I have a friend who is depressed, and I really have no idea how to help her. It seems like everything in life sends her on a spiral of self doubt and self hatred. Like something happens with her kid that has absolutely nothing to do with her... oh my god I'm a bad mom, my kids hate me, they would be better off with someone else... etc. She worked over at my house one day just because me and my wife are always home and she didn't want to be alone, like emails from her boss that were even slightly criticizing would send her into a 2 hour tailspin trying to decide if she's going to be fired. She seems like she's just constantly anxious about everything, even shit that nobody can do anything about (like what if my flight is cancelled? That would be just my luck! We should go home by midnight because the drunks are out later, with my luck we will all be killed... )
So.. what the fuck does a friend do in this situation? Telling her it's all in her head doesn't seem to help. Telling her she's actually a fantastic person doesn't help. She has a lot of friends and people who care about her, but she thinks she's dead-weight on all of them and is generally spiraling out of control. Financially she is well off, she's good looking, reasonably young, and is educated and has a good job. There's nothing objectively wrong with her or her life, other than this attitude.
What can be done from the outside to help? Do you just encourage and give opportunities and then pull back and put it on her? I have tried dragging her by the neck to events to have fun and she seems to generally have fun, but then will be "exhausted" for days after and be right back to the same thing.
What do?