos · Mar 16, 2023

Deathwing said:
Fuck this thread being in the grown up forum right now.

Toe the line til you're asked to drop bruv. As my mother always told me growing up, it's easier to apologize then it is to ask permission.

pharmakos · Mar 16, 2023

Cad said:
Sometimes I wonder though if all the games people who are dating say you have to play is the reason they're still dating rather than in a relationship.

Presenting a rigid checklist at the beginning is a sort of game tho. The real goal is to be genuine and natural without rushing or playing games.

Furry · Mar 16, 2023

Cad said:
Well I completely agree there. I ask people questions for a living and how I talk in depos or in court is different to the point that its an entirely new conversational skill.

You definitely don't want to make it seem like you're just asking your list of standard questions even if you are. Presentation matters. No argument there.

Interrogation techniques is an interesting thing to learn, I’ve done it as part of my job, and I’m sure lawyers get plenty of education on the subject. Summed up very simplicity, being direct is an awful way to speak to someone you don’t have an established relationship with. People generally naturally get very suspicious when someone they don’t know is very direct. From the lawyering side, I’m sure there’s times you do it because you want to make a point, not get answers.

I second dick pic. That’s the best way to start a conversation with a woman.

pharmakos · Mar 16, 2023

Oblio said:
I know my wife and partner of 25 years tells me that daily. Keep playing those games and winning those prizes Champ!

What was your first date with your wife like? What were the second and third like?

Genuinely asking. I am guessing they were pretty different from the advice you presented. But they still led to a long term relationship. So I think the thread could maybe stand to hear a little about your first dates with Mrs. Oblio back in 1998.

Cad · Mar 16, 2023

pharmakos said:
Presenting a rigid checklist at the beginning is a sort of game tho. The real goal is to be genuine and natural without rushing or playing games.

What if being that way is natural to him? Then he should absolutely keep doing it, because thats how he's going to fall back to acting when the mask comes down.

Cad · Mar 16, 2023

Furry said:
Interrogation techniques is an interesting thing to learn, I’ve done it as part of my job, and I’m sure lawyers get plenty of education on the subject. Summed up very simplicity, being direct is an awful way to speak to someone you don’t have an established relationship with. People generally naturally get very suspicious when someone they don’t know is very direct. From the lawyering side, I’m sure there’s times you do it because you want to make a point, not get answers.

Depends if that is just who you are. Obviously you shouldn't overdo it, but you shouldn't put on a false front either. If you are just a direct person then you should continue being that way so they can decide if they like that right now rather than 4 dates from now.

pharmakos · Mar 16, 2023

Cad said:
What if being that way is natural to him? Then he should absolutely keep doing it, because thats how he's going to fall back to acting when the mask comes down.

Touche. Yeah maybe he'll find a rigid Frau to match him.

slippery · Mar 16, 2023

Blowing up the thread wasn't the result I thought I would get when I posted lol. I was mostly just bitching about small talk.

We're just texting right now. I'm mostly asking questions of likes and dislikes that could enable me to plan/do things in the future, seeing what interests we share.

Dating is a young persons game, I definitely agree with the line of thought most here have that it's not worth wasting time so you should try to figure out some compatibility stuff right away

Cad · Mar 16, 2023

pharmakos said:
Touche. Yeah maybe he'll find a rigid Frau to match him.

Thats the idea, it doesn't matter how fucked up or weird you are, there's someone out there that probably adores that fucked up weirdness. The thing that every relationship needs is communication; not a set of cookie-cutter traits or dates to get in someone's pants.

Kriptini · Mar 16, 2023

I don't do small talk. I typically launch into asking her about her interests immediately. If I find something interesting, I latch onto it and see if I can get her to go off about it for a while. When a woman passionately monologues about something she's really into, that's a good sign. Even better if she realizes that she's been doing all of the talking and then reciprocates by asking you about your interests. Pretty quickly you'll find a transition to a deeper topic that reveals more about both of you to each other.

Furry · Mar 16, 2023

I worked with a guy that would pull up his bank account on the phone and go around showing women it and asking for a date. It eventually worked even. There’s all sorts out there.

pharmakos · Mar 16, 2023

Furry said:
I worked with a guy that would pull up his bank account on the phone and go around showing women it and asking for a date. It eventually worked even. There’s all sorts out there.

Yeah go up to enough women and say "hey! Nice shoes! ...Wanna fuck?" and eventually one will bite.

Works better if you live in a decent sized city where you won't end up with a reputation tho lol

BrutulTM · Mar 16, 2023

pharmakos said:
What kind of middle aged man values sex above all else? Your pecker is gonna quit working in a decade or two anyway bruv

Maybe he's been married for 25 years to a woman who only fucks on February 29th and really doesn't want to make that mistake again.

Furry said:
I second dick pic. That’s the best way to start a conversation with a woman.

Ethical question. Does it have to be your own dick?

Dating

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