Girls who broke your heart thread
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Sutekh
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There"s really no helping it. It"s been brought up before, the kid was obviously an accident and now he has to suffer for it because he was forced in to the world by two immature people who didn"t use protection. It"s a sad but unavoidable truth.brekk said:
Brad2770
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And its going to happen. We dont have to live with each other anymore. We arent each other;s friends anymore, so when we disagree, things will get nasty because there is no reason to be nice (other than my son, of course). But being human, thats not enough sometimes.brekk said:
I know thats how it will be and for the most part, I have been civil. She is the one that is trying to be controlling. But whatever.
Sutekh
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So what you"re telling me is that you actually planned to have this kid(Since that"s the furthest from my argument). If so, then why are you two acting like a bunch of whiny children? IF you had planned the kid then you must at least THINK you"re mature enough to foster children. Then how about attempting to act the part. I honestly couldn"t give two shits about you and your little girl arguing but the fact that the kid has to get caught up in it is just down right wrong. Also you"re not peerless in this situation you let the relationship between you two get to the point where you can only seeyour sonthe 1st and 3rd weekend of every month. So I"m not sure how you can call me retarded for saying the kid was an accident and you two weren"t ready. Don"t get me wrong here, I"m not trying to insult your son at all. In fact I have the most respect for him in your three way of misery. Nor do I doubt that both of you love him. But there"s a huge difference between loving a child you willing brought in to the world and loving a child that hampered your life when you didn"t want it to.Brad2770 said:
Being civil doesn"t cut it, just being nice enough to where she wont hate you doesn"t cut it. You"ve got to be friends. Whether you like it or not, that shit"s got to happen, I"ll tell you what doesn"t help that, stalking her and her new boyfriend.
But then again you"re probably right, I am pretty retarded.
Brad2770
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I posted one page back the shit I have to put up with. There would be no problems, but she instigates the shit. Im not the child. She is.
Let me be more specific. When I finally learned it was about him, I changed my ways. I do not try and cause his mom grief for HIS sake. Im tired of defending myself when it comes to my son. In my "perfect world", I wouldnt have had him. I didnt want children for this very reason, but I did and I really am trying to make the best with what I have.
The old property I managed, one of my tenants was a divorce attorney. I talked to him. He was the one that pretty much told me that unless I could prove she was an unfit mom, I am pretty much fucked. He said he could take my money and try, but the best thing to do is just keep things how they are and "deal" with her because all I would probably do is fuck myself more thasn help myself. I have already seeked legal aid and that was his advice.
(queue Etoille)
Let me be more specific. When I finally learned it was about him, I changed my ways. I do not try and cause his mom grief for HIS sake. Im tired of defending myself when it comes to my son. In my "perfect world", I wouldnt have had him. I didnt want children for this very reason, but I did and I really am trying to make the best with what I have.
The old property I managed, one of my tenants was a divorce attorney. I talked to him. He was the one that pretty much told me that unless I could prove she was an unfit mom, I am pretty much fucked. He said he could take my money and try, but the best thing to do is just keep things how they are and "deal" with her because all I would probably do is fuck myself more thasn help myself. I have already seeked legal aid and that was his advice.
(queue Etoille)
Sutekh
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Right so you"re not the child, you"re just diligently trying to prove to people on the internet that you aren"t the one doing anything but SHE is. So your obvious resentment towards her is just another thing holding you back from becoming friends and making it so stopping to see your son is a good thing.Brad2770 said:
Obviously forcefully going about things is the wrong way. Bringing her to court and causing wake isn"t the fucking path you want to take. IT"S A WOMAN. You try and force shit to happen it"s obviously going to become harder. Shit dude.
brekk
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That"s really mature.Brad2770 said:
This is true, if you"re trying to get soul custody. You have joint custody and it"s well within your rights and the courts powers to make sure you get ample fair visitation rights with your own child.Brad2770 said:
The one thing that will fuck you over, is your showing up at her place demanding your kid or whatever. If she brings that up and court and feigns concern that she was scared when you show up then you are fucked.
Brad2770
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She could do that anytime she wanted and I dont have to be there. I was thrown in jail one time for supposedly fighting someone. I never laid a finger on the person that accused me, but because they reported it, I was arrested for it. I wasnt convicted, but after bail, court and lawyer costs, I was out 1200 bucks. AND i still have the arrrest record, but not a convicted record... and it never happened.brekk said:
She can say whatever she wants. It"s my word against hers. She has me by the balls whether I am good or bad.
So, how far along in Law School are you two? Im thinking about retaining you both.
Edit-
Ok, I called up the guy that handled my divorce. I quickly explained my situation. I told him what visitation that I wanted and what i had in my papers. He said he couldnt promise anything once it was taken court. My requests are not unheard of, but they are not a normal visitation set up and since we will be living in different school districts, it wouldnt be something the courts would consider since he is getting close to school age.
He also pointed out that this could bring up the fact that I am not paying child support and would probably set that in motion, especially if it looks like I might get what I want, she would use that as a last ditch effort to get back at me.
Bottom line, he said there sint any promises he could make, that he wouldnt know the outcome until we were done in court. He said I need to be happy with what i got, that i do get more visitation than most dads and that I am not paying child support. He said if its not broke, dont fix it.... and then pretty much told me he was sorry, but that was life. He asked if I wanted to proceed and I told him I didnt know.
So, there you go. Im lucky to have what I have and I am going to shut up about it. Thanks for being dicks...
Jesus, guys, it"s sole custody. Brad and his ex aren"t God and Satan fighting over little Timmy"s soul.brekk said:
Brad2770
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Go back and look at my last post. I made an Edit. I spoke with my divorce attorney.
We have Texas" Default Custody Rules. There is a written part saying she has the right to receive money, but we never agreed on child support, so it goes no further. (They left out the details of child support since she said she didnt want it).
Also, my divorce attorney doesnt handle divorce cases with children anymore, but would help me since he had handled mine before. He said it"s much harder dealing with divorces with Children and isnt worth the money anymore. He doesnt like splitting up families, but doesnt mind dealing with childless feuding adults.
We have Texas" Default Custody Rules. There is a written part saying she has the right to receive money, but we never agreed on child support, so it goes no further. (They left out the details of child support since she said she didnt want it).
Also, my divorce attorney doesnt handle divorce cases with children anymore, but would help me since he had handled mine before. He said it"s much harder dealing with divorces with Children and isnt worth the money anymore. He doesnt like splitting up families, but doesnt mind dealing with childless feuding adults.
Eomer
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No one"s trying to be dicks man, they"re trying to give what you seek: advice.Brad said:
Near as I can understand it, you don"t have any sort of written custody agreement with your ex-wife. I"m no expert in this shit, that"s for sure. But basically I"d say you don"t have much right to complain about access to your son if you"re not paying child support nor do you have a stipulated agreement that spells out what that access is supposed to be. As you yourself have said, you"ve apparently got a pretty good deal going, so I"m not sure you have much to complain about regarding the ex and her jerking you around.
The friend of mine that found out a couple years back that he had a 3 year old son went with the mother (it was a one night stand) after he found out and met with some sort of mediator or advisor. He wasn"t a lawyer, but he helped them spell out an agreement about what he"d pay for support visitation/vacation rights and that kind of thing. Neither has ever brought a lawyer in to things. And as far as I know, things work out pretty well considering basically it"s two strangers trying to raise a kid. Especially when daddy is 1000km away.
Brad2770
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It makes me angry. I didnt want to be a dad. I loved her, so I decided I wanted to be a family. I never thought I would lose her and miss out on a lot of time with my son. I took them both for granted and now another man is living MY life. I hate that i have to ask to see my son. I hate that she had the power to take that all away from me and I hate that I can do nothing about it.
Not trying to be all Emo and shit, but how can I really BE HAPPY when I lost the two things that I cherished more than anything?
I know I didnt show them that I did, but it doesnt mean that I didnt. I loved them both more than myself.
Not trying to be all Emo and shit, but how can I really BE HAPPY when I lost the two things that I cherished more than anything?
I know I didnt show them that I did, but it doesnt mean that I didnt. I loved them both more than myself.
Arative
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In Missouri, the amount of time you have with your children also reflects on the amount of money you pay in child support. My buddy just went though this. His ex wanted the maximum amount of child support, so was going for the State minimum for visits, which is every other weekend and 1 night a week. My friend wanted to split custody, 3 days at her place, 4 days at his, then reverse and about half the child support money the ex was wanting. Since the kid was under 2 years old, I guess it is recommended that the child has stability and not be moved around so much, so my friend got the every other weekend and 1 night a week, plus 6 hours on a Tuesday since he was working part time, while looking for a full time job. I never understood why its a bad thing for a child to split time with their parents, especially since the father wants to be part of the child"s life.
Although once his ex got the money she wanted, she"s been better about him letting him have his son more. He did just get a full time job, so he"s losing Tuesdays but hopefully his ex will let him have more time on the weekends. They also have a parenting plan in place that stipulates as the child gets older, he gets more time and more overnights.
Brad, its never hurts to talk to a lawyer. There are lawyers, at least here in MO that specialize in protecting the rights of the father. You may want to look into that down in TX.
Although once his ex got the money she wanted, she"s been better about him letting him have his son more. He did just get a full time job, so he"s losing Tuesdays but hopefully his ex will let him have more time on the weekends. They also have a parenting plan in place that stipulates as the child gets older, he gets more time and more overnights.
Brad, its never hurts to talk to a lawyer. There are lawyers, at least here in MO that specialize in protecting the rights of the father. You may want to look into that down in TX.
Tarrant
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Brad this is going to sound harsh, but as someone who"s lived it and still does take this advice.Brad2770 said:
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
No one is living your life other then you. Things change, situations change...LIFE is constantly in a state of change. You are still living your life, it"s just the circumstances behind it have changed. You can choose to be angry with it and feel sorry for yourself and blame her, yourself or whatever or you can choose to man up, take life by the balls and life it to the best of your ability.
You say you"re doing that...you aren"t.
Whatever the reasons behind your divorce, whatever the reasons behind the changes that took place in your life...it"s done and over. Nothing will change it....ever.
You say you lost the two things you cherished most. How can you cherish a manipulative bitch? That"s why she can still get to you, because you fail to realize she"s not the person you loved, when you look at her, you see that person, but that"s not who she is anymore. She"s changed, the situation changed her and made her into a different person or brought out traits in her you failed to see previously. She"s not the person you cherished anymore, maybe on the outside she is, but not the inside.
Your son isn"t lost however keep going down the road you are now and he very well could be...on multiple levels.
Stop looking back and start looking forward. You need a signed document on visitation who cares if you pay child support....it"s your fucking son, you"re supposed to support them. That money will be well worth being involved in your sons life on a deeper and more personal level then you are now and being able to do so without her being able to step in and try her bullshit games.
Man the hell up, get the documents, the few months of drama will be well worth the multiple years of peace. Trust me.
brekk
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Never meant to be a dick about it. I didn"t realize there was a lack of child support, yes that does give you a lot less power. Just be warned even bending to her wishes now doesn"t protect you from that. If she decides one day to demand it there"s not much you can do.
Best I can say is just hold on. At 4 every choice in your sons life is made by you guys he has no say. Once he gets to 8"ish, suddenly he can have some input. He can of his own free will say, "I want to spend this weekend with dad to do X," it gets easier.
And don"t hate on the step-dad. My dad and my step-dad get along pretty well, my dad knows he"s a good guy, and they can joke about all the bullshit they both have had to put up with from my mom. Hell my step-mom, my dad and I refer to him as Saint Richard for all the stuff he"s endured with her.
Like I said a longggg time back, just be there for your son when you can now, it will pay its dividends later on. When my parents got divorced I lived with my mom full-time saw my dad every other weekend, he paid child support. By the time I was in middle school he had remarried and moved a few town over to a much nicer community, better school system, etc. and I moved in with him full-time, saw my mom every other weekend.
In the short term of the divorce it sucked for him, but in the long term he has gotten more full-time with me than my mom ever did.
Best I can say is just hold on. At 4 every choice in your sons life is made by you guys he has no say. Once he gets to 8"ish, suddenly he can have some input. He can of his own free will say, "I want to spend this weekend with dad to do X," it gets easier.
And don"t hate on the step-dad. My dad and my step-dad get along pretty well, my dad knows he"s a good guy, and they can joke about all the bullshit they both have had to put up with from my mom. Hell my step-mom, my dad and I refer to him as Saint Richard for all the stuff he"s endured with her.
Like I said a longggg time back, just be there for your son when you can now, it will pay its dividends later on. When my parents got divorced I lived with my mom full-time saw my dad every other weekend, he paid child support. By the time I was in middle school he had remarried and moved a few town over to a much nicer community, better school system, etc. and I moved in with him full-time, saw my mom every other weekend.
In the short term of the divorce it sucked for him, but in the long term he has gotten more full-time with me than my mom ever did.