Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
I say let them go at it, I secretly am in love with Aychamo and the posts between the grobbeetrull dude, aych, keg and etoille make me lolEomer said:
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Spring break sounds about right for the time she"d have been out partying. Places like Magnolia"s, Scandals, Barley"s, Wild Wings, Scully"s, Smokey"s, Hookah Joe"s. Basically anywhere downtown that served beer.GrobbeeTrull2.0 said:
God damn I"m a creepy looking dude in that picture...
! zomg ! best week ever, millie agreed to marry me, aychamo loves me, now all I need is the black hand to salute me and I can die happy.aychamo_aycono said:
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Woohoo! This date went pretty good tonight. Afterwards I met my buddies out at this bar, and met this beautiful girl who is a nurse. Totally gamed her and got her number. Gotta figure this one out now.aychamo_aycono said:
Butler/Driver/Wingman
I"ll work for beer/food and a place to stay.
It"s been my lifelong dream to be turtle from entourage....
You can make it happen Dr.Aychamo.
I"ll work for beer/food and a place to stay.
It"s been my lifelong dream to be turtle from entourage....
You can make it happen Dr.Aychamo.
Aych will pull a Vince and bang them both while you"re at Drama"s house playing the xbox and smoking weed.Lowk said:
But i was playing xbox and smoking weed, and Dr.Aych beats them off with a stick. It may have been a loss for Monday, but there is always Tuesday through Sunday.Yutnopash said:
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Let"s do it man! We can set up a big house, and just bring women back to it, and they can all stay and lounge around and pay their rents with sexLowk said:
Speaking of wingman. There was a nice looking dirty blonde sitting at a table with two huge girls whose very proximal ancestors were from Africa (...) This made things a little weird so we walked by and I started talking to the blonde and my buddy took over the two huge girls. You know, now that I"m sober, I think he may have liked them.
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This happened to me once. My buddy called me over because his "girlfriend"s" friend wanted to meet me. We all went out, and towards end of the night the girls went to the bathroom together, and he tells me how he had them in a threesome the previous night! That was a little weird!Yutnopash said:
So...you want to masturbate?
So you REALLY want to jack it?
LEARN HOW TO PLAY DRUMS!
Guys, I swear. I"ve been playing drums since I was about nine years old and probably been jackin" it that long as well, if not longer. I noticed a pattern. At first, I sucked at drums and couldn"t even maintain the simplest beat. The same with jackin off! I struggled with the ups and downs, experimenting with the lefts and rights and all sorts of positions. In short, my crank n" spank had no rhythm.
In the following years, I was doing pretty well with my masturbatory crusades...or so I thought. I started listening to some good metal/hardcore. I started to learn how to play the drums faster and with a lot more sense of rhythm. I learned how to play faster and faster still, thus increasing my wrist movement speed and what I like to call "explosion control".
One day, I was pullin" the ol" tube and all of a sudden this great fucking metal song came into my head. Without thinking, I started rubbin off to this insanely fast beat. BAM BAM BAM up down UP DOWN TRIPLETS BANG BANG BANG and right when the song hit its peak, I blew a monstrous climactic load. This was when I realized my full potential. I can play blast beats and triplets on my dick and rub one out in THREE SECONDS FLAT (with a thunderboner, that is. Nothing less will do.) Why would you ever want this ability? Are you fucking retarded? I can run up to any random person in public, as long as I have my thunderboner ready, and ***BLASTBEAT***. Out comes a violent explosion of pure contained death metal sperm that is very well known for melting people"s faces completely off.
NOT TO MENTION, fellas, this ability is absolutely awesome for fingerbanging chicks. Whenever I finger a chick, if I decide to go full speed ahead, she swears there was a mechanical dildo slinger just completely dominating her pussy. You would do well to heed my warning, gentlemen. At such speeds it can become dangerous for the male in the sense that you will completely loosen her pussy up in a matter of minutes. I"m talkin" to the point where you woulda thought that she just gave birth to triplets in the time it took you to fingerbang her. Nobody wants to bang a loose pussy, ESPECIALLY when it"s your fault that there"s now a crater where her slit used to be.
Also, this is why drummers get more pussy than any other musician (known fact, also scientifically proven). You"ll understand once you start playing. I am considering creating an instructional video for all of this.
So why does this belong in this thread? Because after I learned these amazing skills, my girlfriend broke up with me because she was jealous of my hand. Not that I stopped fucking her, she was just jealous. Not masturbating is NOT an option after you"ve accomplished these feats. Oh well.
So you REALLY want to jack it?
LEARN HOW TO PLAY DRUMS!
Guys, I swear. I"ve been playing drums since I was about nine years old and probably been jackin" it that long as well, if not longer. I noticed a pattern. At first, I sucked at drums and couldn"t even maintain the simplest beat. The same with jackin off! I struggled with the ups and downs, experimenting with the lefts and rights and all sorts of positions. In short, my crank n" spank had no rhythm.
In the following years, I was doing pretty well with my masturbatory crusades...or so I thought. I started listening to some good metal/hardcore. I started to learn how to play the drums faster and with a lot more sense of rhythm. I learned how to play faster and faster still, thus increasing my wrist movement speed and what I like to call "explosion control".
One day, I was pullin" the ol" tube and all of a sudden this great fucking metal song came into my head. Without thinking, I started rubbin off to this insanely fast beat. BAM BAM BAM up down UP DOWN TRIPLETS BANG BANG BANG and right when the song hit its peak, I blew a monstrous climactic load. This was when I realized my full potential. I can play blast beats and triplets on my dick and rub one out in THREE SECONDS FLAT (with a thunderboner, that is. Nothing less will do.) Why would you ever want this ability? Are you fucking retarded? I can run up to any random person in public, as long as I have my thunderboner ready, and ***BLASTBEAT***. Out comes a violent explosion of pure contained death metal sperm that is very well known for melting people"s faces completely off.
NOT TO MENTION, fellas, this ability is absolutely awesome for fingerbanging chicks. Whenever I finger a chick, if I decide to go full speed ahead, she swears there was a mechanical dildo slinger just completely dominating her pussy. You would do well to heed my warning, gentlemen. At such speeds it can become dangerous for the male in the sense that you will completely loosen her pussy up in a matter of minutes. I"m talkin" to the point where you woulda thought that she just gave birth to triplets in the time it took you to fingerbang her. Nobody wants to bang a loose pussy, ESPECIALLY when it"s your fault that there"s now a crater where her slit used to be.
Also, this is why drummers get more pussy than any other musician (known fact, also scientifically proven). You"ll understand once you start playing. I am considering creating an instructional video for all of this.
So why does this belong in this thread? Because after I learned these amazing skills, my girlfriend broke up with me because she was jealous of my hand. Not that I stopped fucking her, she was just jealous. Not masturbating is NOT an option after you"ve accomplished these feats. Oh well.
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Yep, that was probably the best advice I"ve ever read in my life Seriously his post should go in the hall of *f*ame.Sii said:
That would work man. I totally don"t mind starting the conversations. Yesterday I was opening every girl or set of girls we saw once I met up with my friends.Sii said:
First girl was our 19 japanese waitress, at a sushi place, but she had a southern accent, freaked me out, and I didn"t push her for her #. Just warming up.
Next was a 32 year old woman I chatted up as we were leaving, and she ended up giving us her number, and later in the night texted us that she was tired, didn"t want to go out, but "I don"t have to go out for you to come have sex with me." We were already at the bar at this point so we didn"t go over (if we did go, the three of us were just going to show up and, well, you get it.)
Bar was dead. Only set of girls were three fat fake looking blondes. Then our friend"s wife came in with her smoking hot sister, with big tits falling out of her top, and she kept yelling "Dr. Xxxxxxx!" so I went over and grabbed her and brought her to dance and she kept coming up throughout the night, but I think she was fucking with me cause I had told the friend"s wife I wanted to meet her sister.
Next was a set of six girls and a guy at a table. I picked out the target, and went over and talked to the target"s friend, then told the friend to not be rude and introduce me to the target. The ended up both being nurses who worked at the place in the hospital where I"ll be passing through in a couple of months, then I did a few lame sets of canned material then I hit a weird wall and my mind went empty and I quickly excused myself. I pussied out of getting the number or closing the set!
Then we saw the good looking blonde with the two fat africans, and I went over and asked her if I looked like a drug dealer, but she was a little weird, kinda no brain, but i kept her entertained for a bit while my buddy talked to the big black girls, then we bounced and went back to our table.
We had to leave early because everyone has work, etc, and I wanted to get the blondes number from the set I pussied out in earlier, but the guy was talking to her now, so I went right up between them, asked to be introduced to the guy, ask what he did, told him "oh that"s so nice", then told her I was leaving, but that I needed her opinion on something (yes I know these are all Mystery lines, but the shit completely works), asked her opinion about some stupid story that actually involved me, but in the story it invovled my friend, then I said I wanted to continue this conversation with her and handed her my phone to put her # in. She put it in, Jovana, mom is from south america (Peru?), and dad is from the southern part of the US.
My record was about three weeks ago, got three numbers in about 45 minutes, but I deleted all the numbers later that night.
I really love the whole thing, it"d be so fun to hang out with any of you and go do this shit.
Hahah, wait what? Just to start a random conversation because you"re obviously not a dealer or...?aychamo_aycono said:
What did you plan on saying if she said yes?
Ah wait, I know. "That"s good, because I"m about to deal you some secstasy, baby."
???