Girls who broke your heart thread
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Haha, not likely. She is only 20 I refuse to date any girl under 23. Even then girls who are around 23-25 don"t seem to have their shit together. Been burnt so many times in the past by girls who I think are logical and stable at around that age and completely flake. Pain in my fucking ass.
Brad2770
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That may be a lesson I will learn... But you never know unless you try.
I wonder about myself when I feel like I connect more with a 20 yr old woman than a 30 yr old. I did mention this to my Therapist (who isnt married) and she didnt see it as an issue. My grandmother doesnt either, but she married a man that was 16 years older than her when she was 21.
I wonder about myself when I feel like I connect more with a 20 yr old woman than a 30 yr old. I did mention this to my Therapist (who isnt married) and she didnt see it as an issue. My grandmother doesnt either, but she married a man that was 16 years older than her when she was 21.
Well honestly look in and do some reflection Brad and it should become apparent why. Up until recently you struck me as a very, very immature for your age type of person. It is obvious you"ll click better with a 20 something girl since your maturity levels would match more easily. The obvious bad thing is immature girls will make immature decisions.
Tarrant
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Age can matter, you really need to be strict with your standards and rules concerning it. I flat out told Michele what I wanted, I didn"t hide it and she seemed to like that.
She just texted me a bit ago saying that she ordered tickets for our date Sunday as well as a link to the place we"re going out to eat to afterward things are looking like they are gonna be pretty nice.
We"re both into Photography...she"s way better at it then I am, she"s pretty skilled with a camera...anyways she was looking at my Facebook and she saw a few pictures I took overlooking Saint Paul at night and she asked where I took them...I"m going to take her up to it after dinner I think.
I was feeling a bit of pressure going into this weekend...really want things to go well and I have a tendency to worry...so I"m backing up to the point I was going into last weeks date and just not putting any expectations on anything. Shit turned out excellent last week, no sense in trying to change things up this week when I can just go with what worked before.
She just texted me a bit ago saying that she ordered tickets for our date Sunday as well as a link to the place we"re going out to eat to afterward things are looking like they are gonna be pretty nice.
We"re both into Photography...she"s way better at it then I am, she"s pretty skilled with a camera...anyways she was looking at my Facebook and she saw a few pictures I took overlooking Saint Paul at night and she asked where I took them...I"m going to take her up to it after dinner I think.
I was feeling a bit of pressure going into this weekend...really want things to go well and I have a tendency to worry...so I"m backing up to the point I was going into last weeks date and just not putting any expectations on anything. Shit turned out excellent last week, no sense in trying to change things up this week when I can just go with what worked before.
Well I didn"t want to shit on your parade Tarrant but I can explain my situation a bit better with my ex.
Alright I"m 24, my ex was 22. I already graduated college, got my job and all that and feel pretty settled for being 24. I started dating her while still in college, she graduated, got her job and I thought things were pretty settled. Fast forward about 5 months since that happened. She now decided she doesn"t really like her career path. Alright cool, whatever. She decided she doesn"t really like her apartment. Alright cool, whatever. She decided she"s not sure if she wants to live in the USA anymore. Alright, issue. She decided she needed to connect with her "feminist" roots more. Alright, whatever. All of this eventually boiled up into her having a breakdown at 22 and having no direction in life. Shehada very solid direction. However, like all young people she wanted a drastic change in it. Never once in our relationship did she strike me as immature or indecisive but this shit just happens. That marked now my second relationship that failed simply because she wanted to change up her life way too much. I"m not saying this is 100% gold standard and all girls do this but do not give this girl more credit than she deserves. She is young, has a job but not really a career has a direction in life but not a clear course. I"m just saying tread carefully crazy woman hormones can happen to even then best of them. It seems older women tend to have more a clear focus in their lives.
Alright I"m 24, my ex was 22. I already graduated college, got my job and all that and feel pretty settled for being 24. I started dating her while still in college, she graduated, got her job and I thought things were pretty settled. Fast forward about 5 months since that happened. She now decided she doesn"t really like her career path. Alright cool, whatever. She decided she doesn"t really like her apartment. Alright cool, whatever. She decided she"s not sure if she wants to live in the USA anymore. Alright, issue. She decided she needed to connect with her "feminist" roots more. Alright, whatever. All of this eventually boiled up into her having a breakdown at 22 and having no direction in life. Shehada very solid direction. However, like all young people she wanted a drastic change in it. Never once in our relationship did she strike me as immature or indecisive but this shit just happens. That marked now my second relationship that failed simply because she wanted to change up her life way too much. I"m not saying this is 100% gold standard and all girls do this but do not give this girl more credit than she deserves. She is young, has a job but not really a career has a direction in life but not a clear course. I"m just saying tread carefully crazy woman hormones can happen to even then best of them. It seems older women tend to have more a clear focus in their lives.
Brad2770
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Well, I have feelings for the girl. So its kind of hard to put standards into place now. I mean, I could, but then all I was doing was leading her along the last 2 weeks...
I will see how it goes. I feel I owe her that much because I didnt give her a chance last year.
I will see how it goes. I feel I owe her that much because I didnt give her a chance last year.
Tarrant
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Did she already go through her wild crazy shit phase before?
I don"t care what people say, everyone does it once, I don"t care how mature you are at one point...at some point walls will crumble shit will hit the fan until that phase comes and goes. Some go through it once...but they usually shown signs of it in between where you can be like "yeah...fuck that"
I"m not saying the girl I"m seeing is for sure 100% past things...but I"m fairly convinced she is. Famous last words I know but her party hard phase was pretty fucking hard and she almost lost everything important in her life, I"m fairly sure she wont hit that path again.
Time"ll tell.
I don"t care what people say, everyone does it once, I don"t care how mature you are at one point...at some point walls will crumble shit will hit the fan until that phase comes and goes. Some go through it once...but they usually shown signs of it in between where you can be like "yeah...fuck that"
I"m not saying the girl I"m seeing is for sure 100% past things...but I"m fairly convinced she is. Famous last words I know but her party hard phase was pretty fucking hard and she almost lost everything important in her life, I"m fairly sure she wont hit that path again.
Time"ll tell.
No, she never did but she didn"t want to party. We"ve been broken up for quite a while and she still does the normal stuff she always did when we were together. It was a far from bitter breakup and we remain decent friends. It takes a certain character trait to even want to have a party phase. I never had one, doubt I ever will. She never had one, doubt she ever will. It really only comes into play if you try to bottle it up. I don"t want to play devil"s advocate too much but there are people who have lost everything but still don"t fully give their habits up. I generally have good feelings about things and from your posts describing how everything was going now it never gave me a good one. I could easily be wrong since I"m sitting here reading only a handful of posts but my internet intuition was going off hard. Hopefully I"m wrong and she"ll make you hella happy.
Tarrant
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I"ve seen the self destruct button pressed quite a few times, I think I know the signs fairly well and I"ve changed myself quite a bit and I like to think I can see when someone really is changed and why they aren"t. Granted I can be wrong, I"m not claiming otherwise.
In terms of drinking I was talking to her, she mixed herself a drink and we were talking on and off throughout the night, around 6 hours later (no we weren"t talking all night) and she mentioned how 3/4 of her drink was still sitting there and she was drinking water now instead. The only thing she really cares for now is wine, same as me. That works out well. Booze isn"t her thing anymore.
Parties, she went out to dinner with some friends for a birthday last week, after dinner they went to the bar, she called it a night, bars are no longer her thing.
She works a lot, she could go out much more then she does but she"s in bed by 9:30 during the week and I know on weekends she is either seeing her family or as of late, out with me.
And I"m not saying there"s potential for a relapse. It"s been about 2 years since her phase, she loves her job, wants it to be her career (she works in pediatrics during the week) has her head on strait and is down to earth. It"ll be a long ass time before I"m not looking at her for signs of her going back down the wrong road but you can be sure as hell if and when she does I"ll say something once...then bail, I dealt with it all with my ex wife...not doin git again...EVER.
In terms of drinking I was talking to her, she mixed herself a drink and we were talking on and off throughout the night, around 6 hours later (no we weren"t talking all night) and she mentioned how 3/4 of her drink was still sitting there and she was drinking water now instead. The only thing she really cares for now is wine, same as me. That works out well. Booze isn"t her thing anymore.
Parties, she went out to dinner with some friends for a birthday last week, after dinner they went to the bar, she called it a night, bars are no longer her thing.
She works a lot, she could go out much more then she does but she"s in bed by 9:30 during the week and I know on weekends she is either seeing her family or as of late, out with me.
And I"m not saying there"s potential for a relapse. It"s been about 2 years since her phase, she loves her job, wants it to be her career (she works in pediatrics during the week) has her head on strait and is down to earth. It"ll be a long ass time before I"m not looking at her for signs of her going back down the wrong road but you can be sure as hell if and when she does I"ll say something once...then bail, I dealt with it all with my ex wife...not doin git again...EVER.
Yep you"d know the situation much better than I would. I haven"t seen you make any glaring obvious mistakes to comment on (rather you"ve been doing many right moves) so in terms of "not fucking up 101" you"re passing with an A+ which is about the only thing this thread can assess.
Let me give you another possible viewpoint:Tenks said:
Sounds like she realised she"s fucking 22 and not 32 and doesn"t need to have her career and "direction in life" mapped out for her at her age. Aka you sound like a boring fuck.
I don"t know why you"d feel bad and/or tell her she doesn"t have to dress up.Brad2770 said:
This isn"t a friends house where you gladly let her "be herself" and hope for the best. It"s a company party where people are expected to dress well like normal goddamn adults do. Being goth, emo, whatever is no excuse to exclude yourself (or your partner) from "cleaning up" when the time calls for it. Don"t worry about her feelings, it"s simple; tell her it"s a formal (or semi-formal) event so proper attire will berequired. If you"re not strapped, offer to buy the dress (which a lot of men do and a lot of women really enjoy).
Despite being a giant nerd, Ilovegetting all dolled up for my honeys company Christmas party (which is very formal). I go out of my way to try and make him look good (by dressing and behaving like a lady). Go shopping with her, and throw out extra compliments when she tries on dresses. It might even encourage her to get out of that icky goth-like phase.
I always buy my party dress on Black Friday; Nordstrom, Bloomies and Macy"s always have badass sales if you"re ballsy enough to face the masses.
Brad2770
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Yeah, we actually talked about it last night. I wish I would have taken a picture of her, she was actually wearing a nice button up shirt last night. I was floored and immediately complimented her on the shirt. Anyways, I told her I would buy her a dress. The company party is business casual, so its not too much, but I know the owner and a couple of his underlings will probably be wearing suits.
She was never against dressing up for the party. The main reason I posted that is because I used to be controlling. I felt bad because I was telling her what to do (if she went). I wanted to make it clear to her that she could choose anything she wanted to wear, but within reason of course.
She was never against dressing up for the party. The main reason I posted that is because I used to be controlling. I felt bad because I was telling her what to do (if she went). I wanted to make it clear to her that she could choose anything she wanted to wear, but within reason of course.
Bingo. You will have your entire life to be boring and plain; may as well live a little and find yourself. She had doubts about her life as many people do. Some have it at 20, some get it at 40.Grooverider said:
You best hope yours doesn"t come at 40.
McCheese
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For anyone interested, I wasn"t (nor will I be) fired and deported. Sorry to disappoint.
After our lesson on Friday she invited me to go to a club with her and her girlfriend. So we hung out there for a while, dropped off her girlfriend, then went back to her apartment (where I had left my bags and books). She invited me to stay for a while so we drank tea and talked and listened to music (she"s a music nut) until like 6am.
If it were a normal situation (i.e she wasn"t my student) I"d have gone for a kiss before I left as everything seemed to point to it, but I figured I should play it safe. So before I left I just flat out asked her where we stood, and I got the "You"re a great guy, but..." speech. She really likes me but she "just isn"t looking for anyone right now". Friendzoned! The conversation was awkward as hell, especially considering our situation, but I"m glad we got it all straightened out. When I left I figured I"d leave the ball in her court and see if she wanted to keep our friendship going or not. I thought,maybe, I"d hear from her in a couple days. But she calls me Saturday evening and asks me to go hang out or see a movie. I was tired so I declined and we just chatted on the phone for a bit.
Anyway, despite her incredibly mixed signals, I plan on keeping our friendship intact. It"s nice to have one more friend since I"m in a new place and it"s a great opportunity for me to practice my Russian.
After our lesson on Friday she invited me to go to a club with her and her girlfriend. So we hung out there for a while, dropped off her girlfriend, then went back to her apartment (where I had left my bags and books). She invited me to stay for a while so we drank tea and talked and listened to music (she"s a music nut) until like 6am.
If it were a normal situation (i.e she wasn"t my student) I"d have gone for a kiss before I left as everything seemed to point to it, but I figured I should play it safe. So before I left I just flat out asked her where we stood, and I got the "You"re a great guy, but..." speech. She really likes me but she "just isn"t looking for anyone right now". Friendzoned! The conversation was awkward as hell, especially considering our situation, but I"m glad we got it all straightened out. When I left I figured I"d leave the ball in her court and see if she wanted to keep our friendship going or not. I thought,maybe, I"d hear from her in a couple days. But she calls me Saturday evening and asks me to go hang out or see a movie. I was tired so I declined and we just chatted on the phone for a bit.
Anyway, despite her incredibly mixed signals, I plan on keeping our friendship intact. It"s nice to have one more friend since I"m in a new place and it"s a great opportunity for me to practice my Russian.
Don"t look at it as a control issue, because it"s not.Brad2770 said:
People operate best within guidelines - and you do her afavorby saying it"s business-casual, formal, whatever. Good women like looking good for their men in public, and the idea of committing a fashion faux pas by not dressing appropriately at a business party of their gent"s is a pretty bad one. Unless she"s different from every woman on Earth, you"re inadvertently putting stress on her by telling her to wear "what she wants" at a social function. No one likes to be overdressed or underdressed for a gathering, especially a girl who is (in essence) going as your arm-candy. Look at it this way. If she"s a "follower" like you say she is, and since it"s obvious she"s bent on pleasing you from other stories, doesn"t it also follow that your desire to have her dress up (even outright telling her what to wear) willeasilytrump whatever goth rebel emo individuality she might have?
Like brekk said, don"t recoil so far from your previous self that you launch right into the other equally terrible extreme.
Brad2770
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I appreciate the advice and you guys are probably right (seeing as I am more wrong than right). I am just trying to stay clear of being like I used to be.
Once Dec. comes and we make arrangements for someone to take care of her girls, I will take her to buy a dress and I will offer firm suggestions as for what she should wear. I need to buy a new shirt anyways, so maybe find something that matches.
Once Dec. comes and we make arrangements for someone to take care of her girls, I will take her to buy a dress and I will offer firm suggestions as for what she should wear. I need to buy a new shirt anyways, so maybe find something that matches.