Depression

Fuck these days. Despite all the progress I'm making in other parts of my life, the depression still comes back and makes me feel like utter and total shit. And I still have to go to work tonight. Fuck it all.

Troll_sl said:

Fuck these days. Despite all the progress I'm making in other parts of my life, the depression still comes back and makes me feel like utter and total shit. And I still have to go to work tonight. Fuck it all.

Click to expand...

I feel you buddy. Sometimes all the motivational speeches and advice to work out, eat right, and get out just aren't enough.

Sometimes life is just a goddamn bitch.

You'll deal. You already feel terrible, what's the worst thing that can happen to you further? You'll feel terrible? You already feel fucking terrible.

In the end, it can only get better for you, and it will, because nothing ever really stays the same.

You'll be fine. Just hold out, do what you need to do, and take pride in the fact that you're still keeping up the effort when you're fucking fed up. You've already won.

I couldn't find a better place to post this and I'm in a hurry (about to leave for work) but our old friend JerleMinara (who from glancing at the member list never migrated over here) killed herself after a long stint with depression.

Kate von Roeder (@ItsDamiya) | Twitter

Confirmed on the IRC channel where she hung out.

<jerle with bat mortal kombat.jpg>
RIP

Now I'm depressed that Jerle beat me to the finish line.

Sad. Not much else to say really.

Fuck.

Been a horrible few weeks. Got in a big fight with my best friend and he said goodbye, ended up being hospitalized for my depression, and he just quit his job, so I won't see him at work anymore. Feeling super empty.

Depression blows. Been fighting with it for a long time. Did the meds for a while which sucked b/c they killed my apatite and just made me flat. Didn't really feel all the bad stuff, but didnt really ever feel that great, and the only reason I didnt die of starvation was b/c I smoked a lot of weed. Been struggling again recently with being unemployed for 4 months living with my mother, unable to pay anything on student loans for a degree that I havent been able to find a job using in the 3 years Ive been out of college. Finally got a job working fast food with a fucking BS in Engineering.

As a stuggler I will say its nice to see a forum here to help address the issue. I hate to hear about people taking the final option of suicide (even though I can relate and understand) I'd much rather see people reach out and get help.

I finally decided to get some help for my issues with depression and anxiety that I've been dealing with for the last 13 years.

What really keyed me into it was my husband talking about his friend that is struggling with some nasty marital stuff because of mental illness. He was telling my husband about the constant negative voice in his head. When my husband told me this, I was like, well yeah, that seems pretty normal. My husband tells me that he has never dealt with that which kind of opened my eyes. Is it really possible to exist without a cycle of negativity going on in your head telling me that I am a failure, I am terrible, second guessing everything I do, constantly making me feel guilty, etc? I truly didn't know this - it is all I remember. So I decided to get some help.

Seeing two different therapists to figure out who works better for me. One gave me an exercise for next session - think of the smart decisions I've made in my life over the past two years. And oh god is it depressing. All I can think about is the bad decisions I've made and I can't find anything good. It has been a really rough few days now which sucks.

The smart decision you made was to get help.

Oh I get that, which we've talked about already. I need more though and it is freaking hard. :\ Will likely have to get the husband to help.

Fuck it, I'll take the negs for it ... Posting pics of your tits is definitely a smart decision, you should post more.

lindz_sl said:

Oh I get that, which we've talked about already. I need more though and it is freaking hard. :\ Will likely have to get the husband to help.

Click to expand...

Never be ashamed to turn to whomever you need to for support. You have to be goddamned fucking selfish when you're in this situation, because the alternatives are so much worse.

darkmiasma_sl said:

Fuck it, I'll take the negs for it ... Posting pics of your tits is definitely a smart decision, you should post more.

Click to expand...

You know, people come here and share with the community some intensely personal shit. This kind of response isn't appropriate for this place. If you can't understand that I would ask you to limit yourself to other parts of the forum where it would be more appropriate.

lindz_sl said:

Is it really possible to exist without a cycle of negativity going on in your head telling me that I am a failure, I am terrible, second guessing everything I do, constantly making me feel guilty, etc? I truly didn't know this - it is all I remember.

Seeing two different therapists to figure out who works better for me. One gave me an exercise for next session - think of the smart decisions I've made in my life over the past two years. And oh god is it depressing. All I can think about is the bad decisions I've made and I can't find anything good. It has been a really rough few days now which sucks.

Click to expand...

I 100% feel you, and for you. That, too, has been the entirety of my life. It's actually ruined my marriage. I'll be moving out in a few days and it's highly unlikely I'll be moving back in. And I'm leaving my very young son behind. Ain't gonna lie - broke down a few times just from hugging him or otherwise interacting with him. Anyways, before we unfortunately changed insurance providers, I had access to unlimited sessions and I had a awesome therapist that was really helping me unravel this shit, and it was really damn awesome. I got incredibly lucky getting a perfect match for me the first time out (not a lot of people can long tolerate my directness), but don't hesitate to drop the person if you don't feel it's a good match. Other than your spouse, I really can't offhand think of a selection that's more important. A family member who seriously can use some help too tried one person, they didn't gel, and then she just gave up. God, don't do that.

I'm really sorry. That is pretty much my worst fear at this point in life, having to leave my girls. Everything else I can pretty much take but that, I don't even want to think about it.

Having been through some pretty dark times, I thought I'd really hit rock bottom. I was wrong. If I think about it too much, I almost can't breathe. I won't get to see my son every day, and it just makes me sad in an indescribable way. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.