Tough it out if she"s really what you want. If you have the time you can do things like watch shows together over the net. I know it sounds lame, but it works. I dated a girl that loved doing that when we couldn"t see each other. We"d just both get online (hulu or netflix or whatever) and watch the same thing at the same time while we talked over IM or skype. Might not work for everyone but she loved it and said it made her feel like we were doing something together when we couldn"t actually be together. Just a thought. I assume she"s not a gamer, but I"ve always used MMOs for the same purpose.projectoffset said:
Girls who broke your heart thread
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She is, actually. She"s currently majoring in 3D animation, so she loves playing games. And while your idea has worked for us in the past (and it was great), her skype connection is often shitty, and half the time she"s disconnecting, the other quarter she"s cutting out nonstop if she"s speaking. But even then, I suppose it"s more of an issue with her schedule. She"s busy almost nonstop, and there is very little time left for...us? She says it"s the best she can do, but damn, it"s getting hard. I feel like I"m finding fault with little things just so I can actually spend some time with her, even if it is to argue. I think I"ll try it with her sometime, even if it is just to reply over chat or something. Thanks.Grave said:
Dandain
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Long distance is 100% a two way street, if she isn"t as invested as you are in making it work, and vice versa it will fail.
Be creative, If Skype isn"t working well what about cell phones with unlimited plans after 7pm or something. There are a lot of f2p mmo"s now that are decent if cash is a big obstacle. Feeling bitter and distancing yourself is a quick way to sabotage the whole thing. Just double check if this relationship is really what you want or if its just comfortable.
Be creative, If Skype isn"t working well what about cell phones with unlimited plans after 7pm or something. There are a lot of f2p mmo"s now that are decent if cash is a big obstacle. Feeling bitter and distancing yourself is a quick way to sabotage the whole thing. Just double check if this relationship is really what you want or if its just comfortable.
Well, again, it"s about the amount of time she can actually spend with me, not necessarily that the methods we use aren"t working. If she"s not taking 4-6 hour classes, she"s in the lab, focusing on homework. Outside of her schedule, she"s as invested as she can be. I"d hate to think it"s not about the effort but the total amount of time one can devote.
EDIT: Essentially, I"m looking for advice on my end. Can I distract myself somehow? Should I tone down expectations? Should I just shrug it off if I get down on this, emotionally? Remind myself it"ll only be a bit more until I can actually be with her?
EDIT: Essentially, I"m looking for advice on my end. Can I distract myself somehow? Should I tone down expectations? Should I just shrug it off if I get down on this, emotionally? Remind myself it"ll only be a bit more until I can actually be with her?
Dandain
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If this relationship doesn"t mean enough to you that 6 months is the deal breaker, then get out. I don"t know what this girl means to you, what you mean to her, what your plans for your life is. If she"s busy, and not avoiding you and is invested as you say in this relationship then stop complaining about it. If you need someone who can give you more time right now obviously she isn"t it. You don"t seem to be very dedicated to this girl personally if 6 months apart is the deal breaker.
Maybe you just feel like bitching but there is no magic bullet to make distance work.
Maybe you just feel like bitching but there is no magic bullet to make distance work.
It"s not 6 months apart, it"s 6 months left. It"s been about...12 months already. It"s just been getting worse, albeit very slowly. I"m willing to chalk that up to long distance personally, since none of these problems are there when I"m with her. As far as what the relationship means to me, I"d be willing to do anything it takes, really...the biggest problem is that I often let things get out of control, or I realize how stupid I act only after something has happened. (It"s like I can"t keep perspective)
EDIT: And yeah, I would guess there"s no 1 step fix to everything, but even some things that can help slightly would be appreciated.
EDIT: And yeah, I would guess there"s no 1 step fix to everything, but even some things that can help slightly would be appreciated.
It seems to me you have entirely too much time on your hands and you seem a bit needy. Does your whole life revolve around her? If it does that"s probably the problem. You need to hang out with your friends and find some hobbies that take up some of your time instead of expecting her to be there to entertain you emotionally and mentally all the time.
Zehnpai
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This is what it sounds like to me as well. I tried to do an LDR thing recently and I found myself wanting to spend every waking minute with her. If I wasn"t talking to her I was thinking about her. It was frustrating and infuriating that I never got to do all the things I wanted to do with her because we lived so far apart.Aztlan said:
If you"re looking for shit to keep you occupied, what I did was took up doing some artsy stuff. I did a charcoal drawing that while simple, took me like two fucking weeks to do to get right. I posted those protoss emblems I made in one of the SC2 threads, that was a couple weekends as I learned how to use a scroll saw. I just got a mirror I etched for her professionally framed today, took me the better part of 2 months working on that. I have a few other projects I started that are sitting half-finished right now.
Unfortunately things didn"t work out for us so now I have all this stuff laying around and nowhere to go with it but maybe you"ll have better luck then I did. It satisfied my need to do things for her, to spend more of my time devoted to her.
As for things starting to feel routine, welcome to every relationship ever. Find a way to enjoy it, look forward to it. The best part of my day, the part I miss most, is her voice saying "Good night" to me.
Heh, I suppose I"ll just focus more on school...never thought I"d have free time as a Pre-med student...
EDIT: But let me reiterate that I think both of you are probably right. This was never a problem last semester when I was quite busy and she was around more. I suppose I just need to find either different hobbies, or just more in general.
I think I"m fine with routine. I love waking her up and going to sleep with her...but it starts to take on a different light when that"s all you have for months on end (not even a decent conversation). Still, I wouldn"t give it up for the world.
While I do many things with her in mind (granted, I never do stop thinking about her, even while I"m busy), both of you are right...but probably not in the sense you think you are. If I look at my life right now, I"m plenty busy. I"m taking about 17 credits hours a week, and at least 3 classes within those hours REQUIRE 15 hours of studying per week. Apart from that, I play video games, I browse forums, I talk to friends here and there...the problem is that she"s on my mind even when I"m in class, or studying, or playing games, or talking to friends. (It"s not always actively thinking about her, most of it is just missing her..in a sort of lulled ache that takes a backseat to what I"m doing, but is there, nevertheless). Perhaps playing videos no longer is as fun for me as it once was (or engaging). But I will say that lately my friends have been quite busy and school work has taken a route of "ease"...It may very well be the fact that it"s just a bad period...or it may be that I"ve been spoiled, as I used to spend anywhere from 3-18 hours a day on skype with her...hard breaks aren"t easy.
EDIT: But let me reiterate that I think both of you are probably right. This was never a problem last semester when I was quite busy and she was around more. I suppose I just need to find either different hobbies, or just more in general.
You have more experience than I do, but I can share what I learned.projectoffset said:
First time I got into a LDR was like.. 6 years ago. It basically started as LDR as we met in a game and after I found out she is actually hot, I just gave it a try. As we were young and she an unstable psycho, it crashed and burned pretty fast.
After that I did my best to avoid LDR at all cost, even if it meant hurting girls that I actually liked. At the beginning of this year I met a girl, we became best friends pretty fast (spending 24/7 time together) and then got together. After half a year it turned into a LDR that will last a year total, but halftime I have 2 free months I use to visit her, so it isnt that bad. So far we are doing good and even managed to secure a lovely flat to move in together after the LDR. Dont get me wrong, of course it is fucking horrible and I suffer every day. "Doing good" means we can handle it and the problems that arise are dealt with.
1) Visiting each other is like KEY. Not seeing each other at all is fail and pointless torture.
I pay 15-20 Euro for a flight plus 15-20 Euro getting to the airport and getting to her. So its 60-80 Euro for a visit if I get cheap flights. We visit each other every second weekend (means I pay a flight once a month and she pays a flight once a month) and if time tables allow it, it is for a whole week. Gotta get priorities right, cut spendings and plan this stuff ahead.
2) Daily talking, if skype sucks go with the phone. It is important that at least one hour of it is quality time. Means you do nothing but focus on each other.
3) Also getting angry or overly emotional because the other person is distracted or has no time is a major fail.
In my case she is the more who puts more effort into the LDR while I even told her I have trouble with putting more effort into it. Therefor I can tell you that pushing and annoying is not helping at all.
Maybe it sucks for you, but you have to think that the other person is doing his/her best, too. If she has no time, she has no time. If she is busy... she might really be actually busy. Accept it and go with Warhammer 40.000:
"Doubt is the open gate through which slips the most fatal of enemies."
Man, by the sound of it you had it a lot better than I do. She lives in Cali, and I live in North Carolina. Neither of us have the money necessary for weekend visits. (Seeing as a East to West coast flight will cost me like 200 dollars per, at the cheapest) I"m planning on hitting her up during Spring Break, as I"ll be able to make some money during Christmas.
As for daily talking...I tell her to use the phone, but I"m fairly sure she needs to change her plan, because she runs out of minutes incredibly quickly, then gets stuck with 200 dollar bills.
We"ll see, I should probably talk to her about a few of these things.
As for daily talking...I tell her to use the phone, but I"m fairly sure she needs to change her plan, because she runs out of minutes incredibly quickly, then gets stuck with 200 dollar bills.
We"ll see, I should probably talk to her about a few of these things.
Yeah I failed a LDR because I was entirely too needy. I called her like twice a day, talked with her on Skype almost every night. It was all well and good for like two months then it tanked badly. This is even with seeing her once a week as well. It was only a 2 hr drive away.
Dear Person, calling a girl often can"t be creepy if you"re actually dating her.Vinen said:
So, the teacher I asked out was a big F.A.I.L. But it was worth the attempt. Best line of the conversation was when she was thinking for a long time, trying to think of a soft way to say it, and she said, "Sorry, but rejection for your offer."
I once dated this short woman named Shelly...
Seriously though, Ashley and I broke up three years ago, and to this day I occasionally wake up dry sobbing from dreams about her. We were only together six months. I have no idea how she made such a huge impact.
PSYCH! lol Couldn"t resist.
Seriously though, Ashley and I broke up three years ago, and to this day I occasionally wake up dry sobbing from dreams about her. We were only together six months. I have no idea how she made such a huge impact.
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This is not meant as advice, but this is how I made it work:projectoffset said:
I met her late summer "99 at a bar, spend the night making out, then didn"t see her until a month later (I met her when I was on vacation in her country) when I went back to see her. We spent 10-14 days together, and were 110% together in every possible way 24/7.
Then she went to the US (we"re in Europe) for a year. We didn"t speak once on the phone this entire time (prohibitively high phone cost before the age of Skype). She visited me once for 14 days, I visited her once for ~3 weeks. Each time we saw each other, we stayed glued to each other 24/7.
The rest of the year, we exchanged some emails and chatted on IRC and stuff, but mostly we got on with our respective lives. Yeah it can be tough, but the days go by and if you love her you can make it work. And yeah, neither of us were worried about infidelity or other people.
Today, 10+ years later, we"re (very) happily married, got 2 kids, and a future together we can"t wait to see happen.
(tldr; I really believe that the key for us (not saying it will work for anyone else) was to live life as normal and not exhaust each other with long phone calls or chats where nothing gets said and one of the parts really just want to go to bed or watch TV (or play EQ...), but when we did see each other we went all out for the time we had.
