Girls who broke your heart thread
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Tarrant
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I"ve been through it too and I"m still not adverse to the idea of it. (obviously)
Also
Divorce happens more often now because are more selfish and less committed these days, no one wants to work at things when they get tough they take the easy way out. At least that"s my take on it.
Like I said, some people shouldn"t get married, it isn"t for everyone. I"ve been through divorce before, I lost -EVERYTHING- I had. I"d still like to be married and with a family and now I have a safety net to prevent the fall out from my first marriage happening in my second.
I will say though should I get divorced again the likelihood of my getting married a third time is slim to none.
I don"t know on people who choose to do it or not top do it, it"s a life choice and like most life choices, some just aren"t cut out for everyone.
Also
How will I do something I am just as likely as I am unlikely to do? The wording of that threw me off.
Divorce happens more often now because are more selfish and less committed these days, no one wants to work at things when they get tough they take the easy way out. At least that"s my take on it.
Like I said, some people shouldn"t get married, it isn"t for everyone. I"ve been through divorce before, I lost -EVERYTHING- I had. I"d still like to be married and with a family and now I have a safety net to prevent the fall out from my first marriage happening in my second.
I will say though should I get divorced again the likelihood of my getting married a third time is slim to none.
I don"t know on people who choose to do it or not top do it, it"s a life choice and like most life choices, some just aren"t cut out for everyone.
It order to dispel some myth before it gets further entrenched, I"ll point out the following.
Divorce rates are at a low, lowest they"ve been since the 60s in fact.
Divorce rates for a 25+, educated couple, first marriage are significantly lower than 50%.
Divorce rates are at a low, lowest they"ve been since the 60s in fact.
Divorce rates for a 25+, educated couple, first marriage are significantly lower than 50%.
Jorren
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Aria, it sounds like you have a good thing going. I know a couple that I worked with that were engaged when they started there about 3 years ago, and are not getting married until next year in Japan. It was a part of their plan, they are a couple years younger than you two are. They wanted to get something going with their careers, buy a house and have an amazing wedding once things settled a bit.
Asking her to marry you isn"t a bad idea since you both know you want to. Just have a conversation with her about timing and school. You will have made the commitment and that can go a long way.
Hope it all works out for you.
Asking her to marry you isn"t a bad idea since you both know you want to. Just have a conversation with her about timing and school. You will have made the commitment and that can go a long way.
Hope it all works out for you.
Thanks for clearing that up.The Ancient said:
Your "divorce rates are at the lowest since the 60"s" is true. What you fail to mention the rate of marriage is also at a low and dropping. Less people getting married, less people getting divorced, but the ratio is still 40-50%. But even going by the very rough numbers of divorces/marriages per thousand...its still almost 50% 3.6 to 7.5. Moral of the story is divorce is fucking common.
I think its related to women not being fucking property who can and will leave your ass. In addition to them also fucking other people. Back in the day they did not work, did not really have a life outside of the home. The man had complete control, even if the women desired a divorce is was very difficult and socially stigmatizing.
Tarrant
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I don"t think women being "property" is it at all, I think both America in general is an easy way society and no one works for many things anymore, if something can be seen as taking the easy way out, they"ll fucking do it.
It"s not just marriage, it"s anything. Marriage should be taken a bit more seriously and people treat it like it"s something to do for the fuck all of it. When you treat it like that, then yes, you will see a pretty shitty turnover rate for it.
It"s not just marriage, it"s anything. Marriage should be taken a bit more seriously and people treat it like it"s something to do for the fuck all of it. When you treat it like that, then yes, you will see a pretty shitty turnover rate for it.
Marriage has a purpose, one that can be a blessing or a curse: commitment. Really, you have very little commitment to a girlfriend. Either one of you could at any moment just decide to give up on the relationship and move on immediately.
With a marriage, there is some extra incentive to work out problems because of that commitment. That can be a good thing, like helping you get over particularly nasty arguments, and is especially important if you have kids. It can obviously also be a bad thing in the case of an ugly, drawn-out divorce.
Personally, one of the big reasons I got married was that I wanted to make that extra commitment to my then-girlfriend. We have a great marriage so far and I certainly have no regrets. But make no mistake that like any commitment, it takes effort from both parties to make it work well. If you find yourself automatically, naturally doing things to make her happy and she does the same, that"s a good sign.
With a marriage, there is some extra incentive to work out problems because of that commitment. That can be a good thing, like helping you get over particularly nasty arguments, and is especially important if you have kids. It can obviously also be a bad thing in the case of an ugly, drawn-out divorce.
Personally, one of the big reasons I got married was that I wanted to make that extra commitment to my then-girlfriend. We have a great marriage so far and I certainly have no regrets. But make no mistake that like any commitment, it takes effort from both parties to make it work well. If you find yourself automatically, naturally doing things to make her happy and she does the same, that"s a good sign.
Feel free to correct my thoughts on this topic:
Marriage is useless. Period. Man"s point of view. Stuff like that can even have a negative impact on a healthy relationship as it might create the feeling that you HAVE to do something and feel a lack of freedom.
However, it has huge value for females because they want your commitment. Evolution and stuff. Thats why I suggest to think about it in another way. Has your relationship spiked a point where she needs it? Or will she be fine another two years?
Lack of commitment can lead to huge trouble. At some point you have to move on to marriage, else you signal her that she isnt the one and that she might lose you some day. If you reach the point where marriage is the only and next logical step forward... do it.
Marriage is useless. Period. Man"s point of view. Stuff like that can even have a negative impact on a healthy relationship as it might create the feeling that you HAVE to do something and feel a lack of freedom.
However, it has huge value for females because they want your commitment. Evolution and stuff. Thats why I suggest to think about it in another way. Has your relationship spiked a point where she needs it? Or will she be fine another two years?
Lack of commitment can lead to huge trouble. At some point you have to move on to marriage, else you signal her that she isnt the one and that she might lose you some day. If you reach the point where marriage is the only and next logical step forward... do it.
Nice. You did what was right, dont let the haters spoil it.Brad2770 said:
Worth noting that studies of marriages from the 50s have results like 2/3 of people say their marriage is above-average in terms of how happy they are, but more then half of the women say if they had to do it all over again they might not still pick their current partner. Marriage to them was about social respectability, security, stability, etc., how charming/good looking their husband was was secondary. Ditto guys, they wanted a good wife, good cook, good housekeeper. Looks and charm were a bonus.
Tarrant is right, Marriage used to be a big commitment and you stuck around and worked things out if something was going wrong. Thick and thin. Now a lot of people, a ton of people, have the attitude "I never want to be miserable" so when they hit a rocky patch, and everyone does eventually, they go straight to the Courthouse. The amazing thing to me is that people evengetmarried with that attitude, which probably explains the drop off in total number of marriages.
Tarrant is right, Marriage used to be a big commitment and you stuck around and worked things out if something was going wrong. Thick and thin. Now a lot of people, a ton of people, have the attitude "I never want to be miserable" so when they hit a rocky patch, and everyone does eventually, they go straight to the Courthouse. The amazing thing to me is that people evengetmarried with that attitude, which probably explains the drop off in total number of marriages.
Tarrant
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Usually I agree with your posts but this is so far off and out there it"s mind boggling, you"re generalizing entire genders, I honestly know more dudes who peruse marriage then chicks, but maybe that"s just me.Inconsiderable said:
Anyways, couldn"t disagree more.
I spoilered a long ass story about how I screwed up my relationship with a great girl.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Well I screwed up with my girlfriend. A few weeks ago when I stepped out of the shower and walked into my room while getting ready for work my girlfriend looked up at me and asked "Do you still want to be with me?" I said "Of course, why do you ask that?" in a confused manor and she said "just wondering". I told her that is a strange question at a strange time and she then asked me about some pictures I had on my phone. While I was in the shower she went through my phone and saw a few really old pictures that girls had sent me that were sent long before I even knew her. Most of the old ones were nude or whatever and then there were two pictures of this girls ass in underwear/swimsuit from a few months back while we were together that she said really pissed her off. I was completely caught of guard by this, and pissed that she went through my phone. I was also starting to get late for work and had to tell her that I had to hurry up and get ready or miss work so we both left without talking about it any longer.
That picture was from a girl who I had met a year ago at a party and texted with back and forth and had not heard from in months when she texted me saying whats up. She told me she modeled for maxim before and when she texted me I asked her if she had been modeling and she said no so I asked her if she was still hot and she said yeah so I said prove it and she sent those pictures. I told her nice and did not have any further contact. I had completely forgotten about that picture and the rest of the really old ones and never looked at them. I screwed up by having the pictures there and should have deleted it right away as well as the rest.
I had to travel for work and was gone for 4 days after telling her she had to leave so I could get ready and when I got back home she was out of town for a wedding so we ended up going almost 2 weeks without seeing each other. I tried to tell her that I was sorry and that I do not look at those pictures or talk to any of those girls or want to talk to them but she wouldn"t have it and we did most of this through texts with a few phone conversations. She said she wasn"t sure if she could stay together and take the chance of being hurt like that again because in her mind she thought I had cheated on her. She also told all of her friends about it and her sister who hooked us up and made it look like I just had a ton of pictures of me boning 40 chicks or something and they are all in her head telling her to not get back with me, including her gay best friend who already doesn"t like me.
After about 2 weeks we finally see each other and I go to her house to talk it out and things are going well and while I am trying to talk she jumps my bones and we end up having makeup sex 3 times that night and morning and work things through or so I thought. The next day I had to go out of town again and while I was gone our text conversations started to kind of go south again and she was saying that she doesn"t remember all of what we talked about that night because she was tispy which is bs because she was completely sober and in the morning she was still happy about us working it out. When I got back home we decided to talk about it in person again and I told her I was sorry and that I screwed up and that I hate the pain I caused her. I told her that I was willing to do whatever to fix this minor setback that is so small compared to a lot of other things we have been through, but she didn"t feel the same way.
She said that I never made her feel special which is not true at all but I definitely dropped the ball at times as far as letting her know how much she means to me and showing my appreciation for her. She is very affectionate and likes for me to be the same way but I am not into that but knowing that I like her being affectionate I should have chosen to do those things for her because she was willing to do anything for me. I basically took her for granted at times when she did everything in her power to make sure she was happy.
While we were talking she was getting a few texts and I asked her who she was texting which I never do and she always asks me, and she said "someone" in a way to imply that i was a guy or something and I said "ok, what does that mean?" and she said it again in a tone to make me jealous. We talked a bit more and she set her phone down and I decided to play by her game and check her phone which I have never done and never felt the desire to do and it turns out she was texting her abusing ex bf talking about getting back with him. She stopped all contact with him a long time ago because of his abusive past and sometime this year he added her on facebook and she accepted. She told me about it back then and about a month or two ago he called her at 1:30am and she talked to him for 30 mins and he told her how much he misses her and wants her back and she told me that she told him that they are done and she has a bf and has moved on and does not want him. She told me about that the next day and was always very upfront with me about things like that.
I think all of the drama the past few weeks allowed her to finally accept his advances and give her someone to talk to etc while we were going through this. She got all pissed at me for looking at her phone and went crazy and told me she hated me, fuck you, leave me alone, etc. The following two days I texted her with no response and have contacted a few of her close friends and family. At this point I have done all that I can and hope that she talks to me, but if not I have learned so much from this and will move on regardless. I basically screwed the pooch with not just this instance but with no appreciating a great girl like her as much as I should have and all of this was my doing. This isn"t so much a post looking for answers but it is more a therapeutic thing to get it out there. Long story short, treat those special to you like they are special, especially if they go out of there way to do the same for you. I guess it is a classic case of you don"t know what you have until its gone.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Well I screwed up with my girlfriend. A few weeks ago when I stepped out of the shower and walked into my room while getting ready for work my girlfriend looked up at me and asked "Do you still want to be with me?" I said "Of course, why do you ask that?" in a confused manor and she said "just wondering". I told her that is a strange question at a strange time and she then asked me about some pictures I had on my phone. While I was in the shower she went through my phone and saw a few really old pictures that girls had sent me that were sent long before I even knew her. Most of the old ones were nude or whatever and then there were two pictures of this girls ass in underwear/swimsuit from a few months back while we were together that she said really pissed her off. I was completely caught of guard by this, and pissed that she went through my phone. I was also starting to get late for work and had to tell her that I had to hurry up and get ready or miss work so we both left without talking about it any longer.
That picture was from a girl who I had met a year ago at a party and texted with back and forth and had not heard from in months when she texted me saying whats up. She told me she modeled for maxim before and when she texted me I asked her if she had been modeling and she said no so I asked her if she was still hot and she said yeah so I said prove it and she sent those pictures. I told her nice and did not have any further contact. I had completely forgotten about that picture and the rest of the really old ones and never looked at them. I screwed up by having the pictures there and should have deleted it right away as well as the rest.
I had to travel for work and was gone for 4 days after telling her she had to leave so I could get ready and when I got back home she was out of town for a wedding so we ended up going almost 2 weeks without seeing each other. I tried to tell her that I was sorry and that I do not look at those pictures or talk to any of those girls or want to talk to them but she wouldn"t have it and we did most of this through texts with a few phone conversations. She said she wasn"t sure if she could stay together and take the chance of being hurt like that again because in her mind she thought I had cheated on her. She also told all of her friends about it and her sister who hooked us up and made it look like I just had a ton of pictures of me boning 40 chicks or something and they are all in her head telling her to not get back with me, including her gay best friend who already doesn"t like me.
After about 2 weeks we finally see each other and I go to her house to talk it out and things are going well and while I am trying to talk she jumps my bones and we end up having makeup sex 3 times that night and morning and work things through or so I thought. The next day I had to go out of town again and while I was gone our text conversations started to kind of go south again and she was saying that she doesn"t remember all of what we talked about that night because she was tispy which is bs because she was completely sober and in the morning she was still happy about us working it out. When I got back home we decided to talk about it in person again and I told her I was sorry and that I screwed up and that I hate the pain I caused her. I told her that I was willing to do whatever to fix this minor setback that is so small compared to a lot of other things we have been through, but she didn"t feel the same way.
She said that I never made her feel special which is not true at all but I definitely dropped the ball at times as far as letting her know how much she means to me and showing my appreciation for her. She is very affectionate and likes for me to be the same way but I am not into that but knowing that I like her being affectionate I should have chosen to do those things for her because she was willing to do anything for me. I basically took her for granted at times when she did everything in her power to make sure she was happy.
While we were talking she was getting a few texts and I asked her who she was texting which I never do and she always asks me, and she said "someone" in a way to imply that i was a guy or something and I said "ok, what does that mean?" and she said it again in a tone to make me jealous. We talked a bit more and she set her phone down and I decided to play by her game and check her phone which I have never done and never felt the desire to do and it turns out she was texting her abusing ex bf talking about getting back with him. She stopped all contact with him a long time ago because of his abusive past and sometime this year he added her on facebook and she accepted. She told me about it back then and about a month or two ago he called her at 1:30am and she talked to him for 30 mins and he told her how much he misses her and wants her back and she told me that she told him that they are done and she has a bf and has moved on and does not want him. She told me about that the next day and was always very upfront with me about things like that.
I think all of the drama the past few weeks allowed her to finally accept his advances and give her someone to talk to etc while we were going through this. She got all pissed at me for looking at her phone and went crazy and told me she hated me, fuck you, leave me alone, etc. The following two days I texted her with no response and have contacted a few of her close friends and family. At this point I have done all that I can and hope that she talks to me, but if not I have learned so much from this and will move on regardless. I basically screwed the pooch with not just this instance but with no appreciating a great girl like her as much as I should have and all of this was my doing. This isn"t so much a post looking for answers but it is more a therapeutic thing to get it out there. Long story short, treat those special to you like they are special, especially if they go out of there way to do the same for you. I guess it is a classic case of you don"t know what you have until its gone.
Your chick was crazy (from what you presented) and did you a favor by cutting it off. Let it go and move the fuck on man, not worth the headache. If a girl trips because she breaks the trust by snooping through your shit, and finds some old shit in your phone, fuck her. That is some wack bs and you don"t have to jump through hoops to be with someone who is worth it.Kenadul said:
That is true, and I had a big problem with her having a trust issue so bad she felt the need to go through my phone. She never talked or asked me about anything like that and just goes and does that which pissed me off. I did try to convey that I was not the best boyfriend at times when we were together and probably should have just been nicer and more compassionate to her needs at times. It was actually pretty nice reading that she was crazy from you, it actually made me feel better, but I have to admit I could have done more over the long term. We also went through some drama from her early in our relationship that I was able to forgive and put in the past and I brought that up while talking and that pissed her off too.Vatoreus said:
I really do think that"s just you.Tarrant220 said:
For the last fifty~ years marriage rates have been falling, which according to surveys based off the census data, has been mainly motivated by men refusing to marry.
A growing percentage never marry, and those who do marry marry *significantly* later with each new generation(and well there is no data to back this up, I imagine if they were asked their primary practical motivation(i.e. not "love"), their response would in the majority be "Because SHE wanted it).
The more interesting trend I remember was that the numbers that consider themselves in committed relationships doesn"t change even well marriage rates drop.
I don"t agree with his reasoning, but he"s right. Marriage is useless.
I"ve said this dozens of times, but "Marriage"(as in, the legal act of getting married) is nothing but a contract that deals with finances.
It"s a relic, and as time goes on more and more men(and as a side effect women) are seeing that.
Marriage is not required for a committed lifelong relationship.
And whether you think it"s sexist or not(not being PC is not the same as being wrong), it does break down around generalizations divided along gender boundaries.
A woman"s social prestige is influenced primarily by her husband/partner, *especially among other women*.
A man"s social prestige is influenced primarily upon his accomplishments or those of his family/company/other organization.
This creates a strong social schism, because women are heavily stigmatized if they are unable to get a suitable husband, since it"s their main engine of prestige.
Conversely a man doesn"t need a wife to get to that same level, and he is slowly realizing that with each new generation. Which hilariously enough is probably going to end up being the reason female social prestige patterns end up changing, because once most men refuse to marry, they"ll be forced to find other avenues of prestige.
yea, take it from me, I"ve had my share of the overly immature bitches. They don"t like when you point out their flaws or what they"ve done wrong, and they generally are fucking you over somehow, which is why they don"t trust you; they can"t trust themselves.Kenadul said:
You"re better off and should just move on and get over it. Though, knowing her type, here in a few she"ll be back all over you apologizing and saying how horrible she is and if you"re anything like I was, will take her back telling her it"s ok and she isn"t. I seriously hope not though, because after a while and enough times of going through it, you realize how much dignity you lose and give up for it.
Best of luck man.
brekk
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Good boyfriend or not, someone checking a phone is looking for something bad.Kenadul said:
She"s gotten back close with the ex, but feels guilty about leaving you, so she starts snooping and the first thing she finds that"s a reasonable excuse she flips out like its the end of the world. The break up and going back to her abusive ex is now your fault.
This part won"t be until after she spends a week or two fucking the abusive ex.Vatoreus said: