I suggested this before but no one took me up on it, so I"ll put my money where my mouth is. If you have a story with background info that"s been posted previously, do us a favor and add the last post or something in spoilers. There"s like 10 stories going on simultaneously and it"s hard to keep track.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Dabamf said:
I met DG again last night (Tuesday) with the absolute intention to get her to let me see her apartment. I come back from an obligation in Seoul 3 days a week about 1 hr before she finishes work, so I hang out around the area and study korean until she"s off (note, I only did this AFTER we were already an established couple and she had already been saying things like "i miss you"), then we hang out for about 30 minutes before I have to catch the last bus home. It"s not that ideal, but for a girl who works 70 hours a week it is a good solution. Well her work is on my way home, and her apartment is right next to it, whereas mine is a 25 min bus ride away. She hasn"t let me see it yet because it is filled with clutter from work. My line is thinking is that those 30 minute meets can turn into some fun freaky nights without her wasting precious sleep time on travel, so I was pretty pushy, in a playful way, about getting her to let me see it.
Ultimately it was a failure which was pretty frustrating because I absolutely hate when a girl is self-conscious about something that I don"t give a shit about. She doesn"t want me to see it because it"s messy, I don"t care if its messy and understand that her tiny building at work can"t hold all her shit. Yet we miss out on a more convenient and enjoyable option because she is acting on a presumption about what I"ll think, despite me explicitly saying the opposite. When this sort of shit happens with girls I want to strangle a kitten. Fortunately I managed to get her to come to my apartment with a little encouragement.
ANYWAY, had a night of some pretty fantastic sex. Even before that though, at my place, I was starting to get the feeling that this girl is a keeper. The normal shy shit I"ve been putting up with since the beginning all but disappeared, taking a shower at my place, walking around in her underwear, being a little bold ("go wash your feet" she thought i was crazy when I said americans dont consider "wash your feet" part of the nightly ritual), etc. Such a huge jump from the apprehension on sunday and I came out really impressed. The apartment thing is kinda an issue, but it"ll pass with time. I"m kinda fucked in the head in that if a girl doesn"t want me to see something about her, I wanna see it 10x more because I don"t like insecurities interfering with my, or people I care about"s, lives.
And this whole time I was expecting really bad sex with a girl who likely had the sexual experience of a 18 year old, but man I was wrong. Not the wildest, but easily the girl who knew her way around the bedroom the best. Suggesting various things, syncing her movement perfectly with mine, etc. And the bonus is I"m not left thinkin "well if she knows all this, she"s probably fucked a ton of guys." And I had all but completely forgotten what it was like to sleep with someone you REALLY wanted to sleep with, rather than a maintanance fuck. The only problem was korean condoms and how sucky they are, and, errm, we had to go really really slow or it"d cause her pain. I don"t really know, but I"m guessing both problems are related to the disparity between your average asian guy and your average white guy.
I don"t have much else to say. Things are going great, I"m keeping my character-flaw/don"t-be-insecure nitpicks in check and finally am enjoying those fantastic fake titties.
Lessons learned:
(1) With Korean (and probably can apply to other asians) girls, there is only "no" and "really, no" when it comes to getting intimate. The key is keeping it playful and not getting discouraged by the resistance. They are obligated to resist advances so as to not look slutty, but most of it is superficial. Just look for contradicting signs (advance/don"t) to know its ok to push forward.
(2)When in any circumstance which is awkward or frustrating with a girl, which may be often, search for a way to spin it into something fun or amusing. The girl will be more comfortable with you and you"ll both have more fun. For example, DG had stopped speaking English all-together, and wouldn"t even try to use English if I didn"t understand a Korean word. This was really getting to me, as I had already mentioned it to her, but instead of letting it get me mad, I decided to make a fun game out of it, and told her that if she spoke only English, I"d speak only Korean (of which I know significantly less than she knows of English) for the last 1hr of our date. She loved it and we both had a lot of fun because of it. I also used this attitude when we first slept together and many times since. There"s a lot of confusion and uncertainty dealing with someone from a different culture, but instead of letting it be confusing and potentially awkward, I try to spin it into something fun. And as someone who sucks balls at building comfort with a girl, this attitude is gold.
Ultimately my guess at the breast thing was wrong. She is ridiculously ticklish all over and touching them triggers that. Is that a common thing with implants? Anyway, she doesn"t want me touching them because it"s uncomfortable for her physically, that"s all. But when we"re going at it hard it"s open season and she actually enjoys it. I think a lot of it stems from the conservatism and shyness, not feeling completely open with her body and all that.
She still doesn"t want me to see her apartment. I joke about it a lot but it"s possible I"m towing the line of being annoying. We kinda jokingly agreed on Oct. 24 to see it but I think I"m gonna cancel that and tell her whenever she is ready. I challenge her a lot, and am wary to cross the line of making her always feel pressured, so I think I"ll relent and let her show me when she"s ready.
I really like her, but there"s so much stuff I don"t know about her, and she doesn"t know about me, because of the language barrier. I"m not really sure how we will get past that. I"m worried we are gonna plateau big time. Unrelated, I had the weirdest realization earlier this week: she is almost a carbon copy of my ex girlfriend from college, only Asian. Real bubbly and outgoing (perfect to offset my complete lack of visual emotions) on the outside, but hiding a potent edgier/independent side underneath that isn"t really concerned with other people. I don"t really care about the outside bubblyness, though it"s probably good for me to be around, but I really dig that confident, competent, strong will.
Footnote: condoms still fucking suck, and as a result, Koreans" almost complete lack of awareness and acceptance of birth control fucking sucks as well.