Girls who broke your heart thread

Darus Grey_foh · Jul 7, 2009

Eomer said:
Go ahead, I would think given my posting history here it"s obvious I don"t take much personally.

Well, generally I"d say when it comes to females of the gold-digger variety(which in all honestly is most of them, the primary difference in the "non" types simply being lack of aptitude and opportunity, most people are going to pick their best option...) there"s a trade-off in tolerance to status.

Basically the higher your status, the more they"re willing to tolerate. Which is how you get the really ugly-nerdy rich dudes with women who don"t give off that digger "vibe" like the obvious ones do.

Kind of "duh" stuff, which as an outside observer leads me to the initial conclusion that IRL, women find something about you so grating that it over-shadows your status as an attraction factor to sticking around. Potentially as simple as you possess these flaws and are at the same time attracted yourself consistently to women who have lower thresholds of tolerance:status(what would conventionally be considered "not diggers", but who in reality just have a higher standard for their digging), which is why you"re constantly in these cycles of disappointment if you have a personality flaw that drives them away.

Big_w_powah · Jul 7, 2009

Ronaan said:
Man I"m glad I"m relatively poor (as in, not super-rich).

After they see my 4 year old Volkswagen Lupo (google for pics, you"ll get the idea) and my 1-room-apartment, I can be pretty sure they are not after my money

I"ve got a friend who makes 250kish a year depending on his commissions (He"s in corporate sales, is all he"ll say about his actual position). He drives a 1983 toyota corolla. He lives in an efficiency for 300/mo.

I suspect he deals drugs.

Eomer · Jul 7, 2009

I suspect he uses drugs.

Fixed.

Darus Grey said:
Kind of "duh" stuff, which as an outside observer leads me to the initial conclusion that IRL, women find something about you so grating that it over-shadows your status as an attraction factor to sticking around. Potentially as simple as you possess these flaws and are at the same time attracted yourself consistently to women who have lower thresholds of tolerance:status(what would conventionally be considered "not diggers", but who in reality just have a higher standard for their digging), which is why you"re constantly in these cycles of disappointment if you have a personality flaw that drives them away.

Well that wasn"t too emasculating! I see what you"re saying and agree to a point. There"s no question that I am not the easiest to put up with, for any number of reasons. I"m picky, uptight/anal about a lot of stuff, confident to the point of arrogance, not overly empathetic or in touch with emotions or anyone else"s, I could go on.

But! I wouldn"t say I"m stuck in some cycle of endless disappointment really. For most of the past 10 years I"ve more or less just gone through my life very passively in terms of attracting members of the opposite sex. It"s only been in the past 6 months or so that I decided to make a concerted effort to pursue women. Prior to that I dated or messed around when opportunities more or less threw themselves in my face, and in virtually every relationship I was the one that ended things.

Of those in the past little while that I got involved with past a hookup or make-out, two walked away from me and I walked away from the other. And again, the two that walked away had extenuating circumstances.

But again, that"s not to say that I didn"t make mistakes or that there aren"t lessons to be learned along the way. I guess I"m just saying that I"m not so socially revolting that women run screaming even though my wallet is extremely attractive .

_____________________________

On to other things, gonna start putting some more time/effort in to PoF in the next couple weeks. As others have said, there"s nothing better to get over a girl with than another girl. Please offer suggestions/critiques of my profile description (no way in fuck am I linking my profile here ):

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:About me: I like to be physically active, I play in a few different rec leagues locally, I occasionally golf (poorly), I frequently mountain bike and/or run in the river valley, on any given weekend there"s a good chance I"ll be in the mountains skiing in the winter or camping in the summer. Ripping around on my Yamaha R6 is pretty fun as well, although it"s always an adventure seeing which soccer mom in a SUV will try to run me off the road. I try to make at least one big trip a year to somewhere new, and multiple smaller trips here and there along the way. Travelling is definitely something I"d like to do more of. I check out concerts as much as I can, big fan of live music.

When I"m not having fun, I own and operate a construction company, family business kind of thing. I don"t have a long term plan really, other than living the good life and staying out of trouble (kind of).

As far as what I"m looking for, I don"t have any huge hang ups or preferences, but I would like someone who is also physically active and fit who enjoys some of the same things as me. I"m not looking for the female version of me, of course, as that would just be boring (and unattractive)! Drop me a line if you"re interested.

It"s extremely boring, I know. But I"m conflicted: do you just have a short, snappy description that while it"s interesting and enticing, actually says nothing about you? It seems from past discussions in this thread, that that is really the way to go, despite PoF"s guides that claim otherwise.

Campari_foh · Jul 7, 2009

Grooverider said:
There"s a huge difference in every department between a $25,000 car and a $50,000 car. They are practically incomparable. The cars I"ve owned in my life have ranged from $1500 (VW Polo "Parade") to $65000 (Audi RS4) - progressively increasing in cost with my age, as is to be expected with most people.

Eh, I would say that"s debatable. Don"t get me wrong I love nice cars but I don"t think cost always equals better. When I was in high school we bought a Lexus LX470 which was about a $65k+ car, and that thing was a piece of crap as far as I"m concerned. I hated driving it and I honestly think my VW was better in pretty much every way.

My favorite practical car to drive for errands and stuff now is actually a Volvo V50 -- great on gas, lots of storage room, nice interior, and it"s a pretty low-profile car. I"m a guy though, so in the summertime it"s top down BMW. Screw worrying about gas mileage.

Everlast_foh · Jul 7, 2009

I also have a convertible BMW and I feel like I get pretty good gas mileage out of it. Maybe having a Mercedes sedan prior to my BMW sports car made me overvalue somewhat decent MPG, but no complaints here.

Eomer.

In regards to your profile, I think you should cut back a little bit on the cool shit that you do (seems crazy I know). A lot of girls who read that are going to think that they aren"t good enough to hang, because (in my experience) girls on dating websites tend to have a lower social value of themselves.

It also comes across as business like, cold and calculated, try and be a little cocky/funny with it, act like you"re not taking it seriously.

I like how you describe the trips though, maybe shorten it up a little bit, but the soccer mom line should stay.

Make sure to emphasize (to avoid looking creepy) that you"re on the site for a reason, like you travel a lot. You kind of allude to this.

incoming internet pick up artists to validate I don"t know what I am talking about.

Alcestis_foh · Jul 7, 2009

Everlast hit on a couple of these already, so I"m just reiterating.

- Too many activities; your opening line lacks punch. The whole "I like to be physically active" can come off as really lecherous, as the very first thing you say. But if that was intended, ignore.

- Unless they"re in the know, chicks aren"t going to know what a Yamaha R6 is without inference, so it comes off as bragging. You could just amend it to "motorcycle" and possibly use that whole sentence as your opener (deleting the "as well" part, of course). Need more of that dry humor, in my opinion.

- Condense the traveling into one sentence.

- I know you don"t want to attract the gold-digger type, but if you"re going to talk about all the fun things you do, you want to tie at least one of them in to the romantics out there. Otherwise it just reads like a laundry list, and that"s quite hard to slog through.

- Delete your entire middle paragraph. It"s unnecessary to inundate readers with that kind of information from the start. Have a little mystery and reserve some topics for the future.

- Your last paragraph"s opener would make anyone feel like they"re at a job interview. "Now that my part is out of the way, let"s talk about you. =) I"m looking for..." Bitches really do love smileys, that"d be the place to put one. The goal is to make whoever is reading it think they"re interesting and confident enough to message you, without making it seem like your standards are super-high (even if they are).

Seriously though, I think the best bet on these sites is to go for a quirky biography that says little to nothing about you, then depend on intrigue to carry the conversation to the real part. Girls don"t respond to truthfulness, soul-baring, or monotony on dating sites - so you have to do something to break ahead of the pack.

lost · Jul 7, 2009

So not sure many remember what all happened with my ex, hell i"m not even sure i wrote it all out.. but havent talked to her in about a month now and all of a sudden i get back from walking my dog and my best friends calls me saying my x was trying to get my new cell phone number etc..

Was like great, curiosity always gets me, so I end up calling her, and shes ballin her eyes out cause of the bunny I got her, her mother doesnt want it in the house anymore and apparently during the cruise (yeah cruise, no comment) she had her neighbors watch it and now the mom wants them to keep it, as do they neighbors.

I was just look sounds bad, I"m sorry, I hope it works out I"m not even supposed to be talking to you, you had your father come over to my house and threaten to call cops on me if I didnt leave you alone, and now you"re the one talking to me.

She"s all like well a day doesnt go by that I dont think about you, and what I did to was wrong, I"m sorry I figured after 3 weeks maybe you"d want to talk to me and I didnt want to go on the rest of our lives knowing you hate me and havent forgiven me, and she was jsut bawling on the phone, I gave her shit said maybe if she came and saw me in person we could work on forgiveness but theres no way in hell it would happen over night and no way in hell i trust anything that comes out of her mouth.

So later today we talk some more, and we talk moer about the shit she does. Now a little recap, I moved her ass out of her apartment 2 hours away from where I live, while doing that I found texts of her talking to this new guy etc saying how he was hot and couldnt wait for the dinner date that night when we got back (not my dinner date, THEIR dinner date) and all that shit, I caleld her on it, and whole ride home after she was more worried about calling him than agreeing to my wishes that she just turn her phone off until I get back to my car..

With that in mind, we get to the point of this guy. I found out that she went on a date with him the day after the incident, and then that weds and has been since. She claims that it was her unhappiness that was why she broke up, but previously (the day of catching her rather) she said that he was the opportunity she needed to jump ship, not she says no that wasnt true etc etc, point is she basically is saying she still sees him and talks to him and she thinks thats perfectly normal to do after 3 years of a relationship, and that if i cant learn to forgive her over that then we"re just going to go in circles and all that.

I spent a good hour trying to hamemr it into her head that not only what she did break my heart but that her continuation of dating this guy which started most of the heartbreak, continues to break my heart, and i dont think i can ever find it my heart to forgive you knowing you"re continuing on with this guy. I said by her still seeing him that says she finds nothing wrong with what happened, blah blah.

Found a paragraph of her response to this new guy, either way just wanted to get a second opinion, I mean i dont question my feelings but doesnt every other guy think wow what a bitch dating the guy righta fter break up? then wnats forgiveness while still seeing him? come on. I put some other responses in there too so you guys can get the full extent of how shes talking..

girl (1:31:37 PM): and i didnt dump you for another guy. i broke things off because i wanted it. it just so happens that there was someone who shared an interest and i decided that i could pursue that.
girl(1:40:43 PM): but i do agree it was wrong to want to text him on the car ride home. i was a bitch that day and i do apologize for hurting you and using you that day. I just wanted one last day together i guess. I enjoy our time spent together so I figured why not move me out together
girl(1:47:38 PM): i have nothing but regret of how i handled things which is what i told u last night. the past three weeks hav ebeen nothing but shame for me and the way i treated you. and i can still say that after all the cruel things u did to me in the aftermath of the breakup
girl (2:25:09 PM): u think that just because i continue to hang out with ben that i cant be in remorse. well news flash ...I AM and have done nothing but be ashamed of myself and sorry for how things went. and even more so becasue i know i can"t change the way i handled things and how they affected you and how they will continue to affect u throughout your life. but you dont see things that way

It"s like she says she"s sorry for being a bitch taht day I moved her out, but that it"s not wrong to date the guy the very next day.. seems conflicting to me.

Beyond the point that I told her that her apologies cant be sincere if shes still seeing this guy, who was a major player in my hurting and such, theres this other point where she insists its my fault cause I knew she was unhappy, yet I say how could I have known she was so unhappy if she would surprise me in the middle of the night saying she missed me and wanted to sleep over and spend all day together (yes this happened the same week i moved her out) - little did I know that she actually came from teh beach where she lied saying she was meeting a good girl friend but no she actually met the new guy there then had the nerve to come to my house after.. no comment but she would leave me facebook comments and always text to hang out etc.. so I"m like look you cant blame me cause far as I knew shit was good based on your actions and words, thats your fault. I don"t get how the girl cant understand those two concepts..

Still dating guy to me says she"s not sorry cause she hasnt realized what she did wrong exactly and continues to do wrong, and doesnt consider my feelings.

Here i thought talking to her again would make me feel better, after many shitty nights thinking about how much i missed our relationship, yet this has done nothign but bring me back to day 1 of breaking up and more of a mess than i was, specially now that i know she will reply to me so now i cant say to myself "no point in calling/txting cause her dad will have cops on my door and she"ll jsut ignore me anyway" to sway me from trying. I"m just going to tell her I"m not ready to forgive her, she hasnt realized the full extent of what she did and is still doing, and maybe in the future, and just cut off communication again and keep meeting new ladies to distract me. I thought it would be better to hear her voice finally, but fact is she ruined it all, we"re not getting bcak together and its just a tease to my emotions. Especially tease when she tells me whenever she"s near my house she always wants to come see me, she misses us and all this but thinks its for the best. She was quite curious about what i"ve been doing since her friends have seen me out with other girls, thought that was classic.

Sorry if the post doesnt seem too fluid, I liek to proof read multiple times and add in comments here and there.

ToeMissile · Jul 7, 2009

It"s pretty simple. Just get rid of her whore ass and delete/block all ways of contact. Don"t ever communicate with her again.

Dabamf_sl · Jul 7, 2009

First, your balls have to drop.

Second, once that happens you don"t need any more advice because you will realize that obsessing over a slut that fucked you over and has no actual redeeming qualities is juvenile and a waste of time.

I"m confused, you broke up a month ago (and also found out she was cheating right?), what do you have to talk about? It"s over. All that text said she wanted you to forgive her, but I didn"t see anything about her wanting to get back together. What the fuck is there to talk about? "Yea I forgive you" and the conversation is over? What the hell does that do? How about responding "why the fuck do you care if I forgive you, we aren"t together and we"ll never see each other again, so it is absolutely irrelevant. Bye."

I"m confused why that conversation even took place.

Lusiphur_foh · Jul 8, 2009

Eomer. This is the point I been trying to make to you. You meet girls like Chuck and Anne on ski trips who think they are getting together with some ski instructor, generation X, slacker dude and then you turn out to be this really successful guy, living the good life. I am not saying there is anything wrong with this but surely you can see how it totally confounds their initial impressions ? I am also sure (due to the fact that these relationships do last a little while) that you present a good front and don"t flaunt this too much but I still feel that they eventually just give up because they measure their life against yours and feel they are coming up short.

Plenty of people have already given you advice on your profile description but I would say this, if you want a lasting relationship instead of just a casual fling then be more open about the part of your life that is actually more your day to day.

@ Lost. You are under 25 yes ? Juststop talking to her. At this point you are sacrificing your dignity and self-respect and you really need to just walk away. Plenty more fish in the sea, bud.

Eomer · Jul 8, 2009

lost said:
I thought it would be better to hear her voice finally

Define "better." If by better you mean that it would help you continue to move on from this stupid bitch, then fuck no, hearing her voice will NEVER make it better. If by "better", you mean she"ll realize how badly she wronged you and want to get back together, then again, fuck no, she"s the same selfish slut she was a few weeks ago, and that"s not gonna change any time soon.

Maybe it"s just me, but I don"t think there"s ever a case where if you"ve been wronged by a girl that the situation is ever going to be "better" by seeing or talking to her while you still have feelings for her. All it"ll do is reinforce those feelings.

Don"t fucking forgive her, under any circumstances. Let her wallow in her guilt. And more or less refuse or avoid any contact with her. Grow a pair.

Lusiphur said:
I am not saying there is anything wrong with this but surely you can see how it totally confounds their initial impressions ?

I can see how it would "confound" them, but not necessarily in a bad way. I guess I"m thinking from a guy"s rational perspective, but wouldn"t it be a good thing if you found out this other person you were interested in turned out to be much more than what you initially thought? Female psychology is so fucked.

Lusiphur_foh · Jul 8, 2009

Eomer said:
I can see how it would "confound" them, but not necessarily in a bad way. I guess I"m thinking from a guy"s rational perspective, but wouldn"t it be a good thing if you found out this other person you were interested in turned out to be much more than what you initially thought? Female psychology is so fucked.

Women intuit, men rationalise. That"s a glib generalisation but in this arena (dating) its pretty accurate imo. In their head because you became more then they would have to, to keep up (whether you wanted or asked them to or not). They would worry that because they didn"t become more that you would get bored of them and after a while worrying just becomes tiresome etc etc ..

I am not saying it always has to be like that but you are going to have more chance of a decent, lasting relationship if you try to find someone from the same general grouping as you. Ski bunny > upper middle class is quite the jump to ask someone to make

Campari_foh · Jul 8, 2009

Eomer said:
I can see how it would "confound" them, but not necessarily in a bad way. I guess I"m thinking from a guy"s rational perspective, but wouldn"t it be a good thing if you found out this other person you were interested in turned out to be much more than what you initially thought? Female psychology is so fucked.

I really don"t think this has anything to do with the reason things didn"t work out with Chuck or Anne. Maybe I"m just being too rational like you but I can"t imagine someone being turned off or confounded (in a bad way) by success, even if it wasn"t their initial impression of you.

I think it"s a lot more simple than some of you are making it out to be. With the 2 girls that you really liked (Chuck & Anne), you were constantly calling/contacting them, being too available, and frankly just being kind of needy, which is incredibly annoying to anyone -- not just girls. I"ve met several girls who I was really attracted to and hit it off with initially, but after a few weeks I wanted to rip my hair out because I couldn"t deal with the constant text messages and phone calls. It will completely turn you off. People like a challenge, it"s basic human nature. When something comes incredibly easily it isn"t rewarding.

*edit to give Lost some advice* : Delete her #, do not answer her calls, move on. I know it"s difficult for you (or anyone in your situation) to accept, but there is no future for that relationship.

lost · Jul 8, 2009

Dabamf said:
First, your balls have to drop.

Second, once that happens you don"t need any more advice because you will realize that obsessing over a slut that fucked you over and has no actual redeeming qualities is juvenile and a waste of time.

I"m confused, you broke up a month ago (and also found out she was cheating right?), what do you have to talk about? It"s over. All that text said she wanted you to forgive her, but I didn"t see anything about her wanting to get back together. What the fuck is there to talk about? "Yea I forgive you" and the conversation is over? What the hell does that do? How about responding "why the fuck do you care if I forgive you, we aren"t together and we"ll never see each other again, so it is absolutely irrelevant. Bye."

I"m confused why that conversation even took place.

Yeah thats true, summed it up basically, yeah i forgive you, then what? yeah conversation is over. I"d much rather not forgive her. I just wanted a second opinion on the "dating the guy right after." As for the otehr replies, thanks! You"re all right, certainly. Nothing will get better, talking to her has no point, not forgiving her helps move on more than forgiving her. Was just having a rough night as you can see it was like 2:30 am est..

K`Lag_foh · Jul 8, 2009

I had a 7 hour roundtrip journey today on trains for just a 2 and half hour meeting and got home 2 hours ago a little cranky. So as I was catching up on this thread and reading through Eomer"s posts in the last few pages, I began wondering just how genuine he is about his life etc...

Well, looks like from my 1 hour and a bit of internet sleuthing what Eomer says is not too far from the truth.

For a guy who is not much of a ladies man until 6 months ago it"s interesting that you use number "69" in your team in the Edmonton Municipal Hockey League though.

Also, quite cool that you volunteer as a consultant for the apartment building you live in. As "Barry" put it (in some of the meeting notes I found) your company would take care of repairs to the building on a cost plus basis...

Where abouts in the world is your facebook picture taken btw?

Ravvenn_sl · Jul 8, 2009

lost said:
Yeah thats true, summed it up basically, yeah i forgive you, then what? yeah conversation is over. I"d much rather not forgive her. I just wanted a second opinion on the "dating the guy right after." As for the otehr replies, thanks! You"re all right, certainly. Nothing will get better, talking to her has no point, not forgiving her helps move on more than forgiving her. Was just having a rough night as you can see it was like 2:30 am est..

What do you want an opinion for? Do you not realize you were 100% used and she didn"t give two shits about you? Better yet, I will put money on it she called you not to apologize, but because she wants something. She will eventually ask you for something if you continue talking to her.

i do apologize for hurting you andusing you that day.

She does not care about your feelings, she flat out said she used you and you seemed to not even take note of it and instead dwell on the "other man". Move on. You need to not stoop to her level (going for revenge), otherwise, you"re just as bad as she is.You can"t forgive someone who isn"t sorry, so stop sweating whether or not you should.

You"re not going to get anything out of her that"srealexcept maybe herpes.

Everlast_foh · Jul 8, 2009

K`Lag said:
I had a 7 hour roundtrip journey today on trains for just a 2 and half hour meeting and got home 2 hours ago a little cranky. So as I was catching up on this thread and reading through Eomer"s posts in the last few pages, I began wondering just how genuine he is about his life etc...

Well, looks like from my 1 hour and a bit of internet sleuthing what Eomer says is not too far from the truth.

For a guy who is not much of a ladies man until 6 months ago it"s interesting that you use number "69" in your team in the Edmonton Municipal Hockey League though.

Also, quite cool that you volunteer as a consultant for the apartment building you live in. As "Barry" put it (in some of the meeting notes I found) your company would take care of repairs to the building on a cost plus basis...

Where abouts in the world is your facebook picture taken btw?

wat

K`Lag_foh · Jul 8, 2009

Everlast said:
wat

"wat" indeed... I got lucky with one of the google searches I tried... I like Eomer and his antics though so if I am right about this, his personal details areNOTgoing to be published on the intrawebs... Tuco can vouch for me as I found out where he lives as well based off a satellite picture of his home he posted, don"t think any stalkers have gotten to him yet anyway

niteflyx_foh · Jul 8, 2009

Somehow, this thread didn"t get awkward until now

Darus Grey_foh · Jul 8, 2009

I don"t see why, being anonymous on the internet is a myth at this point. We"ve all put out enough tidbits of personal information to connect the dots over our internet lifetimes if someone cared enough to look. Posting on forums/making documents/etc available is like writing all the details of your life on facebook and somehow expecting people to not read it.

If you"re not making a purposeful and constant effort at anonymity then you don"t have it, and the only reason someone doesn"t know all the details of your life is that no one cares enough about you(general you, not specific you in an insulting manner) to look.

Search

Girls who broke your heart thread

Darus Grey_foh

shitlord

Big_w_powah

Trakanon Raider

Eomer

Trakanon Raider

Campari_foh

shitlord

Everlast_foh

shitlord

Alcestis_foh

shitlord

lost

ToeMissile

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer

Dabamf_sl

shitlord

Lusiphur_foh

shitlord

Eomer

Trakanon Raider

Lusiphur_foh

shitlord

Campari_foh

shitlord

lost

K`Lag_foh

shitlord

Ravvenn_sl

shitlord

Everlast_foh

shitlord

K`Lag_foh

shitlord

niteflyx_foh

shitlord

Darus Grey_foh

shitlord