Depression

I am not even sure why I am adding to this conversation as I usually don't bother to post on more serious threads like this but I figure getting some shit off my chest might help. I have been suffering from depression for a while now. I was on Brintellix for a while but stopped taking it. I even tried to do therapy for a while but it didn't seem to help. I am not a huge fan of taking pills in the first place but it's even more frustrating when it feels like they are just trying to push them on you and can't even tell you how they will affect you or how to tell if they are helping.


Anyways that aside, it’s weird how quickly shit in life can change. About six years ago I met an amazing woman and and moved to Germany to be with her, we were together for four years and I thought I was going to marry this woman settle down and have kids the whole nine. Being in a new country it was somewhat difficult to find new career options but the company she was working for was a decently successful sextoy manufacturing company and they were international to a degree but they had not opened up any markets in North or South America really so I pitched to the owner a business plan to to expand out into the U.S., we did market research and and began work on a launch plan and things were great. I was loving life things were good I had everything I wanted it life it felt.


After about a year of learning the in’s and out’s in Germany we looked to launch a new subsidiary in the U.S. which I was/am a 50% owner in. We looked at a few different cities to open up in between Miami, and LA, Vegas, Atlanta. We ended up settling on Atlanta due to the time difference and also it is the largest import hub on the east coast. I wasn’t then a now a big fan of this city but I was more than happy to work on this business which I enjoyed and I had my girlfriend who was moving back to the U.S. with me so I was happy. I ended up picking a nice sized two bedroom apartment and after another year or so my girlfriend and I split. At the end we were hardly intimate so it was a pretty big hit to my confidence. She stayed in Atlanta but moved out so I had this place that I am still living in and probably paying more on than most peoples mortgage but that was fine. I was making good money and the business was doing well. The first year we were able to do about $400,000 in sales and open up most of the U.S. distributors. Since I would often go to tradeshows and sextoys and porn are pretty closely related and coming off a breakup I fucked whatever women I could to fill the void, porn stars are easy, sometimes I would do it off charm, sometimes I would hire them for the night. It was/is pretty common place in the industry.


Anyways the business continued to grow and 2015 we were up to about 1.5 million in sales and I was able to hire some great personnel. I hired a VP of Sales who through connections was able to help us land an amazing licensing deal. This licensing deal was with a major brand and we were able to produce a ton of products under that label. I have no doubt that there are millions of dollars to be made with it. This is where things start to take a downward turn. My other partner/ co-owner lied to me and the board of directors about his financial capabilities and we were stuck with this deal unable to produce in the time table we needed to. I had to reach out and look at competitors to do some co-op work just to make sure we didn’t breach any contracts. After this things started to turn into a mess and he has tried to push me out of the company and has/is trying to steal my equity as well. This happened in January and I have effectively been out of work since March.


This has turned into an ongoing legal battle with me suing him for damages. The shitty part is there is no quick solution to be had, we can drag this out for years and I cannot afford that. So far I have probably spent about $20k in legal fee’s the past few months. So here I am now with a on-going legal battle over my head, I have lost my business which I enjoyed and I am in a city I hate with no real family or anything around. This whole thing has killed any and all confidence I had and I don’t even know what where to start picking up pieces. After my breakup I spent almost all my free time building this business so I didn’t do much else other than that my sole goal was focused on making money, as such I only have a few friends around and while sitting at home doing nothing is nice for a few weeks it wears on you. I ended up picking up Warcraft again and I am wasting way to much time there.


I am in a somewhat fortunate position in which I have enough money maintain my standard of living and not work for the next year to year and ½ but watching the bank account start dwindling down instead of growing is rough. I know I should get out and start something new or even find an office job or something but the reality is doing anything at all feels like a struggle. My house is a mess when It’s usually spotless, over the last year I have put on weight and yeah..


So feel free to poke or make fun, I just wanted to contribute in some fashion to this thread but it ended up as a long rant I guess. Depression is a bitch and I don’t even know where to start to get out of it.