A lot of what Lambourne said resonated though, our priorities are clearly in different areas. Those late night/early morning runaway trains of thought can be a doozy though when it's all still fresh. I, maybe naively, see sex as part of a larger whole that while important, feels like one of the more malleable parts that will improve in time as you get to know your partner. Even if it might not start off at mindblowing levels, that doesnt mean it cant get there. Other parts of that whole, like a shit personality, communication skills, temper, etc are not really aspects that change much, if a person is a jerk, theyre probably always gonna be a jerk. For this chick to have a one strike policy in that regard tells me she'll accept less in other areas so long as that one is aspect is good enough, which Im not sure makes her a quality choice, for me at least. My inexperience and esteem/confidence issues are definitely on display
I think the interesting (possibly depressing) aspect would be how prevalent that "one strike policy" is amongst women, specifically when it comes to the first sexual encounter. I had an experience a few years ago that is kinda the inverse of yours but with similar result. I was living in Barcelona at the beginning of my Eurotrip in 2018 and matched with a Finnish girl at 2pm on a random Tuesday, and by 3pm we were at a cafe, and then spent the rest of the day/evening/night together. We had a great time together; the conversation never lulled, we shared similar senses of humor and even broader thoughts on The World (she believed taxation is theft - shoulda dropped down on one knee right then). Cutting oh-so-many details, we end up at her hotel at like 3am, where more conversation and eventually fooling around transpired, but come 4am I had just finished going down on her for a *very* long time, and she suggests we can do something else, mentioning she has a condom. I was three levels of exhausted between being up way past my normal weekday bedtime, the alcohol wearing off, and the aforementioned oral sex, so all I could do was say I want to but I don't think it's gonna happen since I'm so tired.
I felt that would be understandable, but I do believe in retrospect it was not. She was in town for two more days and we went on another date but it was just kinda so so in regards to our chemistry, and she turned her cheek when I went to kiss her, which is obviously the reddest of flags. She was still very communicative in text, and after returning to Finland, was still chatting a lot and even sending videos talking about her day and asking about mine. If we hadn't have had that first night I'd just think this chick was super interested in me and simply playing it slow. As it stood though, it felt like 98% I had been friendzoned. I had had my fill of Barcelona and she suggested I go to Finland, and since I was literally just putzing around Europe with no direction, I agreed. She was a B-level actress / influencer (throw Janni Hussi in your favorite search engine to see who I'm talking about) and as such had hookups for events and concerts she wanted to take me to (one concert was with "the Finnish Eminem," wasn't sure what level of compliment that was), so being in the friendzone wouldn't be so bad. However I did actually like this girl and so I got to spend the interim time trying to figure out how much I should be "MAINTAIN FRAME, PUSSY!!" vs "well maybe I just ask her directly" vs "eh it's over."
She did indeed pick me up from the airport upon my arrival, and while the ride to my Airbnb was fine, the date we had that night was when the Benny Johnson level BOMBSHELL finally dropped and what brings this post full circle. She had brought along a friend and so most of the dinner was kinda random talk about whatever (her friend was a model, so needless to say we weren't solving world hunger). But finally near the end, her friend went to the bathroom and I brought up our first night together and the lack of sex. I had been drinking so I don't remember exactly how I phrased it, but what I do remember vividly was the vicious tone of her response, full of venom, saying something like "oh it's happened before" while glaring daggers at me. What I took from it was that 1) I had indeed slighted her bigly by not dicking her down the first night and 2) she also has baggage from it happening before so her response was elevated, so to speak.
Honestly I think all we can do is chalk it up to "it just wasn't meant to be." You spared us the salacious details but I'm assuming that you and her did actually have sex, and the "quick" was in reference to your endurance bar, shall we say. Thinking of alternatives though, if you had had some presence of mind to think to put a stop to the foolin' around knowing that it was bad timing, you could have easily found yourself in my situation, with a girl who's offended/embarrassed and the result is the same (albeit with a larger wall of text). Or maybe we just gotta become ubermensch gigachads with massive erections where we call the doctor when they last
shorter than 4 hours.
