Dating

BrutulTM said:

Maybe he's been married for 25 years to a woman who only fucks on February 29th and really doesn't want to make that mistake again.



Ethical question. Does it have to be your own dick?

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Of course. What sort of coward sends someone else’s dick. That’s like peeing in a stall.

pharmakos said:

What kind of middle aged man values sex above all else? Your pecker is gonna quit working in a decade or two anyway bruv

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Speak for yourself, my 98 year old grandpa is on his 3rd marriage to a woman in her 50s and they have a 30 year old together. I have no doubt he is still getting some on a weekly basis. I never said it was above all else, I said it was important (see below for context).

pharmakos said:

What was your first date with your wife like? What were the second and third like?

Genuinely asking. I am guessing they were pretty different from the advice you presented. But they still led to a long term relationship. So I think the thread could maybe stand to hear a little about your first dates with Mrs. Oblio back in 1998.

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To be fair my advice was what I would do now as a middle aged man and I assumed slippery is of a similar age.

Yes it was January of 1998, I was 21 and she was 19. We were both broke Student/Athletes, I saw her in the Gym on Thursday and asked her if she wanted to go out on Friday or Saturday. She said yes, but had some plans with friends she needed to rearrange. So I got her number and told her I would call her later that night to finalize the plans and then I did exactly what I said and called her that night. No games. We talked on the phone until 1am and made plans for Friday evening.

On Friday evening we saw Good Will Hunting and went to a park with an awesome view for sunset I do not recall the order of those events, I think it probably went sunset then movie and then dinner. Neither of us wanted the night to end so we went to a big chain 24 hour grocery store that had a coffee shop. We got hot chocolate and talked until 3am. We talked about our goals and dreams, I was blunt about everything. I told my likes and dislikes, I asked her what hers were too. I remember disagreeing with her on a handful of subjects and logically explained my stance with evidence. I told her that I wasn't looking for casual dates, I told her I was looking for something real. I told her I was looking to find the future Mrs. Oblio, but at the same time I was wasn't in a rush to get married. We talked about the number of kids we thought we wanted, places we would like to travel to and places we would want to live. I was pretty sure she was the one that night.

Two weeks later I told her I loved her, maybe I was young and naïve, but I was bluntly honest just like I am now. I felt that way so I told her, no games. She was so shocked that she didn't even know how to respond lol, no one had ever told her that before, not even her own father. Her father is a good man and always loved but he never said it. In March she took me home for a weekend to meet her parents, that is the weekend her Dad started saying "I love you" to her, because of me. Like I said he is a good man, but his parents never said it to him so he never said it to her. Shit 15 years later I got her Nanny to kiss her Grandpa, no one in the family had ever seen them kiss. I have many faults, but I admit to them. I am honest to a fault, genuine and sincere. People always know where they stand with many. I do not sweep shit under the rug, so I may come off as combative to some. I grew up in a family where shit was swept under the rug all the time and I hated it, so when I moved out two weeks before turning 18 I swore to myself to always be truthful. I may have broken that rule a few times, but not many and I hated myself when I did.

My wife and I were together for over a decade before our first kid and no bullshit we probably averaged sex more than once per day pre-kids. Post college I remember weekends where we barely left the bedroom. Last September we went to Vegas and one day we decided relive one of those Saturdays and spent a whole day in our room, it was awesome. The discussion of sexual frequency/scheduled sex did not come up until we had kids. Like I said before due to life being super busy we just realized we had to schedule it, but still manage to find extra opportunities here and there.

Don't get me wrong, our relationship is not based on sex. We talk for hours, we call each other 5-10 times a day. If anything, we over communicate. We are madly in love with each other. And this isn't a fairy tale. We argue, we disagree, we just don't hold grudges and never go to bed mad. It takes work to stay in love this long and be this dedicated to one another.

pharmakos said:

H

He married a 20 years old when he was 68?

You sure he doesn't have one of them inflatable prosthetic implants to keep his dick up?

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I don't know her exact age, I think she is in her mid to late 50s. Shit she might be 60, I honestly don't know. I have never seen his cock, but he has seen mine because he is/was a Doctor and gave me my first physical before High School Sports. No one told me that you had to drop your drawers for a physical, I remember he told me to cough and I was holding in laughs that basically mimicked a cough and he said "good, good." I came out of the room and punched my dad in the shoulder and said "thanks for telling me about the hernia test asshole." My Dad laughed and felt bad and I didn't get in trouble for calling him asshole, which normally would have resulted in an ass whooping.

pharmakos said:

This is still the kind of romance most single women want, even in their 40s. Awesome story thanks bruv.

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It would go differently now. I doubt I would fall in love in two weeks and I sure as shit would have the sex convo way before 10+ years in. I likely would not get involved with a woman before my kids were out of the house unless she didn't have kids, no Brady Bunch for me. If I did date a woman with kids they would need to be 18+ (basically not living with her). I say this but I have also learned to never say never. If something happened to my wife tomorrow, after the morning period, I would probably look for a fuck buddy that I would meet a few times a month at a hotel. I would really have to know her well before I brought her around my kids prior to them being out of the house. Fingers crossed nothing happens to me or the wife so can keep living this amazing life that I have worked so hard to build.

slippery said:

Blowing up the thread wasn't the result I thought I would get when I posted lol. I was mostly just bitching about small talk.

We're just texting right now. I'm mostly asking questions of likes and dislikes that could enable me to plan/do things in the future, seeing what interests we share.

Dating is a young persons game, I definitely agree with the line of thought most here have that it's not worth wasting time so you should try to figure out some compatibility stuff right away

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Admittedly my first post wasn't as eloquent as it could have been because I was in the middle of work and rushed the response. That said, I still believe that cutting through the BS is the right way if you are looking for a partner/long term relationship. If you are looking to get laid, then that is a different ball game. If you are looking to be a habitual dater that fails at creating anything long term then listen to Khane the clown. If you want a someone to grow old with then listen to me, Cad and others, but you have to do it in your own way that is true to your personality. Be true to what your deal breakers are and realize what items you are willing to negotiate on. I am brutally honest, but I am also quick witted and charming so the being blunt works with my overall personality. I am a large man so I typically come off as big jolly guy, one of my college nick names was Ton-O-Fun.

pharmakos said:

I think most of you guys are married, but looking for some dating advice and thought I'd start a thread. Didn't see an old one surprisingly.

Recently met a woman 8 years my senior on Tinder (I'm in my mid 30s). She grew up in Uruguay, moved to America six years ago after getting a job as an exec with a major international company. The kind of job where she flies overseas to places like Taiwan or India for a week each month. Kind of blown away that she's even interested in me. Thing is.... She's married and has not told her husband she wants a divorce. She wants to take that slow to ease the transition for their 3 year old. But yeah just kind of wondering how big of a red flag it should be to me that she's already seeing me a little lol. She seems like she's a genuinely good person with a big heart, but yeah y'know?

Says she and her husband sleep in separate rooms, at his request. Today was their five year anniversary and he didn't say anything about it to her. She wanted to have multiple kids, which he agreed to before they married, but now he has taken that back and refuses to have more.

Seems like she's got everything else in her life figured out and is just sort of looking for that last piece of having good companionship. I hope that I'm right about that.

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Not gonna read this whole thread (maybe some other time) so what's the TLDR? How'd this work out?

Chukzombi said:

this, personally i would just nope out completely. unless all you want is sex. i wouldnt touch a woman that cheats on her husband. if she cheats on him, she will cheat on you. it also makes you just as shitty as her. dont do it.

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Yeah, that's true.

I went through a similar situation to this back in the early 2010's. Met a cute but slightly overweight 25 year old Puerto Rican woman, she asked me out which is nice, and we ended up going on a really fun date. At the end of it she told me that she had a husband, but was trying to get out of the relationship and they'd been growing apart for a while.

All my red flags were raised, and it got even worse when I found out she'd dated a few other guys in the two months before she met me, and hadn't actually talked to her husband about separating yet. However she was gonna file for divorce soon one way or another and was no longer sleeping with him. According to her, he basically ignored/negged her all the time and spent most of his free time "working on his video game backlog". They hadn't been on a date in months and sex wasn't a thing. I'm not gonna chide anybody for playing lots of video games or fighting a backlog, but if it's at the cost of your health and neglecting a cute woman who agreed to marry you, then IDK, that sounds kind of shite.

Well, I went ahead and kept dating her since she said she'd break things off with the husband soon... and did. Within two weeks of our first date she'd moved out of his apartment and got her own place. She also started hitting the gym every morning and lost her marriage "don't care" weight, to the point that a couple months into us dating she was HOT. Like so much so that even nobody here would argue with me. She'd been so sexually inactive with her husband for a while that she also had a raging libido and wanted to bang multiple times a day (once before work, especially if she didn't have time for the gym, 1-2 times in the evening). So that was pleasant.

Her husband, who had also gotten lazy and overweight during the marriage, met with her a few times and begged her to take him back, which she didn't. I actually encouraged her to hear him out. I was never "all in" with her because I didn't respect the way she wasn't honest with her husband. She basically sprang "I'm leaving you" on him one day once she had other things to fall back on (i.e. once her and I were dating and she had her own place).

She actually moved her stuff out of his place while he was at work, then told him over text that she was done. Just totally avoided any kind of responsibility or confrontation, at least until he begged her enough that she met with him a couple times for coffee. She filed divorce papers soon after as well. Because I wasn't that keen on trusting her, and was enjoying bachelor life, I continued dating other people. Was totally honest with her about dating other people. She didn't like it but acted like she accepted it. I encouraged her to also date other people, so she did, then complained to me about how lame and beta they were.

After a few months she broke things off with me... over text message. Hilarious. Said she wanted to be exclusive with me but I wouldn't give her that so she was moving on. I think the last straw was when I spent like all of Christmas day having sex with my previous GF (who I was always on and off with). Post New Years she got distant / suddenly "busy" all the time, then within a couple weeks I got the breakup text. I'd never have run around being such a man-whore with a GF I felt loyal to, but I couldn't feel loyal with her after how she treated her husband. I really kept her at a yardstick-length emotionally. I actually trusted my previous GF a lot more than her and we were just occasional fuck-buddies.

Either way, untrustworthy chick was, again, super hot, and the most fun GF I think I've ever had. She also had lots of money, despite being like 5 years younger than me, and would take me on trips. Not gonna lie, I've missed her here and there and wondered if I made the right choice letting her take off. Never could trust her though. I'd respect it a hell of a lot more if she'd have ended things with the husband in an open and honest way, and done this before spending several months going on dates with random guys behind his back. She only broke things off with him once she found a guy she actually liked (me).

I wish her the best and everything. No clue what she's up to now since she has like no social media presence besides a very barebones Facebook (which she blocked me on but a friend checked it out recently and said there isn't much on it from the past five years except that she got a motorcycle and spends a lot of time traveling alone). It looks outwardly like she is perpetually single and focused on making as much money as possible. She'd be about 34 now, still in shape. Probably has an Onlyfans.

A few years ago I went and looked at her ex-husband's social media just to see if they'd gotten back together or what. Ended up getting the other side of the story. Going back to that timeframe, he very publically talked about what happened, and what she told me about leaving and filing divorce papers all lined up time-wise. He wrote on Facebook about how totally caught off-guard he was and devastated after being with her for like 7 years. As in, he didn't even know she had an issue with the relationship, then one day, boom, all of her stuff is gone. He tried to patch things up and met with her a few times and didn't get anywhere, and it took him a while to trust anybody again.

Suffice to say: If she'll do that to someone else, she'll do it to you. Gonna repeat that for the people in the back: If she'll do that to someone else, she'll do it to you.

One silver lining to all of this: After she dumped him, he noticed how fast she was getting in-shape and hotter, so he started working out and losing weight in an effort to win her back. It didn't work, but he discovered that he loved working out, and realized he was doing it for himself, not for her. So he ended up joining this olympic weightlifting gym and getting into ludicrously good shape, making friends (he referred to the gym as his "second family" and how they'd saved him when he was down) and just generally got extremely healthy. Like Brad Pitt in Fight Club shape. I'm gonna guess he had no problems getting anybody he wanted after that.

Guy probably has no idea who I am but I'm really glad he pulled through. I don't regret being a "part" of the situation because if it wasn't me, she would have left him for somebody else. She was 90% out the door already. If I'd stuck around, I dunno how long it would have lasted before she screwed me over as well. Probably well before now though.

pharmakos said:

In a practical sense, the biggest green flag is she's offered to pay for me to go back to school. But I understand that's also a big red flag lol. Feels like I'd be a fool to pass it up tho.

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Funny, the aformentioned girl I was talking about offered to pay for my vasectomy (so I could plow her even more often). She broke things off before I got it, and insurance was covering it anyway.

There's gotta be something in the big book of red and green flags about women offering to pay some exorbitant expense for you. Maybe it's a way of ensuring you're in some kind of psychological debt to them.