Im not really sure how to word all of this. I have been thinking about what to say for about 15 minutes now, so I guess I will just type as it comes to me.
I have done my fair share of dating. I have met a lot of women. Some, I go out with and all I want to do is fuck them. Nothing ever happens. Some I go out with and all I want to do is fuck them. We eventually have sex and then I started missing my ex again and dont contact the woman again.
Then there are times I meet a woman and she wants nothing to do with me. If we do go out a few times, she eventually stops talking to me. It bothered me at first, but I realize now that its normal and has nothing to do with me.
I knew ofDabamf(I will call her Diane now...) because of my sister. They met, while working at Walmart, over 2 years ago. The reason they became friends (and I dont think I have ever shared this) was because they were both pregnant- yes, Diane has 2 kids (She had twin daughters).
After my separation, my sister wanted to hook me up with her, but I actually declined because of the age thing and the fact that she had new born girls. But as I dated (and most of them were 19-23), I figured it wasnt a big deal. After all, I wasnt looking for a relationship anyways because I "knew" that me and my ex would get back together. We started talking around May of 08. I saw her when The Dark Knight came out and after that we really started talking a lot. She was more of a shoulder to cry on because I wasnt getting the things I wanted from my ex. She was having problems with her "Babies" Daddy", so we both kind of comforted each other.
When she started saying things that made me realize she was interested, I met up with her and hooked one of my friends up with her sister. After that night, I knew I wanted to see her more. I told my ex about it and tried to have 2 girls at once. it didnt go over well (as everyone said it wouldnt). I "lost" my ex and I hated it. I kind of blamed myself and Diane for it and I slowly lost interest in Diane. By Dec, we were done and I was playing WoW full time again, so it didnt matter.
I saw her again sometime in the end of Jan of this year and we watched The Spirit. Afterwards, we kissed (which I forgot about). She told me that I made things really hard for her and after that night, she stopped talking to me.
In April, her sister was meeting a guy near my house, so they called me to go with them. Her sister ended up liking the guy, so Diane and I went and had dinner and talked. Nothing happened and after that night, she didnt contact me, though I didnt contact her. I figured she would if she was interested.
Over the last few months, even when I was with my ex, I did think about her. I wondered how things would have been had I not just dropped her. When i saw her at the wedding, I was floored. She looked amazing in the dress she had. I enjoyed talking to her and I knew I wanted to try again.
Its been 2 weeks and things are going really good. I dont have any thoughts about my ex (except that im afraid she is going to stick me with child support). Every now and then, I think that Diane could be someone to make me happy and its nice. I have never thought about being with anyone else except my ex. When it does happen, I feel bad sometimes. It makes me sad and I feel as though i have wasted a portion of my life. it doesnt take long to get back to good thoughts, but I guess in short- I am scared.
I really do not think Diane is The One for me. I do think she could be around for awhile, but she probably will not be the one I grow old with. I have talked to my sister about this and she has had these kinds of thoughts plenty of times and she is only 22. This is my first time to think like this and I dont know what to make of it.
I slept at Diane"s house last night. I had done it before (last year), but it was only after getting laid. Last night was nice. Watched a movie, watched Metalocolypse and then went to bed. She texted me this morning when she woke up and thanked me for a good night. She said it was the best rest she has gotten in a long time and asked when I could sleep with her again. She wants me to come back tonight.
A good friend of mine (who is female) says I should tell her my feelings. I have told her that i missed her, but I dont know what more to say. I really dont know how I feel, to be honest. I like everything that is happening, but is it real or is it the fact that my ex has only been "gone" for 2 months. I want to be careful, but I dont want to lose a good thing either. I have been staying quiet though. Not until I know for sure.
