CaughtCross
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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4 out of the last 5 wedding in my office the people meet online. Meet my current GF online as well. Online dating is fine.
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Dating
- Thread starter pharmakos
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Animosity
Silver Baronet of the Realm
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The only people who hate online dating are ones who cant find any success with it and think everyone is lying on it. I had great success with it during COVID. Met a lot of cool people even if we didnt hit it off romantically. Met my girlfriend off of it and shes one of the best people Ive ever met. Its no different than meeting someone at a bar or store. You either have a connection or dont.
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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i looked into online dating and i found it daunting. i dont like to lie about myself, i am a "what you see is what you get" kind of guy. you like me or you hate me, then thats how it is. i met my current girl through facebook because she is cousin to one of my ex girlfriends from the 80s. i had never met her before and so i was comfortable with her meeting me because i always show current pictures of myself online. she was the same. we both knew each other's business. we talked online before we met, then on the phone for hours and hours and then we met up at a BJs in a strip mall to go christmas shopping. we spent like 5 hours together shopping and then lunch and then making out in my car.
my high school sweetheart who i was really trying to get back with i did the same thing. we talked online. then over the phone. for many hours we talked. i showed her pictures of myself. she wouldnt send me pictures. i asked her too. she wouldnt answer me. she had a bunch of old pics from 2015 on her facebook where she looks cute as fuck like most Brazillian girls do. current pics, no dice. she described herself as "happy with my appearance, i might have gained a few pounds" i saw that as a huge red flag, but as i said, she was my mofucking high school sweetheart. i loved the shit out of her. and i could look the other way if she had blimped up over time. so i said to myself. fuck it. just go meet her and see for yourself. she wouldnt meet me. then she started this whole thing about being born again and that i needed to convert to born again. i mentioned that my dad was born again, which got her excited and said that made me born again. i told her i was not. in fact i havent seen the inside of a church since 1993 and even though i was an altar boy and went to catholic school as a kid, i was no longer religious. she used that as reason not to hook back up with me. so our further conversation ended up with arguments over religion which i dont care about. i love The J man, i still say prayers, i just dont go to mass anymore because i dont see the point. if God is everywhere, then i dont need to be in a designated "holy building" for him to hear me. so then she cooked up this story that a pastor from Arizona showed up suddenly to ask her hand in marriage and that she was going to marry him "any day now". i was like ok have it your way. then later she blocked me on social media and my phone number
i felt really bad i couldnt make that happen with her. i was extremely frank and honest with her. i even told her that i could have lied to her and just told her the things she wanted to hear and we could have been together. she recognized that and told me she loved that about me, but thems the rules, no born again card, no born again pussy and only if i married her. which i am not looking to do. we are both in our 50s, i dont want a marriage as much as i want some girl to go out on dates with and have her laugh at my dumb jokes and smile with me. current girl fits the bill even though she is now having problems with her 17yr old daughter being a snot to her and starting fights all the time. its very tiresome to hear about all the time and she doesnt want to hear my opinion. just that i agree with her opinion. so i say ok. daughter is supposed to be moving out and going into a dorm for college in a few months so maybe i can have my girl to myself again. i am not hopeful. her daughter sounds like a massive fuckup and more than likely will be back home when mom isnt around paying for everything. my girl makes a decent salary so she spoils her kids, she tries to spoil me too, but i tell her I'm fine. (i dont want anything thrown in my face.) i got everything i need. i just want a bitch to go out with and laugh. TLDR. i am keeping an eye out for a new girl. just in case this one goes south and i have to ditch.
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Daidraco
Avatar of War Slayer
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You're a bit older than me - just baffled that someone in their 50's is acting like a 15 year old girl. Knowing damn well she's been married, divorced (which blows any sense of obligation to the church out of the window in my mind), and probably has been screwed five ways from Sunday sense she was married in the first place. OR - if she was never married, (cause you never said she was, just that she was going to), then how in the hell did she make it to her 50's as a single woman in a religious setting? You get pressure every damn time you show up at church to get married, at least, I do as a guy. I imagine a woman gets pressure to get married and be a mother in that same regard. No matter what side of that coin you look on, each has its own set of questions and what you should expect. If anything, it sounds like she has a pile of emotional damage to be that age and still act that way. I know you said shes your HS sweetheart, but dont get defensive - just pointing out what Im seeing from your side of the story.
As for you, being frank with someone, being "real", letting your guard down etc. That shit is taken a completely different way 99% of the time. What you may have thought was an innocent, truthful, heartfelt way of expressing yourself and wanting more - is taken more in a way that you dont care or that you're putting up an inarguable wall. Especially with someone thats experienced in dating. Because it just reeks of an "I told you so" type of attitude when it comes to a conversation or argument. Almost defensive in action.
Im not saying that you should lie about shit, but from my experience - leaving yourself a mystery and just letting her verbally puke all over you gets you far better results. As a man, you're expected to be an "Oak of a Man", or "stalwart." Not saying there is no place for feelings and emotion, but rarely is it available as an option to a straight man at the beginning of a relationship.
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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I'm not offended. I realize being honest and open puts myself at a disadvantage, but one of the promises I made to myself long ago was if I wasn't going to be the church guy, then I would do what I could to live a clean life. To me, one of the ways of living a clean life means being honest to people. At least try. It's fucking hard not to ever lie and impossible in some situations. Yes this girl has been married and has deep emotional damage. She was like this when we were dating in high school. She was sexually abused. And then later physically abused by her husband. And then in some car accident. She's a navy veteran living on disability raising her son. Her memory is shot. She would say silly things to me on the phone. " oh I'm so blessed I was never tempted by alcohol and I only ever listened to the Lord's gospel music" something like that. Here I am on the other end of the phone with an incredulous expression. I'd say, "babe, you don't remember cutting school with me and getting drunk on wine at my house? You don't remember us fucking to Ozzy's Ultimate Sin album?" I'd get silence and then she would laugh and say, oh yeah, but that doesn't count. we were only 14 or 15. And a different time. She would say that a lot. Sort of building herself up as this sacred character. Meanwhile she got down and dirty like every other girl in my school. Everyone got laid there. You had to be some elephant man motherfucker not to get some.
Any way. I still feel bad this didn't work out and I'm stuck with this white Hispanic girl now til I find something better. I'm not really into white girls, but whatever.
Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Not saying anyone should lie about themselves, but most people don't make decisions logically (doubly so for most women). They decide on something instinctively and then use whatever logic they're capable of to backfill the justification. You'll never know what the real problem was, and tbh, she may not even know, but I'd bet my hat that it has fuckall to do with religion.
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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No, it likely doesn't. I'm pretty sure she didn't like that I'm not interested in marriage. But I'm not sure why she didn't want me to see what she looks like. I would have to at some point if I wanted to marry her. Lol. The really sad thing is that crazy bitch is one of the only women I dated that I would have considered marrying. She was such a kind and gentle woman. And smart. For a girl. Now she's whacky. She called me at 3am once to ask me to follow the tenant living in the apartment beneath her. I was like, wtf? "I don't think he is who he says he is". Too many other weird things, but when you agree to date crazy, this is what comes with the territory.
Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Reasonable chance she's a complete landwhale and didn't have the confidence to let you see how far she's let her self go. You knew her from before, so she could imagine re-living the good times. Couldn't risk that you'd recoil in horror at the sight of her. "Jesus is my true love" is a great way to avoid interpersonal risk I guess.
Daidraco
Avatar of War Slayer
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I didnt get that vibe from his story. If it happened just as he described, then I think that no matter what he said - would it have really went anywhere? The more I think about the situation, the more Im of the opinion that she was actually just using him as an emotional crutch. To what ends? Who fucking knows - maybe to remember what she was like when she was younger, or to remind herself that shes not old and over the hill. Or since she said she did gain some weight, maybe to remind herself when "she" thought she was pretty. Not that anyone really believes that getting together with old flings actually works out positively. As in my mind, chuk's the victim in this situation and should rightfully be at the very least, annoyed with her.
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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when i dated her, she looked like the brunette chick from The Go Gos, except with spiky short hair.
white blouse. same tiny body. the latest pic i have seen of her is from 2015 and she still had the tiny body, but she had long blonde hair. i figure even if she blimped up. thats a lot of blimping to do in 7 years to become a landwhale. but whatever. she would invite me over and then cancel it before i could leave to go there. i have her address and could go there right now, but thats too creepy stalker for my taste. i figure when she gets tired of being lonely she will contact me again. thats how this works, every few years she contacts me out of the bllue talking about this and that, about us getting back together, for real this time moving to fucking Idaho or Arizona or Hawaii and living our lives off grid and happy. she had me believig it the first time. then she took a powder for 5 years and then came back again last year with the same story. she wants out of New Jersey. wants to go here and there wants me to be there with her. i was less believing this time, because i heard this story before, but i did want to see her again and give it a chance to begin to happen. nope. i thought teenage girls were ony this whacky. not a 52 yr old woman. i might as well date teenage girls. lol
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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i get that that emotional crutch stuff a lot. i'm one of those people that others call "a good listener" . i dont know if thats code for sucker, but i do get a lot of people telling me all their problems. strangers i happen to be sitting next to on a public bench just start telling me their life story. me being the idiot i am, i sit there and listen and talk to them about stuff. its basically how i started dating the chick I'm with currently. we talked on the phone and she just started telling me about her life and why she hasnt had a man in 7 years and all the drama she dealt with. then we met up and hit it off, but still i hear the drama. she told me the other week that she tells me more personal stuff than she tells her therapist.
dont ever get involved with crazy bitches, guys, unless you like dealing with crazy shit. i like crazy, it makes things interesting. most of my GFs were crazy, i attract them somehow. my best friend and i would go out to meet chicks, we would find a few girls hanging together and i would always end up wingman with the insane bitch. it didnt help if i got to pick which one i wanted. it was still the crazy one.
Rajaah
Honorable Member
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Women gain weight a lot faster than men do. They can lose it pretty fast too. The unhappily married girl who divorced her husband when we got together went from about 135 to 110 in 3 months. When we first got together she was a bit heavier than I'd like but got by on her personality and generally being fun. After the weight loss she was hot as fuck.
Yeah, it has ruined dating for sure. I bet if one compared the statistics they'd find that celibacy among young people skyrocketed precisely when Tinder arrived on the scene. Well, maybe at first it dropped because Tinder made things easier, which is what it was supposed to do. Then it skyrocketed because women realized they could filter out everything except the best-looking guys easily enough. I don't mean good looking like me, I mean good looking like Tyler Durden in Fight Club. So the 3% of men in that ballpark get all the female attention on the app while the rest of the men on there just get their self-esteem hurt. Basically it made it super-easy for women to "trickle upward" or whatever.
Animosity
Just saw your post. Maybe it IS fine, I don't actually know. I haven't used it since...well it's been years for sure. I haven't seen anyone else I know have any luck with it IRL though.Anyway I got on here to post about how I listened to my downstairs neighbor having a brutal argument with her boyfriend for like an hour this morning. Just full-on screaming match. I've got a good rapport with the woman (could probably get with her if I made any effort in that direction, but I'm not) and haven't met the guy except in passing. Well they had a full-on break-up shouting match this morning and it was painful to have to listen to. When it got to where things were crashing around I considered calling the cops, but didn't want to make things worse for them. Also consdered going down there and banging on the door and pulling the guy aside to give him some advice.
That advice? Go the fuck home, dude. I lost count of all the times she told him to leave or get out of her house, only to have him be like "I AM" or "LET ME GET MY COAT" and then continue to badger her. If he'd just fuckin' left and let her cool off, she'd have probably called him later on to say sorry. By sticking around and trying to "fix" anything he made it worse, and every few minutes that he stuck around and she got angrier, he increased the odds that she won't want him around again. His refusal to leave made it so by the end she was full-on relieved when he left and told him not to ever fuckin' come back. At the beginning of the argument it was more like "I think you should go", an hour later it was "goodbye forever"
So I considered going there for his sake (and hers I guess cause I could prevent a potential murder) and getting him out of that situation. But in the end I just didn't care enough to stick my neck out like that. So I'm putting the advice here instead.
Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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sometimes leaving is the best policy. my girl is a school teacher, if i havent mentioned that already. this wednesday was national administrative officials day.Women gain weight a lot faster than men do. They can lose it pretty fast too. The unhappily married girl who divorced her husband when we got together went from about 135 to 110 in 3 months. When we first got together she was a bit heavier than I'd like but got by on her personality and generally being fun. After the weight loss she was hot as fuck.
Yeah, it has ruined dating for sure. I bet if one compared the statistics they'd find that celibacy among young people skyrocketed precisely when Tinder arrived on the scene. Well, maybe at first it dropped because Tinder made things easier, which is what it was supposed to do. Then it skyrocketed because women realized they could filter out everything except the best-looking guys easily enough. I don't mean good looking like me, I mean good looking like Tyler Durden in Fight Club. So the 3% of men in that ballpark get all the female attention on the app while the rest of the men on there just get their self-esteem hurt. Basically it made it super-easy for women to "trickle upward" or whatever.
Anyway I got on here to post about how I listened to my downstairs neighbor having a brutal argument with her boyfriend for like an hour this morning. Just full-on screaming match. I've got a good rapport with the woman (could probably get with her if I made any effort in that direction, but I'm not) and haven't met the guy except in passing. Well they had a full-on break-up shouting match this morning and it was painful to have to listen to. When it got to where things were crashing around I considered calling the cops, but didn't want to make things worse for them. Also consdered going down there and banging on the door and pulling the guy aside to give him some advice.
That advice? Go the fuck home, dude. I lost count of all the times she told him to leave or get out of her house, only to have him be like "I AM" or "LET ME GET MY COAT" and then continue to badger her. If he'd just fuckin' left and let her cool off, she'd have probably called him later on to say sorry. By sticking around and trying to "fix" anything he made it worse, and every few minutes that he stuck around and she got angrier, he increased the odds that she won't want him around again. His refusal to leave made it so by the end she was full-on relieved when he left and told him not to ever fuckin' come back. At the beginning of the argument it was more like "I think you should go", an hour later it was "goodbye forever"
So I considered going there for his sake (and hers I guess cause I could prevent a potential murder) and getting him out of that situation. But in the end I just didn't care enough to stick my neck out like that. So I'm putting the advice here instead.
so i sent her a text letting her know just to make conversation. then she says, "next week is teachers appreciation week" and then i said. oh great, i got a crate of apples all ready to go. then she texts me, "i cant eat apples for your information" and i'm like wtf, why does she sound pissy? then i text, "ok then i will send over some of that sandy stuff the school janitors use to clean up the puke. then she texts, "excuse me? i am not a janitor, i am a teacher!". things escalate further. so i just nope out and havent talked to her since wednesday. today she calls me up, "hi honey how are you doing? oh my god i havent heard from you, baby. what are we doing tonight?" women, all of them are fucking crazy, the only difference is who hides it better. she wants to cook me a boricua burgeusa. puerto rican cheeseburger. i start laughing and she wants to know whats so funny. i say, "burger-za?" her, "no, its a burgeusa, i dont use bread, i make tostone with plantanos(sp?). do you know what that is?" i say, "is that like a pita bread or something?" that cracked her up for 5 minutes and then she tells me that i am "so white and bordering on racist" i tell her "i am so racist for you." fun times. i'm gonna nail that ass tonight after i eat that burger-za shit she makes.
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Chukzombi
Millie's Staff Member
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i cant believe its been 6 months since i have an actual steady girlfriend. usually its just me calling up my irish italian alcoholic ex and asking her if she wants to get drunk with me, as if she's gonna fucking say no. then we fuck. its nice having a relationship with a sober woman. i dont have to re enact Weekend at Bernies with her. although my girl drinks too and she thinks her car will cover for her. i'm like babe, the cops can still see you weaving. i make her let me drive her car when she drinks a lot. then we get into an argument because i dont drive fast enough to suit her and she wants to take over.
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Avatar of Nyx
Molten Core Raider
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So, this might be a bit on the embarrassing side to ask, but I cant think of a better place to get honest, probably too honest, viewpoints on it.
So I had been dating a girl briefly, talking and dating for just a couple weeks. Things were moving very quickly from the initial talking to the meet up phase. Once we met for the first time, we were inseparable, spending time together almost daily. Everything seemed to be lined up and going in a positive direction. I stayed over for the first time on a night in which I had been invited to go with her to an event the next day. We ended up having our first, quick, sexual encounter while fumbling around in the dark, half asleep at 4am after the alarm goes off. A couple days later, after growing distant, she breaks things off citing a lack of chemistry. Probing a bit further, turns out she didnt get what she expected from our first tumble and wrote the whole thing off as a result.
It's definitely a kick in the ass to hear that you were so unimpressive that your potential partner would rather just end it than try further, but is there more to it? Is it reasonable to expect every first encounter to be a mindblowing experience? My sister seems to think that if the person is right for you, your first encounter will be great no matter the situation or context. A friend suggests that you dont win a person through sex, there's other issues in play and if she were really into the budding relationship as a whole, she'd have been willing to talk, teach, or guide toward what she liked or wanted.
Without bruising my ego too much further, what is your opinion?
So I had been dating a girl briefly, talking and dating for just a couple weeks. Things were moving very quickly from the initial talking to the meet up phase. Once we met for the first time, we were inseparable, spending time together almost daily. Everything seemed to be lined up and going in a positive direction. I stayed over for the first time on a night in which I had been invited to go with her to an event the next day. We ended up having our first, quick, sexual encounter while fumbling around in the dark, half asleep at 4am after the alarm goes off. A couple days later, after growing distant, she breaks things off citing a lack of chemistry. Probing a bit further, turns out she didnt get what she expected from our first tumble and wrote the whole thing off as a result.
It's definitely a kick in the ass to hear that you were so unimpressive that your potential partner would rather just end it than try further, but is there more to it? Is it reasonable to expect every first encounter to be a mindblowing experience? My sister seems to think that if the person is right for you, your first encounter will be great no matter the situation or context. A friend suggests that you dont win a person through sex, there's other issues in play and if she were really into the budding relationship as a whole, she'd have been willing to talk, teach, or guide toward what she liked or wanted.
Without bruising my ego too much further, what is your opinion?
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What was the vibe like at the event itself?
My initial suspicion is that you came across too strong too early, pinned her as "the one" and she used the sex as an excuse. This theory is validated by you asking multiple people about it and now coming to a board of washed up conservative EQ gamers who all married trad-wives.
But on the other hand, girls are just flakey.
My initial suspicion is that you came across too strong too early, pinned her as "the one" and she used the sex as an excuse. This theory is validated by you asking multiple people about it and now coming to a board of washed up conservative EQ gamers who all married trad-wives.
But on the other hand, girls are just flakey.
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DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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It's dumb to think that a first encounter will be mind blowing. How old was the woman because that sounds like someone who isn't very experienced? I don't think that's something you should necessarily expect from every woman, especially since it doesn't seem like she was merely looking for a hookup.
Maybe your dick isn't of sufficient size but you probably would know that.
You also didn't really give much detail about what happened so maybe there's something you did that was just an instant red flag based on her past relationships. Did you veer outside of a normal lane?
Then again, sometimes if you're just not feeling it right away, maybe it's better investing in someone else. Maybe she has a lot of opportunity.
Maybe your dick isn't of sufficient size but you probably would know that.
You also didn't really give much detail about what happened so maybe there's something you did that was just an instant red flag based on her past relationships. Did you veer outside of a normal lane?
Then again, sometimes if you're just not feeling it right away, maybe it's better investing in someone else. Maybe she has a lot of opportunity.
Rajaah
Honorable Member
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We've got a dating thread over yar: Dating
Amod
May want to merge.
Sounds like the situation is what you think it is. You had an awkward roll in the hay at 4 AM and it didn't work out. Unfortunately it happens. I had a two month relationship end a couple days after a similar awkward early morning roll (wasn't our first time, probably 5th or 6th). I was tired, boner didn't cooperate, I couldn't seem to manually get her off that time, we went back to sleep. Couple days later she was like "look I'm really busy now sry" and broke it off. So there you go, it isn't just you.
I guess my advice is try to avoid such things when you're really tired or not feeling it because it'll probably be pretty mediocre for everyone.
And if you have a small peen then get good at giving women head and use your fingers.
Also don't get too attached early-on to relationships cause they might not go anywhere.
If it were me, I would have mentioned being exhausted / it being awkward early morning thing and ask for a rematch. If that doesn't work either then whatever.
Morning boning is great for couples who know each other really well and wake up rested with light outside. Not so good for couples who just met and are fumbling around in the dark at 4 AM.
Also I don't think ANY first-time encounters are good for anybody really. I'm sure some couples get it right immediately, but I think most of my first times with different women tended to be a slightly awkward "feeling-out process". It's hard to remember a single time when a first-time with a woman was really good and had all the chemistry it'd have later. The only one I've got is the girl I chased for like 4 months trying to get her to be my girlfriend, and when she finally agreed and we Did It soon after, it was great because we were already so comfortable. That was a rare situation though, most people don't have to chase their GF for four months first.
Amod
May want to merge.Sounds like the situation is what you think it is. You had an awkward roll in the hay at 4 AM and it didn't work out. Unfortunately it happens. I had a two month relationship end a couple days after a similar awkward early morning roll (wasn't our first time, probably 5th or 6th). I was tired, boner didn't cooperate, I couldn't seem to manually get her off that time, we went back to sleep. Couple days later she was like "look I'm really busy now sry" and broke it off. So there you go, it isn't just you.
I guess my advice is try to avoid such things when you're really tired or not feeling it because it'll probably be pretty mediocre for everyone.
And if you have a small peen then get good at giving women head and use your fingers.
Also don't get too attached early-on to relationships cause they might not go anywhere.
If it were me, I would have mentioned being exhausted / it being awkward early morning thing and ask for a rematch. If that doesn't work either then whatever.
Morning boning is great for couples who know each other really well and wake up rested with light outside. Not so good for couples who just met and are fumbling around in the dark at 4 AM.
Also I don't think ANY first-time encounters are good for anybody really. I'm sure some couples get it right immediately, but I think most of my first times with different women tended to be a slightly awkward "feeling-out process". It's hard to remember a single time when a first-time with a woman was really good and had all the chemistry it'd have later. The only one I've got is the girl I chased for like 4 months trying to get her to be my girlfriend, and when she finally agreed and we Did It soon after, it was great because we were already so comfortable. That was a rare situation though, most people don't have to chase their GF for four months first.
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