Depression

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Big_w_powah

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Bipolar is hell on your loved ones. I can see that shit clear as day. The point i was making tho is please let her feel nornal sometimes. Do not define her by her disorder. When you hear day in and day out that your disorder is the reason for every emotion you have you start to lose faith that you have any control at all...
 
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Angelwatch

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Yeah I hear you. We are both seeing therapists right now. Mine is very adamant about saying "My wife has a bipolar disorder" as opposed to saying "My wife is bipolar." Her point is that you wouldn't say "My friend is cancer."

Some days are better than others for her. On the old forum I detailed what happened but the short version is back in March she attempted suicide after finding out she can't have children and it's pretty obvious that this also triggered the current bipolar episode. She was in patient at a psychiatric hospital for a month. Her mood was swinging between extreme depression and mania multiple times a day. And she's doesn't have the "happy" mania. She was filled with anger and rage.

Lately she's been doing a lot better but she's nowhere near 100%. We try to stay busy as much as possible and do fun things. That helps. But her mood can drop in an instant. It hasn't been dropping as frequently but it's still happening. She's also having trouble sleeping and having nightmares. But I'm hoping that she's finally turned the corner and this episode is cycling out. Everyone tells me that it will and it's normal for an episode to last months.

She has a great support system. Her therapist and her psychiatrist are both highly respected. I also think they finally have her meds figured out.
 
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TrollfaceDeux

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honest to God, best remedy for bipolar and depression is yourself. All you can do is mitigate "tragedy" with therapy and drugs...
 

Big_w_powah

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You sound like you've got the right mindset. And yes, the therapist is 100% correct. She has a disorder, she is not defined by a disorder.
 

Angelwatch

Trakanon Raider
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Yeah. My therapist, her therapist, her psychiatrist and various nurses have all told me some variation that all I can do is support her and it's up to my wife to actually get through this thing.
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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Well, make sure you know where your line in the sand is. If your wife stops being 100% committed to fixing herself you need to understand that some causes are hopeless, and you may have to bail before her issues destroy you as well. If you have kids this is even more important.
 

Big_w_powah

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Well, make sure you know where your line in the sand is. If your wife stops being 100% committed to fixing herself you need to understand that some causes are hopeless, and you may have to bail before her issues destroy you as well. If you have kids this is even more important.

Coming from the "wifes" side of things, Moonarchia is 100% right.
 

Koushirou

Log Wizard
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So I haven't taken my celexa since my prescription ran out from my last therapist at school and recently I've definitely been slipping. Between stress at work from my boss being shitty, my guild in WoW dying so I don't have anyone to do shit with anymore (I don't have any local friends, so I just hang out F5ing forums until my BF gets home at 11pm every day), and just general life crap I've been feeling incredibly lonely and I get angry so damn easily. The only health insurance I have is my works shitty high deductible plan and I can't afford to see another therapist to get my prescription started again or to even buy my tumor medication. A friend with the same condition was nice enough to help with that but right now I feel like a complete failure having to rely on friends and family to help get by. I feel awful because I keep flipping out on my BF and breaking down more often over stupid little shit. I'm almost 30 years old and still can't manage to be completely independent. It's incredibly frustrating and I don't really know what to do aside from trying to find a higher paying job which I've already started applying elsewhere.
 

OneofOne

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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Koushirou, do you do daily exercise, even 10 minutes? I know this seems like a random question, but as someone who knows where you are, and where you are heading, it's a free way to get *some* mental health boost. Endorphins are real. My next question is have you exhausted every possible avenue in trying to find free state/federally subsidized healthcare? Even just joining a support group - to get you out of the house more, and meet other people like yourself - would be a great boon. Contrary to some people's opinion, not everyone with depression walks around with a rain cloud perpetually over their head. You get to meet people that have AT LEAST 1 majorly important thing in common, and get to hear and learn about what other people do to cope, and any (free/low cost) programs they may be involved in.

Here, this is what I do, and these are free: Find a support Group - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

I'm sorry if I come off like I don't think you're a smart guy or some shit (I don't think that), but sometimes people overlook very obvious things - I know I do.

Stay strong brother.
 

TrollfaceDeux

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So I haven't taken my celexa since my prescription ran out from my last therapist at school and recently I've definitely been slipping. Between stress at work from my boss being shitty, my guild in WoW dying so I don't have anyone to do shit with anymore (I don't have any local friends, so I just hang out F5ing forums until my BF gets home at 11pm every day), and just general life crap I've been feeling incredibly lonely and I get angry so damn easily. The only health insurance I have is my works shitty high deductible plan and I can't afford to see another therapist to get my prescription started again or to even buy my tumor medication. A friend with the same condition was nice enough to help with that but right now I feel like a complete failure having to rely on friends and family to help get by. I feel awful because I keep flipping out on my BF and breaking down more often over stupid little shit. I'm almost 30 years old and still can't manage to be completely independent. It's incredibly frustrating and I don't really know what to do aside from trying to find a higher paying job which I've already started applying elsewhere.
Not being independent is nothing to be ashamed of. Actually it is more harmful for people with depression. I would recommend throwing away such stupid things and rely on others for joke and fun.

Now that may suck if they leave you or not. But....worth a try. I got my family to hang on. I don't feel the need to rely on anything else.
 

Koushirou

Log Wizard
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I usually despise exercise, but I've wanted to try getting back into some sort of routine like hitting the gym at work when I get off everyday. Just really hard to get the motivation even on a good day. As for the health care, from the times I've tried checking the NY health site I make too much money to qualify for anything subsidised. Funnily enough, just today I got another call from my neurologist's office asking when I would be able to come back in since I haven't been able to get checked up in over a year. Sorry bros, can't afford it! I've tried checking around to see if there's even just some programs to help with prescription costs, but I can't find any for NY. Also tried the manufacturer to see if they had any assistance programs and of course they don't offer them for my medication. Doesn't look like there's any chapters of that specific support group in my area, but I'll try and look for something similar locally.
 

Mrs. Gravy

Quite Saucy
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Koushirou...if the co pay for the doc isn't cost prohibitive, and you could go...perhaps a med change to a generic like duloxetine would cut down on out of pocket. I was going to suggest a pt. asst. program but it looks as if you have gone that route...look into your local NAMI see if they have resources for you. Hoping the best for you.
 

pharmakos

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I've tried checking around to see if there's even just some programs to help with prescription costs, but I can't find any for NY. Also tried the manufacturer to see if they had any assistance programs and of course they don't offer them for my medication. Doesn't look like there's any chapters of that specific support group in my area, but I'll try and look for something similar locally.

Your doctor's office would be the best place to inquire about such resources.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Whenever the BF and I both have days off, we go over to RIT and walk around playing Go for a couple of hours or so. It's helped a tiny bit on the exercise front.

Do it every day, don't wait for your BF. Even if your immediate neighborhood isn't very good for pokermans, you can at least put in a kilometer or two every day towards egg hatching.
 

Azrayne

Irenicus did nothing wrong
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I usually despise exercise, but I've wanted to try getting back into some sort of routine like hitting the gym at work when I get off everyday. Just really hard to get the motivation even on a good day. As for the health care, from the times I've tried checking the NY health site I make too much money to qualify for anything subsidised. Funnily enough, just today I got another call from my neurologist's office asking when I would be able to come back in since I haven't been able to get checked up in over a year. Sorry bros, can't afford it! I've tried checking around to see if there's even just some programs to help with prescription costs, but I can't find any for NY. Also tried the manufacturer to see if they had any assistance programs and of course they don't offer them for my medication. Doesn't look like there's any chapters of that specific support group in my area, but I'll try and look for something similar locally.

If you can't get a gym workout or whatever going, try inserting small bites of exercise into your daily routine. Just getting up and moving around, even if all you do is pace your room a bit while waiting for something to load on your computer, or do some basic stretches (there are tons of good videos on youtube, and it's amazing how much just a few minutes aggregated every day can do to make you feel more flexible and less stiff and uncomfortable in your body). At least, that's what worked for me when I was at my shittiest and couldn't even walk myself to the other side of the house to get on the treadmill.

Treadmills themselves are good too. Just park it in front of your TV and do some power-walking or light jogging while watching a few episodes of whatever, or a movie.

A big problem with exercise is that people feel like they have to do it all at once, to somehow swing from depressed couch potato to getting up out of the house and hitting up the gym every day by magic, with no in-between. It's total bullshit, every small bit helps (physically and mentally), and you can do plenty for your body without spending hundreds of dollars on a gym membership which you then feel guilty for not using enough.

At risk of getting called a smelly hippy, I started Tai Chi 2 years back and I love the shit out of it now. Initially it was just part of the classes at a gym I went to for a while to train muay thai/wing chun, but it got to the point that I ended up spending as much time on the Tai Chi as I did on the other two combined, and when the gym shut down I just looked up a plain tai chi teacher and moved to that. As weird as it initially felt, it's 100% worth it, and has done amazing things for my body and my state of mind. Or if you want less old people and more milfs in tight clothing, a lot of my friends say great things about yoga.
 

BoozeCube

Von Clippowicz
<Prior Amod>
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I am not even sure why I am adding to this conversation as I usually don't bother to post on more serious threads like this but I figure getting some shit off my chest might help. I have been suffering from depression for a while now. I was on Brintellix for a while but stopped taking it. I even tried to do therapy for a while but it didn't seem to help. I am not a huge fan of taking pills in the first place but it's even more frustrating when it feels like they are just trying to push them on you and can't even tell you how they will affect you or how to tell if they are helping.


Anyways that aside, it’s weird how quickly shit in life can change. About six years ago I met an amazing woman and and moved to Germany to be with her, we were together for four years and I thought I was going to marry this woman settle down and have kids the whole nine. Being in a new country it was somewhat difficult to find new career options but the company she was working for was a decently successful sextoy manufacturing company and they were international to a degree but they had not opened up any markets in North or South America really so I pitched to the owner a business plan to to expand out into the U.S., we did market research and and began work on a launch plan and things were great. I was loving life things were good I had everything I wanted it life it felt.


After about a year of learning the in’s and out’s in Germany we looked to launch a new subsidiary in the U.S. which I was/am a 50% owner in. We looked at a few different cities to open up in between Miami, and LA, Vegas, Atlanta. We ended up settling on Atlanta due to the time difference and also it is the largest import hub on the east coast. I wasn’t then a now a big fan of this city but I was more than happy to work on this business which I enjoyed and I had my girlfriend who was moving back to the U.S. with me so I was happy. I ended up picking a nice sized two bedroom apartment and after another year or so my girlfriend and I split. At the end we were hardly intimate so it was a pretty big hit to my confidence. She stayed in Atlanta but moved out so I had this place that I am still living in and probably paying more on than most peoples mortgage but that was fine. I was making good money and the business was doing well. The first year we were able to do about $400,000 in sales and open up most of the U.S. distributors. Since I would often go to tradeshows and sextoys and porn are pretty closely related and coming off a breakup I fucked whatever women I could to fill the void, porn stars are easy, sometimes I would do it off charm, sometimes I would hire them for the night. It was/is pretty common place in the industry.


Anyways the business continued to grow and 2015 we were up to about 1.5 million in sales and I was able to hire some great personnel. I hired a VP of Sales who through connections was able to help us land an amazing licensing deal. This licensing deal was with a major brand and we were able to produce a ton of products under that label. I have no doubt that there are millions of dollars to be made with it. This is where things start to take a downward turn. My other partner/ co-owner lied to me and the board of directors about his financial capabilities and we were stuck with this deal unable to produce in the time table we needed to. I had to reach out and look at competitors to do some co-op work just to make sure we didn’t breach any contracts. After this things started to turn into a mess and he has tried to push me out of the company and has/is trying to steal my equity as well. This happened in January and I have effectively been out of work since March.


This has turned into an ongoing legal battle with me suing him for damages. The shitty part is there is no quick solution to be had, we can drag this out for years and I cannot afford that. So far I have probably spent about $20k in legal fee’s the past few months. So here I am now with a on-going legal battle over my head, I have lost my business which I enjoyed and I am in a city I hate with no real family or anything around. This whole thing has killed any and all confidence I had and I don’t even know what where to start picking up pieces. After my breakup I spent almost all my free time building this business so I didn’t do much else other than that my sole goal was focused on making money, as such I only have a few friends around and while sitting at home doing nothing is nice for a few weeks it wears on you. I ended up picking up Warcraft again and I am wasting way to much time there.


I am in a somewhat fortunate position in which I have enough money maintain my standard of living and not work for the next year to year and ½ but watching the bank account start dwindling down instead of growing is rough. I know I should get out and start something new or even find an office job or something but the reality is doing anything at all feels like a struggle. My house is a mess when It’s usually spotless, over the last year I have put on weight and yeah..


So feel free to poke or make fun, I just wanted to contribute in some fashion to this thread but it ended up as a long rant I guess. Depression is a bitch and I don’t even know where to start to get out of it.
 
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